Chapter 12

It takes me an eternity to remember where I am. My sleep was deep and dreamless, probably the best sleep I've had in years. I open my eyes, yawning, and it takes much less time to realize I'm not alone. Ras lies beside me, his chest rising and falling in deep, even breaths. His beard tickles against my shoulder. Something weighs heavy against my waist, and I inhale when I find his arm draped over me.

I'm warm. Cozy, even. The strangest thing is, I feel safe. I hold in a hysterical laugh. There's an alien lion-man, stark naked, holding me in his arms, and I feel safer than I ever did with Brad.

Maybe safer than I ever have felt in my life.

It shocks the laughter out of me, and I swallow hard. My cheek rests against his bicep, and the golden hair dusting his arms dances as I exhale.

I blink, trying to come to grips with the reality that crashes around me. I am firmly, deeply, in a whole mess of shit. I am snuggled up to an alien. An alien that's sometimes a lion. I have a literal constellation on my back, something that's been there as long as I can remember. It's not new. Yeah, the lights coming from it are but… those marks? That make up the stars in the Leo constellation? I've had them my whole life.

It kinda gives credence to the whole theory that maybe I'm not all human. That maybe, just freakin' maybe, everything he's told me so far is true. He certainly believes it is.

I bite my lower lip, holding in a sigh of frustration.

My sisters are gone, presumably taken by their own alien mates. What did their birthmarks look like? I can't remember exactly, but they must mean something, like mine does. Worry gnaws at me, ever present. Mates. Ras says we are mates. He says I am one of his kind. He basically ate a monster for me.

Ras has been nothing but kind, and patient.

All of these things are also true.

But they are so far beyond the scope of anything I have ever experienced, my mind reels. Ras makes a low noise in his sleep, and I stop breathing as he pulls me closer. The press of him against my back, his arm around my waist… the memory of him on top of me floods me.

I haven't even had time to process the fact that he felt me up, and holy hell, that I absolutely wanted him to. That I straight up made out with him, full-on tonguing. None of it was a dream, and my arousal was real.

Even now, my thighs clench together at the memory. His hand on my waist is tight, and my throat goes dry for an entirely new reason.

He might have a tight hold on me, but I'm the one who needs to get a grip.

I can't. I cannot go further with him than I have already gone. I close my eyes, worried the tears will spill out and wake him. The bruise on my face is the least of the damage Brad did to me. My heart hurts from what he did to me. He didn't break me, but he tried his damn best.

I am not broken, but I am bent.

I can't give Ras what he wants. I don't know him at all. Apparently, I don't even know who I am. What I am.

A tear leaks out, despite my best efforts, and it rolls across my cheek, hot and traitorous.

I told myself I wouldn't cry about my ex anymore, and I'm not.

I'm crying for myself.

So I cry, and I remember the glow against the stream, and I think of my sisters, and hope that they aren't crying too.

The skylight in the cave is nearly blocked by the verdant canopy of the massive tree, but I can still make out three moons, glowing rose and silver in the velvet sky. The cave floods with otherworldly light, and my chest aches. Behind me, Ras stirs in his sleep.

The trio of moons dancing across the navy expanse of space are the last things I see before I cry myself back to sleep.

When I wake again, it's full light. Sun streams into the cave, blindingly bright. My face is swollen, my lips and eyes fuller than normal, and I rub them, trying to shake off dreams of monsters without faces and lions dripping blood from their mouths.

"You look beautiful when you sleep." A deep voice rolls across the cave, and I peer over my shoulder. Ras strides across the island, his golden blond hair swinging over his shoulders. The sunlight caresses his muscles, further carving them in a stark relief. My gaze dips to his washboard abs, and I exhale as I realize he's fashioned a makeshift loincloth out of one of the blankets he found here.

It doesn't do a lot to cover his, erm, package, but at least his cock isn't in my face anymore. Not that I was looking!

"Ah, thanks," I manage, and when I meet his eyes, his eyebrows raise, as if to say, you like what you see?

Maybe I do.

"What time is it?" I ask instead, stifling a yawn.

"The day is nearly over," he answers, stoking the fire. A fish roasts on a makeshift spit, and my mouth waters at the sight of it. "Do you feel better? You expended much of your energy traveling between realms. Rest is good."

"Okayyyyy." I pause, taking stock of my body, my mind. "I had strange dreams."

He frowns. "That is not good."

I study the sprawling green leaves above, trying to remember. "About you."

"I take it back. That is very good." His smile is satisfied, smug.

"No, not like that. I mean, that would have been less scary." I cover my eyes, as though that will keep him from seeing me. God, I need caffeine. A headache begins to pound between my eyes. "No, what I mean is, once you stopped cuddling me, I dreamt of you and those… things." I motion to my face, wiggling my fingers like teeth along my forehead and jaw.

He snorts a laugh, his smile growing. Ras is ridiculously handsome, and when he smiles? I could make a whole lotta really bad decisions that I bet would feel really damn good.

I fling myself back down, covering my head. Embarrassment creeps over me.

Big fingers stroke my hair, and I peek up. Ras is crouched over me, a curious expression on his face.

"Why are you hiding?"

"I'm embarrassed," I croak. Now I worry my breath stinks. Well, that's fine. The last thing I need is to think about kissing him. Halitosis seems a potent weapon.

"Nightmares are nothing to be embarrassed about."

I cover my eyes. Looking at his golden perfection, in all this golden sunlight, really makes me wish for some toothpaste and floss.

His hand is gentle on my hair, and his fingers dance across my scalp. "If holding you at night keeps the nightmares away, then I will have to hold you while you sleep."

"Oh, no, please—" I moan.

"I cannot have my mate weak and tired from poor sleep. It will be my duty and my privilege to hold you all through the night." His voice takes on a deep growly tone, and my insides clench. He traces a shape on my shoulder, and it's really no wonder his touch lit my skin up yesterday. I'm already on fire. Ras would only have to lean in a little to close the distance between us, to seal his lips on mine.

Good grief, I am in so much trouble.

"I see you're cooking fish?" I mean to say it casually, but my words come out on a breathy moan that sounds pornographic. I clamp my lips together.

"I thought you might be hungry. We must get your strength up if we are to start training." With that, he stands back up, motion me over to the fire and fish.

The wave of disappointment that knocks through me when he walks away shocks me.

I close my eyes, inhaling. Didn't I just decide during a midnight cryfest that I was totally not going to have sex with him? Or mate him, whatever.

There's no way Ras is looking for a one-night stand with me. He wants the whole kit and caboodle, which would be comforting if I were in the market for something serious, and solid, and long-lasting. Kit and caboodle. Would we have kittens?

The thought's a reality check. Ras is essentially an alien and a stranger and sometimes a mother-loving lion. My cheeks puff up as I blow out a breath.

It sounds a lot like I'm trying to talk myself out of having sex with him, even to me.

"So. Training?" I'm afraid to use more than a couple words at a time. My eyes narrow as I walk over to the fire. Maybe the fish on a stick is an aphrodisiac. This could be some diabolical plan to throw down with me. Or, more likely, it's just that he himself is sex on a stick.

"Food first. Then we can start." He holds out some food, his biceps bulging.

"Do you, um, your people, have soap?" I take a hesitant bite, not wanting to sound rude. The estate we went to yesterday definitely had some signs of technology, but not anything like what I was used to on Earth. I would kill for a shower. I cast a glance down at myself. My bra and pajamas are worse for the wear. My skin is grimy from sweat and the journey here, and my nose wrinkles. I stop short of sniffing my armpit, but I already know it's probably ripe AF.

"Our people. And yes, of course we have soap. We don't usually live in caves." He takes a portion for himself and sits back on his haunches. His thighs are corded with muscle. Ras is a dang anatomy model, and I already know how perfect every inch of his…

It takes me a second to remember it's my turn to talk. Damn. I'm really out of it. I blow on the fish, and steam spirals from it, before I take a bite, chewing thoughtfully. I stare at the fire.

It's a much safer place to look.

"Can you tell me more about this world? About my back?" My heart has started that panicked staccato again, and I try to slow my breathing. "About what I am? Not a lion, like you."

I take another bite, chewing frantically.

"Not House Leo, no. Lana Kit, Alnitak, yes? Orion House. The Hunter." Ras reaches out a hand, brushing his knuckles against my cheek. My heart responds, like he holds the strings to it, and it evens out at his touch.

"Oh, that's right. You said that yesterday. It's just, I thought my dad was obsessed with stars. I never thought it meant anything." Did he know? The thought hurts, the idea that he might have kept something like that from us. Was he an alien from this dimension? Or was it the mother I can hardly remember?

"Yes, House Orion," Ras agrees.

He settles back and drags me into his lap. I stiffen, but he strokes my hair until I relax. I can't help it. Maybe the fish isn't an aphrodisiac, but some sort of alien Xanax.

Or maybe it's Ras.Maybe there is something to his claim that we're mates.

Either way, I take another bite, and then another, finally finishing the portion and setting it down.

"I have slept for a long, long, time. Much seems to have changed. When I was last awake, we had great cities. You ask if I wear clothes." It could sound rude, but he smiles down at me, a hint of a laugh in his words. "I wore armor. I am a warrior, a leader, like all those in my House."

"Is everyone who lives here, ah, magical?" It sounds silly, but I couldn't be more serious.

"No. There are many people who live on Vraya, mortal and Starbound and even other kinds still. The Starbound, our people, are the protectors of Vraya, along with several other ancient races. I don't remember…" His voice trails off, his big fingers stroking up and down my arms before he continues. "Those with the blood of the stars, the call of the light, swore a solemn oath to protect this realm and the gateways. The women were treasured, precious and most powerful among us. You would be revered, for the strength you bring to our people, the honor you do us with the gift of your light. The protection your Starbound power brings from the harbingers and others who would invade through the gates."

"Right." I say, though I honestly don't know what to do with that information. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing, but I turn a little to see his face. "You said was, past tense. Like there aren't women here anymore." His hand keeps stroking against my hair, and despite all my best intentions, it feels really good.

It feels like comfort. I've had so damn little of comfort, of being held, soothed, even being talked to. Ras speaks to me like he cherishes me. It undoes me, a little, like a knot loosening deep inside.

The corners of his lips turn down, and unlike with my ex, it doesn't scare me. He's not angry with me, his eyes narrowed and far away, and I know he's thinking hard about my question.

"They would have held celebrations in honor of your return, we would have prepared the house for feast after feast after our mating." A little thrill runs through me, and his hands tighten on my thigh, my waist.

"My return?" I echo. His fingertips press into my skin, hard enough to leave little indentations. Quick as lightning, his expression changes, his mouth thinning out. This topic, his past— it troubles him.

"I do not know what happened. I do not scent the people, the cities. There must be survivors, because when the wind changes, there is a hint of my people on the air. But not like," he shakes his head, and his beard tickles my arm. "Not like it was."

His discomfort is palpable. Without thinking, I shift in his arms so I can better see his face. Concern is etched across his brow, and I rub my thumb across the crease there. Lightning quick, his hand catches mine, and he presses a kiss across my palm.

I stop breathing, heat flooding through me. It's ridiculously intimate, the feel of his mouth against the sensitive flesh there, and his eyes flare, his lips quirking up at my reaction.

"But I am a warrior. I am Ras Elasad, scion of House Leo." The title rolls off his tongue, and it carries a certain power that blossoming against my skin. I shudder. "I am the manifestation of the light of the Leo in the night sky. Lana Kit, your parents knew who you would be. Alnitak." Electric power crashes over me, and goosebumps pebble across my flesh, my back warming. His blue eyes are full of wonder as he holds my gaze. "The power of those stars run through your blood. Was it your mother or your father, I wonder?"

Part of me wants to freak out again. To deny and disbelieve, to beat my fists against his chest and tell him he's lying. Then his lips press against the inside of my wrist, and I'm lost to sensation. Ras pulls my arm around his neck.

I let him, my breathing quick, my pulse fluttering rapidly.

"You like my mouth on you," his voice rasps against my skin, and I shiver as he pulls me flush against his body, my legs wrapping around him. "The mating bond affects you as it affects me. I can see it in you, Lana Kit. But even if there were no bond, I would want you." His lips travel further up, and he nuzzles at the crook of my neck until I gasp. Every promise I made myself, to stay away from him, to protect myself, falls away, and I tilt my head to the side to give him better access.

"Beautiful Lana. My mate." His erection nudges at my ass, and I bite my lower lip, need pooling deep within me. It feels so good, this heady lust. I half-close my eyes, wanting to lose myself in it.

The thought douses cold water on my senses.

I won't lose myself again.

I'm not ready. I can't do this. I gasp in a breath, like I'm coming up for air.

"Stop," I say, my voice unsteady.

Ras pulls back, and I wait for censure. For him to tell me I'm a bitch, a tease. When I finally look, there's nothing but soft understanding in his eyes. He traces the edge of my jaw.

"Training." I croak. "We have to find my sisters. You promised."

At the mention of his oath, a glow replaces my shadow on the cave floor. Warmth slides over my back.

"So I did, Lana Kit."

Without another word, without mentioning the fact that I was a hairsbreadth away from devouring his mouth, Ras stands, pulling me to my feet with him.

I think I might be more disappointed than he is.