Chapter 15

So, I waited. Waited as the sun moved across the sky and began to set across the horizon, waited until it fell, and night blanketed the desert. I waited until it became clear Gadriel wasn't coming back. She had asked me to trust her, and she had lied.

In that time, the rebels had managed to set up in the mostly intact structure we had landed on. They'd found some water, blankets, and even food. It had been a pleasant distraction, watching them fuss over cans of soup. They'd first had to figure out how to open the cans, then how to eat from them, and finally how to swallow their contents.

Most of them didn't care for cold soup—and I couldn't blame them—luckily, there had been other finds in the form of dried meats and candy bars. Watching them rummage through what was left of the village and come back with such meagre supplies had brought into stark contrast the gravity of what had happened here.

The mortals had left in a hurry, those who had been able to flee, at least.

Those who hadn't were all around us, clinging to every surface, piled up in every single nook and cranny, and entering our lungs with every breath in the form of ash. How had that happened? Who had done this to them? And why?

I knew the answers were tied to Lucifer, I just couldn't see how yet; he had made no secret of his hatred for humanity, but this seemed overt even for him. I'd explored some of the ruins, looking for any hint of what might have set him off, my brain a tumble drier of disjointed thoughts rattling around incessantly, but I'd found no answers.

I took a deep breath of fresh air in the only place I could—the rooftop—and looked up at the night sky. It was beautiful… so full of light, and wonder. Stars, thousands of them, twinkled away against a vibrant backdrop of in hues of blue and yellow.

The majesty of the cosmos wasn't lost on angels, and I had missed it in Hell. I only wished I knew how to navigate by them. If I did, I would have been able to figure out where I was just by looking up at the night sky, and I'd have at least some clue on how to get us to Helena from here.

I heard someone land on the rooftop beside me and for a moment my heart surged with the hope that Gadriel might have returned—but it was only Missolis. She joined me at the rooftop's edge and cast her eyes upwards, the light of the stars shining on her face.

"I had forgotten what they looked like," she said, then paused. "Or maybe I had never known."

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" I asked.

"Yes, they are. I dreamt of this day many times back in Hell, and I always feared that the reality would never match up to my expectations…instead, it has surpassed them."

"I'm surprised. We're in the middle of nowhere with barely any supplies, we've lost people and I'm sure we'll lose more… I thought you'd be upset with me."

"Upset with you? Why?"

"Because I promised you freedom, and protection, and?—"

"What happened at the Citadel was my fault, not yours. I should have known it would not be that easy, and, all things considered, we are lucky to be here at all." She paused. "I have not seen you eat."

I shook my head. "I don't have to."

"Are you not mortal?"

"I am, but we're on Earth… that means my Light is back. I can go a little longer than most without food, water, even sleep."

"A handy trick. One I would like to possess myself, considering my eyes are beginning to feel heavy."

"You're tired. You should try to sleep—you all should."

"We are not safe here."

"I'll keep watch. If anything happens, I'll wake you."

Missolis' eyes narrowed. My instant thought was that she didn't trust me, but in the whole time I'd known her, she hadn't given me a reason to suspect that—Malachi yes, but not Missolis. If anything, it seemed that she didn't trust herself, maybe she felt sleeping was a sign of weakness, or that it would leave her vulnerable and exposed. Whatever her motivations, it was clear to me that she wasn't used to relying on others.

"It would not be fair on you—" she started.

"I don't need sleep yet. You do, and we aren't out of the woods. If any demons show up, you'll all need your strength to fight them off."

She frowned. "Woods?" she asked. "This is a desert… there are no trees, here."

"It's a human figure of speech. Please, go sleep."

She looked like she was about to leave, but then paused. "Your Ravager… she didn't return?"

I shook my head. "No."

"That is unfortunate. Not all demons seek redemption like we do."

"I guess I was hoping she would eventually… see the light."

Wordlessly, Missolis arched one of her eyebrows.

"It was another figure of speech."

"I see." She paused once more. "If I may ask, why did you bring her with us? Was it out of mercy, or out of selfishness?"

Ouch.

I didn't reply immediately. It wasn't loyalty to Gadriel that had made me clasp her hands together and drag her with me out of Hell. It wasn't my own misguided idea of what mercy should look like, either—although maybe it was partly that. In truth, my motivation for saving her had been guilt.

I had tried to keep her from being sent to the Pit all that time ago, and I had failed. Now, seeing her again, seeing what had become of her… I felt guilty, and in my guilt I had been selfish. I had decided that she should accept me as her savior because if she did that, then I would feel better about everything that had happened since.

I sighed. "I think we both know the answer to that," I said. "I should have let her go with the rest of them, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong."

Missolis smirked lightly, the side of her mouth curling. "A selfish angel," she said. "I never thought I would ever see the day."

I looked down at my tarnished hands. "I'm starting to think the word doesn't apply to me anymore. Maybe it doesn't apply to any of us."

"What word?"

"Angel. The things I've seen our kind do, the things I've done myself since I fell… we would've been sent to the Pit long, long ago. All of us."

Missolis placed a hand on my shoulder. "Let me tell you something. I learned more about myself in Hell than I ever would have in Heaven. I discovered myself down there, in the dirt, and the blood, and the ash. In some ways, I am grateful for what happened to me."

"You're grateful you were cast out of Heaven and thrown into Hell?"

"I wasn't thrown into Hell; I chose to dig my way out of the Pit, just like you did. We chose to survive, and fight, despite everything they did to us."

"I've seen what happens to angels before they're sent into the Pit. They're broken, battered, beaten… they're stripped of their Light, their very essence. They're weakened to the point that there's almost nothing left of them. That didn't happen to me, that makes you so much stronger than I am."

She shook her head. "I cannot pretend to know all the paths you took to get to where you are, but I know a warrior when I see one. You are determined, strong-willed, and more than a little bit stubborn, but all of the things you do you do out of love—whether it is misguided or not."

"You just told me I was selfish, now you're trying to convince me that I'm too loving?"

"Love can be more than one thing, just as rage can be. Both are powerful and easily abused emotions. Angels were given the capacity to feel but were forbidden from acting upon them. Free from Heaven's yoke, we have both embraced our emotions, and emotion thrives in the absence of Heaven's Light."

"For better and for worse."

"Humans live their whole lives ruled by their emotions, and even they get it wrong most of the time. You tried to help the Ravager out of guilt, but that guilt was born from love, care, and compassion. Don't chastise yourself too much over it."

"What I did to her, forcing her to stay with me, was still wrong."

"It was… but you realized your error and released her. Now it is up to her to forgive you."

"I'm pretty sure she's made her choice already."

"Maybe she has. If she does not return, you should make peace with it."

"Except she was a Seeker. If she doesn't come back, we're stuck out here."

"We have found shelter, water, and as distasteful as it is… food. We will recuperate, recover from our tiredness, and continue with our search. Together, Sarakiel, we will find a place where we can all feel safe. That is why we have escaped Hell, after all… is it not?"

"I'm almost certain you were safer under that mountain than you are up here."

"At least here we have the stars to keep us company. It may not seem like much for you, who remembers what it was like to see stars in the night sky, but for us… it is everything. I have never seen my people as… alive as they are right now. We owe that to you."

I shook my head. "You owe me nothing. I stumbled into your house, sent you on a fool's errand, and almost got you all killed. There wasn't even a portal for me to open. If not for Lucifer, we would all still be down there."

Missolis smiled at me. It was a tired, slightly haggard smile, but a grateful one. "That may all be true… but you gave us something we had lost long ago, even if it was by accident. You gave us hope, and here we stand. On Earth."

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire."

"Another figure of speech?" she asked.

"Yep."

"You'll have to teach me what some of these mean sometime."

"It looks like we'll be spending plenty of time out here together. I'd be happy to."

The rebel leader nodded. She patted my shoulder, gave me a confiding look, and went to leave when a blinding flash of Light erupted from somewhere behind us. Missolis hissed and shrieked, backing away from it and taking a defensive stance, her claws up, her back hunched.

I leapt toward her, stretched my wings out as far as they could go, and shielded her with them as I turned to face the Light.

Lucifer.

Abaddon.

How did they find us?!

It was a spot of Light, barely larger than a basketball and low to the ground. The ball shimmered and glowed and sent soft gusts of wind in all directions. The ball of Light grew twice the size, three times, four times. When it collapsed, a person remained; a person showered in glittering motes of Light, a person with curly blond hair, a person only barely adult sized.

"There you are," came an excited voice.

My heart surged, my eyes watered, and my wings drooped. "Micah…" I gasped.

Micah smiled at me. "Hello, Sarakiel. I've been looking for you."