Chapter Twenty-Two

The numbness lifted from him like a fog.

Captain heaved a sigh of relief at the weight that lifted from his shoulders and fell forward on his locked arms, reveling in the chill of the cold marble tiles against his palms.

Gunner's words had freed him.

He could remember it all now. A slideshow of memories played across his mind in quick succession, and for a moment, it was overwhelming. He closed his eyes.

Sloane had come to Moosey's. She come around the corner and hugged him, and he'd told someone to get her out of there. He remembered the look of hurt on her face. Fuck.

He opened his eyes and lifted his angry glare to his brother. "You shouldn't have done that."

He'd expected Gunner to be standoffish and defensive like he always was, but his brother had moisture rimming his eyes and his chest was heaving with emotion.

He'd never seen his brother cry. Ever.

Gunner sauntered over and squatted down in front of him. "I know you hate me. I would hate you if you tried to take Hallie from me, but you should know where it came from. I saw you falling for her, and Lucia's vision scared me. I was fuckin' scared, Cap."

God, he hadn't called him Cap since they were kids. He'd also never heard his brother admit to being scared.

"I have nightmares still," Gunner murmured. "Except now it's just nightmares of losing Hallie, or of losing any of you. The Fastlanders. My brother. I'm in charge and I don't know what I'm doing some days, but I'm fucking trying. I got scared that if you lost the woman and the boy, you would be lost too. I know all the things I said about not wanting you in this Crew, but Captain, over the last few months, that has changed for me." Gunner looked up at the rocky ceiling and dashed his knuckle under his eye, then sat back and draped his forearms over his bent knees. "A year ago, I didn't care if you lived or died." Truth. "Because I didn't care if I lived or died." Truth. Fucking truth.

Captain swallowed the lump in his throat and dropped his gaze to the tile.

"We've been through it," Gunner said, acknowledging their growing issues through the years. "But I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be enough. Fuck, most days I wonder why Damon put me in charge of this Crew, and not you." Gunner sniffed. "I know you won't forgive me. I don't expect it. I was just hoping you could understand me enough to hear it when I say I didn't give you that Alpha order to hurt you. I wanted to get through the war and then lift it, and have you go back to them without any loss. I didn't understand it was already that deep. You hate me. I get it. Brother, some days my demons are so big, I hate myself. Hallie is the one who drags me back up and reminds me who the fuck I am. I could see you fighting my order." Gunner twitched his head toward the double doors that were now closed. "I have realized that it's Sloane who reminds you who the fuck you are. And for that, I like her."

Gunner stood and offered his hand to Captain.

On instinct, after years of hating each other, Captain wanted to ignore it and stand on his own. But he had listened. Gunner was changing. Perhaps it was Hallie that was causing him to grow and mature, and become the man their parents always preached he could be. Or perhaps it was his time as Alpha that was changing him. Perhaps it was being forced to care about something outside of himself. Perhaps it was the blue dragon causing the changes. Whatever it was, Gunner was growing, and it was what Captain had wanted all this time.

It took a man to admit to fault and shortcomings, and Gunner had done that here tonight.

Captain waited a three-count, then clapped his hand against Gunner's and allowed him to help him up.

They didn't hug. They didn't bury the hatchet. They didn't fix everything that was broken with this conversation, but it was a start.

Captain nodded once, and turned to leave.

"I'm sorry," Gunner said.

Captain hesitated, and with his back to his brother, he said, "I'm not ready to forgive, and I'm betting neither is Sloane."

"Not just about this," Gunner murmured. "I've wanted to say it for a long time. I know our parents aimed their focus at me and all the fuck-ups I put our family through. I'm sorry for everything."

Captain didn't turn around, because he couldn't allow Gunner to see the slight smile that took his lips. Attaboy. Atta brother. Finally. He was finally taking accountability for his part in their break. Someday he would tell his parents—Haydan and Cassie Walker of the Ashe Crew—what Gunner had said tonight, and they would be so damn proud of their son. Captain was proud of his brother, too.

For tonight though, after everything…after they'd bled each other, and traveled to Damon's lair, and hashed it out, and the Alpha order was lifted…a simple nod of acknowledgement and respect would have to be enough.

Captain ducked his chin slightly, and then made his way to the doors that would lead him out of this room and toward the woman he loved. Oh, he remembered now. Sloane had said she loved him, and she hadn't heard it back. That was unacceptable, and he would remedy it shortly.

He couldn't wait another minute to hold her in his arms again, because Gunner had been right.

Sloane was the one who reminded him who the fuck he was.