39

Mira’s first instinct was to go back to LA. She knew Violet was right and the drama surrounding her would only get worse, even if she stayed away from Will. But she’d already caused her father enough grief. There was no way she could leave him stranded without an assistant in the middle of the season on top of it.

Her eyes burned and her head felt fuzzy. After she’d left Will the night before, she’d gone back to her hotel room, locked the door, and crumpled into a heap on the floor, sobbing until she didn’t have any tears left. Now all she wanted to do was hide out in the dark and cry some more. But like it or not, she had a job to do, so she was at the track to do it. If she just kept her head down and worked her ass off, this would pass. It had worked for her once before. It had to work again. Maybe if she stayed busy enough, she wouldn’t break down and find Will and beg him to forgive her for what she’d done.

He wasn’t in Monza anymore, anyway. Violet told her this morning that they’d packed him off on a plane to London to wait out his injury and the media firestorm. Gone. He was gone. The ache was relentless, this terrible feeling of wrongness, like she was moving through a twisted dream instead of reality. Perhaps Will had been the dream, and this ugliness was what she was left with again, now that she’d woken up.

Walking over to hospitality, she kept her eyes on her notepad, pretending to be engrossed in her work. If people were staring or whispering, she didn’t see them. She didn’t want to. Safely through the crowds, she slipped inside and made her way to the back, where guest services had an office.

“Hi, Dom. I know it’s last minute, but we’ve got the head of Marchand Timepieces and his wife flying in for the race. Can you help me out with some VIP passes?”

Dom, the guest services assistant, leaned back in his chair and grinned. “Well, if it isn’t Mira. Where have you been hiding?”

Guess she’d been too naive, hoping that the people she worked with would be sensitive enough not to mention any rumors they might have heard. “Busy day,” she said with a bright, forced smile. “Is it going to be a problem? The passes?”

Dom eyed her for another moment, then turned to his computer and typed in a few things. When he’d finished, he slid two VIP passes on lanyards across the counter to her. She moved to take them, but he held on to them.

“I’d ask you for a little favor for those, but it seems you only hand those out to drivers.”

She froze, mouth hanging open. Her face flamed with anger, mortification, or some bubbling mix of both. She knew Dom. She’d been working with him all season. They’d joked around and chatted. And he thought he could say something like that to her?

Suddenly Violet was there, slapping her hand down over Dom’s and shoving it away. “A, she doesn’t have to do you a fucking favor for doing your job , and B, being a driver has nothing to do with it. The problem is, you’re a sad fucking asshole. And a lousy lay, from what I’ve heard.”

Dom’s face colored, but he said nothing. Violet tugged her out of Dom’s office, and Mira stumbled after her, still in shock.

“I can’t believe he said that to me.”

“He’s an idiot,” Violet growled.

“God, if people who know me are going to believe all that crap …” Mira closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m never getting out from under this. I should just go back to LA. I’m making it worse by staying.” Her heart folded in on itself just thinking about leaving, but maybe her name was just too tarnished in the small world of racing. Maybe she’d always be branded as that slut with a thing for bad-boy drivers.

“Hey.” Violet stopped, swinging around to face her. “None of this is your fault.”

“I don’t know, Violet. If bad things happen because of you, even if they’re not your fault, maybe they’re still your responsibility.”

Violet blinked. “That’s why you broke up with Will, isn’t it? You think you’re saving him or something.”

“I am saving him. Being with me was only going to hurt him.”

“He can handle it. He’s done it before.”

She shook her head. “No. He’s worked too hard this season to blow it because of me.” Violet opened her mouth to protest, but Mira cut her off. “The one thing I could do was to get out of the way, so I did.”

“Just be careful, Mira. Don’t let them decide who you are.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just trying—”

“To do the right thing. Yeah, I get it. I’m just not entirely sure this is it. Listen, I have to go. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for that back there with Dom.”

Violet gave her a light punch in the arm. “Anytime. Fuck the patriarchy, remember?”

When Mira opened the door to race command minutes later, she heard her dad’s voice. She hadn’t seen him since last night. When she’d arrived at the track this morning, he’d been busy putting out fires in the emergency meeting that now had Will on a plane back to London. She’d been avoiding him on purpose, too. But she knew she’d have to face him eventually and apparently time was up.

Steeling herself, she peered through the open door. He and Harry were studying the video monitors of the track, deep in debate.

“Tae thinks Rikkard is in great shape,” her father said. “Good simulator times and he’s backing it up in practice. We could probably finish the season with him, if it comes to that.”

“Will’s coming back before the end of the season,” Harry grumbled. “The boy’s got fire, Paul, and you know it.”

Oh god, they were talking about Will. She shrank back, intending to retreat the way she’d come and wait until they were gone. But her father’s angry outburst froze her in place.

“I’m not sure I know anything about Will anymore, Harry. I thought all that nonsense from three years ago was behind him. I trusted him. Then it turns out the bastard seduced my own daughter behind my back. Of all the women he could have had, he targeted her . What was he thinking ?”

“It’s a shame he’s such a handful. Never seen a better driver.”

“Maybe he’s just too much of a risk, no matter how bloody talented he is. I have to think of what’s best for the team, and maybe that’s not Will anymore.”

Cold sweat prickled along the back of her neck as Mira gripped the doorframe until her knuckles went white.

“You need to do what you feel is right, Paul,” Harry said with a weary sigh. “I’d better get back to the garage. The team’s got their hands full putting Will’s car back together.”

Without making a sound, Mira scrambled back out of the office and ducked around the corner, waiting while Harry left.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Walking away from Will hadn’t fixed a single thing. In the vacuum she’d left, people filled in their own story—about him and about her—and they were all wrong. They’d been wrong about her years ago, and they were wrong about Will now. Her father was about to abandon him, thinking the worst of him.

Silently she let herself into the office. No one else was there, just her dad, pensively staring at one of the monitors. The camera was trained on the garage, where the mechanics were hard at work repairing the damage to Will’s car. Except it might be Rikkard’s car soon if she didn’t fix this.

“He didn’t target me.”

Paul whipped around, startled to find her there. “Mira? What are you talking about?”

“Will didn’t target me. And he didn’t seduce me. He’s not some predator. He’s been so good to me, so kind and supportive. I think …” She had to pause to draw a deep breath, to stop the shaking in her voice and summon the strength to get the rest of the words out. “I think he loves me. You’re wrong about him.”

Will was not Brody. She hadn’t gotten involved with him as an act of reckless rebellion. She’d fallen for him, for all the right reasons. The only mistake she’d truly made was trying to hide it, and all because she didn’t want to disappoint her father with more ugly gossip.

And now here she was, destroying her own happiness to placate him, and somehow destroying Will’s future, too, all because she was scared of losing her father for good. Well, if loving Will meant she lost her dad, then she had to take that risk, because it was time to take a stand for Will, and for herself.

Her father watched her, first with skepticism, then with a sort of pitying sadness. “Mira, if he cared, he wouldn’t have kept you a secret. You should know that better than anyone at this point.”

“Yes, I do know better! And that’s not how it happened. It was me hiding and keeping secrets, because I was so afraid of disappointing you . Again.”

Paul dropped his head forward and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am disappointed, Miranda. I thought you’d outgrown all that recklessness. But here you are, involved with the worst man you could have picked. And look what’s happened as a result. You’ve been dragged back into this nightmare after all these years, after you’d finally put it behind you.”

She shook her head firmly. “No. He’s been dragged into this nightmare because of me . Look! Here you are, about to kick him off the team, and all because of me!”

Paul’s voice was thunderously loud in the tight confines of the room. “I’m about to kick him off the team because he’s a reckless liability! A fight with Brody McKnight, over my own daughter.”

“A fight Brody brought on himself! If you want to be angry at someone, Dad, be angry at him. Or be angry at me for lying to you. But Will’s done nothing to deserve your anger. He’s worked his ass off for three years to prove himself and you know he has.”

“Yes, he’s good, but that’s not enough …”

“If you want to kick someone off the team, kick me off! I’ve earned it, right? I know you’re sorry you ever brought me back here, because look … I’ve just proved you right. You can’t trust me.”

Paul’s head snapped back as if she’d struck him, and his eyes went wide. “Mira … of course I trust you.”

“No, you don’t. You haven’t trusted me since I screwed up seven years ago. Do you think I can’t see it every time you look at me? I get it … I really do. I ruined your life and you had every reason to send me away—”

“I didn’t send you away. It seemed better for you to be at home, with your mother …”

“I wanted to be here , with you . But you said I should go home. So I left. And I never came back, because you never asked.”

His face creased in confusion and pain. “I didn’t think you’d want to come back and face this again. Face him . I was trying to protect you. You thought I didn’t want you here?”

“You said you were sorry you ever brought me here, Dad. Believe me, that’s not something I’d ever forget.”

“I was angry, yes, but not at you. I was angry at myself. I wasn’t … I’m not …” Paul paused and took a deep breath. “Mira, understand … fatherhood wasn’t a natural fit for me, and with you so far away, I didn’t get much practice at it. You were growing up in LA with your mother and it felt like I barely knew you. When I started bringing you on the circuit with me, I finally felt as if I was your father, properly.”

The anger that had been fueling her began to ebb, and in the shaky, emotion-drenched aftermath, tears filled her eyes. “I felt that way, too. I loved being here with you.”

“I loved having you with me. But when that happened … the mess with McKnight … Ah, Christ, Mira. What sort of father lets his teenage daughter wander about alone in this place? That bastard never should have been allowed to get near you.”

She blinked at him in confusion, as his meaning, as the real reason behind his anger became clear. “Dad, it wasn’t your fault. I was the one who got involved with him.”

“You were just a girl. A girl who’d been left on her own too much. And that was my fault. I never should have brought you on the circuit with me when I was so ill-equipped to properly care for you.”

“That’s why you sent me home?”

“I was not a proper parent for you.”

“Dad … I wasn’t a baby. I was sixteen. I made those choices. The blame for that is on me, not you.”

Her father’s face was aghast. “Mira, tell me you’re not blaming yourself for what happened with that bastard?”

“There was a price to be paid for what I did. I get it. It’s okay. I understand why I couldn’t stay. I’m sorry you finally took this chance on me again and it blew up in your face. But I’m—”

“Let’s get something sorted. I never blamed you. Not once. And I wasn’t angry with you. That bastard Brody, yes. That was a kind of rage I’ve never felt before, and I let it get the better of me. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Dad, it had everything to do with me.”

“My actions were my own, and so were the consequences. And if I seemed mistrustful … Well, I’ve been worried, that’s all. I didn’t want the same thing happening to you again. And now it has—”

With a forceful shake of her head, she cut him off. “This is not the same at all. I’m a grown adult, Dad. I chose Will. And I’m not sorry about that. Not even a little bit. You might have your doubts about him right now, but I don’t. He’s the best man I know. And now you’re the one making him pay for something that’s not his fault.”

Paul sighed and shook his head. “What’s the right thing to do here, Mira? I’m lost. I thought I did the right thing seven years ago by sending you home with your mother, but clearly it wasn’t. But Will being here on the team is going to cause you—us—problems.”

“Don’t kick Will off the team. He’s not the problem.”

He gave her a stern look. “Neither are you, so don’t you dare suggest it.”

“No, maybe not, but I am the solution.” All her pain and anger from the past twenty-four hours—from the past seven years—was finally beginning to coalesce in her head into something new. A resolution. Something she could do that finally felt good, felt strong.

“What do you mean?”

“Seven years ago, I didn’t handle this right. I let Brody’s lies about me stand as the truth, and it’s been an anchor around my neck ever since. I’ve been trying to live down a story someone else told about me. I’m not doing that this time. I’m telling the truth. I’m sorry for you and for Lennox if it makes things more difficult than they already are, but I have to do this. If you need me to leave the team, I understand, Dad. I really do.”

Her father looked at her as if he hadn’t been properly seeing her in a very long time, which might have been true. They’d both been seeing all the wrong things. He sighed deeply. “You’re not going anywhere, Mira, and neither is Will.”

The relief left her nearly weak in the knees. “Thank you, Dad.”

He pulled her into his arms for a fierce and all-encompassing hug, and Mira felt some small, wounded part of herself—a piece that had been hiding in the dark for seven long years—finally start to heal.