31

The post-race reception after Silverstone was packed. It was Lennox’s home turf and Will had won, so tonight was a celebration. Her dad and Natalia were making a slow circuit of the room, shaking sponsors’ hands, accepting congratulations on the day’s success, and toasting the team. He didn’t need Mira, so she retreated to the upper balcony overlooking the floor, where she could brood in peace.

Meeting Will’s family today had bothered her. He’d been doing exactly what she’d asked of him—keeping what was happening between them private. She knew she had no business having hurt feelings that the meeting had been so brief and impersonal. But she did anyway.

It wasn’t until she was standing in front of them being dismissed like the help that she realized she wanted more. Well, maybe not from his parents, because they seemed like assholes. But his sister and brother seemed nice. She wished she’d been able to meet them as Will’s … what?

The midseason break started tomorrow. She kept telling herself they needed to discuss it, but every night she chickened out, afraid of what she might hear. So now Will was off to New York and she was heading back to Essex, where she’d hang around, obsessing over him and what he might be doing without her. Ugh, how had she wound up here?

She could see him down on the floor below with his family. His parents looked miserable. They must have had him late, because they were older than she’d have guessed. Generational differences didn’t account for their shitty attitudes, though.

Predictably, Will looked wretched. Her hands tightened on the railing, wishing she were down there to tease him a little, and coax him back into a good mood. But even if she could, maybe he wouldn’t want her to. After all, she could see women all over the room below eyeing him with interest, ready to move in the moment there was an opening. Maybe he was fine with what they currently were—late-night secret hookups. But she didn’t think she was anymore.

“Here you are.”

She spun around as Violet approached. “Oh, hi.”

“You’re missing all the toasting downstairs.” Violet was holding two champagne flutes and passed one to her.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip.

“So why are you lurking up here alone? You look like you’re plotting an assassination.” Violet joined her at the railing and looked down at Will’s parents just below. “On the other hand, if you wanted to assassinate those two, no one would blame you. What a couple of puffed-up wankers. How did a pair of such insufferable toffs produce Will Hawley?”

“Classic rebellious youngest son.”

“His sister is mad cool, though.”

“I didn’t really get to meet her.”

Violet turned to eye her. “You know, if he’s sleeping with you the least he could do is introduce you to his family.”

Having her secret exposed triggered a familiar flush of panic, but she kept her eyes on the party below. “What are you talking about?”

Violet rolled her eyes. “Please. Leave off the valiant denials.”

She bit her lip, debating. After seven years, here she was, back to keeping secrets and lying about a guy, and she hated it. She was desperate to confide in someone, especially after today.

“How did you guess?”

“Aside from the fact that you two have wanted to climb each other since the moment you met?”

“I did not—!”

“Yes, you did. I was there. Now you’re trying so hard not to notice each other that your necks are about to snap. It’s painful to watch.”

“Is it that obvious?”

Violet shrugged. “Not to anyone but me, who has a prurient interest in other people’s sex lives. So it was Melbourne, right?”

“Melbourne what?”

“When you started fucking.”

“Will you keep your voice down?” She cast a panicked glance over her shoulder, but the balcony was empty aside from the two of them. “No. Well, we kissed in Melbourne but that was a mistake. And then there was Singapore. Also a mistake. But it happened officially in Austin.”

“But that was only a month ago!”

“It’s really new.”

“So why all the secrecy? If he’s making you sneak around like some dirty secret, I swear, I’ll kill him and hide him where they’ll never find his body.”

“No, I’m asking him to sneak around.” That sounded terrible. Because it was terrible. All of this was terrible. Why had she ever started something she knew was so wrong? And for what? So she could beat herself up constantly, wondering where she stood? Why was she taking this enormous risk, imperiling everything, for what might be just some meaningless fling? Was he really worth it?

“Why?”

She eyed Violet. “You know why.”

“Fuck all that. You like him?”

“Yeah, I do,” she admitted quietly, watching him below as he ducked his head to hear something his sister was saying to him. He was right there in the room with her but he might as well be on the moon, and she missed him.

Violet leaned in and dropped her voice. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. I think he likes you, too.”

“You think so?” She hated that desperate note of hope in her voice.

“I do. He does that sad little thing where he thinks he’s being chill but he manages to bring up your name in almost every conversation. ‘Did you ask Mira about that?’ ‘Do you think we should check with Mira before we schedule this?’ ‘Have you seen Mira? I have to ask her this random question that is in no way part of her job.’ It’s honestly disgusting how into you he is. I can’t believe everyone isn’t onto him at this point.”

“Don’t say that,” she groaned.

“You know you can’t keep it secret forever, right? People always find out.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Violet tossed back the last of her champagne. “I need another drink because I am volunteering to be your beard for the evening. I’ll go insert myself in Will’s family so you can come with me and have an excuse to talk to him. That means I’ll have to make conversation with his insufferable Tory father, so I hope you know what a huge sacrifice I’m making for you here.”

“Violet, you’re a hero, but that’s okay. I think I’m just going back to the track.”

“What, now ?”

“Yeah. I’m worried some of my files ended up in the advance pack out for Monza, and I need to make sure they go back to Lennox.”

“But I think the Awful Hawleys are leaving soon. Will might be looking for you.”

“It’s okay.” She glanced back at Will down below. “I just need to think about this a little bit. Alone.”