38. Make That Very Clear

38

MAKE THAT VERY CLEAR

" H ow was your holiday with Jarrett's family on Sunday?" Jack asked two days later.

Andi was surprised he hadn't called her on Sunday night like he'd said he was going to. He'd texted instead and said he was going out to eat with a few single guys at the Tulsa office.

She wondered if Jack really didn't want to move to Boston and she had this guilt on her shoulders that he only did it for her and there was no reason for it.

Or was there a reason and no one was telling her?

That was even worse.

She had to get to the bottom of it because if anyone was keeping things from her again she'd go up one side of their asses and down the other and she'd make that very clear.

"It was nice," she said. "I love his family. His parents are wonderful. His brothers too. Very helpful to each other. You know Mac just had twins and recently moved around the corner from Jarrett. They all helped get the house ready before the births. Now Sidney's parents are coming to town for a few weeks and her father and Jarrett's father and brothers are going to redo the kitchen. It's just nice how they come together like that."

"Something you don't have anymore," Jack asked. "But you do. You've got it with Jarrett. You had it with your father. You have it with me."

Jack didn't normally try to make her feel better. Not like he was now.

"What's going on, Jack?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're sticking up for Jarrett and hadn't before. He's trying not to be clingy, but I almost think he is. Then he backs up when he thinks he might be. A few weeks ago his eye was twitching when I said I was taking the ferry over to visit you. I appreciate that you picked me up at the docks and brought me back so I didn't have to drive my car on and off, but I wondered if you did that because Jarrett asked you, or because you don't want me alone off the island?"

"No reason for me to be worried," Jack said. "I did it because I know you don't like to drive in heavy traffic areas and haven't had to do it since you moved to the island. You've said before you rarely leave and the few times you have you've been with Jarrett. I did it to be considerate, not for protection."

She was trying to read his tone of voice and nothing was telling her that he wasn't speaking the truth.

"There is nothing to be worried about then?" she asked. "Because if I find out there is after the fact, I'm not sure I'm going to forgive you."

There was silence on the other end. "Andi. I swear to you, I don't know anything. Or anything to cause alarm. I know how pissed you were when you found out more on New Year's Day and I wouldn't keep it from you now if I was allowed to tell you."

She didn't appreciate the words "allowed to tell you" but also understood that too.

"So there is nothing at all for me to be worried about?" she asked again. "Nothing new on the Dustin Family?"

"Nothing," Jack said. "I told you the reason I was leaving town. I don't see them bothering with me and in their eyes you're dead. They had no knowledge that you knew anything. You don't know anything. What Luke had, we used. There wasn't anything more he had that we don't have, so you'd be of no use to them."

She believed what he was saying. There was no reason not to. From what she knew—which might not be much—it made complete sense. What her father had on the family led to arrests but didn't touch the head of the family. That was someone else's headache now.

It seemed there might not have been a reason for her to even go into Witness Protection if she'd just stayed in the safe house for a few months and then came out to see what was going on.

Nothing she could do to change anything.

"Okay," she said. "I believe you. I guess I don't have much of a choice in the matter either."

"We all have choices," Jack said. "We might not like the ones we have, but we've got them."

"Tell me about it," she said.

"Is everything okay with Jarrett?" Jack asked.

He'd never inquired about that before. "Yes," she said. "Why?"

"You said he's trying not to be clingy. Has he changed or are you just looking for something that isn't there?"

She let out a sigh. "I don't know. I might be doing the second thing. Maybe I'm the one looking over my shoulder so much that I'm waiting for something to happen that might not. It's hard to break that habit."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Jack said. "It's not anything I can change. I know if I offer to talk to Jarrett?—"

"Absolutely not," she said.

"Which is what I figured you'd say. If it helps you any, I've had little to no communication with him since I moved here. There is no reason for it."

It did make her feel better. "Thanks for that. I think he sees what his brothers have and wants it."

"So he's pressuring you?" Jack asked.

"No. Maybe I want it too."

"But you're scared because you think you're going to have to pick up and leave for some reason and then lose it? So you're holding that last little bit back?"

"I'm sure that is it. I love him. He knows that. But that doesn't mean I have control over my life now."

"You have more control than you realize," Jack said. "People make decisions in Witness Protection that pull them out of it, but then they are on their own. I'd never advise that to you or anyone else. Don't think that."

"It goes back to choices. I know. I just have to trust that you and Jarrett know what you're doing and try to live my life without this big black cloud hanging over my head."

"Is it that big of a black cloud, Andi? Or are you being dramatic?"

"I never thought I was a dramatic person before, butit's possible that I am. I see things I want that are within reach. I'm not sure I've seen them before this all happened in my life. There is part of me that is still adapting."

"Change is hard," Jack said. "I know. Why do you think I'm still single? I can't change nor can I be what someone wants. One thing you've got working for you, that maybe Jarrett sees or is banking on, is that your father was in law enforcement. You know what the life is like. You talk fondly of your father, not that he wasn't around for you. You side with him more than your mother who left. Like lots of women leave and you know why."

She'd never thought of it from that point of view.

Maybe Jarrett had such a hard time finding someone in the past and knew she was the one. They'd talked about that too.

"That's a good reminder that I needed to have. It's going to be fine. I appreciate you talking to me about it. I know you're busy."

"Where is Jarrett now?" Jack asked.

"He's working," she said. "He'll be here in an hour or so. I had a light day, but he got held up."

"Does that bother you when he gets held up?" Jack asked.

"Never," she said.

"Remember that. Maybe remind him of it too."

She sighed. "Because it bothered you when you were late when you were with Sarah. I know it bothered my father."

"That's right," Jack said. "Give a little for him and maybe it will relieve some of your mind too."

"Good advice," she said.

An hour later, Jarrett came in and she had dinner on the table. She moved over to kiss him. "How was your day?"

"Busy," he said. "Normal for me.SorryI'm late."

"Don't be sorry," she said. She was going to listen to Jack. "Never. It's your job and your career and I know you love it. I expect this happens a lot and I've never once said I minded, have I?"

"No," he said.

"And I never will. I promise. I knew going in these things could happen and I don't ever want you to feel bad about it. Or guilty."

"Thanks for that," he said. "I've watched my mother never have an issue with it. Sidney doesn't either. Even Jennie with Alex."

"And you see how lucky they are to have found that and you haven't. You found it. Consider yourself lucky."

He laughed and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "I am lucky. And sorry if I crowd you. I have to weigh my guilt at times."

Which was what Jack said and now she felt like an idiot.

"Don't do that," she said. "If you think us spending more nights together so you can give me that time makes a difference, it doesn't. When you work late and just want to go home to bed, it doesn't matter which bed you're in. I'm a phone call away if you need or want to talk, but sometimes you need to not have the distraction of me in the house if you're still trying to work. To worry I'm there and you need to pay attention to me. Know I'm here and fine."

"I probably needed to hear that more than I realized," he said. "See, you're good for me."

"Remember that," she said. And realized that small conversation lightened her mind too.