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4. Chapter Four

Igot home and didn't stop at my bar, instead jumping on my small dirt bike to head back to my house deep in the woods. I should have stopped in the bar, knowing I had work to do, but that sinking feeling was back, and thoughts were running through my mind I had to put to rest.

Am I really doing something wrong by hanging around the wolves?

I didn't think about it for a long time. They lived nearby, and I hung out with Carey, who was human. I kept my head down and didn't engage in politics and whispers.

Now, I was beginning to regret that. From Heath to Jabari, things were being brought to my attention I should have thought about months before. I should have paid attention to Hasan when he said he didn't think I made a sound decision about the wolves moving in.

There was only one person I could think to ask as I pulled in front of my house. I sighed as I kicked off my shoes at the front door, wandering into my living room. For a second, I stared into the woods around my home, through the massive glass windows I had along one side of my home. My home was beautiful and modern, but I wanted a connection to nature even when I was inside it. The windows did that for me.

I dropped onto my couch and pulled my phone out of my pocket, considering my decision to make the call. Ever since Jabari texted me the night before, it had floated at the back of my mind. Heath giving me an update on the wolves, especially those trying to talk to werecats and become allies, only made the sinking feeling worse. Then Jabari on the phone? I hadn't expected that at all.

"I hope she has answers," I mumbled to myself, pushing the call button on Lani's contact information.

It only rang once.

"Jacky! Long time no talk. How're you?"

Normally, I would have immediately launched into whatever was going on, but something sounded nervous as hell about the entire line—anxious.

"I'm good, how are you?" I answered, posing the question back on her.

"Good, good. Just busy. You know how it is."

"I do. Life gets busy sometimes."

Right after that, there was an awkward beat of silence. There used to be a time when Lani and I could talk easily. That had changed after the Dallas incident. Calls with Lani died off as I realized the new awkward strain between us. I wasn't sure if it was my family in the werecat world or not, but something had strained the tentative bonds we had.

"What did you need?" Lani finally asked, her anxiety wearing off as she must have realized I was only calling because something was on my mind.

"Do you listen to werecat politics?" I asked, leaning back on my couch, trying to relax.

"Yes, I'm active in them, actually. Are you looking for some information in particular or…?"

"Information. I was recently told werewolves were trying to open more communication with werecats because of what happened last year. I then was told that a lot of werecats were mad about it, preferring to be left alone…" I trailed off, trying to ask the question on my mind. "There are two dead werecats in Washington. Is there a chance it's my fault because of everything that happened with the Dallas pack and the Tribunal?"

"A lot of werecats will think so as that news spreads," Lani answered, and I heard a touch of ‘maybe I do too' in her voice. "Who told you?"

"Jabari," I informed her quickly. "Family, you know?"

"Hmm." That was short.

"You're mad at me."

"Maybe I am. For years, I tried to help you in our world, thinking you were a stray who needed help settling and getting adjusted to being a werecat. Instead, I find out you're the young, prodigal child of the most respected werecat in history. If we believed in Kings, Queens, and Alphas, you're the daughter of ours, and you just never bothered to tell anyone. Now, you get news from Jabari—"

"Jabari and I don't talk that often. This is the first time he's contacted me in over seven years, Lani. They let me walk away from the family—"

"And now, everyone knows you are part of that family, and yes, werecats are mad at you. Damn it, I have lost longtime friends for my minimal involvement in your Tribunal case, Jacky. There was a reason I was the only werecat there, except Hasan. They think you're young and refuse to follow the rules. If they didn't know Hasan was your father, they would just call you stupid and ignorant."

"You weren't pissy with me when I did it," I snapped, pissed off that she sounded like she believed how those other werecats felt. God damn gossipy werecats. They never see each other in person, but they all have each other's damn cell phone numbers. They can never resist calling each other to pass along the news! "You said you would stand with me! Did you think you would speak up for me, I would still be executed, and that would be that? There wouldn't be anything further from it?"

"Honestly? Yes."

Guilt. If she was in the room with me, I knew I would smell it just based on the tone of her voice.

"Damn, Lani." I resisted hanging up on her. "How do I fix this?"

"You kick those wolves out of your territory and keep out of trouble for a decade. Maybe a century. Depends on how long it takes us to go back to a nearly forgotten species. Do you know how many werecats have been called to Duty since your stunt? Four. That's more than the last twenty years. It hasn't even been a year. Thankfully, none of them have been injured, but it's only a matter of time."

"I can't do that. I can't throw them out," I mumbled, shaking my head. "There has to be something else."

"To win over other werecats? Not likely. You would have to curb any war you might have started rolling before it has the chance to start. Sadly, you stirred the pot, then walked out of the kitchen, leaving the rest of us to deal with your mess. The Houston pack refuses to leave me alone. They want to have dinner, get to know me, discuss protection plans for any of the humans in their pack, in case something happens. I finally told them to fuck off last month, and they've given me space again."

"I'm sorry." I groaned. "Lani, I am. I didn't think—"

"No, you didn't think. Your family is known for stepping in and correcting these issues. They help us stay alive. You just kicked a hornet's nest and—"

"I get it!" I growled. "I'm a fuck up compared to the rest of Hasan's children. I know! That has been made abundantly clear, damn it! I don't need you fucking rubbing it in."

"Sorry. I shouldn't be harsh with you—"

"No."

"But you can't deny you should have thought about all of this a lot sooner."

"I know." My anger deflated quickly. I know. "I'll…figure something out. Some way to make a better impression."

Lani sighed on the other end. "If I have any ideas, other than the ones I've already given you, I'll let you know."

"Thank you."

I heard the call disconnect, defeat weighing on me. She hung up on me. Why did this become such a big deal? Why did no one tell me sooner? I would have tried something.

But would I have? Or would I have buried my head in the sand and bitched it wasn't my problem?

I didn't know. All I knew was that two werecats were now dead, Jabari was figuring out what killed them for Hasan, and fingers were slowly being pointed at me as the reason werecats were now being given so much attention. There was a chance this had nothing to do with me but learning that would come too late. The accusations were already apparent.

Did I get two werecats killed by doing whatever I wanted?

The idea plagued me as I left my living room and went upstairs to my home office. I never worked in it, instead slowly letting it become a small library and relaxation room with a computer to play games and a few large bookshelves to read. There was a small desk, a recliner, and even a couch if I just wanted to have a nap. I never got to use it often enough. I had so much house, no one in it, and no time to enjoy it.

Could solve that by hiring people for the bar…

I shook my head. The last thing I needed was more people in my life bothering me, up in my space, trying to learn my secrets.

Half my problems were because I didn't want to deal with more people than necessary, even at the expense of my own ability to have a life. I knew that. It didn't mean I was going to change any time soon, but I knew it.

Except, normally, my lack of involvement only affected me. It didn't seem like that was the case anymore.

"Fuck. Where do I even start with this?" I fell onto the recliner and curled my legs in. I contemplated calling Hasan but decided against it. If he honestly wanted to yell at me, he would have already. Unless he was waiting for me to go to him with my proverbial tail between my legs. He hadn't been very angry with the wolves moving into my territory, so I was at a loss. With him, I didn't know.

"I can't deal with this," I finally mumbled to myself, shaking my head. Why was it anyone's business I let two wolves live in my territory? What was the problem with fighting to protect and save someone I was charged with? Why did this have to be a mess? "I shouldn't have to deal with this."

I had the strong urge to stomp my foot and say anyone could live in my territory if I wanted them to. That nothing else outside my territory was my business, and they could all shove it. They could deal with their own wolves and werecats, and that was that.

But if I got two werecats killed…

I sighed, rubbing my face. I played with my phone and finally decided to call Hasan. He picked up halfway through the first ring.

"Jacqueline. How are you this evening?" he asked gently.

"Jabari called me. I got my ass chewed by not only him but Lani as well. When were you going to tell me how much trouble I've given you?"

"I wasn't going to. I knew what trouble I was asking for when I walked in front of the Tribunal that day." He sounded bland like the conversation bored him. That wasn't a good sign, actually. It meant something had annoyed him by whatever I said.

"Are you mad I let the werewolves live in my territory?" I asked softly. "I know that's given you even more—"

"I despise werewolves, but you like Carey, who is very human. The wolves are just an extension of her, and it's a mutually beneficial relationship. You have something to cling to in the real world while they have a built-in guardian. They aren't giving you a hard time, correct?"

"No, and other wolves don't come visit them. I just…heard things recently."

"The two up in Washington. Yes…that's concerning. It could very well be a reactionary attack from me stepping into the limelight and the small evolution of the Laws. I've already taken that well into account."

"Will you keep me updated on what's going on?"

"I can do that. Are you worried?" I could see him mentally perking up. I was so known for staying out of everything and not wanting to know. This was a big change.

"I am. I don't…want to be the cause of werecats dying and another war starting."

"I'll do my best for that not to happen, daughter. So, how was talking to Jabari?"

I groaned and replayed the conversation for him. Jabari was Hasan's biological son, and their relationship was close, very close. Hasan didn't make the distinction between biological and Changed when it came to those he considered his family, but Jabari was considered his heir. There was no denying that bond.

"They did tell me about how they would try harder with you. Part of that is my fault. I didn't introduce you into the family the way they're accustomed, meeting you before you were Changed. Jabari and Zuri have seen everyone grow up except you. When I did Change you, none of them were home, and I was still…withdrawn from the world." He sighed on the other end of the line. "I was accused of Changing you to replace Liza. They didn't like it. They were gone so much to punish me, and your possible relationship with them suffered because of it. From my understanding, they weren't particularly kind when they were around, and I thought their distance was becoming a good thing. It gave you a chance to flourish."

"Ouch," I mumbled. In a half-joking tone, I asked the stupidest question I could. "I'm not, right?"

"No," he snapped. "No, Jacky, you aren't a replacement. I Changed you because I couldn't imagine a world without you in it while you were there dying in that twisted hunk of metal. It was impulsive, something I had never done before, but that was it." I could hear him grumble and growl on the other end. I shouldn't have asked. I knew better, honestly. He never compared me to her, never made it seem like I was a replacement.

"Back to your siblings. I knew they were going to try speaking to you more, and I'm glad Jabari is using this to kick things off. It's important. I hope you accept it and let them make their attempts. Try opening up to them. You'll be less lonely if you start talking to other werecats more often, others who truly understand you."

"Did you encourage them, or was this their decision?" I wanted the truth. "Hasan, I don't want family who don't want me."

"Jacky, they were willing to expose our kind to keep you alive. You are their younger sister. They mean what they say. Now, what Jabari said to you? He's used to things being done a certain way and having a certain amount of control, something he doesn't have with you. To him…you're a rebellious teenager."

"I'm thirty-six and just like to live my own life," I reminded him.

"Yes. A child in our world. Don't take his harshness to heart. You might be a well-balanced, functioning, human adult, but to a werecat, you're still young. You try to live life by rules that no longer apply and cannot continue to apply."

"You would tell me if you were angry, right? About everything?" It was complicated between Hasan and me. It always would be, but I had the same attitude with him as I did my human father. I got angry with his secrets, I craved his pride, and I wanted him to leave me alone. I leaned into his affection and snapped at his hand when I didn't want it.

"You'll know the day I get angry with you," he whispered. It sent shivers down my spine. Oh, yes, I would. He would make sure everyone within a few hundred miles knew he was angry with me.

"Thanks for talking to me. Keep me updated?"

"I said I would. I'll put you on the list of calls I have to make every time one of you is out getting into trouble." He chuckled softly. "Sadly, being the youngest, you are last."

"I figured. Did they all get calls from you about me?"

"I call them about you more than you can imagine," he said with a bite. "But yes, when you were called to Duty, and everything happened, they all heard about it as I did."

I wonder why else he calls them about me. It's not like I do much of anything.

"All right, well, I have to go. Bye!" I hung up as he replied with his own goodbye.

I felt a little better, glad to know he didn't blame me and wasn't angry like so many others. That was enough to put me at ease to take the nap I had been craving—social activity took it out of me.

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