Chapter 6

Chapter Six

J T’s first glimpse of Gemma Vargas came when Erica carried the sleeping baby into the garage to tuck her into the car seat. The lights had been dimmed for ease of transition, but he got a glimpse of short tufts of pale hair as the child slumbered against Erica’s chest just before she leaned into the open car door and deposited Gemma into her seat.

The girl made a sound, and Erica soothed her in a gentle voice he’d heard her use with Grace. “You’re going for a car ride with one of Mommy’s friends.”

“Mommy?”

“She’s not here yet, baby. JT will take good care of you while Mommy is gone.”

“Panny?”

Erica extracted herself from the vehicle and turned expectantly to Lee. He handed over a tattered stuffed toy that looked panda-ish. Erica handed the stufty to Gemma, and the girl grasped it tight, leaning her cheek on it as she settled in the seat.

Erica leaned in and kissed the girl and whispered, “Love you, Gemmy.”

The girl made a soft sound, then whispered, “Lovey.” Her eyes closed, and she appeared to nod off.

JT could barely breathe after watching the exchange.

He didn’t even know why it got to him. He’d seen Erica’s love for Grace every time they were together. He’d just never imagined a similar affection between her and a baby who wasn’t even her child. Especially given that the one thing he’d had in common with Erica was her ambivalence over having children.

Erica closed the door as quietly as possible, then turned to JT. “Panny is her comfort toy. Goes with her to daycare every day, and she sleeps with it every night. Lose the panda at your own peril.”

“Got it.” He would duct tape the thing to Gemma if needed.

Erica looked back inside the car and swiped at a tear. “It’s probably good you’re taking her. I won’t be able to hide my fear from her much longer.”

Surely a baby couldn’t pick up on worry for Lex? Eat, sleep, play. That was a baby’s job.

Lee put his arm around Erica. “Keith is calling in the team, and Curt has influence with the FBI. There will be a proper investigation.”

“A proper investigation means nothing if vigilante cops shoot Alexandra on sight.”

And that right there was JT’s top fear. The news had all but painted a target on Lex. They’d said the officer had a head wound and was already lying on the ground when he was shot.

There was no way in hell Alexandra Vargas had pulled that trigger.

A fter more than two hours of driving—that included a lengthy surveillance detection route as insisted upon by the CEO of Raptor—a loud shriek from the backseat made JT jump and nearly swerve on the dark highway.

The screaming continued, making JT wonder how such a small child had the lung capacity and decibel range.

“Hey there. Uh. Gemma…I’m…Uncle JT.” Should he call himself uncle? That was what Grace called him, but he actually was her uncle. Sort of.

The screaming continued, only pausing when she drew air into what must be magic lungs. Between screams, she hiccupped and cried, “Mommy! Mommy!”

“I’m your mommy’s friend.” Not really, but once upon a time, they’d been the center of each other’s world.

“Remember when Auntie Erica told you about me?”

Of course she didn’t. She’d been half-asleep. And she was only what…a year old? Wait, he knew her birthdate. He’d needed it for the trust. She was born in September of last year, making her a year and three months old now.

Was she still a baby or was that a toddler? He’d forgotten to ask Erica if she could walk. Felt like something he ought to know.

He tried to remember the soft tone Lee used with Grace. Was that how he should talk to Gemma?

Did he even know how to make his voice sound like that?

“So…ugh…” He pitched his voice higher. “Sweetie. You need to stop crying.”

The sound she made… Were his ears bleeding?

He debated pulling over, but a car parked on the side of the highway at nearly five in the morning…it would get attention sooner rather than later.

He steeled himself against the onslaught to his ears and took the next exit. He followed the signs to the nearest gas station, then pulled up to a pump.

He didn’t need gas, but he didn’t want to look suspicious. He twisted in his seat and faced the child who was strapped in the middle of the backseat.

“Hey, kid,” he said softly. “You’re okay. I’m going to take care of you for a few days.”

Tears dripped down pudgy baby cheeks. He’d thought she was cute when she was sleeping. His heart had done a weird kind of twist when he saw her hair was blonde like her mom’s.

This was Alexandra’s baby daughter.

He thought of the woman who would always have his heart and took a deep breath. He thought of the quiet moments when they’d snuggled on the couch and he’d held her and known paradise. With thoughts of Lex in his mind, he found a softer register and said, “Hey, cutie pie. I’m sorry your mommy isn’t here, but Uncle JT is going to take good care of you.”

She paused in her shrieking, but her chin still quivered. “Mommy?”

“She’s going to come home as soon as she can. Promise, honey.”

“Panny?”

JT scanned the backseat and didn’t see the stuffed bear. He unbuckled his seat belt, climbed from the SUV, and opened the rear door.

Panny had escaped to the floor. He scooped up the bear and handed it to her. She sniffled as she held it to her chest and…nibbled on an ear, which might have made him shudder a bit.

His car was clean, but what if she dropped the toy on the Metro? Or in on a station platform?

Gross.

How had humans survived as a species?

“Hungy,” she said.

He had baby food, but he couldn’t exactly sit in the gas station parking lot and feed the kid orange goo.

This was a Lexus with leather seats. But more important, he supposed, was the fact that someone might spot them. Thanks to the surveillance detection route, they were still more than an hour from the gate to the Catoctin cabin.

It was still dark. Surely, Alexandra didn’t feed the girl at five in the morning. She drank milk, not formula… That meant she’d been weaned, right?

He paused, wondering if Lex had nursed her daughter. Erica had nursed Grace, but Mara hadn’t been able to nurse her son, if he remembered correctly. He’d tried to avoid those conversations, but once two couples in a friend circle had kids, it was baby, baby, baby all the time.

Now Isabel was pregnant, he’d lose Alec to the proud-dad club in the spring. He gave thanks that Keith and Trina had no plans to procreate.

They were his people.

Except, he felt uncomfortable with all the happy couples, whether they had kids or not.

He returned his focus to the living nightmare in a car seat. “We need to drive a bit more. Then we’ll have breakfast.” And a nap. JT had been up all night, and he was too old to pull all-nighters, especially when sex wasn’t involved.

They’d get to the cabin. He’d feed the kid, and then he’d put her in the portable crib, and they’d both sleep for six hours. Easy-peasy.

But no sooner was he pulling away from the gas pump after putting in a token amount of gas than Gemma was screaming again.

Now she was chanting, “Hungy! Hungy! Mommy!”

He was screwed. He couldn’t drive an hour with her catlike high-pitched yowls. He couldn’t drive five minutes.

He saw a sign for a motel across the highway and took the overpass.

Shit. How would he get a room with the kid screaming? Would the clerk think he’d abducted a child?

He pulled out his phone and downloaded the app for the motel and gave thanks that he could book a room—and get a key—with his phone.

Five minutes after pulling into the lot, he was checked in. Now, he just had to convince the girl to be quiet while they made their way to their second-floor room.

He climbed from the driver’s seat and moved to the back. She quieted as he took the seat next to her and closed the door. It didn’t feel right to just reach in and grab her when he’d never so much as touched her before. He would take this slowly. Let her get used to him.

He found the soft tone to his voice that Lee used with Grace and said, “You want to eat, honey?”

Her wet cheeks glistened in the dome light as she nodded. “Hungy.”

“I got us a room here.” He pointed to the motel and wondered if he was being ridiculous. Would she understand any of this? But he figured it couldn’t hurt and might help win her trust.

Huh. He’d never figured someone so young could have complex emotions like trust. Grace had just accepted him, but then, he’d been present in her life from the get-go, while Gemma hadn’t seen his face until he handed her Panny several minutes ago.

“I’m going to unbuckle you and carry you inside. Then you’ll get breakfast. ’Kay?”

“Mommy?”

“No, baby. Your mommy isn’t here.”

Her face crumpled, and she let out a keening sort of sound. But at least it was quiet.

He studied the car seat. She was strapped in like a racecar driver.

As an engineer, he was impressed by all the baby gadgets he’d looked at in the store. The portable crib was an engineering marvel. It had to be, given it was essentially a safe-baby jail.

It wasn’t easy to unbuckle the safety harness, but finally, he got the button to release. He moved the straps off her shoulders and said, “Can I pick you up?”

She gave a small nod. He scooped her up, then sat back, holding her so she faced him.

He stared into her eyes, seeing they were the same blue as Alexandra’s, and said, “I love your mommy more than anyone in the world, Gemma. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He pulled her to his chest, and she shocked him by leaning against him and popping her thumb in her mouth.

He found it hard to breathe as his eyes burned.

This was nothing like the first time he’d held Grace. But then, that moment hadn’t been fraught like this one was.

He was terrified for Lex, and according to Erica, he couldn’t let Gemma pick up on that.

He placed a hand behind her small head, his fingers touching her soft hair, and he just breathed, taking in this moment. Holding Lex’s precious baby for the very first time.

His heart ached, but it was also filling in the weirdest way.

These emotions were uncharted territory. He’d grown used to being without Alexandra, but now that he’d opened the part of him he’d walled off for his own survival, he felt this small girl slipping inside.

When all this was over—and he was determined that this would end happily for everyone involved—there was no way he’d be able to return to a life that didn’t include Alexandra. She would never love him again, but maybe they could find a way to be friends.

He reached for the door handle and slid from the vehicle, being careful not to dislodge the finally quiet baby.

It was chilly outside, and neither he nor Gemma were wearing a coat, but she was snug against him, so only her backside would be cold. He’d closed and locked the door and was heading to the hotel room when he realized he couldn’t just leave the baby in the room while he returned to the car to get her stuff. At the very least, he’d need the portable baby jail.

He returned to the SUV and used the kick sensor to open the back. The crib was still in the box—and there was no handle. Impossible to carry while carrying Gemma.

He set her down on the pile of supplies, and she squawked.

“This will only take a minute,” he said, hoping it was true. He managed to rip open the box and was thankful to see the crib was inside a nylon bag with a handle. He set it on the ground, then scooped up Gemma again.

He was feeling like a pro when he locked the car, picked up the bag, and was heading for the side door, until he came face-to-face with the RFID sensor. He felt like a juggler as he set down the bag and fished his phone out of his pocket, scanned the lock with his phone, pocketed the phone again, and opened the door—it took three tries for him to do this in the moment before the green light on the door pad turned red, but finally, he had the door open and had picked up the crib and was heading up the stairs to their room.

The process was repeated at the motel room door, but this time, he got the timing right on the first try.

Inside the standard room with a king bed, he let out a sigh of relief as he deposited the baby on the bed.

He looked at her and said, “I need to set up the crib so I can go back to the car and get the rest of your stuff.”

Gemma let out a shriek.

He panicked and put his fingers over her mouth, which, of course, only made her cry louder. He quickly removed his hand and scooped her up. “Shhh. Sorry.”

She stopped screaming, but she definitely wasn’t happy. “You want to come back to the car with me?”

“Hungy.”

Yeah, there was no way she was going to wait patiently in the crib while he unloaded the SUV.

And if the smell was any indication, she needed a diaper change, so he needed the bag Erica had packed too,

Resigned, he headed back to the car with her in his arms.

He took two more trips, grabbing his own bag in addition to baby supplies. The groceries would be fine in the back of the SUV—it was only a few degrees above freezing, after all—and he figured they’d be stuck in the motel for several hours.

He needed to sleep. There was no way they’d leave before the eleven a.m. checkout time. He would book a second night as soon as they were settled. Late afternoon, they’d head to the cabin.

Back in the room with the last of what they needed to get through most of a day, he wanted to collapse on the bed and sleep, but the kid seemed to think he should feed her.

Was she really this hungry at six in the morning?

But then, she was tiny, and all that screaming had to burn a lot of calories.

He looked at her and said, “Diaper or food?”

“Hungy!”

Well, at least she was consistent.

He found the baby spoons in one of the shopping bags and washed one in the bathroom sink. It was too bad this motel didn’t have suites with kitchenettes, but at least it had a fridge, microwave, and coffee maker. He’d survive.

Erica had told him to get a portable, clip-on feeding chair, and he’d gotten absolutely everything on her list, but the chair was in the back of the SUV. No way was he making another trip, so it was sit on the bed or floor for mealtime.

No sooner was he seated in front of her with a spoonful of mashed peas than she’d yanked the spoon from his hand and spilled the contents on the bedspread on the way to her open mouth.

It didn’t get much better from there, mess-wise. But more food ended up in her mouth than on the bedspread, so that was a win.

Finally, she dropped the spoon and said, “Pow.”

He had no clue what that meant. He offered her another bite, and she pushed it away, splattering more green goop. “Pow!”

Pow?

He held up the spoon again.

“No! Pow!”

Then he remembered “pau” in Hawaiian meant “finished” or “done.” He had a house on Kauai, and he and Lex had spent many happy weeks there. Together, they’d attended many pau hana—finished with work—cocktail parties and happy hours.

Gemma was pau . Done .

He wished he’d thought to ask Erica for a baby dictionary, but at least he’d managed to work that one out on his own.

“Got it,” he said, removing the food jar and spoon from her reach. Now he needed to change her diaper and then, blessed sleep.

His first diaper change went about as well as expected. Thankfully, the bulging diaper was full of urine and nothing else.

He wasn’t ready for the big league. He needed a few rounds in the minors first.

She squirmed, and he didn’t fasten the diaper tight enough, as evidenced by the fact that it fell off her the minute she started crawling toward the edge of the bed.

He dragged her back to the changing pad by a heel. “Where do you think you’re going, little missy?”

She squealed, and he stopped, but then she rolled over, and he saw her smile. He felt a strange flutter in his belly as he realized the squeal was a giggle and the smile…damn. It warmed his chest in a way he’d never felt before.

Who knew baby smiles triggered endorphins?

Probably everyone but him.

He smiled back at her and said, “Sorry, but motel rules require all non-potty-trained individuals towear diapers at all times.”

She twisted and started crawling away again.

He pulled her back and said, “Diaper time.”

She giggled. Giggled. “Nakey baby! Nakey baby!”

He laughed. Apparently, this was a thing for her, because she had a two-word response.

She was kind of adorable. But no way was she running—or crawling; he still didn’t know if she could walk—around the motel room without a diaper.

He finally got her butt covered, and then he set her on the floor to see what she would do.

She held on to the bedspread and pulled herself to her feet and then…she started walking. And immediately bumped her head on the edge of the round table and started to cry.

It was then that JT accepted he wasn’t going to get to sleep anytime soon.