6. STERLING

My night was filled with a tub of vanilla ice cream as I sat on the balcony, watching and listening to the guests below laugh and drink. It was nice to hear, and sometimes it made me remember just why I came here. I was once on vacation, broke, and came across this position. It started off small, someone to communicate and liaise with the English-speaking guests, but somehow, through whatever force I was put in charge.

The ice cream here was incredible. The chef had a temper, but he knew how to make food. It was only served in small containers to guests with their pastry desserts, but I got a tub of it. I think he was apologizing for shouting at me earlier, but I'd never know if that was truly the case.

From my height, I couldn't really make people out. They were visible, but like small blobs of color and drunken singing or screams. Except, there was one voice amongst them all that I picked out.

I pushed my little chair and foot stool closer to the edge to get a better view. And there he was. The guy who'd answered the door to me in nothing but a towel earlier. Fallon. He was laughing and having fun. I knew exactly what he was feeling because many years ago, I'd been right there on that spot, laughing it up with a vodka soda in hand as well.

It was a week day, but that didn't stop people from drinking like it was the weekend. They were on vacation after all, so I couldn't blame them. I was even jealous. More so because they could leave this place once their stay was over, go back to their homes and remember this place for how beautiful it is. I was burned out on the beauty of this place, and now, in areas, I found it oddly grotesque and unappealing.

I finished the tub of ice cream off before going to bed. Another reminder of what kept me to this place scattered around the room in the form of teddy bears. There had been a time once when seeing one of these would've meant I could gift it to a boyfriend, but now, seeing them was frustrating. I had so much stock, and I might've saturated the market too much over the years with them.

That night, I managed to get around six hours of sleep, on and off, waking in a panic like I'd missed my alarm, and then realizing I still had time left to sleep. That had been happening for months now, rising my blood pressure to the point I could've passed out rather than falling to sleep. I wouldn't have known any difference.

My alarm finally sounded and I shot upright. The faces of bears surrounded me on any available surface in the room. To a little or middle, maybe this was a dream, but to me, this was not where I wanted to be. This place hadn't been where I wanted to be for a while now. But I knew as the day went on, those early morning thoughts would disappear and I'd find myself on airplane mode, all my action, phrases, and general presence were on automation.

Showered, dressed, and with a freshly brewed cup of coffee in hand, I went to get the night's recap from Carla.

She was in the office, ready to clock off after working the late-night shift. She was yawning up a storm, which set me off. "You could use some concealer," she said.

"I'll just take a coffee," I told her, sipping at the scalding bitterness from the cup. It made my eyes crack wide open. "So, anything you need to report to me?"

"Yes," she said, pushing out from the desk and yawning once more. "We are going out tonight. That's my report."

"I mean, what's been going on while I've been in bed," I said, sitting at the desk in her place. "Anything I need to know?"

"No, I was on the phone to suppliers, made sure we were getting regular deliveries," she said. "Because I heard on the news they cut travel off on one of the roads leading into the city."

"That doesn't sound good."

"It isn't, especially since that road leads to a lot of factories and employs many people," she said. "They say it is to work on the road, but I think it might be gangs." She whispered the last part, never wanting to say it too loud.

In all the times she'd ever mentioned it, it wasn't the case. In fact, as much as people thought the country was all of that, I'd never experienced it once. "Are we getting deliveries then?"

"Yeah, they're taking a little longer than usual, but we should have them by lunch," she said. "Hopefully their issue is all sorted before the end of the day or it could mean actual delays and I know chef would be a horror."

"Why don't we just went him out there? I reckon he'd be able to whip them all into shape."

She chuckled into another yawn. "It's not a bad idea, actually. If I remember anything else, I'll call. I'm going home to sleep but I will be back later. Remember, we're going out tonight. We're gonna have fun."

Tonight wasn't even on my radar. All I wanted was to get through the day, but that's how I started every morning feeling. And as soon as I greeted my first guest, that feeling slipped away and autopilot was turned on.

There was never a smooth day at the resort. There was always someone was a wild request like arranging free diving with sharks. We had a concierge for that, but it was a logistical nightmare all around when they wanted to do something nobodies insurance would cover.

I went around the resort, seeing the new members of staff take up posts from the night-shift workers. The cleaning staff were hard at work and the kitchen—from what I could see peering inside were all busy preparing for the breakfast orders.

The concierge desk was joined to the reception desk, the was signposting with a small gold plated plaque but it was easy to miss if you wasn't staring directly at it. At the desk today was Alejandro, a muscular man squeezed tight inside a suit. Tanned skin, black hair slicked back and gathered into a little knot. It was usually long. He'd started out here as a pool boy.

"I have a question," I said, leaning on the counter.

"Sure. What is it Se?or Hewitt?"

"I want to know what you think is the best place to go out to on a night out."

He sucked on his teeth and looked at me. "Se?or, is this for you or a guest?"

"For me."

"Oh, well, I don't know. There are some nice jazz bars that you might enjoy, or there are also some lounges that serve wines. You might enjoy those."

"Come on, Alejandro. I want to get blind drunk and dance."

"Por fa, I don't think I should be giving you this information."

"I'm your boss," I said. "Tell me."

"Well, most of these places are filled with students and you are not a student," he said. "You would not enjoy it."

"I'm thirty five," I said. "And I'm only graying around the edges because of stress."

He smiled, a full pearly white smile. "Ok, but if you get injured because of partying, I will not be blamed."

"Ok, no blame from me."

He tapped away on the keys at the computer. "So, is this something to do with what Carla was asking?"

"Oh, she asked you too?"

"Of course, I know clubs, and I know this city well," he said. "Is it the gay bar you were looking for?"

I almost bit my tongue before replying. "Give me all your options. Including those clubs."

"Ok," he said with a big grin. "I know the gay bars too. My older brother is gay. But I have to tell you, the gays party hard, like really hard."

"Listen," I said, trying not to laugh. "Just because my knees crack a little when I stand up too quick, it doesn't mean I can't get down like I could in my twenties." I also wanted to remind my body we were only in our thirties, we shouldn't be sounding like the tin man in need of a good oiling. "But if you can also get me a good deal on any table service, or those bottles of vodka with the little sparklers, I'd love that. I'm trying to think of something special because it's also for Carla's birthday."

I considered Carla my best friend here, it started out as being a work best friend, but over the years, we'd become close, and she absolutely deserved bottle service and those big sparklers delivered with our drinks.

Alejandro had connections around the city, so it was nice to have him behind the counter seeing what he could scour up for us. I left him to find out what he could as I spotted early risers coming for breakfast by the pool—Fallon and Henry. They both had sunglasses covering their faces as they sat in the sunspot shining on a table.

In my invigorated and caffeinated state, I went out to greet them.

They shrunk in their seats as I walked over.

"How are you enjoying the resort?" I asked.

"Can we get two coffees?" Henry asked.

Behind the sunglasses, I could see Fallon's eyes were closed.

"I'll put that order in for you and send someone out to get your food orders," I said. "But I saw—well, I heard you both last night. You had fun."

"Fun is an understatement," Henry said. "I don't think I've ever laughed and cried laughing so much in my life."

"I didn't hear that part," I said. "Thankfully, the windows and doors don't let much sound through. So, what brings you out here so early?" There were other people around, mostly older folk who were well rested.

Fallon seemed startled, snapping upright and looking around. "How long have you been there?"

"Good morning," I greeted. "I'll put that coffee order in. Anything special or just a double espresso and milk?"

"That sounds amazing," Fallon said, pushing his sunglasses up his nose.

"So, what woke you up so early? You know you're on vacation."

"Henry is forcing me to enjoy the day," he grumbled.

I heard the scrape of the chair as Henry appeared to kick Fallon under the table. "I told you we're not going home without a tan, and we can't get a tan being indoors all days."

"Ok, well, stay hydrated and make sure you're wearing sun block," I said, not wanting to get in the middle of it. I was an observer of their vacation, not a participant. I was hit with a bout of jealousy. I wanted to sit down, ask them more questions about their night, and what had happened to make Henry cry laughing. I needed more adventure in my life.

"Wait," Fallon said, reaching for my hand before I could leave. "What sort of day activities would you recommend for people on a budget?"

I really wanted to help just so I could continue to engage with them. "You should ask our concierge," I said instead.

They were both hungover, although they smelled like the soap we used in all our bathrooms. It was nice, even if I had been smelling it for years, there was something about the smell coming from someone I was only mildly crushing on.

"You should just ask for his number," I heard Henry as I walked off.

In the reflection of the glass door on the way inside, I caught myself smiling, it ached. I hadn't smiled so genuinely and so big in weeks, not since I saw a video of a cat fall into a clothes basket online.

Alejandro even caught the smile as I walked passed him. "Se?or, you're looking much happier."

"The Mexican sun will do that," I said.

"It is true, I heard vitamin D makes people happier," he said.

I knew he meant well, but all I ever thought when I heard vitamin D was vitamin dick , and right about now, I was looking forward to seeing a dick that wasn't mine, or posted to the internet as a gateway to someone's adult subscription site.

"Let me know when you've got that information for me," I said. "I'm counting on you."

He saluted me. "I'm on it, Se?or."

Most weeks, there were usually couples in, rarely two best friends like Fallon and Henry, and rarely had I overheard anyone hit on me, although maybe that was wishful thinking, he might've wanted my number for other reasons, like a hotel contact.

I tried not to think about it, but it was impossible. It was all I could think about. I might've said I had a rule against sleeping with guests, but it was only there to tell the guests I wasn't attracted to. The ones I were attracted to on the other hand, I could pretend that rule didn't exist. But maybe not until they're almost finished with their vacation, I didn't need someone hounding me for a week or longer because they're attached.

All I wanted was fun right now, and Fallon had bought a teddy from me. I knew he was into the same type of fun as me, but I'd have to be double sure before getting any closer to that. My inner Daddy, which was expressing itself through graying hair and creaky joints was begging to be let out in a private intimate setting.