22. STERLING

Carla was practically ready to pack my suitcase for me. When I saw her in the office, she mentioned submitting applications for me back in New Jersey. It helped me out actually, she'd put it all down in a spreadsheet and organized it by pay.

"Obviously, you don't have to accept any of them," she said.

"And what resume did you send?"

"Well, I saw the one you had open, and I added a couple things to it because you do a lot of work here," she said. "I also wrote you a little cover letter for you so say why you were leaving. Because you wanted to move on to bigger things."

"Oh, bigger things," I repeated. I liked the sound of it.

"That is why you're leaving, of course," she said.

I'd put a lot of thought into why I was leaving. I was leaving to find myself again the person I'd left behind years ago. Fallon being there was somewhat of an emotional safety net. I enjoyed having the idea of him around me.

"Thank you," I said, gesturing to embrace her in a hug. "I guess I really need to set a date for when I'm leaving then."

"I'll miss you," she said, hugging me tight. "But you know, this place might lose some of its spark. So, if the reviews of this place start coming in worse, then I cannot be blamed."

It seemed like she was blowing smoke up my ass, I always considered that I was the life of the resort, walking around, nodding to people and greeting them. But for all the soul I'd put in to it, I was going to need it if I was going to make it back home.

Carla took off for the day and I sat at the computer, going over her spreadsheet and looking at all the jobs she'd applied for on my behalf. She'd really gone big with some of the starting salaries, but from the resume she'd drawn, even I was beginning to believe I could settle into another management position.

I only had a couple days left with Fallon, and this place ran itself almost, so I did what I knew best and delegated to employees while I took a little extra time to myself.

It was like knowing you had dessert in the freezer and thinking about getting dessert so much that you can't actually function until you've had it. That's the hold Fallon had over me. It was sweet, delicious, and often very creamy. I needed to soak in every moment I could with him, I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want there to be any moment where we weren't together, while that was impossible, I could bridge my way over that feeling by spending more time with him until the day he left.

It was the middle of the afternoon and Fallon was in the water with Henry. They were splashing at each other, and from what it looked like, they were defending their sandcastles. I could pick Fallon's out of a lineup after watching him build it, and the smaller one must have been Henry's.

I was for a little while, sitting on the beach a further back.

Neither of them had noticed me.

And then they did. The splashing grew a little more intense as Henry chopped his hands against the water making miniature explosions in Fallon's direction.

"Don't destroy it!" I heard him shout before coming out of the water, he was on his knees in the sand, getting it everywhere. He ran to me, shaking water off himself, it flung with clumped sand in all directions.

"Hey," I said.

Out of breath, he threw himself into the sand beside me. Now the dry sand stuck to him from the impact, he was covered in it. "You're supposed to be working," he said, spitting sand from his lips.

"I'm the manager," I said, helping clear some of the sand from his face. "I got a little too excited about spending time with you in the future. I wanted it to hurry up, so this is me, hurrying it up."

He giggled. "I think you're obsessed with me, aren't you?"

"No, I—"

"Because I'm obsessed with you," he blurted. "I've never met someone who completed me."

"I don't complete you," I told him, rubbing my thumb at his soft cheek. "Because you were never incomplete. You've always been sweet and adorable."

Staring into his eyes, they grew red and restless, trying their best to keep focus. "You're gonna make me cry," he said.

"Aw, baby." I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. "I'm sorry."

He sniffled, his head against my chest. "It feels like a dream," he said. "And I don't want it to, because I know I'll wake up."

I didn't want to stop hugging him. I didn't want him to think this was a dream, because this was far from it. This was reality in its finest moments, bringing two people together. Before I could say anything, he pulled away and started shouting at Henry.

"What are you playing?" I asked.

"Castle defenders," he said. "He's going to destroy my castle." He pushed his bottom lip out in a pout. "Daddy, don't let him destroy my castle."

"Go destroy his," I said.

Henry was stomping through the water, splashing with each step. He was getting closer to Fallon's sandcastle.

They were in a race. I knew it was anything serious. They were playing. And I loved to see it. It gave me ideas of how I could play with him in the future. I wanted to be a better Daddy, and this was a little bit of a crash course in it.

As I watched, I thought about all the stuff I had to do before leaving here. I didn't want to do any of it. All I wanted was to be on the flight with him, to feel his hand in mind at take off, clinging to me with all his trust. I knew that wasn't going to happen, but it didn't stop me from imagining it.

Once upon a time, I was actually known for my imagination and creativity. I'd taken a couple creative writing classes in college and I'd even been published in an anthology. Granted, it was through the college, but I still had people want more from that little short story about the vampire who couldn't touch his love or they would die. It was how I felt, growing up gay, not knowing if I could walk down the street holding hands with another man. I didn't care for all those late-teen anxieties anymore. I just wanted to hold Fallon's hand and walk down the street.

It was beautiful. I shed a tear, watching from a distance. So many things had to happen for this moment, and it made me wonder if there was such a thing as fate, or soulmates because when my body was entwined with him from bed to a simple hug, I felt completed.

But I was keeping that to myself.

Fallon called me over to help him defend his castle. And of course, I did. He was my good little boy, and I was his big, protective Daddy. I helped defend his castle as well as I could, trying not to be caught in the incoming waves as they splashed around and surrounded the small sand moat that had been made.

"You've got to put more effort in," Fallon said.

"It's the water," I told him.

Either way, both of the sandcastles would be taken by the waves sooner or later.

It was nice to spend more time with him, but every single moment with him was met with a moment of my brain being negative. Sometimes, it felt like it was being negative on purpose. And then Fallon said something, and those thoughts vanished.

"We're gonna head back, if you want to shower with me," he giggled.

"You need it," I told him. "Make sure to use the outdoor shower stands to get most of the sand off first." The last thing I wanted was to call out a plumber and deal with all the sand in the villa drains.

"Obviously," he said, picking out the plastic animals and putting them in his bucket.

By the main wooden path between the villas, there were showers, not used for actual showering, but to rinse sand off. The path also ran in a swerving curve pattern that connected all the villas together.

"How you shower, I go check on things, and then we go for dinner," I said, "The three of us."

"Oh, I don't want to be a third wheel," Henry said.

"Please," I said. "I've got to get to know the best friend of—my boyfriend."

Henry and Fallon squealed. "He said it!" Fallon giggled.

"Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend," I said.

"Now you're just rubbing it in," Henry said. "I guess I'll come to dinner, but we went to be treated like royalty."

I shrugged. "Best I can do is treat you to a special bottle of red wine."

"Done, deal!"

"And what do I get?" Fallon asked.

"Apart from me. I'll think of something," I said. "And don't forget to put that aloe stuff on your skin. You're getting a little red."

He nodded. "I hope it's something good."

"It's a surprise."

In order to give Fallon his surprise, it would mean going into the kitchen and interacting with the chef. That wasn't for the faint of heart, but I did it anyway because I knew it would mean a lot to Fallon. I also needed to order supplies from an app and use the printer at the receptionist's desk.

I didn't want to ever stop surprising him. I knew exactly what he wanted, and it was my job to give it to him, as long as he continued being a good boy. And I had no doubt he was going to be sweet and obedient for his little rewards.

Dressing smart wasn't something I enjoyed, I found neckties constricting and the way the cuffs of long-sleeve shirts would tighten made me claustrophobic. But tonight was one of the last nights with Fallon, and I needed to show him a different side to myself.

In a pair of black slacks, a white button-up shirt with a thin blue tie, and a navy blue dinner jacket, I was as smart as I'd ever get. Thankfully, the air conditioning units were keeping me from breaking a sweat.

In a booth, I waited on Fallon and Henry. My stomach filled with nerves. I had a small white plastic bag on the seat beside me as I waited on them to arrive. I didn't know how they would react. I knew Fallon would love it, but I didn't know if Henry was the same, and I'd dug myself into the hole by insisting he come and third wheel as he put it.

The severs came over to me a couple times, all curious about what I was doing as I never ate in here. I tried insisting to treat me as a guest, but I was also still on duty as manager, so they were very confused.

Finally, Fallon arrived, denim shorts just above the knee, a striped rainbow shirt, and under it a superhero logo t-shirt. I suppose, I hadn't him to dress up. It was come as you, and he came and stole my heart.

I stood to greet him, almost missing Henry behind him.

"Wow," Fallon mustered. "You're hot."

"I'm boiling, actually," I said, tucking a hand into the collar of the shirt. "But it's fine."

"Not that way, you're like sexy ," he giggled.

"Come on, sit down," I said, finding my cheeks turn warm at the compliment. "I've already got food ordered. Drinks will be coming out, and I have something else."

"Really?" he asked. "Because I don't know if you know this, but I'm a little picky ."

"You'll love it," I told him. "And I have something else."

As Fallon sat in the booth, he immediately noticed the white bag. "Is this it?" he asked, gesturing with his fingers pretending to grab at it.

Henry sat beside him. "I'm definitely the third wheel."

"I got you something too," I said. "Well, as long as you're like on the same level as Fallon. If not, you might think it's weird."

Now they were both intrigued.

I was going to get tongued tied if I didn't just get it out.

From the bag, I pulled out card stock with coloring pages on them, and then I grabbed the coloring pens, some were felt tip, others were glitter. I'd really just added a bunch to cart before the store closed the courier could get to them. "So, Fallon mentioned not bringing more colors with him, and coloring," I started to explain. "And I wanted to give you a piece of that, and obviously, both of you because you're on this vacation together and I really didn't want to take Fallon away more than I already have."

Both their eyes lit up, wide, staring at the objects I'd placed on the table. I don't think they'd taken in what I'd said to them. Their slack jaws and fingers on the edge of the table, like they were eager to tear into them.

"And I also got the chef to make his version of chicken shapes and potato shapes," I said. "I don't know what shapes, but I told him fun, so that could really be anything, from circles to smiling faces."

Fallon's eyes turned light pink. He wiped them. "You did this for me?" he sniffled, turning to Henry. "Us."

Henry snickered. "It's for you," he said. "But I'll accept and I also approve the two of you dating. Not like you need it, but I give it anyway."

I took a napkin and blotted it at Fallon's face, taking away his tears. "Food should be coming out any minute," he said. "But you can start coloring if you want. The prints are just what I found online."

Fallon flipped through them. They were mostly Christmas themed, which was strange for this time of year, but Christmas had the most exciting objects for him. Teddies, trees, ornaments, and cookies of all shapes.

"I love them," he said.

"I told you I had a surprise," I said, even if it was a spur of the moment surprise. "And there's more where that came from. "I promise."

He hugged me tight and I squeezed him back. I didn't want to let go, but he was now more concerned with splitting the drawing pages with Henry and opening the colors to test each of them out.

My soul's match. It was a wild thought to think, and I hoped he thought the same.

But it was going to be hard not seeing him for a month when he left.

I took snapshots of him with each blink, a polaroid of the moment developed behind my eyes. Him drawing, him reacting to the dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and matching potato side. The way he hunched his shoulders when he laughed. The pout he made when he asked for something. And then closed eyes and scrunched lips when he went in for a kiss.

It would have to get me through the next month.