Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Bess

C old dread shot through me. “Is this the right path?”

Charlie reached me. “I don’t know. I was wondering that too.”

“Please tell me one of your fancy gadgets is a compass.”

He shook his head.

“Something with GPS?”

He pulled his phone from his pocket. “It looks like we’re too far from the nearest tower. I’m not getting any signal.”

I sighed. “And mine died a while ago.”

“Your battery life is terrible.”

“I’m aware.” My iPhone was so old most apps didn’t work and the top corner of the touch screen was dead so I had to constantly rotate it to do anything. “So, what do we do? It’s getting dark. Do we go back?”

He glanced over his shoulder, biting his lip. “I guess.”

We turned around and walked for a while.

“We must have gone off course when we went down the hill to see the elk,” I said. “Let’s go back there and try again.”

But when we got to the area where we’d emerged from the forest and onto the path, my plan began to fall apart. We were rapidly losing the last of the evening light, and going back into the woods would have meant diving into darkness.

“You still have that phallic flashlight?”

His mouth twisted. “You gave me so much shit I left it behind. Besides, we were supposed to be back before dark. But my phone has a light.”

He switched it on and pointed the light at his feet, making them look vaguely highlighted.

“Well, it’s brighter than your average firefly,” I said, swallowing my disappointment.

“Stay right behind me, okay? Hold on to my jacket.” He took a step into the forest, but I grabbed his jacket.

“Charlie, wait.”

He returned to the path, turning to face me.

My stomach churned. “I don’t feel great about going in there. It’s too dark. There’s a bull elk with a whole harem. But I don’t know what else we can do.” Panic was starting to vibrate through me, tightening every muscle.

“Well… We can spend the night.”

“What?”

“We can follow this path up to find a good campsite, make a fire, eat something…”

“And what? Lay down on a bed of leaves?”

Even in the low light, I could tell his smile was somewhat sheepish. “Or in the hammock.”

“You brought the hammock?”

“Just in case.”

“What were you thinking would happen?”

“Well, this.”

“Is that why you wanted to go see the elk?” My voice rose along with the tsunami of anger inside me. “Did you plan for us to get lost so we could try out your stupid camping gear?”

“No! I also packed a small first aid kit, but I wasn’t planning on cutting myself so I can put on a Band-Aid.” He raised his voice to match my volume, without the anger.

He was helping me hold onto my anger, to push the fear aside. I could feel my limbs flooding with energy. “Well, I’m glad you brought it, so I’ll have somewhere to sleep in while you stoke the fire and keep watch.” My voice cracked, but I held my head high, jutting my chin forward.

“Absolutely. I’ll keep watch all night.”

It was officially dark now, and so cold my thighs were starting to feel numb under the thermal leggings. I was grateful for the two layers of wool under my windbreaker, but cold air was trying to get in through the cracks from every direction. Along with fear. “How are we even going to make a fire?”

“By introducing flame to something flammable.” He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and waved it around.

“Why do you carry that? Do you smoke?”

“Are you looking to bum a cigarette?”

“No. I just never thought of you as a smoker.”

“I’m not. I took this from Trevor last time he decided to quit.”

“And then he bought a new one the next day?”

“Probably.”

Trevor announcing he was going to quit smoking was a running office joke.

“Are you one of his accountability buddies?” I asked, desperate to think about something safe and familiar, like the burly Scottish copywriter who smoked like a chimney.

“I think he needs someone like you. Someone who can kill with one look.”

I tried to relax my face. I might have been shooting some fairly sharp eye-daggers at him. But only because the alternative was full-blown panic city.

“Let’s walk up a bit and I’ll use my seventh sense to detect the perfect campsite.” Charlie gestured at the path.

“Seventh?”

“I’m already using my sixth sense to monitor your emotional state in the dark.”

“Oh, really? What is my emotional state?” I crossed my arms, fighting the chill that crept in through the sleeves.

“Hangry.”

I nodded. “I’m also terrified and freezing.”

“I was going to say!”

“Your sixth sense is really slow.”

I whipped around and started powering up the path, as fast as I could in the faint glow of Charlie’s phone light. I could only make out the rough direction of the path. The darkness had already swallowed the details, including the rocks and roots I kept stumbling over. Still, it felt good to move. Do something. The plan wasn’t great, but at least there was a plan. We wouldn’t die here tonight. I’d decided that much, even if I berated myself for being stupid enough to follow him off the path to see the elk. Why? If I was that desperate to stare at animals, I could always save up to visit the zoo and see the fat gorilla touching himself in the corner.

The path twisted left and right, leading us up the hill. Finally, we came to a small clearing. Charlie took my hand and led me off the path. I heard the sound of water before we found the small stream. “Perfect! In the morning, we follow this down the hill,” he said. “That’s the best way to get back to civilization.”

“How do you know that?”

“It’s something my grandfather used to say. If you get lost in the mountains, find a stream and follow it down. Settlements are built around water sources.”

It made sense, but first we had to survive the night.

“So, what does your seventh sense say?” I asked, letting him lead me across the high grass.

I should have pulled my hand away, but I couldn’t. It was the only part of my body not shivering and terrified.

“I can sense a great camping spot right about… here.” He stopped abruptly and I bumped into his side, grabbing his arm for balance.

“Here? Why?”

He lifted his useless phone flashlight. “There’s a big rock that way. It offers us some protection. And trees on the other side.”

“I can’t see anything,” I insisted, but after a little while, I noticed the shape of a larger rock. Either that or a black hole that was going to swallow us.

Charlie pulled me closer until we stood by the shape. Definitely a rock.

“And here are some trees we can use to attach the hammock to.”

He directed the phone light on the edge of the woods, removed his backpack, and got into work attaching the hammock. I’d never actually seen it in working order, only lying across the floor. I couldn’t say I was seeing much of it now, given the dim light, but it looked a lot bigger than I remembered, and puffy like a sleeping bag.

“It has great insulation,” he explained as I stepped closer to investigate the material. “Should be good all the way to down to 28 degrees, but we’ll see.”

“What do you mean, all the way down? I think we’re there already.” I folded my arms, trying to keep my core temperature from dropping. “Charlie, if this product doesn’t work as advertised, we can easily die from hypothermia.”

“You won’t. I will, if I fail at my fire guarding duties. In that case, take my phone and walk as long as you need to find a signal, then call my dad. He’ll send a rescue helicopter.”

“Not funny!” My teeth clattered. “Are you not freezing? How are you able to move your fingers?”

He was wearing gloves and had pulled up the hood of his thermal jacket, which obviously made him better prepared, but the temperature had dropped significantly since sunset.

“Can you help me pick up some sticks for the fire? I have another pair of gloves for you. Mine have this removable lining…”

He peeled off his gloves and gave me the outer shells. They looked like the size ice hockey goalies wore.

I shook my head. “Give me the inner ones, they’re smaller.”

We swapped gloves and I went off to search the ground. The moon had risen over the tree line, casting an eerie glow over the landscape. Even the stars seemed brighter up here, helping me navigate across the grass. After a while, I found a fallen tree with its branches sticking up. They were dry and brittle and I began snapping them, collecting a pile of kindling. Using my body weight, I managed to break up a couple of larger branches as well, dragging them all to Charlie’s feet like a good dog fetching its owner’s slippers. I half expected him to pat me on the head.

“Great work!” I heard the smile in his voice.

The hammock now hung between two trees, and next to it, he’d laid a ring of rocks as a base for the fire. After an agonizingly freezing ten minutes, we had the start of a fire. I’d shredded my shoebox to use as kindling, and Charlie sacrificed the printout of the retreat program he found in his pocket.

We watched in awe as the sheet of paper caught the flame, transferring it onto the cardboard and eventually the dry sticks. Gradually, the larger bits of branch caught fire, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Sitting on a log next to Charlie, as close to the open flame as I dared, I held my hands in its glow. “Oh, God. I’m so frozen this actually hurts.”

He reached to take my hand, closing it inside his huge, surprisingly warm palms. “I’m so sorry, Bess. This is not what I had in mind.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I just wanted you to see the elk, I didn’t even think. I was irresponsible and I’m sorry.”

I nodded. “I was, too. I shouldn’t have followed you.”

Somehow, that part was harder to swallow. Because Charlie was Charlie. Charming, disarming, flighty and irresponsible. But I was me. Blindly following him into the forest to see woodland creatures mating was so off-brand for me I was questioning my sanity.

“You regret it,” he said quietly.

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t answer. Instead, I accepted the bag of trail mix he handed me, zeroing my focus on fishing out the pieces of chocolate and shoving them into my mouth like it was my last meal. Gradually, the hollow fear relaxed its grip and warmth flooded my belly, slowly making its way down to the extremities.

I didn’t really regret anything. Not in that moment. Not when I felt borderline safe again. If I could only close my eyes and transport us back to the retreat, it’d be a wonderful story to tell my daughter.

“I hate that I can’t call home,” I said between bites of chocolate. “I call every night before Celia’s bedtime. She’ll be expecting it. My mom will try to call, and she’ll freak out when I don’t answer the phone.”

He dipped his hand in the bag and carefully selected only nuts, no chocolate. “She can call the retreat and they’ll tell her we’re lost.”

I hadn’t even thought about what the retreat staff would do.

“Do you think they’ll call the police? Send out a search party?”

“I don’t know. They might. But it’ll be difficult in the dark. They might have to wait until morning.” He raised his chin, casting me a regretful look. “But they might also assume we’re staying at the hunting cabin if they turned around at the fallen tree. I heard Harry and Matthew talking about how romantic it is.”

“And everyone thinks we’re madly in love,” I finished for him, my gut twisting. “Oh my God! They’ll tell that to my mom if she calls.”

“You can explain later that it’s one-sided.”

My stomach lurched. “Oh, come on, Charlie. We’ve been faking this thing.” I tried to laugh, but no sound came out.

I began to feel warmer—so warm, in fact, that I had to lean back from the fire. Why did he have to say things like that? Things I had to forget as soon as I heard them. Or least when I returned to my real life.

I handed him the trail mix. “Thank you. This helped a lot.”

“Are you sure there’s no chocolate left?” He lifted the bag to study it in the light of the fire, grinning. “There. You missed a piece.”

“You can have it.” I flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m glad I could feed you. I also have some muesli bars but maybe we should save those for breakfast.” His eyes regarded me with such warmth, I paradoxically shivered.

I felt his hand on my shoulder as he pulled me against him. “We’ll be okay, Bess. You’ll be okay. I know I’m not the kind of rugged cowboy you’d hope to be paired with for this experience, but I’ll do my best, I promise.”

My heart fluttered like a trapped moth, blindly flapping towards him, towards the light. Before I knew what was happening, I’d melted against his chest, drinking in the reassuring words, letting my heart rate settle. I believed him, despite everything. I wanted those strong arms around me, keeping me safe. If I could only get a word out to my mom and Celia, letting them know I was safe.

“Are you sure you don’t have a signal at all?” I asked.

He handed me his phone. “Keep it. Let me know if it starts working. I’ve composed a couple of texts and it keeps trying to send them. You might as well write one, maybe walk around a bit and see if you get lucky.”

“I don’t remember Mom’s number.”

“I have Rhonda’s number. She knows your mom. She’ll pass on the message.”

A tiny ray of hope lit in my chest. When I saw the time on his screen—only 7.30pm, I sighed with relief. It wasn’t even bedtime yet. After a bit of fumbling, Charlie’s arm still firmly around me, I found his contacts and scrolled towards ‘R’.

“Wait. It’s under Gran.” His voice sounded restrained and the hand gripping my arm tightened.

“You call Rhonda ‘Gran’?”

“She’s my grandmother.”

“What?” I held my breath.

A medley of every conversation I’d ever had with my office confidante burst through my mind. That last time, I’d complained about Charlie and she’d laughed.

“She doesn’t like people knowing, so she tells us to call her Rhonda.”

I leaned forward, away from him, and stared at the flickering flames, trying to get my head around this new piece of information. “She told me someone ought to confiscate your credit cards.” The line rose from my memory and I repeated it without thinking.

“She’s done that before. She asked me to hand in the company card when I bought a new laser cutter.”

“What do we need a laser cutter for?” I glanced at him over my shoulder and caught a rueful smile.

“I wanted to experiment. I thought we could develop new products or prototypes.”

“But you already have those 3D printers.”

“Nothing beats wood as material, though.” He took his hand off my shoulder and threw another stick in the fire. “But more importantly, Gran talks to you about me?”

I turned to face him, taking in his amazed expression.

“We’re friends.” I cleared my throat. “I thought we were friends.”

“But you don’t think that anymore?” His eyebrows pulled into a slight frown.

“I guess we are, but I just realized that I’ve occasionally complained to her about… you.” There was something about the cold, dark night and the dancing flames that made the truth flow out, unstoppable. “Nothing mean… it’s more like she’s someone who understands.”

Oh, Charlie.

It was Rhonda who’d said that first. I’d picked it up from her! Although she’d always said it with affection. Or maybe I was attaching a new meaning to her words, making them sound different in my head, now that I knew who she was. I’d been the one channeling my frustrations into that innocuous phrase, trying to hide my anger and jealousy.

Charlie’s soft, rough voice rumbled through me. “She would understand. She practically raised me, and I’m pretty sure she works at the company to keep an eye on me.”

“What about your mom?”

The sadness in his eyes was instant. “Mom’s a… busy woman. She would let me buy anything I wanted to keep me happy and out of her hair.”

“That doesn’t sound great.”

He’d really learned his lesson—spending money to keep himself occupied. But money couldn’t replace affection. I’d never thought of Charlie lacking anything, and the thought threw me.

“I really like Rhonda,” I said, poking at the fire with a stick. Sparkles erupted into the night air, dancing their way into the darkness.

It would have been so cozy, even romantic, under different circumstances.

“She likes you, too.” Charlie smiled, the flames now dancing in his eyes. “She told me I should get to know you.” A smile tugged at his mouth.

“Really? Why?”

I’d never thought of Rhonda as the meddling type. She seemed to stay out of the office drama, happy with her TV drama and cookies. But we’d discussed Charlie a whole lot. I’d always thought it was because she genuinely cared about him, regarded him as a wayward son of hers. Which, it turned out, he was, in a way. It all made sense now, even the fact that I knew what long hours Charlie worked. Had Rhonda been dropping hints about his whereabouts and better qualities for my benefit?

I had to smile, thinking about our fun, friendly chats. It had never even crossed my mind she’d been trying to get us together. She’d succeeded at one thing, though. Charlie had never been far from my mind.

“I’m now replaying every conversation I’ve ever had with Rhonda,” I confessed. “Everything she’s ever said about you… it all takes on a different meaning when I think of her as your grandmother.”

He nodded solemnly. “I guess it does.” For a moment, we both stared at the flames. When he spoke again, his voice had a heaviness to it. “I know what it looks like. I know what people think… and it’s true, in a way. When you work with family, you’ll always get special treatment. Either good or bad. People can’t be impartial with their own flesh and blood.” He let out a deep sigh. “I should have left a long time ago. I should have made my own way. But there’s this expectation… My sisters both married rich, took the easy way out.”

“Wait… I thought you were an only child?”

He shook his head. “Who said that?”

“Teresa.”

“Well. I hope you believe me over her.” He gave me a lopsided smile, and I felt ashamed. Teresa was my friend, but how well did she really know Charlie?

“Anyway. My sisters aren’t interested, so it’s all up to me… the responsibility, taking on the family business. The legacy. I feel like I have no choice.” He stared at the fire, arms resting over his knees, a solemn look in his eyes. I could practically see the weight on his hunched shoulders.

I’d never associated Charlie with responsibility. “I thought you had all the choices in the world, but I guess it’s not that simple.”

“There are choices, but none of them are easy. Me and Dad… we don’t agree on a lot. He doesn’t want my input when it comes to business, so I tend to stay out of his way and focus on the creative side. That’s not his strength and if I left, he’d lose a lot of business. That’s why he gives me so much freedom, to keep me at the helm. But I’m not invited to management meetings. The board is basically just him and his sycophants. I’m too idealistic. Apparently, I’d run the business to the ground if I had my way.”

I nodded in understanding. George would regularly go behind Rhonda’s back, making us fabricate more hours than we’d worked, to squeeze more money from clients. God forbid he had a down month. I was asked to lie on my time sheets nearly every month since I was faster than the others—an easy target. I’d always thought Charlie was in on it, enjoying the benefits of his dad’s dirty tactics.

“I always thought of you as an extension of George, in a way. Nicer, but still on the same side.”

“Trust me, we’re not.” He blew a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry you’re?—.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry for me.” His voice had an edge. “Life hasn’t been fair to you.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t take that out on you or anybody else.” As I spoke the words, I knew how much I needed to hear them. So much, that my eyes filled with tears of shame. “You’ve been so good to me.”

“I appreciate that, but you’re currently lost in the forest because of me. I don’t deserve a lot of praise.”

I had a sudden urge to touch him. I wanted to finish what we’d started. I wanted to be with him, even if it was for one night. What harm could it do? I needed to feel his body against mine, feel all that tension drain from both of us. Stop the apologizing and feeling awkward. Be in sync. Could I argue it was for our survival?

“George doesn’t praise you much, does he?”

He gave me a sad smile. “It’s not really his style.”

“Is that why you praise my work?” My hand landed on his thigh, thumb stroking his jeans, feeling for the hard muscle underneath. “Because you want to be nothing like him?”

My thumb had already made up its mind about sleeping with Charlie. The rest of me wanted to follow… if I could shake the other worries from my mind, I would go for it, holding nothing back.

“I hope I’m nothing like him…” He looked away, tensing under my touch. “We don’t see eye-to-eye about many things.”

“Like what?”

He turned to look me deep in the eye, so conflicted I wondered if I’d offended him somehow. “So many things, Bess.”