Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Charlie

T he beer had clearly done its best work, loosening my tongue. I held my breath, waiting for her to respond. For a moment, I thought she might deny it. She’d been hiding it well, but my instincts were usually right.

Bess might have been attracted to me, but she didn’t like me.

“I think you disapprove of me,” I continued as the words formed on my uncontrollable tongue. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear it over the sound of bubbling water. “You’re not wrong. But I’ve been wrong, Charlie. I’ve judged you based on realities I can’t even understand. Your life’s so different.”

“We work at the same company. We deal with the same jobs. Same clients. We use the same bathrooms.”

She smiled. “Yeah, the unisex bathrooms are the worst thing about that place. The seat’s always up.”

“Is that why you hate me?”

“No! God. I don’t even know if it’s you. Could be Trevor.”

“What is it, then?”

“I don’t hate you, Charlie. Maybe I did look at you like that, at work. But it wasn’t about you. That’s how I feel about anyone with an easy life. It feels unfair. I’m jealous. It reminds me of how different my life is and what it used to be. Every time you blow hundreds on some gadget, I think… I could cover a weeks’ groceries and gas. And it makes me feel angry and sad. But it’s not about you. Everything I learn about you makes me like you.” She looked at her empty wineglass, eyes wide. “Good job, alcohol. You really know how to remove inhibitions.”

She was slurring her words a little.

“Are you drunk? From one glass of wine?” I had to laugh.

She gave me an unfocused stare. “I’m not great with alcohol, even without the bubbles. And this is a huge glass.”

“Yeah, it is.” It was one of those bowl-like ones my mom used when she allowed herself only one glass. “Refill?”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Drink it slowly.” She didn’t protest when I poured her another one. I liked her honesty. She was real and adorable. If it meant she’d puke and they’d have to drain the tub, I’d cover the cost.

“You’re right,” I said. “Money brings a lot of freedom and sometimes I don’t even think what it’s like for someone who doesn’t have it. I guess I assumed everyone at work was on a decent income, so I wasn’t parading my new toys in front of people standing outside a soup kitchen or something. I never imagined you were in such a tight spot. And now I feel horrible about it.”

My mind journeyed back to all the things I’d ordered. The tiny drone I’d been flying over the production floor. The talking vacuum cleaner that could negotiate stairs. That stupid personal robot! I was a douche.

I felt Bess’s hand on my shoulder. “It’s fine, Charlie. You didn’t know. And even if you did, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to hide your wealth. Besides, you share it. Trevor and Lee are always so excited when they get your leftovers.”

“Wait… why don’t you get my leftovers? Sell them on eBay. I know Trevor does. I don’t mind.”

She swallowed a mouthful of wine, then placed the glass on the edge of the tub. “No more honesty juice for me.”

“What? Tell me!”

The pain behind her eyes made my insides twist. “Charlie. Your buddies get your things. Everybody knows the pecking order. I can’t rock up there and stick my hand in the Christmas basket before it’s my turn.”

“Pecking order?”

Bess sighed. “I’m never drinking wine again.”

I surprised myself by turning to face her, square in the eye. I could see the effects of alcohol, and maybe tiredness, but she wasn’t that drunk. There was a light behind her eyes. Fire. I peeled the wet strands of hair off her cheeks, tucking them behind her ears and held her face, forcing her to look at me. “I love that you’re honest with me. I need that. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt, because I like you, Bess. I appreciate everything you do. And I guess I hoped I could make you like me, too. That you wouldn’t judge me based on my father or the company. That’s not me. You have no idea how strongly I feel about that.” I held back, swallowing any further comments.

I wanted to tell her. In that moment, I wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness, but fear nailed me in place. She had every right to think less of me, to disapprove or dismiss me. But her glossy eyes told me something else.

“I’m sorry I’ve thought bad things about you. It feels safer than letting myself feel… anything else.” She sniffed, looking away.

I released her face, feeling the loss of that contact like the emptiness itself had a shape and texture. Aching and rough after her soft skin.

“What else?” I asked. “What else do you feel?”

I cringed at the neediness in my voice. This wasn’t me. Yet it felt good to be this raw with someone. This was the feeling I’d been looking for. A connection. The absence of emptiness.

She dropped her shoulders and let out a moaning sigh. A sound of desperation. “This stupid pull.” She buried her face in her hands.

My arms reached out to her, fumbling under the bubbling water, before my mind even caught up. Because that pull was a good thing. I could work with pull. There she was. My hands found the curve of her waist and drew her closer. Our legs bumped together as we turned to face each other on the awkward bench.

She dropped her hands and cracked her lips, looking at mine. This time, I didn’t catch her off guard. I waited for her to lower those guards, one by one. Finally, I found some words. “If you want to kiss me, you can.”

Her lips curled and eyebrows lifted. “I can ?”

“Yes. But it’s your choice, Bess. Only kiss me if you want to. Not because you feel obligated to, or because you feel bad for me. I don’t want that.”

I could see the war behind her eyes as her gaze flicked between my eyes and lips, tongue peeking between her teeth. She understood.

I waited as patiently as I could, my stomach doing somersaults, my hands tightening around her waist. Her shin pressed against my thigh.

“You’re good at it, right?” She bit her lip, staring at my mouth.

“I’ll do my very best.”

Did she really think I wouldn’t bring my A game for her? I was already mentally between her legs, kissing like it was an Olympic sport. There were thoughts running through my head I had to lock up very tightly right now.

“Okay, Charlie. I blame the wine, and the moon and stars, and the fact that I haven’t dated anyone in years.”

I secured my hand around her lower back, nudging her a little closer. “ Nobody would judge you.”

“You’re right. If anyone finds out I had a chance to kiss Charlie Wilde and didn’t take it…” She raised an animated eyebrow, licking her lips.

She was teasing me, and it was working. My mind had run away, waving a white flag. I kept my hands on her waist, but imagined them all over her body, my mouth on every inch of her skin. I desperately wanted to drag us both out of the tub and into a bed. Or any flat surface where I could explore her without drowning.

“You better take that chance then.” My voice came out thick and throaty, giving me away. “So you won’t be ridiculed.”

I deserved to be ridiculed for how ridiculously turned on I was. I released my hand from her waist to adjust my crotch, and that’s when she made her move. Her fingers curled behind my neck, and she pulled our mouths together.

Two gusts of hot breath crashed, then fire met fire. Bess had made up her mind and she kissed like she meant it, with ferocity and hunger. Her lips opened to invite my tongue and another surge of pleasure shot through me. There was only so much I could say. So much I could safely reveal. But the sheer intensity of that kiss left nothing between us. No air. No ambiguity or doubt.

Her desire took me by surprise and fueled my own. I let my hands travel underwater, feeling for her body, grazing her breasts. She arched her back, pushing against my hands, moaning into my mouth. We both pulled back to catch our breaths. “Too much?” she whispered.

“Not enough,” I said, diving back in.

She tasted salty and sweet, or maybe it was the water. Her nails dug into my shoulders and she swung her leg over my lap to straddle me, bringing my hard-on against her crotch. Oh, sweet Moses.

She kissed me again, moving back and forth over my cock, buoyed by the water. It was almost too much. What if I came in the tub? Another guttural moan rose from her throat, and I lifted my hips to get closer, grasping her tight ass. This felt better than anything I had imagined. I’d never felt a woman match my movements and energy like this. I always held myself back, staying in control. But with Bess, there was no control. No holding back. Dropping all pretense and caution, we rode the same wave, desperate to stay on this rollercoaster before it all disappeared like an optical illusion.

With superhuman strength, I stopped myself. “Can we continue this in the cabin?” I asked. Pleaded, really. It may have been my dick talking.

She panted against my lips. “I don’t know. I might sober up any minute, and this is a terrible idea.”

“The worst,” I agreed. “I mean, we work together. You don’t like me…”

“Charlie, you idiot. I like you too much. But you’re the one thing I’m not supposed to like.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not safe.” She drew back, eyes brimming with sadness.

I wanted to pull her back in, but she was slipping away, her gaze focusing with clarity. And even though I had a couple of beers in me, I couldn’t pretend not to see it. If she didn’t want me sober, she didn’t really want me drunk, either. I couldn’t be one more thing Bess regretted.

“I’d never hurt you,” I said. I meant it, even if I doubted my control over these things. I could barely control my body.

But life had already hurt her. She’d been beaten over the head with it. What if I couldn’t fix it, no matter how much I wanted to?

“I don’t think you’d mean to,” she said, sliding off my lap. “You don’t mean to hurt anyone.”

“But I do?”

“Everybody does. One day you’ll die. You won’t mean to, but it happens. And that will hurt someone. Many someones, probably.”

I sighed. How had our evening turned this morbid? “Your husband died,” I stated, quite stupidly.

“Yeah.”

“Did he… mean to?” I swallowed, not sure if I was even ready to hear the answer. But if I wanted to really connect with her, be safe for her, I had to face everything she was holding onto.

She shook her head; her gaze lifting at the sky. “No. I don’t think so. He was pulling away from us, sleeping at his brother’s apartment. Not sleeping, really. Depressed. I don’t think he wanted to die. But he was on too many medications. Doctors weren’t paying attention. He wasn’t paying attention. And I wasn’t there. I should have been there, but I was too busy looking after a toddler, looking for a job, freelancing, trying to keep our condo. We worked on a start-up business that went bust. He took it even harder than me. I was the designer and admin, you know. Not the brains. And then suddenly, I was a 30-year-old widow and a single mom. I had to sell all this random stock, set up payment plans for the debt and move into a cheaper apartment. And then I found the job at Wilde.”

“What? Right after?”

“A couple of months later. It was such a relief, even though I felt like I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t fun and never had money to do anything.”

“Not fun? Bess, you were mourning. You probably still are.”

She shrugged. “I was so grateful for the job. It was my lifeline. Still is. And you’re my boss’s son, so this is not okay. I’m risking everything.”

I wanted to scream on her behalf. Of all the useless muppets my father employed, this was the woman he wanted to fire. The hardest-working, smartest and insanely beautiful creature with the saddest life story. Not that my father knew her story. She was just a number to him. He didn’t believe in getting to know your staff. He didn’t believe in sensitivity of any kind. Not like me.

Too soft for business. Softie . That was one of Dad’s many nicknames for me.

I wanted to be honest with Bess. My insides ached for the words I needed to say, but I didn’t want to hurt her. My drunken and horny brain ran around in circles, looking for a way to justify my actions. A way to fix things. Even if we lost this client, maybe there was a way for Bess to keep her job. Then I’d never have to tell her.

I also wanted to extend this moment. Relive the best kiss of my life.

I groaned. “Can I not be the boss’s son for one night? I’m not carrying any business cards right now. Maybe we can pretend I’m someone else. Someone you met at this remote spa…” I gestured at the surroundings. “We’re not at the office.”

“Are you saying this doesn’t count? Like, what happens in Vegas?—”

“What happens in Cozy Creek, stays in Cozy Creek. That town’s not real anyway, right?”

“It looks unreal.” She gave me a little nod. A hint of a smile.

“So, none of this really happened,” I concluded. “Let’s go.”

I got out of the pool, trying to ignore the partial still straining the boxer shorts I was using as swimming trunks. I’d have to take care of myself tonight, somehow, in a cabin with no walls or privacy.

We wrapped ourselves in our bathrobes and walked back in silence, Bess visibly shivering. I wanted to touch her, reassure her, but I feared anything I said would only make things worse. If I caught her again at a moment of weakness, she’d regret it that much more in the morning. I felt an inexplicable draw towards her, but I had to be patient. She’d already shared more of herself than I’d learned in the two years working with her. That was huge. I could only hope she didn’t regret that kiss too much. I knew I didn’t. I’d be playing it in my head in vivid detail tonight.