Chapter Three

Bennett liked Emory. There was a quiet strength in the dragon shifter that made Bennett want to get to know him, but he also felt like he might be bothering Emory. It was a delicate balance, but the same went for everyone else in the house. Bennett was still trying to find his place here, and it wasn't easy.

"I just wish we could fast-forward all of this mess," he told Emory.

Lunch was almost over, but a few people lingered at the table. Bennett didn't have anything better to do right now. Meyer had left as soon as he was done eating, muttering something about needing space, and Bennett wanted to give him what he wished for. He'd find Meyer later once he was sure his friend had cooled down.

So far, Emory hadn't shown any indication that Bennett was annoying him or that he wanted to leave, and Bennett was fine sticking around the table for a while longer to talk.

Emory snorted. "You're not the only one. I'm looking forward to the fight with Carlyle, but I wish it were over."

Bennett hesitated. He knew who Emory was. Emory had told Meyer and Bennett that he'd been Carlyle's shield before the attack that had taken the dragons from their mages. He'd been defiant, as if he expected them to decide they didn't want anything to do with him or maybe even to attack him.

They hadn't. Bennett didn't remember Emory, just like he didn't remember Carlyle. He hated what Carlyle had done and that he'd taken him from Penley, but Emory had nothing to do with that. Even more, Bennett felt sorry for Emory. He couldn't imagine not being able to shift at will. From what Emory had said, he hadn't shifted in decades, since before Carlyle had separated the dragons from their mages.

It made Bennett want to hug him.

"It will be eventually, and we'll all be able to go back to a peaceful life," Bennett reassured Emory. He hesitated, then decided he might as well ask. "Although I'm not sure what kind of peaceful life Meyer can have. Tyne still isn't talking to him."

Emory winced. He played with his napkin without looking at it. "If you're going to ask me what happened between them, I can't help you. I was never part of this family."

Bennett flopped back against his chair. "It was worth a try."

"I'm sorry I don't have anything more to give you. From what I remember, I always felt like things between Tyne and Meyer were tense, but not as tense as they are now. They didn't seem entirely comfortable with each other back then, but that was it."

It was a lot more now. What Tyne felt for Meyer was hate, not being uncomfortable or feeling awkward. Bennett couldn't imagine his best friend doing anything that would warrant that kind of reaction, but he'd only ever known Meyer. He had no idea what kind of man Meyer had been before, and part of him was glad he'd never find out.

This situation was already complicated enough as it was. He didn't need a bunch of memories to complicate things further.

"What about Penley?" Emory continued. "I noticed he's keeping his distance, but it's not as bad as Tyne. You have a chance to get him to talk to you."

"I don't know. He tends to run the other way when he sees me except when there are a lot of people around, like during meals. I don't want to push him if he's not ready for this."

"Maybe you should. I'm not saying things will go the way they are between Tyne and Meyer if you don't, but it's not right for Penley to ignore you, either. You have a past you don't remember, but you also have a future you need to build. You're not going to be able to do that if you don't talk."

"How am I supposed to do that when he runs out of the room when I try?" Bennett didn't want Penley to feel cornered, but he suspected that Emory was right. If he and Penley wanted to build something, they'd need to do it together, and to do that, they needed to talk.

"Go to his office. I mean, he can run from there, too, but I doubt he will. It's his safe place, and it's where he does all of his work, like the other mages."

Bennett considered the idea. "I don't want to take his safe space away from him."

"Well, I might not know you, but I doubt you'll force him into anything he's not ready for."

"I'd never do that."

"So if he asks you to leave, you will, right?"

"Of course."

"Then I don't see why you shouldn't go. Maybe it'll be easier for him to talk to you if he's surrounded by familiar things and he's in a place where he feels comfortable."

Emory might be wrong, but he might also be right. Bennett would never find out if he didn't try, and while it would probably be a better idea to wait, he decided he might as well go now. Hopefully, Penley wouldn't be back at work yet. He'd only left the dining room a few minutes before. It would take time for him to get to his office and settle into his work.

Bennett didn't want to mess things up for Penley, but he did want to talk to him, and he liked Emory's idea. At worst, Penley could kick him out of his office.

He got to his feet. Emory grinned at him, something Bennett hadn't seen him do often. The dragon's expression was almost always grim, which was understandable. Bennett would be grim, too, if he had to deal with what Emory had to deal with. He wasn't sure how he'd survived without his dragon and the ability to shift. He didn't think he'd have survived it as well as Emory had.

Honestly, he'd rather die.

"Good luck," Emory said.

"I'll need it."

Once he was out of the dining room, he hesitated. He knew where the offices were located, but he wasn't sure which one belonged to Penley. He supposed he could knock on every door, see if someone opened, and ask. He didn't like the thought of doing that, but it would be better than walking around like a lost puppy.

He got lucky. When he reached the area of the castle where the offices were, he almost slammed into Penley's assistant. Bennett had never talked to Sandy, but he'd seen her and Penley talk many times. Sometimes, they continued working while they were eating dinner or lunch, even though Jarvis kept glaring at them.

"I'm really sorry," he quickly said.

She shook her head. "It's fine." She looked at Bennett as if trying to read him. "Were you looking for someone?"

"I'm looking for Penley's office."

Sandy's smile widened. "Why?"

"Because I'd like to talk to him."

"And why would you like to talk to him?"

"I feel that's private."

Sandy crossed her arms over her chest. Her blonde hair hung around her thin face, making her look like an angel, but Bennett could see from the way she stared at him that she was anything but. She was ready to defend Penley if Bennett tried hurting him, and Bennett liked that. He liked that Penley had people on his side who would defend him from whatever came at him.

"Are you going to hurt him?" she asked.

"Not if I can avoid it. I might hurt him eventually, but I'll always do my best not to," Bennett promised.

He wasn't here to hurt Penley. He just wanted to talk and understand and, hopefully, start getting to know him. No matter how much distance they kept between each other, the two of them were linked. There would be no changing that, meaning they needed to learn how to deal with it and how to live together.

"I'll show you to his office," Sandy said eventually.

This was only the first step. Bennett didn't know what to expect, but whatever Penley threw at him, Bennett would deal with it.

* * * *

Penley settled back in his chair and stared at the books in front of him. He'd borrowed many of them from the library and the other mages, hoping to find clues as to how he could help Emory.

He might not be able to open portals easily, and his seeking spells might be shit, but he was sure there was something he could do about this. After all, dragons belonged to the earth. They were animals, even though part of them was human. Surely that had to mean that Penley could use his ability with earth magic to help Emory.

He hadn't found anything about that so far, but he wasn't giving up. It wasn't his fault that Carlyle had taken Emory's dragon from him, but he still felt guilty that he and the others hadn't tried to find Emory during all these years. He could understand why they hadn't initially, but after that? They had no excuses, and he hated that they'd abandoned him.

Penley wouldn't abandon Emory a second time. If there was anything he could do for him, he'd find out, and he'd do it.

Hence the many piles of books on his desk.

Someone knocked on the door, making him jerk in that direction. His elbow almost knocked one of the piles over, but he caught the books before they could fall.

"Yes?" he called out as he straightened them. Jarvis would kill him if he ruined them.

The door opened, and Sandy peeked in. "Have you started work again?"

"Not yet. Did you need anything before I do?"

Sandy's smile told Penley he wouldn't like what she was about to say. "Not me, but there's someone here looking for you, and I told him he could come in."

"I really don't have time to talk to anyone," Penley said quickly, but it was too late.

Sandy vanished, and Bennett appeared in her place. He looked hesitant, as if he expected Penley to tell him to fuck off. That was probably why he hovered near the door even after walking into the office.

The door slammed shut, making both him and Penley jump. Penley glared at it, silently berating Sandy for all of this. She might not be able to hear him, but he'd make sure she knew he was displeased as soon as Bennett left.

"So this is your office?" Bennett asked.

He stepped away from the door and moved toward one of the many tables covered in plants. Penley was good with them, and they helped with his magic.

Penley gave Bennett time. He wanted to ask him why he was there, but Bennett clearly had something on his mind. He wouldn't be in the office otherwise. Penley could wait.

He'd been waiting for decades, after all.

Eventually, Bennett stopped poking at the plants and turned to face Penley. Penley was still sitting behind his desk, and he realized it might make him look distant, so he quickly got to his feet. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk to you, but you've been avoiding me."

There was no accusation in Bennett's voice, but it still went straight to Penley's heart.

He licked his lips. Should he admit he'd been avoiding Bennett on purpose? Bennett seemed to already know that, so it probably wouldn't help.

"I've had a lot of work," Penley settled on. "In fact, I still do. If you tell me what you need, I can help you and get back to it."

Penley expected Bennett to go along with what he was asking, but instead, he came to stand in front of Penley. Penley had to resist the urge to take a step back. He wasn't afraid of Bennett but rather of how he felt when Bennett was nearby.

He wanted nothing more than to burrow against Bennett's chest and ask his shield to hold him and promise everything would be all right. That hadn't been how things were between them before, and it couldn't be how they'd become this time around. Penley needed to keep his distance. Bennett was his shield, nothing more.

"How were we before?" Bennett asked.

Penley frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Jarvis and Marlow were together. I know that Ansley and Parker didn't get along then, but they're together this time around. Tyne and Meyer clearly weren't great before. I haven't asked Keylon and Dallin about their relationships with their shields, but I was wondering about you and I."

Bennett wanted answers. Penley would, too, if he were in Bennett's place. He could only imagine how hard it was for Bennett not to remember anything. He'd been told he had a life before but had no memories of it.

"I guess that I'm asking if you and I were together," Bennett added.

Penley had no idea how to answer that. Why was Bennett fixated on that and not asking about his family or anything else?

Penley had never planned to tell Bennett about his crush. He still didn't. Those feelings were best kept to himself, especially because he could feel them going that way for a second time. He'd had a crush on Devon before, and even though Bennett was a different person, Penley's feelings were still there. If he wasn't careful, this was going to be a disaster, and he couldn't afford for that to happen. They needed to be united against Carlyle, and they wouldn't be if he told Bennett he was half in love with him.

He took a step back and leaned against his desk. "We weren't together," he said. "In fact, we met not long before you were taken from me. We'd only been working together for a few months."

Bennett frowned. "Not more?"

"No. I never understood why Jarvis asked us to help along with the others. I barely had any experience as a mage, and you hadn't been my shield for long enough. It was weird."

"Haven't you asked him?"

"I have. He said that back then, he needed all the help he could find. Someone mentioned me to him. He knew it was a risk, but he hoped that by having someone Carlyle didn't know on his side, he'd manage to make him lose his footing. He wasn't wrong. We managed to trap Carlyle."

"And he took your shields as you did so."

Penley nodded once. Even though he and Bennett hadn't been together long back then, he'd still been hurt when he'd woken up and hadn't found him. It hadn't been like for Jarvis, but that didn't mean Penley hadn't yearned for Bennett ever since.

Keylon was right. Penley was one of the lucky ones. He had his shield back, which was what they all wanted. Instead of doing the best with it, though, he'd been running and avoiding Bennett. Why? Was it because he was afraid? As long as he didn't tell Bennett about his crush, he'd be fine. They could get to know each other in a way they hadn't had the time to before, and who knew what would happen between them when they did?

Penley told himself not to let his hope go that way. At best, he and Bennett would become friends. Their bond would be stronger if they were a couple, but not every shield and mage bonded that way. Everyone was different, and Penley and Bennett might not need or want to be bonded like that.

Penley cleared his throat. "We hadn't had the time to grow close. We worked well together, and you always did your job, but things were still awkward. They weren't smooth, although I'm sure they would have become that way if we'd had the opportunity."

"We do now."

Bennett was right. Penley had done a disservice to both of them by avoiding him. That was over now. It had to be. "We do," he confirmed. "And I look forward to getting to know you better."

"That's not going to happen if you continue avoiding me."

Once again, there was no anger in Bennett's voice, but he still managed to make Penley feel guilty. "I'm sorry. I've been working on a spell, and it's taken a lot of my attention. I promise I'll dedicate more time to you from now on."

Bennett stared at Penley. Penley had no idea what it meant or what he was thinking, but he was afraid that Bennett could see right through him. Could he see why Penley had been avoiding him? Were Penley's feelings obvious in his expression?

Penley hoped they weren't because if Bennett got even a hint that Penley wanted more than friendship from him, Penley would be in trouble.

* * * *

Bennett was disappointed. He'd expected Penley to tell him they hadn't been together, but he'd hoped they'd been. It would have made things easier.

But if they'd been together in the past, Penley wouldn't have been pushing him away. Bennett might not know him well, but he was sure of that. It wasn't in Penley's nature to push people away, and he especially wouldn't have been able to do so if he'd had feelings for Bennett. He cared too much.

So they hadn't been together. What did that mean? Could it change? Did Bennett want it to change?

He looked at Penley and found him staring back at him. He seemed worried, and Bennett wondered if he was worried about him. What did he think Bennett would do now? What did he want him to do?

"I know you're incredibly busy," Bennett told him. "I don't expect to be the center of your world just because you have me back."

"Maybe not, but it should be that way, shouldn't it?"

"It should be any way we want it to be. Has someone told you something different?" It sounded like it, although Penley might have been thinking up problems on his own.

Penley looked away, which was answer enough. "It's fine. I had a discussion with Keylon, but he was right."

"I understand that he and Dallin don't have their shields back, but it doesn't mean he should have a say in the relationship the two of us share."

Penley blinked. "Relationship?"

"You know what I mean. What's between us is only between us. No one else has a say in it, not even the other mages. I don't want you to feel guilty, because you have nothing to feel guilty about. You needed space, and you took it. That's perfectly fine."

"But it doesn't feel right. They don't have their shields back, but I do, and I behave as if I don't. It's not fair."

"It's right for us, and that's all that matters. I don't want you to worry about the other mages, Penley."

Penley snorted. "That's easier said than done. They're like my brothers. I've lived with them for decades. How am I not supposed to worry about them?"

Bennett understood where Penley was coming from. "Meyer and I have been friends for several decades. It hasn't been as long as you and the other mages, but he feels like my brother, just like they feel like brothers to you. I love him, and I'd die for him, but he's still not the one living my life. I am, and while he can give me advice, I'll always have the final word. The same should go for you. It's not a bad thing to ask for advice or even to follow it, but in the end, you need to decide what's best for you, not Keylon or anyone else."

Penley was silent for a moment.

Bennett wondered if he was about to be kicked out of the office. It wouldn't surprise him. Maybe this was too much for the first time they truly talked. He should have waited until Penley was more comfortable with him, but how could he have? With Penley avoiding him, he would never have become comfortable.

"You're right," Penley said eventually, stunning Bennett. "It's our relationship and no one else's. No one knows how things are between us, and they don't have to."

"Exactly. Besides, even if they did know about us before, it's not the same. We're not those men anymore, and we never will be."

Penley looked a bit sad, but Bennett wasn't. He was angry because his memories had been taken from him. He was pissed that he'd spent so much time away from Penley, leaving him alone. Penley hadn't been in danger since Carlyle hadn't been around, but it still felt like Bennett had failed at his job. Even worse, he was still failing at it, because he had no idea how to be a shield. He could defend himself well enough, but could he defend Penley?

He'd seen Parker and the others train, so maybe that should be his first step. They might have lost their memories, too, but they knew more than he did, so if he wanted to help Penley when he needed him to, he'd have to take that step.

"You're right once again," Penley murmured.

"I'm sorry about everything you lost. I know it's harder for you because you remember how we were before, and it has to be odd not to be able to behave the way you did back then, but it doesn't mean we can't find a way to make it work."

"I thought it would be harder for you to deal with all of this. You don't have any memories. You've been dumped in a new place, you're surrounded by many new people, and we told you there's a powerful mage coming for you. I don't understand how you agreed to come to the castle with us so readily instead of running the other way."

Bennett chuckled. He still wasn't sure why he and Meyer had accepted this so easily. He wasn't sure they had. He couldn't help but wonder if they'd agreed to move here so easily because part of them knew they belonged here. Maybe their memories didn't have to be conscious. Maybe deep inside, Bennett and Meyer had always known their place was here, and they'd just been waiting for someone to guide them back home.

Bennett didn't know if he and Penley would have ended up together in the past, and he didn't know if they would now. What he did know was that the past didn't matter. He didn't remember it, and he never would. He didn't know what he was missing, but he had his entire future in front of him, and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

Things were a bit more complicated for Penley. since he remembered their shared past. Bennett was tempted to ask for more details but wasn't sure he wanted to know. Did who he'd been really matter? He wasn't sure, especially because he'd never be that person again.

He wanted to focus on the future, not the past. He could see it would take a while for Penley to get on board, though. He was skittish, almost as if he expected Bennett to hurt him. Bennett could promise he'd never do that, but actions would be better than words. If he wanted Penley to trust him, he'd have to show him that he could. It had been hard because Penley had stayed away, but if Bennett could make him promise he wouldn't anymore, he could show him they could, at the very least, be friends. He didn't know what would happen beyond that, but that was the least he was willing to accept.

Penley was his mage, and he was Penley's shield. That meant something, even though Bennett didn't remember any of it.

* * * *

Penley had no idea what was going through Bennett's mind. He wanted to ask, but it was none of his business. They might be mage and shield, but Bennett's mind was his own.

Bennett had come to him, though. He'd wanted to talk, even though Penley would have rather avoided it. Something had been on Bennett's mind that involved Penley.

When would he tell Penley about it? Or had he already? Maybe he'd only wanted to ask if the two of them had been together before Carlyle did what he did. Now, he knew. What would he do with that knowledge? Had Penley's answer been the answer he'd expected?

"I think we should get to know each other," Bennett said.

Penley had been lost in his thoughts, and it took him a moment to understand what his shield was saying. "You want us to be friends?"

Bennett grinned. "Why not? From what you say, the two of us weren't together. I think it's a pity, but it's not going to change if we keep our distance. First, we become friends, and then we see where things go."

Penley was having trouble wrapping his mind around what Bennett was saying. Surely, he'd misunderstood. Was Bennett really insinuating that he wanted the two of them to be more than friends?

Penley was afraid to ask. He didn't know how he'd be able to resist Bennett if he turned his full attention to him. It was hard enough to stay away from him now. How was Penley supposed to keep his distance when Bennett was asking him to be friends and possibly more?

Why did Bennett want that, anyway? Maybe he thought that all shields and mages should be together. Penley might not be able to read his mind, but Bennett had asked him if they'd been a couple, and now he was talking as if they would become one. That had to mean something, and Penley wanted Bennett to know that whatever had happened between them in the past and whatever happened between the others, he'd never expect anything like that from Bennett.

"We don't ever have to become a couple," he said.

Bennett frowned. "Is this where you try letting me down nicely?"

"I'm not letting you down," Penley said as his cheeks heated. "You haven't asked me to date you. I just wanted you to know that I don't expect anything like that. It doesn't matter that Ansley and Parker are together now, or that Jarvis and Marlow were together all along. You just said that we're our own people and that we shouldn't have to care about the others, and I agree. We don't have to be like them. We don't have to be together if it's not what we want."

Bennett cocked his head. "What if it is?"

Penley had no idea what to say. He didn't understand Bennett, and he was afraid to ask. He was terrified of putting himself out there and being rejected, especially by Bennett.

"We can be friends," he agreed.

"For a start," Bennett told him with a smile. "We can start with friends."

This man would be the death of Penley, and he didn't even know it. How was Penley supposed to stick to friendship when Bennett said stuff like that? Was he doing it on purpose, or was he trying to manipulate Penley into becoming more? If he was, Penley was perfectly fine with that and didn't need to be manipulated. He'd wanted Bennett before, and he wanted him even more now. He'd always liked Bennett, even when he'd been Devon, but if it was possible, Bennett was even nicer. He wasn't the same man as Devon had been. They probably shared core beliefs, but even that wasn't a certainty. Penley just had to look at Parker to know that.

The man Parker had been before hadn't wanted Ansley. He'd been rude to him, even though he'd always done his job and had protected him. Now, Parker and Ansley were happy together, and Parker was nothing like the man he'd been before. Penley could still see hints of Devon in Bennett, but he had to forget Devon. He didn't exist anymore, and he was never coming back.

And maybe that was for the best.