Chapter 43

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Acceptance is only the first step.

"Okay," Pollux scowls at his phone while seated on a dark log in somehow even darker woods. "I have texted Mom and Dad. I used emojis. They know Andromeda is on her way, and we'll catch up with them soon."

I trot in a circle in front of him, trying to ignore the dozens of eyes gleaming in the brush around us. Cael said it was red cap hunting season this morning, didn't he? I seem to remember that. Was the Christmas party really only this morning?

That's crazy.

It feels like that bit of normal happened eight million years ago.

My entire body is tingling. I tap my fingers to my thumbs in sequence.

Pardon.

I tap my gold-flecked fingers to my gold-flecked thumbs in sequence.

I didn't notice it until we made it out of the oh-so-charmingly named Desolate Caverns beyond Castor's palace. Now, although the world is still painted in grim shades, apparently we're in the safety of Cael's domain. Andromeda has gone on to my parents. Pila has gone on to let Cael know the need for an army was superfluous.

And Pollux is crouched near a trod leaking cell service.

"They replied," he says. "It's an emoji."

He lifts the screen and shows me a single, yellow thumb up.

Worry eats away at his red-and-black eyes. "What does this convey?"

"Confirmation," I state, but my words don't stop there. "It always seems angry to me, because it doesn't provide enough information, but it's not. Parents just text like that, for some reason. It might be a generation gap. Am I vibrating? Pollux, why am I vibrating?"

Pollux clears his throat. "Your phone caught the signal. It's getting messages."

"Oh." I pull my phone out of my pocket and discover that Mom, Willow, Alana, and Brittny have all been trying to contact me, with varying levels of concern. Alana seems to have sent an entire paragraph reprimanding Castor for, yet again, kidnapping a taken woman. Willow wanted me to swipe his knife. Brittny's messages are updates about how her, Ollie, and Zylus are all waiting for Cael to give the word about sending an army after us.

I…

Am so glad Pila is heading their way.

I simply do not have the energy to respond.

I just don't.

Even though they all worried about me, the physical pain that rises in my skull at the idea of handling their messages right now is too much.

I'm more responsible than this, but I just can't.

"Hey," Pollux soothes, rising and wrapping me in his arms. He slips my phone from my fingers. "I'll handle it."

My throat closes. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

"My hands and arms are flecked with gold, Pollux."

"It's beautiful."

It is. It really is. And unlike in my dream when it felt like the sand was invading me, it's not an irritation anymore. I just don't know why it's still here. The obvious answer settles like a rock in my gut, and I don't know what to do with the possibility.

Releasing me, Pollux steps back and stretches his neck. "Okay." He shakes his arms and flexes his fingers as they elongate into claws. "Eyes on me."

"I don't think they can be anywhere else when you look like this."

His sharp teeth flash in a smile.

My face explodes crimson. "I didn't mean to say that aloud."

"But you did."

"By mistake."

"I like your mistakes." He lifts his hands above his head. "Arms up."

I oblige, mimicking his stretch.

When his chest fills with air, I mimic that as well, letting everything out past my lips when he does.

"What are we doing?" I ask.

"Your mind is relapsing against the sensation of magic in your veins. We're making room for it."

My stomach clenches.

He wraps an arm around my waist and reels me in. "You got tense again."

"Well, you just said there was magic in my veins."

"Always has been. Don't cram it down. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm scared."

Grazing his touch up my arm, he brings my gold fingertips to his lips. "Lucky for you I'm very acquainted with helping people cope with their fears. Relax, dearest. Trust me."

Intentionally, I force my limbs to ease and my body to settle.

"Good girl." He cups my palm to his mouth, kisses. "Focus on me. Are you upset? You like to be upset with me."

"No, I'm not upset with you."

He kisses my wrist. "Are you uncomfortable with what I'm doing to you?"

My gaze catches on red cap eyes. "I'm uncomfortable with the audience."

His tongue flicks out against my pulse as a hammer of pressure thunders off him. Jet black leaves rain down around us as the entire forest shakes, and every hiding creature shrieks as it bolts away. "Better?"

"Yeah…" I swallow. "Pollux, am I fully fae?"

"You shed your humanity instants after I found you in Castor's castle. I felt your soul shift and brighten. All is well." His eyes fix on me. "Breathe through your questions."

"Pila can't control her glamour because she's too young. We seem about the same age. Will my parents…"

"They will be able to see you. You can control your glamour. Even now, before we have claimed each other and bound my ages to your ability, you are a powerful creature. Even before you shed your humanity, you controlled my ability to access my glamour. You will be able to appear human at will."

I inhale deeply, letting it go. "Okay. Castor told me I could destroy reality and control minds. How do I make sure I don't do that? Can I make a promise not to?"

"You are fully fae now. Your words hold power, so you must be careful with them. Be cautious of absolute statements. Remove promise and thank from your vocabulary until you more fully understand their place. Your power is effortless, and that is part of what makes it dangerous. There is a weight of responsibility connected to all you can do." He matches his fingers to mine. "I trust you will not abuse your abilities, but if you're afraid that you might, rest assured we are masters of the same plane. Even though your powers extend beyond dreams and nightmares, I retain awareness of their scent. I know how you and your magic taste. You cannot fool my mind even if determination could overpower my abilities."

"I won't do that. I want your help. I want you to be my safety."

He softens.

"Okay." I step closer to him. "This isn't how I wanted today to go. I thought moving would be hard enough to navigate."

"This is not what I would have planned, either." Pollux holds me—safe and warm. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Castor did not directly harm you, but his actions did cause you to suffer. Despite that, I still give him chances. Possibly too many."

My lip juts, involuntarily. "Well, from what I gather, he was your first love, so."

"Pardon?"

I sniff. "You told him you loved him."

Pollux draws back and angles my chin so I'm looking up at him. His mouth opens and closes. A line forms between his brows as he shuts his eyes. "Dearest…no… I didn't… Do humans not understand that there are different types of love?"

Oh. Well, it seems I've misunderstood something. "They…do. But it's possible they're all skanks, so they default to the sexy one."

"Do excuse me if I find myself compelled to retch momentarily."

"Okay, I will."

A chuckle shakes him instead. "I still have no idea what to do with you."

My heart thuds. "Don't tell me that. I'm glittering right now. I have no idea what to do with myself, and my parents are waiting on us for dinner."

"True. I shall present an option. You let me know if it sits well with you."

I nod. "Proceed."

"I will walk you through how to glamour yourself and open a trod directly to your parents' house."

"I think Castor said something about that. I can really do that?"

"Yes, you can close the distances between two places at will because the rules of reality are different for you."

Um, 'kay. That's cool. Really cool. I can already see where it would be painfully simple to abuse these abilities. "Continue," I murmur.

"After dinner, let me take you hunting."

My heart thumps. "In…the dream plane? I can enter the dream plane." I don't know why I hadn't put that together when he said we were masters of the same plane, but in my defense, I have a lot going on right now… "Pollux, since it's too late to pace my induction into all things faerie now, what am I?"

"What do you think?"

I spread my fingers, look at the sand, feel the airy presence of something parallel to this world skimming just out of sight. As though the consistent presence of dreams underlay everything around me.

Dreams and sand.

It's the sort of fantasy children know…and maybe that's why I've always felt connected to children. Maybe that's why I've always struggled to grow up.

"I think I'm a sandwoman."

Pollux smiles. "Correct."