Chapter 24

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tea party time in the haunted mansion.

To say I expected any part of this would be a lie. Not a single minute so far has been expected.

For starters, I am alone with Pollux in a left sitting room toward the back of his manor. The sitting room takes the word elegant to an entirely new level. Everything is crystal, real wood, varnished and stained. Regal drapes frame a large window that displays a lavish backyard, which starkly contrasts the horror story that is the front yard.

Alexios and Andromeda are somewhere, or so I've been told.

According to Pollux, Alexios tends to go to the palace and find work most days. Andromeda tends to wander whenshe doesn't have school, which is why he didn't know she had school until recently.

In front of me on a round table adorned in white lace rests a three-tier dessert stand with an array of small cakes, pastries, and fruits. Beside it, a pot of tea sits atop a candle warmer. Naturally, the cream and sugar containers match it and the teacups. They're all porcelain, hand-painted with tiny leaves and curling vines.

Pollux is meticulous.

Merciless.

I…I just don't even know what to do or say…

Pollux clears his throat. "Willow has told me before that she wished she had been provided with a comprehensive pamphlet when she was introduced to this world. Please forgive any typos. I've only had a few weeks to put it together, and I only proofread it once last night after you left while I was waiting for Meda to get up."

Itis more than a pamphlet. It is an entire folder of information, organized with a table of contents. There's an entire section that outlines details about each of Pollux's friends, what they are, their brief backstories…

I dip a biscuit in my tea and nibble while I read the alphabetized collection off the laminated pages.

Alana is Cael's soulmate and Brittny's sister. She comes to Pollux for antidepressants and what suspiciously feels like talk therapy. Until recently, she was part human and part siren, which is an unseelie fae that hones elements of both sky and sea. Now, she has shed all of her humanity in favor of taking the form of a black witch moth.

Alexios is a yamachichi, an unseelie fae full of mischief. He came into being out of Alana's more morose emotions and is capable of stealing feelings, life force, and souls if provided a centimeter of leeway. I am warned against providing a millimeter.

Brittny and Ollie are husband and wife, werecanines, and soulmates. Brittny was human until several months ago when Ollie changed her during a full moon at the end of spring. Ollie is the runt of his family, and until recently when he discovered his own pack acted like one.

Cael is the prince presiding over the domain that covers Mountain Vale. Pollux has included several endearing curses to describe him. And quite little else.

Pila is a dryad and the only seelie fae who has ever been able to withstand Pollux's fear-soaked presence without showing a single sign of distress. Pila baffles him. He seems vaguely annoyed it isn't the best behavior to run scientific tests on friends.

Willow is a human with dryad and pixie blood. She's Zylus's thrall, wife, and soulmate. Being his thrall means her existence has been frozen in an unchanging state. She often visits even though Pollux's presence disturbs her. She brings him gifts of liquor and sarcasm—both of which he appreciates at varying levels.

Zylus is a vampire who has chosen the form of a black cat. True to that form, many things spook him regardless of the fact he is a massively powerful agent in Cael's kingdom, an honored knight, and the birthplace of the fear that created Andromeda.

Boogeymen, apparently, are fragile creatures born of fears. When a fear is too persistent, overwhelming, or strong, a dream eater can come into consciousness with thoughts and feelings beyond feeding on terror.

Pollux broke rules of nature when he sought out Zylus's decaying boogeyman and nudged it over the edge into dream eater territory by using his own gathered strength as a conduit to bring it into higher awareness.

Thereby, Andromeda was "born."

"This explains so much…" I murmur as I turn a page. "At movie night, why did Willow say she went through the pain of childbirth if Meda was wholly Zylus's fear?"

Pollux coughs as he lifts his teacup and mumbles against the rim. "Meda may have almost killed Willow when she initially formed. The attack is what prompted Zylus to make Willow his thrall. Had he not claimed her then…she would have died. It was a gamble on Meda's part, seeing as dead things have no fear to feed on. No doubt since her origin was a fae's fears, not a human's, she knew more than many simple boogeymen. So she knew no soulmate would let their other half die if it could be helped, and she knew to create a situation where it could be helped."

I lift my attention off the pages of my comprehensive binder and stare at him.

He won't look at me as he sips his tea. "She was hungry. She did what she thought she had to. Unseelie fae at that level are little more than beasts acting on animal instinct."

"But you still decided to adopt her?"

"She was hungry and alone. I gave her food and the ability to want to live. I have no reason to regret what I've done. Faerie is…" He lowers his cup and closes his eyes. "The rules in Faerie are different. Especially beyond Cael's domain. In many ways, the world Cael has forged around himself is soft."

I check the table of contents and find a guide strictly in relation to Cael's domain. It's a sensory friendly kingdom. Gentle. Kind. Good. Shining. Beautiful. Built to welcome the vast differences of many kinds of fae, not just collective tribes that accommodate a singular type. "There's no money in Cael's kingdom?"

"Correct."

"How does that even work?"

"Everyone helps one another. Everyone cares about one another. All issues that cannot be readily resolved go before Cael. Everyone has sworn an oath of allegiance to him. No one is allowed within his kingdom unless he says so, and no one is welcomed into his eclipse unless he has deemed them worthy."

"Would I be deemed worthy?" I murmur, absently. This seems like the kind of place that would pay for my craft supplies. I am all in favor of a kingdom that doesn't require their teachers to get their own glue sticks out of pocket.

"I…do not know."

I blink and look up. "Really?"

"I can't lie."

Straightening, I get myself a tiny cake while I process that concept. "I'm scarier than a dream eater? And…and a soul-sucking monkey bat? Which is what a yamachichi seems to be, right?"

"Correct."

"Seriously?"

He wets his lips and repeats, "I cannot lie."

"Am I part unseelie?"

"No."

"But…unseelie are the bad ones, aren't they? I'm scarier than an unseelie, but I'm still seelie?"

Pollux sighs. "Unseelie are born from darker places than the seelie are. Good or bad is a different thing entirely. Many unseelie do not contain the capacity for such complex moral dilemmas. You, dearest, are a frightful creature, born from a blinding yet fragile power. The scope of what you are capable of is immensely unstable."

"And Cael, the moth prince who is so chill he fell asleep on the floor cuddling Alana during movie night, might feel threatened by me?"

"He has centuries of skill and is no small creature himself. Threatened is not the most appropriate word."

"Right. You mentioned it before in the dream plane. He'd try to contain me." I purse my lips. "What does that look like, exactly? A padded cell? Or…"

"Spells. He might place a seal on your power in order to keep you from accidentally using it."

"And that is bad, why?"

"It would keep you from being able to intentionally use it."

"Huh." Turning yet another page, I stumble upon the rules about faerie truths and lies. The fae can only speak the truth, but they can misdirect using their words, actions, and tone. Single word answers to questions are unreliable unless the full statement is provided. They can lie freely in text. Interesting. "Am I magic? Can I do magic right now if I just knew what sort of magic I could do?"

"I am uncertain. I believe…perhaps."

"I should jump off a roof and see if I can fly…"

Pollux grunts. "I would not recommend that. I would also not recommend trying to discover your abilities until after you have found more peace in all of this. It is imperative you regain peace in yourself. For some fae, emotions impact results. For most, they impact control. You are part human, so your physical body is fragile. Misfires can be lethal."

Yikes. "Is there a chance I accidentally shed my humanity like Alana did?"

"Alana did not shed her humanity accidentally. She discovered a truth in the face of many lies she once believed and chose to embrace it over the falsehoods. When you become fully fae, your humanity will not be something you mourn."

My stomach dips. "When, huh? Not if?"

"You are mine. It is inevitable that you will not leave me at the end of a human lifespan."

Lowering my hand to an embroidered candle on my brightly-sewn skirt, I trace the wick. Over and over. "Oh. Okay." There's a section on soulmates, so I skip over there and skim the pages.

Each soul only has one mate. There are no replacements if that mate passes. One does not decide who their mate is. The only choice each faerie has is whether or not to accept the call of the bond and trust that soulmates are paired in perfect ways.

It's anxiety-inducing to think about.

It's anxiety-inducing to feel.

As it stands, I am painfully attracted to Pollux. The way he looks. The way he thinks. Every sliver of his character that I've uncovered has made me like him more—in spite of the red flags I perceived at the start of this whole mess.

Heck, even just the way he pleaded with me last night to forgive him for putting his daughter first squeezed my heart. Like his ideals and morals were crafted specifically to do things to me.

I've been fighting a losing battle against myself during wakefulness and literally begging him to make me his in the absence of reality's stress.

This…is happening.

One way or another, this is happening.

I'm a faerie's soulmate, and we're going to be in a relationship that goes further than the scandals of my dreams.

It's inevitable.

And it's freaking me out in ways I'm not sure I know how to decipher.

The universe arranged-marriaged me. Apparently that happens to unassuming elementary school teachers just trying to make it through the holiday season. Awesome. Cool. No problem. Love that for me.

I tear my gaze off the pages and work on my breaths. I'm calm. Like a trickling stream. I'm calm. Like a teacher staring down a parent who is upset I showed an episode of I Love Lucy during a rainy day recess.

Everything is fine.

Life is life, and we just deal.

I am so unbelievably tired it isn't even funny…

"So…" I begin. "I…appreciate all the time and effort you put into this. May I take it home and review further?"

"Of course."

The threads of the wick on my skirt start to make my fingertip feel raw as I can't seem to stop myself from drawing the shape into my skin. "As you've already expressed, I need time to process things. If we're soulmates and meant to be, I will not ignore that."

His eyes light.

My heart jerks. "That is to say I still need time to come to terms with it emotionally."

"Of course. I am in no hurry to make you mine. I prefer the certainty that comes from calculation. Test me against your desires for as long as it takes, and I shall pursue you for as long as you allow until there is not a single question in your mind that you want me."

Oh, honey…

Flutters erupt in my stomach.

…I wish I had more questions in my mind concerning where I stood in wanting you.

Fighting down the impulses I'm now allowed to blame on soulmate bond magic, I ask, "What happens next?" Telling my parents? Moving in together? Getting human married so my father can walk me down the aisle in front of a bunch of people I barely know, because really my only friend is Zahra, and everyone will think I'm pregnant because it happened so fast, and the people on my school board—who will be there out of posterity—will inevitably ask me invasive questions concerning how a pregnancy will impact the school?

Something…else? Ideally less horrible?

"Next…" He sets his teacup down and extends his hand. "May I have your unlocked phone?"

Wait. We're just skipping right to that part of a relationship? Isn't that a toxic part that shouldn't be in arelationship? I hesitate. "Why do you need it?"

"It is important to provide you with an adequate support system during this transitional time. I like to call said support system Willow, Brittny, and Alana. During Alana's last session, I asked for their numbers."

"You're…giving me a friend group?"

"I suppose."

I cross my ankles and change to a different finger before the embroidery thread makes my index finger bleed. "No, that's weird. I'm an adult. I don't need someone to set up play dates for me."

"I am providing you with contact information. You may set up the play dates yourself."

I scrunch up my shoulders. "Calling outings with friends play dates is strange at my age. Don't infantalize me just because you're at least three thousand."

He arches a brow. "I am merely reiterating your own language not attempting to treat you like a child."

I've backed myself into a corner. My stomach is starting to hurt, and a headache is crawling up the base of my neck. I have no systems in place to handle any of this. My smile and wave default is not particularly helpful right now.

"The moment Willow finds out you're aware, she will locate your phone number regardless."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"She has your full name and knows where you work."

"Unless I call a parent first, my personal phone number isn't public."

"That will not stop her."

I am beginning to see why Willow and a man made of fear are friends. She seems pretty terrifying in her own right.

Burying my fingers in my hair, I close the folder and rest my elbow on the table. "I'm not the best at friendships. I don't really like them. The ones I have right now are more than enough."

"Do you find relationships exhausting?"

I sigh. "I'm an introvert. I need a lot of my own time and space. After being around twelve kids for eight hours most days, all I want to do is go home to my sewing machine and crochet hook. Maintaining one friend is hard enough."

Pollux stares at me, his red eyes boring through my flesh.

A shiver works its way down my spine, and I shift in my seat as I push back my tangled curls. The messy bun isn't going to cut it for much longer. It's got to be wash day soon. "What?"

"I was not aware humans felt the need to maintain friends."

"What are you talking about?"

"Willow hosts movie night every Thursday because Thursday is movie night. Regardless of attendance, she will watch a movie. Cael can sometimes be absent from these events for several weeks with only a letter of correspondence apologizing for his inability to be present. Friendship is an agreement that doesn't erode. It doesn't need to be maintained. It is a quiet knowledge that people will be there for you if you need them, just as you might return the sentiment in their time of need."

A laugh explodes out of me. "You're joking, right?" I peek at my comprehensive pamphlet again and see if I can't find a clause under the explanation of what is and isn't a faerie lie that says jokes permit falsehoods.

Like a slap to the face, I discover that sarcasm and jokes still can't contain lies, so often they are framed within questions.

Well.

Okay then.

Dropping the book closed again, I say, "Every friendship I've had before Zahra fell apart on me. I'm only truly convinced I've been able to maintain Zahra because we have to see each other every day at work. Literally. If both of us can't be there, we have to shut down the school."

"And during the summer?" Pollux asks.

During the summer? Ha. During the summer I hibernate like a bear in winter, storing up my peopleenergy with the ferocity of someone who wants to openly sob at every available opportunity. During the summer, I remind myself how much I love kids and teaching and learning and teaching kids how to learn—because every summer I feel the brunt of dealing with parents and kids and waking up so early and coming home so exhausted that I contemplate quitting at least once a week.

Every summer, I update and create new lesson plans once I've crawled out of bed.

Every summer…I don't reach out to Zahra at all. I think about her almost daily, but I never actually bring myself to reach out.

"During the summer…" I murmur, "…she'll occasionally drag me out to something somewhere a couple times." And I'll talk about my lesson plans and my latest dress project, and she'll tell me she spent eighteen straight hours doing her makeup after spending fifteen styling a wig. I'll ask if she's slept at all in the last forty-eight hours, and she'll stare at me like insanity has a name, and it is Kassandra.

I love her.

I'm so grateful I have her.

"Would you like to have three more Zahras?" Pollux asks.

I find myself laughing again and looking at him as though insanity has a new name and it's his. "Dreamboy, I don't think you understand how unique a Zahra is. Only one was fearfully and wonderfully made."

"Phone."

"No."

He rises, plants a hand on the table, and looms over me.

I swallow and stare up into his red eyes.

Rudely, my gaze flicks down to his soft lips, and I remember the way they feel on my skin.

"Don't be stubborn with me," he murmurs, and his breath caresses my cheek before his kisses it. "It kind of makes me even more attracted to you."

"Are you intentionally seducing me right now?"

"I am distracting you from the fact you're being pick-pocketed."

I blink.

He lands back in his seat with my phone.

I slap a hand against the skirt pocket in my dress, and my brain flashes error messages. I didn't even feel him steal my phone. What? How does he know how to do that? Why was it so effective? "I'll have you and all your faerieness know that is not healthy relationship behavior. Besides, it's locked. I didn't set up facial recognition, so it's a pin, and you don't have it." Unless part of a dream eater's power is carousing in a person's mind and getting whatever information they want…which for the record I did not see outlined in my comprehensive folder.

"Meda is a monster." He unlocks my phone. "She told me the pin a few weeks ago, just in case I'd need it. I told her it wasn't kind to memorize someone's attempt at privacy. She asked me if I'd already memorized it. I chased her around the house." He taps casually on my phone as his eyes narrow. "I think we had pancakes after."

I am incredibly out of my depth. The power discrepancy here is concerning.

And, yet, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about it.

Fate slammed us together, and the only thing I have to protect me is a promise that this man won't make it official by claiming me without my verbal permission.

He holds my phone back out to me. "There. You have access to support now."

Taking my phone, I pull back my shoulders. "I'd like to enforce a boundary."

His brows rise.

"When I say no, Pollux, I do really mean no."

Calculations spill through his eyes, then physical pain crosses his expression. "I apologize. I am trying to do what's best for you, but removing your say in the matter does not help that goal. I shall not do it again, and if I learn of your new pin after you change it, I will tell you immediately so you can change it again."

Dully, I watch him, already knowing I'm not going to bother changing my pin. This is the most sincere man I've ever met, and he literally can't lie, so what's the point?

Sighing, I locate the new names in my phone. Alana. Brittny. Willow. A moth princess. A werecanine. And a vampire thrall. Now available to text at my leisure. "Why were they all part human? Seems a little imbalanced."

"If you ask Willow and Alana, it's because they're starring as the leads in a book series and their humanity makes them…" He clears his throat, muttering, "…hashtag relatable."

"And if I ask you?"

He lifts and drops his shoulders. "The universe is kind enough to prepare similarities among a group of friends and those who will enter it. There are many, many more pairings I know of in Cael's domain that aren't from part human places. But, given the relationships made prior to meeting our soulmates, it makes sense that those entering this group would be able to do so seamlessly. Zylus was human once, so Willow being part human makes sense. Willow set the stage going forward. Perhaps it's less a matter of relatability on a large, public scale, and more about relatability on an internal one. Willow, Brittny, and Alana have been where you are. They grew up in the world you've known. They've asked the questions you're asking. They've been overwhelmed by the massive shifts in their reality. Willow even rejected all of this for a while. In many ways, they understand how it feels to be going through what you are going through. Therefore, my connection to them makes you an even more perfect pair for me."

He's making a lot of sense and saying a lot of pretty, smart, deep-thinking type words. The kinds of words I like quite a lot.

My toes curl in my shoes as I uncross my ankles and cross them the other way. "Ultimately, you believe it's a very good idea for me to connect with these women?"

"I do."

"Even though I would be doing so with the intent of being vulnerable in front of basic strangers?" My head shakes. "I'm just not sure how comfortable I am with that."

"Sometimes growing isn't comfortable. That's why it is a word often paired with pains."

I stuff a pastry in my mouth and try not to pout like a child.

Pollux continues, "I am warning you that Willow will find you whether you reach out to her or not."

"How foreboding," I mumble around the amazing cherry filling.

"She takes her position in this group very seriously. She has spent so much of her life isolated. Now that she has found the place where she is safe to belong, she has realized how much care she had lying dormant inside her. Your adoption is inevitable."

"Adoption? Is she the matriarch of your friend group?"

"I did imply as much a moment ago."

I get another pastry. "So this is what I'm hearing: I am adrift in a tide that I cannot control. I have no hope of reaching the shore. It's just a matter of time before I give in and let the ocean take me."

"You are free to reject us, Kassandra. You are enough of a human that you could tell me you want nothing to do with me, and I would respect that. Willow learned too young not to force herself into places where it is clear she is not wanted. You are free to break my heart. I will pretend I have not sensed your arousal every time I am near. I will pretend you did not feel so at peace the first time you joined me for a meal that it subdued you to tears. We do not choose our soulmates, but we do have a choice on whether or not we accept them." Reaching, he latches a curl behind my ear and lets his touch linger. "You can lock this knowledge up with the rest of the things your world has taught you to scorn, or you can take the key I am offering. It is up to you."

I scoff. "I dislike the words you're using. They have manipulative connotations. Of course the second option seems better. No one wants to be locked up."

"And, yet, that is how you live. Locked in a cage. Apologizing for and asking others to forget the brief, beautiful moments you display when you think no one can condemn you."

Glaring, I lift my chin. "We agreed not to bring up what happened in the dream plane again."

"No, we didn't. The only thing I agreed to last night was not to claim you without your permission."

A swear slips through my brain. He's right. He never agreed not to bring up my skankish behavior. He just told me he didn't think begging him to touch me in ways that would haunt me counted as skankish behavior.

He continues, "We are married. I am ashamed of nothing that happened, and it hurts me to see you think you should be."

I release a breath and turn my attention out the window. Sunlight rains across the chilled yard that will soon no doubt be awash in snow. "Women aren't encouraged to express those kinds of wants. It's crass."

"Human foolishness."

"We have very different cultures, and we are from very different ages. How is this even supposed to work at some point, once I've figured all the grand rest of it out?"

"A relationship works when both involved parties want it to work. We have many things in common, Kassandra, but even if we didn't, so long as I find it fascinating the way you light up when you talk about what you enjoy, your interests will begin to become mine. When someone is important to you, whatever is important to them becomes important to you as well. Your values, wishes, and dreams will become what I value, wish, and dream. We are both adults capable of mature deliberation. Loving you is a decision I make with full awareness. I hope, one day, loving me will be one you make as well."

"I have never been in a serious relationship before."

"In this context, neither have I."

"So how do you know what you're saying is true?"

"Because I can say it, at the very least, it must be something I believe. And as I have studied this topic extensively, I can assume it closer to fact than it is to belief."

My brow furrows. "Why would you study things you didn't think you could have because you were unseelie?"

The softest edge of a smile curves his lips. "Whether I had a soulmate or not, I still desired a cure for the fear I impose on people unintentionally."

"What does that have to do with relationships?"

"Nothing, and everything. Perhaps…thirty years ago or so, I met the first seelie fae who was unaffected by me."

"Pila, right?" I ask.

He nods. "She had just sprouted. Cael brought this infant to me, and I panicked that my presence alone might instantly kill her. Instead…she laughed and let me hold her." He traces the handle of his teacup with his thumb. "Every so often, a being is born of something so pure and powerful their existence alone can change the world. Do you know what is stronger than fear, dearest?"

I meet his eyes as the answer comes to mind. It's too simple. And, yet, it is also more complicated than anything else in the world.

Smiling, he says, "Love."