Chapter Twenty-One

Gray

Emery says nothing during dinner, staring down at her plate. At least she’s stopped crying. All during her bedtime routine, she’s silent. When she goes to bed, and I ask her if she wants me to read her a story, she just shakes her head and rolls over, pushing her face into the pillow. I feel like the world’s biggest jackass, but at the same time, what was I supposed to do? Let Callie tell Emery that she loves her? Let Emery believe that she could play Cupid and push me and Callie together?

I love her. We both love Callie .

That’s one hell of a mindfuck. It’s like my baby saw right into my heart. But I don’t love Callie, do I? A man can’t fall in love in such a short amount of time. Callie’s special, interesting, funny, intelligent, strong, captivating, magnetic. She’s beautiful. She’s the most enthralling woman I’ve ever met. But love?

I find myself standing at the rear window, looking across the yard, past the vegetation, to the guesthouse. The front light is on as if she’s calling to me. I watch as her silhouette passes across the glass. She looks like she’s rushing around like she’s… is that a suitcase in her arms? I lean against the glass, my heartbeat suddenly speeding up.

I’m about to walk out there when my cell phone rings. It’s Sloane. I don’t want to answer, but I haven’t got much choice. I need to know where her twisted thoughts are at. “Let’s meet tomorrow,” she says, no hello or greeting.

I grit my teeth. No, you psycho. But despite what else is true about her, I can’t speak to the mother of my child like that. “For what?” I ask.

“I want to speak in person. One-on-one, when I’m not drunk or…”

“High?” I say.

“I didn’t handle the other night very well. I’ll fully admit to that.”

I sigh. What else can I say? “Where? When?”

“In the city. Lunch?”

“Okay, Sloane.”

If I can keep things civilized with Sloane, maybe I can stop her from doing something drastic. The last thing I need is for her to start legal proceedings. But at the same time, meeting her is the last thing I want to do.

Setting up the baby monitor in Emery’s room, I leave the house and walk through the yard. My hand is trembling when I knock on the door. I can hear Callie on the other side, rushing around.

“Yes?” she calls, a tremor in her voice.

“It’s me.”

“Yes?” she says again.

I grit my teeth. “Can I come in?”

“Is that a good idea?”

“What are you doing? It looks like you’re packing.”

“That’s because I am packing.”

I grab the door handle and turn it when I find it’s not locked. She spins, facing me. She’s changed into sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt, no bra. But I can’t think about that right now. I can’t let the savage part of me take over and start obsessing over her. I can’t let myself snap.

“I didn’t say you needed to leave,” I growl.

She throws her hands up. “What else are we supposed to do, exactly? You heard her—you saw her. She’s built this whole life in her head, Gray. She thinks we’re going to be together and live happily ever after. That was just plain tragic, the hope in her eyes. Her plan was so cute, so endearing. I could see how proud she was.”

Despite myself, I smile. “Yeah, she was bubbling with pride, wasn’t she?”

“But don’t you see? That’s not a good thing . It’s just another reason why I have to make the grown-up decision. Do you think I want to do this? This job is the best I’ve ever had, and you…” She clears her throat. “You…”

I stride across the room and take her hands in mine. She clutches onto me with something like desperation. “What?” I groan.

“You know what,” she whispers.

I lean down. Our noses brush. An instinctive smile takes hold of her lips, a laugh almost escaping her before she stops herself. It’s like she knows she has to kill any intimacy between us before it grows into something unmanageable. I should do the same. But then I slide my hand across her back and press her against me.

She gasps as I kiss her ardently. There’s no doubt about who initiates the kiss this time. She smooths her hands up my arms and wraps them around my shoulders, standing on her tiptoes as she grinds her body against mine. I groan, guiding her to the couch.

But a second later, she presses her hand against my chest and shoves me so that there’s some distance between us. “We can’t,” she whispers.

“We—” My cell phone rings again. “Dammit. I’m sorry, Callie.” I sit up.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

I check it—and yep, it’s Sloane again. “I’ve booked us a table at that restaurant around the corner from your office,” she says. “Le Franc-Tireur. Is that okay, Gray?”

“Sure,” I tell her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She laughs, trying to sound seductive. I know this because she used that same laugh in the months after she told me she was pregnant, back when we were both making an effort to build some kind of connection. “See you soon, handsome…”

I hang up, feeling sick, putting the phone in my pocket. Callie looks at me closely. She’s searching me in that just-Callie way. “What was that about?”

“Sloane,” I mutter. “She wants to meet tomorrow.”

“Why?”

I shrug. “I have no idea.”

Callie touches my chest again, curls her hand into a fist, her fingernails scraping against me. “Maybe… but there’s something, isn’t there?”

“You don’t need to go, Callie.”

“And you don’t need to change the subject,” she quips back.

I let out a long, drawn-out breath. “Apparently, Sloane feels threatened by you. Wes thinks she’s going to start talking about custody, lawyers, court battles, all that, if…” But I can’t bring myself to say it.

Callie does it for me. “If you don’t fire me. If I don’t leave.”

I nod, misery gripping me, flaring bleak in my gut. “But she has no right to do that.”

I grab Callie again, sinking my hands into her hips and pulling her close. She makes that attractive moaning noise, part surprise, part desire, partly just Callie pleasure. This time, she throws her arms around me with that same air of desperation, feeling as though she can’t get enough. I greedily and hungrily claim her lips.

Our kiss takes us back down to the couch again, her body grinding against mine. I can feel the heat of her lust, her sex warm through her clothes. I push my groin against her, my rod stiffening, my tip pulsing with pure need. She pants and shifts her hips against mine.

“We can’t,” she whispers urgently. “This is wrong.”

“It feels so right,” I groan.

“You can’t lose your daughter for me,” she says coldly, pushing me again.

I roll away, feeling a mixture of rejection and desire. She sits up and brushes down her clothes. Her pert nipples peak through her T-shirt.

“What if we listened to Emery?” I groan.

Callie looks at me sharply. Her cheeks are flushed. Her breath comes fast.

“What if we accepted that there’s something real here, Callie? Sloane will get jealous, sure, but she can’t resent me for having a girlfriend and inviting my girlfriend to move in with us. She can’t resent me for finding a stepmom for Emery. She has no right. It wouldn’t hold up in court. What if—”

Callie is suddenly on her feet, her fists balled up at her sides. “What are you saying?” she hisses.

“You know what I’m saying.” I leap to my feet and loom over her. “If we’re going to make this work, we’ll have to move fast.”

“And we’ll just have to cross our fingers and hope, pray, that it all works out. That we’re the ten perfect, five percent, whatever it is of relationships that just work ? And if it ends, we’re right back where we started—breaking a little girl’s heart. And how can you be so sure Sloane won’t use this as fuel to fight a custody battle? And—and—”

My heart shrivels when she coughs back a sob.

“What?” I whisper.

“What if you’re like him?” she whimpers.

“Like who?”

“Like the man who controlled me my entire life. Like the man who still controls my mom. I’ve spent nearly ten years trying to escape that control.”

Her words hit me like a punch in the gut. “You’re asking me if I’m a controlling lunatic like that goddamn cult leader? You know me better than that, Callie.”

“But we don’t know each other,” she hisses. “Emery can say she loves me because she’s a kid who hasn’t seen the world. But we have to be smarter than that. We both know that these feelings, whatever the heck they are, could vanish. And then we’d be left with a bunch of commitments we can’t keep. Or maybe I’d just be your pet.”

I take her hand and stare straight into her fearful gaze. “Look me in the eye and tell me you think I’m some controlling freak.”

She pulls her hand away and averts her gaze, but I hold tight to her hand, refusing to let go. “I’m not sure I can take that chance.”

“And maybe you’re just saying this because you think it makes going our separate ways easier. But do you really think this will stop me from missing you?”

“We could break your daughter’s heart—we could ruin your custody of her—and I’m screwed in the head from the way I was raised. I can’t trust. I can’t let myself trust. How many more reasons do you need?” She bites her lip, shaking her head, trembling all over. “I’m an idiot for forfeiting this job. But we both know it’s the right thing to do.”

“Callie—”

“No,” she hisses. “Please, just go. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. For that precious little girl, just go.”

She stares at me with tears glistening in her eyes. I feel like the world’s biggest jerk for leaving her like this, but what else am I supposed to do?

At the door, I stand with my back turned, giving it one last shot. “What if I told you that Emery was right? What if I told you I loved you? What if I told you I wanted you to be more than my girlfriend—that I wanted you to be my life?”

Her voice breaks. “Gray…”

“What if I told you that the world finally made sense when I saw you? I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t cold. I was just waiting for you. What if I told you that we could build a life together, that we’d never have to worry about breaking Emery’s heart because you would always be there? That you’d watch her grow up, and maybe we’d give her brothers and sisters?”

“Jesus, Gray,” she snaps. “We have to live in the real world.”

“Why can’t this be the real world?” I plead.

“Just go, please. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”

I walk across the cold yard, my fists clenched, my heart shattered. I don’t even know where all that came from. Back in the house, I call Wes.

“S’up, bro?”

“Hey, sorry for the late notice. But would you be able to watch Emery tomorrow?”

“What happened with Callie?”

I give him the rundown, starting with dinner and ending with Emery’s declaration of love.

Wes sighs. “So you fired Callie?”

“No,” I snap. “She made the choice to back off herself. She wants the best for Emery. Because she’s a good person, Wes, selfless, loving, the best goddamn person I’ve ever met. And now I’ve got to face a life without her. I’ve got to face the cold fact that I’ll go back to being who I was before she came along. And that fucking stings .”

“Whoa, Gray,” Wes mutters. “I didn’t know it was that deep. I knew you liked her, obviously. And for you, that means something. But I didn’t know it meant this much .”

“Neither did I,” I growl. “Until the prospect of never seeing her again became all too real. Now, I can’t deny that it means something.”

Maybe everything, but I don’t add that part.

“Anyway,” I go on with a sigh. “I know it’s a big ask, but tomorrow?”

“I’ll watch her,” Wes replies. “You know I love any excuse to see my niece.”

“Awesome. Thanks, bro.”

I hang up, then step into Emery’s bedroom and sit beside her, watching her sleep.

Even with her eyes closed, she looks stressed, as if she’s having a bad dream. I think back to what I said in the guesthouse, essentially telling Callie that I love her, that we’re meant to be together, and that I was going to make her Emery’s stepmom . It should all seem insane. Somehow, it doesn’t.