Chapter 24

ChapterTwenty-Four

Nick

I twist to face her to see she’s dropped her chin into her chest. Her hair is a dark blanket between us concealing her face, but I know—I sense her eyes are squeezed shut.

“You want to say that again?” I ask darkly, my ears are buzzing. I’m not entirely sure I heard her right.

She gives her head a tiny shake as she squeaks, “Once was enough.”

I almost smile, because she sounds innocent and cute and sweet. My blood is roaring between my ears. It’s hot under my skin, and my hands fist in the blankets beside me.

“How?” I demand and realize it’s a fucking stupid question. But it’s one I need the answer to all the same. It doesn’t make sense how this beautiful creature could possibly be untouched.

She doesn’t answer me, but I can hear the rattling of her nervous breaths as she fights to fill her lungs.

“How old are you?” I realize I haven’t asked that question yet. And I have no idea. There’s so much about her I don’t know.

“Twenty-two,” she answers. And then she peeks between the curtain of her hair at me. “You?”

“Thirty-two.” Fuck, I’m way older than her.

“Ten years isn’t so bad,” she whispers.

We’re on entirely different pages here, because ten years to me feels like a fucking lot. The gap between us is no small thing. The last three years of my life aside, I’ve had women. A lot of women. I’ve done living this girl hasn’t had the chance to do yet. She’s too innocent, too untouched for me. Even still, I want to be the one to corrupt her—to touch her.

The only one.

“How?” I ask again, firmer this.

She lifts her shoulder. “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

“Yes, you do.”

She sucks in breath, and it trembles as she releases it. Finally, she speaks, “I just never wanted it.”

“You never wanted it,” I repeat, urging her to say the word. “You never wanted what?”

“You know what.” Her eyes flare.

“Sex, Sadie.” She flinches at the word. My blood is a raging inferno inside my body. “Say it.”

“Sex,” she breathes hoarsely, her face heating.

Yeah, she’s innocent.

She continues, “I never found someone I wanted it with. It’s—” she hesitates.

When she still doesn’t speak after a minute, I press, “It’s what?”

She shakes her head as she tucks her hair behind her ear with a trembling hand. When she gives me her eyes again, they’re wide and big. They don’t hide a damn thing, because I can see every turbulent emotion swirling in the warm depths.

“It’s supposed to be special. I get that it isn’t anymore. But it’s supposed to be—and it is for me.”

Is she religious?“Are you religious?”

“Not particularly.” She lifts her chin, like she’s getting ready to defend herself. Like she’s had to defend herself before.

I wonder who made her feel that she was wrong in wanting this—in wanting to give herself to someone and make it special.

I understand the feminist movement, and I have nothing wrong with that. I don’t think a woman needs to be unattached, a virgin, to have a special attachment to another person. I also don’t think a woman needs to refrain from physical connection until marriage, but if a woman makes the decision to hold on to that piece of herself, I think it’s really fucked up that society makes her feel ashamed of that, or silly for it.

“I see,” I say, because now I understand why she pulls back. I understand why she’s hesitant to take it farther when we play.

She’s having fun with me, but I’m not her special guy. I’m her Christmas vacation, the man she’s choosing to explore with without giving it all to.

I swallow hard. “I won’t touch you, Sadie. You are safe with me.”

But is she? Is she really?

I want to corrupt her in a way I’ve wanted nothing else in my life.

I want to sink inside her and make her mine. I want to own her and possess her. I want to make a go of forever with her.

“That’s not why I told you,” she huffs, and my eyes snap to hers.

Why did she tell me?

“Why did you tell me?”

She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and my cock jerks in my pants. Her teeth scrape over the pink flesh as she releases her lip. “I told you because I can’t stop shaking. I’m so nervous.” Even now, I can see her body tremble. “I told you because I trust you. And because—because—" she stutters, and I search her eyes as I wait. She has the most beautiful eyes, the kind you can sink into and almost forget yourself.

“Because?” I urge.

Her next words shock the breath from my lungs. “Because I want it to be you.”

Blood rushes through my body like a tsunami wave. Her words inside me are a physical thing, alive. She can’t mean what I think she means. “You want it to be me?”

She lifts her chin again in that cute little way she does when she thinks she’s being firm. “Yes.” She pauses and I grin, because she’s fucking adorable. “When I do that—” Her eyes shift to the side as the red in her cheeks deepens. “When I have sex—I want it to be with you.”

Well, fuck. It takes everything I have inside of me, every inch of control, every fibre of power, to tell her gently, “You’ve had a lot of wine to drink tonight, Sunshine.”

Her brows snap together. “You think I don’t know what I’m saying? Because I’ve had some wine?”

Her voice is pitched high, so high that I have to fight a smile. “I think you shouldn’t make this decision tonight.”

I swallow hard. I’m an idiot. If she wants to give it, I should just take it. But I can’t, because she means more to me, and this means everything to her, clearly.

“I made this decision before tonight, Nick,” she says sharply. “I already decided I want it to be you.”

I drop my chin into my chest and drag my hand through my hair, cursing, “You’re killing me, Sadie.”

She finds her knees, the blanket dropping away from her body, my shirt loose around her thighs. Seeing her in my clothes does something to me. It ignites a heat—a dark demon that hovers under the surface, itching to consume her as she inches closer to me. And when her hand connects with my shoulder, I’m driven by that demon inside, the darkness that has lusted for this woman for too long.

My hand connects with her hip as the other scoops her under her knees, flipping her back onto the bed. She gasps a small shriek that gets lost in my kiss before I tear away to growl low, “I won’t fuck you tonight. Not when we have other people sleeping under this roof, because when I take you, you’re going to scream my name, baby. And that’s for me. Only me,” I warn her as her eyes get big. “But I will make you come undone for me,” I promise, my knee kicking her legs apart, my hand sinking between her thighs as she sucks in a breath that trembles between red lips that are bruised from my claiming kiss.

She’s the picture of desire, painted in the soft golden light of the bedside lamp in the moment before she launches herself up, her mouth connecting with mine in a kiss that is so deep, I think I taste her soul. It’s soft, like the wings of a butterfly. Strong and determined, like forged iron. I want to carve myself into her soul. I want to brand her, and mark her, and devour her.

I’m not slow or gentle as I push my hand into her panties and find wet. I growl into her mouth, loving the silky feel of her as I plunge two fingers deep. Her body arcs, her chest connecting with mine and I clutch her to me. It doesn’t take long to make her shatter. For the cry on her lips to spill into my mouth. I swallow her sounds, gulping them back like I’m tasting Heaven.

Falling into this woman is like falling into a lullaby. Music. Bliss. The very thing I could get lost in for eternity. I could sell my soul to this woman. She is my salvation. She’s my gift after years of darkness and solitude.

She’s life.

She’s my second chance at it—at life—and I’m not letting her go.