Chapter 13

ChapterThirteen

Sadie

Oh. My. God.

My first orgasm by a man.

I’ve had a lot of orgasms, but I’ve done the work to get them. I’ve never had one given to me. Even the boys I did get hot and heavy with in high school, pawing on the couch, breathy kissing as they ground against me had never gotten me close. Nick gave me one within minutes.

And this one, wow.

Nick’s hands are amazing. I know I should be feeling all kinds of empowered. I should hold my head high, and I should feel proud. I rocked this! I had my first orgasm on a kitchen counter like a badass bitch.

Holy bananas, Katie would be proud. I mean, this is serious girl power stuff.

But I don’t feel powerful right now. I feel tender. And a little shy…

I just came apart on his hand. He hasn’t even pulled it out of my pants yet.

Is he supposed to do that now?

Am I supposed to do something now?

Does he want me to do something? He’s hard. Am I supposed to do something with that? He gave me an orgasm, so it’s my turn to return the favor. Is that how this works? Fair play, and all?

I mean, it’s not how it works in my books, but my books are fiction. Katie would tell me to suck him off, but Katie doesn’t have the same reservations I have. And I’ve never given a blowjob. She’s always been a wild one, a freak in the sheets. Her exploits are vast. But mine…

When I look up, I find his eyes are on me. Studying me. He’s waiting for something. But I don’t know what.

“Umm,” I croak. “Should I—should I—” My hands start to move to the button on his pants, but he stops me with the hand that’s not in my pants. My cheeks are on fire. My whole body feels like it’s on fire.

“You don’t have to.”

Why do I feel so insecure right now?

“You’re hard,” I point out, and then I instantly regret it.

He laughs. “Yeah, I’m hard, Sunshine. You’re fucking hot.”

Okay, is it possible to be turned on immediately after an orgasm?

Wow.

“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say.

He pulls his hand from my pants slowly. And then I feel my eyes bug wide when he lifts them to his mouth. This doesn’t happen in real life.

But it does. Because he does exactly what I both hope and fear he’ll do. He lifts his hand to his mouth and puts one finger deep, sucking.

Oh. My. God.

He’s sucking me from his finger. Why do I think that’s hot?

I should think it’s gross. Right?

No, not even a little bit. I’m hot everywhere. “Umm,” I say again, watching as he cleans his second finger. The same way.

My belly clenches as he rumbles low, “Fucking perfect.”

His tone vibrates through me, hitting me everywhere. I want to feel more than just his fingers and his rumble inside me though. I realize, stunned, that I want to feel him inside me. I have never wanted this with any other man. I have never felt this urge, this desire, this pulling, aching need.

But I feel it for him, for this scarred hurt man.

“I can’t believe you did that,” I tell him, gesturing to his fingers. I don’t know why I say that. I don’t know why I bring it up at all. I should slide off the counter and run and hide from him. Really, I should.

But I’m stunned. I mean he just licked my orgasm from his fingers! He’s like a Christmas book boyfriend come alive.

“You taste good. Sweet.”

“Oh, boy.” I laugh nervously. Yeah, he has more experience than me. Definitely. I wonder if he knows and wonder if he senses that we’re not equal here in this. He’s light-years beyond me.

“So,” I ask awkwardly, my eyes dropping to the bulge in his pants. “What are we supposed to do now?”

His brows pull together and he licks his lips, thinking. I want to know what he’s thinking about.

“Sadie,” he says my name gruffly. “Whatever happens now is whatever you want to happen. I don’t expect anything from you. I’ll never demand anything from you. This goes only as far as you want it to go.” He pins me with his eyes. “Understand?”

I swallow and nod even though my throat is dry as hell as I whisper, “Understood.”

He runs his thumb over my bottom lip once, and then he steps back, palming the back of his neck. “I’m gonna grab a shower.”

“Yeah, sure. Okay. I’ll clean up, here.”

I watch him walk away. His shoulders tight, his body everything I want to call back to me.

And I realize as I stand alone in his kitchen, that I am in way over my head. Lucy had no idea what she was doing when she sent me to her son. She has no idea what her son is capable of. He’s going to destroy me.

And I’m not going to fight it.

I’m going to let him wreck me. Shatter me.

And because I know I’m going to fall hard for him, I just have to make sure that as I’m falling, I bring him down with me.