Chapter 4

4

JODI

T hat certainly wasn’t how I expected the day to unfold. When I went to meet with the woman I helped the day before for lunch, I thought we were going to grab something quick at a place like the diner or one of those little cafes around town. Instead, we ended up at a gorgeous vineyard apparently owned by her husband and his four brothers.

It was far more in line with the life I used to live, but that didn’t make me feel any more comfortable. If anything, it sent me a little bit on edge. I’d left that life. I’d put it behind me, and I chose to never look back. I knew it was ridiculous to feel like being somewhere like that was dragging me back closer to what I’d disentangled myself from. Yet there was still that touch of resistance I had to get through.

Ally made that easier for me. Now that she wasn’t in a potentially life-threatening situation, I got a chance to see more of her personality and was able to relax. She was friendly and fun, which was far more than could be said for the man she introduced me to.

It was the first time in a very long time I’d done anything I would consider even close to social. The lifestyle I’d adopted after making the decision to run didn’t exactly leave a lot of room for making friends and hanging out. I kind of felt like I had forgotten how to do it correctly.

It left me feeling drained, so after saying goodbye to Ally, who was very sweet, and brushing past Ally’s boss, Derek, who was clearly a dick, I headed directly back to my rental room. I dropped down onto the bed and closed my eyes to take a bit of a rest and recharge.

It was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t a part of whatever job I was doing at the time. That was what made up virtually all of my interactions lately. The only people I had anything to do with were my coworkers. Maybe a few customers who came in regularly and liked to chat, so I exchanged a few words with them as I poured their coffee and served up the same food they always ordered. And some who liked to flirt, so I ignored them and pretended I didn’t see what they were doing.

For the most part, they were the same conversations every day. It was nice changing things up a bit. Sitting with Ally and just talking, having a real conversation and remembering what it was like to get to know a person again. But now that I was back home, I had to remind myself I couldn’t get complacent. I couldn’t let myself feel like my life was normal or that it ever would be.

I was just about as far from Newport, Rhode Island, as I could be, but in so many ways, that didn’t really matter. As long as there was technology, I couldn’t ever feel like I was far enough away. If my parents and brother were still actively looking for me, I didn’t have the time to get too comfortable.

That thought kept me from drifting off, and eventually I had to get up and open my computer. The machine was nothing short of aged when it came to computers, and its end was clearly drawing near. It seemed to take longer to boot up each time, and I had the sinking feeling that one of these times I was going to go to start it up and it would just stay black.

But until that day came, I would continue to rely on it to give me a glimpse back at my old life and see if they had finally put me aside and forgotten me. That day was exactly like every other time I went through the different sites. They were still looking. Still searching. Still pleading to people to help them find me.

Anyone reading the messages and comments would probably hurt for them. Their hearts would ache for the poor family with the daughter who disappeared and who they missed so much. They would want to help in any way they could.

What they didn’t know was none of that sad, desperate emotion was actually real. They didn’t miss me. Or at least they didn’t miss me as a person. They might have missed having me around to tell what to do and attempt to use as leverage. In the end, they weren’t looking for me because they loved me and wanted me back. They only wanted to find me because they wanted something out of me, something I wouldn’t let them take.

Now that I’d gotten that confirmation for another day, I was able to close my eyes and take a nap. Sleeping through the night was a thing of the past, so catching little bits of rest when I could was what kept me on my feet.

I woke up later when the shadows were already long across the floor, and I had that strange, groggy feeling that came from my body not really knowing what time it was. I got out of bed and scrounged around for whatever food I had in the room. Not having an actual kitchen put a bit of a damper on my food options.

There was a shared kitchen I could use, but the thought of that didn’t really appeal to me. I didn’t know the other people living around me. Preparing my meals alongside them or trying to sit at one of the communal tables to eat didn’t seem like the best opportunity to strike up friendship. Instead, I survived primarily on food I either ate at the diner or brought home at the end of my shift, along with supplemental nonperishables I kept in the various nooks, crannies, and corners of my room.

As I was eating my cobbled-together meal, I realized my thoughts were wandering back to Ally and her daughter, Bella. She’d told me so much about her while we were eating lunch, and it gave me a flicker of maternal wondering. I didn’t know if I would go straight to thinking I absolutely wanted children and definitely wouldn’t say hearing about her gave me any kind of baby fever. But it brought up questions.

Could that ever be something I wanted? If I did, would I ever have it?

That was really the last thing I needed to be thinking about, so I put it out of my mind and tried to enjoy the rest of my day off. As it turned out, I needed to focus on putting Ally out of my mind a lot throughout the week. I kept wondering about her, wanting to know more about her. It was almost as if running to her rescue during the mugging gave me some sense of responsibility over her.

It was another long week, but that was a good thing. I would always much rather have a busy week that kept me hopping than a slow, boring one that stretched out because there was nothing to fill the time. When Friday rolled around, I was feeling tired but good. My shift had just ended, and I was getting ready to leave when Mr. Murphy stuck his head out of his office.

“Jodi, can I have a word with you really fast?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, trying to sound perky and not at all like I was hoping he wouldn’t make me work on the one day off I had that week.

It would actually be a good thing if he did ask. It would mean extra money and a bit more peace of mind. On the other hand, I was tired and could really use the time off.

I went into the office and found Mr. Murphy sitting at his desk. This immediately struck me as odd. The only other time I’d ever seen my boss sitting at the desk like that was before he was my boss and interviewed me in that office. But even then, he had less of a serious expression on his face.

“Hey, Jodi,” he said when I stepped inside.

“Hey. You wanted to see me?”

“Yes.” He continued to fiddle with the papers in front of him. It looked like he was trying to look busy and important. Instead, it looked like he was stalling and maybe trying to cover something up. “Come on in and have a seat. Shut the door.”

I closed the door and sat in the chair across the desk from him. “I feel like I got called into the principal’s office.”

My awkward laugh died in my throat almost as quickly as it had formed. Mr. Murphy didn’t look amused. In fact, he looked upset.

“Jodi, we need to talk,” he said.

“No good conversation has ever started with that sentence,” I said. “What’s going on?”

“I’m going to have to let you go.”

Just like that. He didn’t even have the decency to pretend he was going to sugarcoat or beat around the bush. In most situations, being straightforward and succinct was appreciated. But in this particular scenario, I might have liked at least a cursory effort at letting me down gently. Maybe he could have tossed a couple of vague compliments and platitudes my way just to make it less jarring.

“Why?” I asked. “I’ve been on time every day this week. I was even early a couple of days. The customers like me. I get great tips every day. I get along with the other people who work here.”

Mr. Murphy was nodding, agreeing with everything I said about myself but not budging.

“All of that is true, but you were also hired under the table. The owner found out I did that a couple of times, and she’s been breathing down my neck about it. She said she can’t have that going on in her business. So you and George have to go,” he said.

“So, because you did something you knew you weren’t supposed to do, we get the short end of the stick?” I asked, feeling angry now. “George is the hardest-working dishwasher you are ever going to find. He has been with you for years.” I stood up, my eyes stinging as I glared at him.

“I’m sorry it came to this, Jodi. Like you said, you’re a great employee when you’re punctual.”

I rolled my eyes, letting out a sigh. “Can’t pass up an opportunity for one last parting shot, can you?”

“That wasn’t my intention. This isn’t an easy decision for me,” he insisted.

“Somehow, I don’t believe that.”

“Jodi, this is the way it is. There’s nothing that can be done about it. If you leave now, I’ll make sure you get a good recommendation wherever you end up next.”

I nodded and walked out of the office without another word. I was furious and hurt, but there really wasn’t anything I could do but accept it. I had some money put aside. Not a lot, but enough to carry me through a short time. I had also just paid my rent, so I had the room for the rest of the month. Utilities were included, so that was pressure off.

If those weren’t the case, I might have decided to just move on. But because I had those things in place, I decided to find more work in town and try to keep going the way I had been. Rather than heading back to the room I worried I was going to be spending a lot of time in over however long it took to get my next job, I made my way to the library.

I was sitting at one of the tables with the local newspaper spread out in front of me, scouring the help-wanted ads, when someone dropped down into the chair across from me. Glancing up, I saw it was Ally.

“Hey,” she said. “I thought that was you.”

“You would have just sat down at a table with a stranger?” I asked.

She let out a little laugh. “Possibly. Anyway, I’m glad I saw you. I wanted to apologize again for the way Derek acted. That was really uncalled for, and I can’t believe he did it. He’s usually not like that. I mean… okay, he’s kind of like that. But he’s also really nice when you get to know him. And I didn’t expect him to just come right out of the gate like that.”

“Usually he takes his time before being a raging jackass?” I asked.

She opened her mouth, then closed it and nodded. “That’s a fairly good assessment, yes.”

“Well, you have no reason to apologize,” I said, going back to looking through the ads. “You’re not the one who acted like that.”

“I still feel like I put you in that position. You went out of your way to help me. Speaking of which, are you looking at help-wanted ads?”

I nodded. “My boss just informed me because he hired me under the table, the owner of the diner was getting on him, so he fired me to get back in her good graces.”

“Ouch,” she said. “Find anything promising?”

Dropping back against the chair, I let out a long breath and shook my head. “Nothing. It seems all the positions available right now are for people with extremely specific skills. And I don’t think I’m going to spontaneously be able to operate complex machinery or do construction in the next day or so.”

I usually didn’t think of myself this way, but I was feeling fairly useless. I still didn’t regret the decision to leave Rhode Island, but this was one of those times when I couldn’t help but let my anger toward my family for putting me in that position tick up higher.

“You look like you’ve had enough of this,” Ally said, gesturing at the paper. “Come get a cup of coffee with me.”

I nodded and gathered up the paper, tucking it under my arm so I could bring it back to the rental with me and continue to search. Just in case I’d missed something, or a new job magically appeared on the pages.

We got our coffee and sat down at a table near the window of the coffee shop.

“Thanks,” I said, lifting my cup of coffee to indicate her buying it for me. “I think you were right. I needed this.”

She took a sip of her complicated coffee drink and dropped her shoulders resolutely.

“So, I think I have an idea,” she said. I quirked an eyebrow questioningly. “You should come work at the vineyard.”

I nearly choked on my coffee. “The vineyard?”

“Yeah. It’s growing fast, and it always seems like we’re understaffed, or someone is asking for time off. We need more waitstaff. You should come and apply to be a waitress,” Ally said.

I gave a mirthless laugh as I took a sip of my coffee. “Derek would just love that.”

“It’s not about Derek. It’s about you. Come on. It really is a great place.”

Ally started telling me a little about the vineyard and the brothers who owned it. She described the clientele and told me some funny stories about the other women paired up with the brothers. She was easy to talk to, and by the time I finished my second cup of coffee, she had convinced me.