Chapter 10

Ten

TOM

I shouldn’t have endedthe night like that, but I panicked. I fucking panicked. If I’d lingered on that stoop I would have dragged her back to my car and to my apartment. I would’ve done every filthy thing to that body that my mind could conjure.

And I would’ve had my fill then sent her on her way.

At least that’s what old me would’ve done. This new man I was becoming—this man I hardly recognized—wanted more. And that’s the part that scared me shitless. The last time I’d wanted a woman like this, my world collapsed. I’d made a vow to myself then. A vow to never let another woman own my heart. And this woman—Sara—something about the way she looked at me had me believing she could be the type of woman who could wreck serious havoc through my heart.

It’s why I didn’t cancel this trip. I could’ve easily let Jake handle the West Coast deals, but the instant I spotted an escape, I took it. Being far from Sara was the safest thing for both of us. I mean, for Christ’s sake, especially after that kiss.

That fucking kiss…

I pressed my fingers to my lips, remembering the heat of her breath, the slippery savagery with which she tormented my senses, making me want more. I couldn’t help but let a grin creep at the corners of my mouth.

God, that woman could drive me crazy.

Who was I kidding? She was already driving me crazy. Yet, everything seemed so easy with her. The way we talked as if we’d known each other forever. When I held her hand at the restaurant, it just felt natural. Like two puzzle pieces finally coming together.

Fuck. I ran a hand through my hair. This wasn’t me. I didn’t do this sort of thing any more. Catching feelings for a woman I barely knew? The instant I got back to my apartment, I stripped off my suit and changed into a pair jeans and T-shirt, though I didn’t bother washing my hands. Her scent still lingered on my skin and a part of me couldn’t let go—didn’t want to let go.

I needed to stop overthinking my decision to leave for California or I would end up reaching for the bottle of Dalmore sitting on my bar—something that hadn’t crossed my mind in years and that needed to stay dormant. After packing a small suitcase, I called my car service and gave Bax a couple of snuggles. I hated leaving him when I went on business trips, but at least my neighbor was a dog lover and she looked after Bax while I was gone.

“I’ll miss ya, buddy. But I’ll be back in a couple of days, okay?”

He offered me a few wet kisses and I gave him a bone to keep him happy until my neighbor arrived home from work.

* * *

The ride to Teterboro Airport seemed to take longer than it should’ve, and it only served to rattle my nerves even more. I hated flying. Even in the military, I was never able to shake the fear, not after countless flights or countless dives. I’d started booking private charters to and from L.A. to feel more in control, but it only helped to alleviate my anxiety somewhat. Knee bouncing, my hands trembled as I looked out the car window. We were nearing the exit to the airport, and as I watched a plane take off the runway, the only thought that eased the acid churning in my stomach was that of Sara.

It was as if she was the only thing that could ground me. I resisted the urge to call her for fear of sounding desperate. Or maybe for fear of sounding like a total psycho. I mean, one second, I was lavishing her with gifts and taking her to a fancy restaurant and kissing her like there was no tomorrow, and the next I was giving her a peck on the lips and leaving her on the stoop of her entrance like the asshole that I was. She was probably wondering why she’d even bothered to accept my invitation to dinner. Still, while I was able to resist the urge to call her, I wasn’t able to resist the itch to text her, so I pulled out my phone and typed away before I could change my mind again. I needed her to know she hadn’t done anything wrong. I was the shithead who needed to screw my head on straight.

Me:Hey

Coffee Girl:Aren’t you supposed to be on a red eye to sunny California?

Me:Arriving at Teterboro soon. Flight leaves in an hour.

Coffee Girl:Teterboro? You have a private jet too? Fancy schmancy.

Me:lol I don’t own one. I’m not that schmancy, but yes, a chartered flight. Not a fan of flying and commercial planes give me too much anxiety. Did I wake you?

Coffee Girl:Getting ready for bed. Long day tomorrow.

Me:Didn’t mean to disturb you.

Coffee Girl:You didn’t disturb me

Christ. I knew that comment was an invitation. I knew how these texts were supposed to go. I was supposed to say something flirty, and we’d have a bit of banter back and forth, then we’d get all caught up in the tingly bubbles circulating through out blood. Before we knew it, we’d be in too deep and I’d have to figure out another way to get out of taking things further because...

Because I didn’t know how to do this real-dating thing. I didn’t know how to have a meaningful relationship with a woman without getting my heart trampled on.

Because what I really wanted to tell her was that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. That right now, I was nervous as hell and the only think keeping me from reaching into the limo’s mini bar and downing a drink was texting her. That I was a total asshole before and I should’ve never left her feeling like I didn’t want a second date. That I actually couldn’t wait to hold her again. Kiss her again. That I was regretting not cancelling this trip, and if she told me not to get on that flight, I would tell my driver to turn around drive me straight to her place.

I should have told her exactly how I felt. Instead, I let the old me finish my text.

Me:Well. Just wanted to tell yougoodnight. Talk soon.