31. Lacey

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

lacey

I f I said I wasn't enjoying playing house with Jacob, I'd be lying. After just a week of "letting him crash" at my place, I've come to realize how far off the mark my experience with Ben was. I look forward to the end of my workday, to going home and spending my evening with Jacob. I know this arrangement is only temporary, but it feels right. Everything with him feels right.

After a simple dinner for the two of us, prepared by Jacob of course, we settle on the deck to enjoy the cool breeze and the evening chirping of nature.

Jacob pulls out his guitar, which has become one of my favorite pastimes, and begins playing an original that I enjoy. His fingers dance over the strings, and he sings softly, picking the soothing melody that almost instantly melts away the stress of the day from my body.

I shift in my seat, resting my legs over Jacob's lap and soaking in the sight of this incredibly handsome man serenading me on my deck. It's moments like these that I wish would go on forever. Jacob looks up from his guitar and locks eyes with me. He knows what he's doing to me. I've been doing the same to him. We've both been taking cold showers on the daily per my insistence that we move slowly with the physical side of our relationship.

Unable to resist any longer, I slowly lean into him and kiss him. His fingers pause on the strings, too distracted to play. Heat pools inside me, and I know I don't want to fight it anymore. I take the guitar from his hands and gently set it to the side. Taking the guitar's place on Jacob's lap, I press my lips to his. My fingers run through the hair at the nape of his neck, and I give myself over to him.

Jacob's hands slowly roam over my body, tentatively at first, but as I urge him on his hesitation fades away. His fingers nimbly work across my skin, shooting shivers through my body and heat to my core. Slowly, piece by piece, our clothing falls away, discarded on the deck floor.

He takes his time roaming my body with his mouth and filling me with desire. His warm breath sweeps over my chilled skin, and my breath hitches. This isn't my first time, but it's my first time like this . My first time with respect and gentle touches. My first time being cherished. And just when I think I can't take it anymore, Jacob claims me.

I cuddle up to Jacob, now inside the camper and lying on our bed. I'm blissfully soaking up the warmth of his arms around me. This is how it's supposed to be. My phone buzzes on the bed next to us, pulling me from my reverie.

Ben: You can't avoid me forever.

The blood rushes from my head, leaving me lightheaded. I close out of the text and toss my phone aside, not wanting to touch it. I know it's silly, but even touching a phone holding a message from him is more of a connection than I want to have, but I still can't bring myself to block his number.

"What's that about?" Jacob asks next to my ear. He must have seen the text.

"It's nothing. Really. Just ignore it. That's what I do." I try to sound nonchalant, but I'm confident Jacob can hear the edge in my voice.

"I'll talk to him if you want," he offers.

Yeah. That's just what I need.

"No, really. It's best to just ignore it."

I turn my head to meet his lips over my shoulder, hoping to distract both of us from the unwelcomed message. It works for now, at least, as I melt back into him, inviting him to take me all over again before falling into a blissful slumber in his arms.

I stopped pacing the floor to peer out the window at the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Ben was finally home. He was supposed to be home from work a couple of hours ago. I watched as he stumbled out of his car, turned back to get something, and pulled a case of beer out, slamming the truck door shut.

"Hey, Ben," I said as he came in the door, then I hesitated, feeling out his mood. "How was work?"

"Same shit show, different day," Ben said and collapsed into his recliner, setting the case of beer on the floor next to him.

"We need to talk," I said my hesitancy replaced with anxiety. Ben scowled at me.

"About what?"

"About us," I said, barely above a whisper. "This isn't working for me."

Ben put a fresh cigarette in his mouth and lit it. He took a couple of puffs and cracked open a can of beer.

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today, Lacey." Ben grabbed the TV remote and flipped through the channels.

"And I'm over your bullshit, Ben!" Fear spread through me. Who knew what consequences I could expect from my outburst, but I didn't let the fear stop me. "All you do is drink and bitch and treat me like trash. You need to get yourself some help, Ben. I can't go on like this any longer. You haven't been sober since Brian died!"

Ben stood from his recliner and moved toward to me. I stumbled back a couple of steps, then found the thread of courage I needed to hold my ground against him. His hot, smoky breath swept over my face, and I braced myself for what was to come.

"Don't. Ever. Speak. His. Name. Again," Ben snapped at me.

I forced myself to look up into his eyes.

"You need help."

"Get the fuck out of my house!" Ben roared, his spit sprinkling my skin. I tried to step toward our bedroom to get my stuff, but he put out his arm and blocked the way. "Now!" he screamed.

When I failed to move, Ben grabbed hold of me and dragged me toward the door. I fought to free myself, desperate to get away from him, but his strong hands were everywhere.

"Lacey, it's okay. It's okay. Wake up. It's just a dream."

I start to come to, thrashing against the hands holding onto me.

"You're safe, baby. You're safe." Jacob's voice gently drifted into my ears. "It was just a dream."

I stop thrashing against him, and he pulls me close to kiss my forehead. Tears soak my cheeks, and I feel sticky with sweat. I push away from Jacob and sit up in bed. Still shaky, I get up and go to the kitchen for a bottle of water from the fridge. I breathe in deeply and take a drink. Jacob comes up behind me and reaches for me, but I hold out a hand that tells him to stop.

"I just need a minute," I say. Hurt and worry fill his eyes. "I'm okay. I just need a minute."

I flip on the light even though it makes us both squint with the sudden brightness.

"What can I do?" Jacob asks.

"Go back to bed. I'll join you in a minute. I'm just going to finish my drink first."

Jacob continues to watch me with careful eyes. Several seconds pass. Finally, he turns back to the bed like I told him. He's doing what I asked him to do, but I know this isn't going to be the end of it.

The next morning, I'm jarred awake by the sound of Jacob carrying his duffel bag of clothes out the door. I'm lying on the bench where I spent the remainder of the night. The light I turned on last night is still on. I sit up slowly, sore all over, and follow him out the door.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my mind still hazy from the lack of rest. Jacob already has his bag in the back of his truck and is walking back up to the deck where I'm standing.

"I think staying here was a bad idea. I'm going to just suck it up and go stay at my parents' house," he says.

I can see that he wants to reach out and touch me, but he's still afraid to. Afraid of how I'll respond.

"What? Why? You don't have to leave." Panic washes over me.

"I kind of think I do, Gypsy. I don't know what happened last night, but it felt like I was the cause of it. I don't want to stay here if it's going to hurt you."

"No. No, it wasn't you. Please don't go." I hold out my hand to him. Jacob slowly moves toward me, taking tentative steps as though he might spook me.

"I don't know what to do," he says, now only inches from me but still not touching me.

"I'm okay. It was just a bad memory." I wrap my arms around him, and he gradually hugs me back.

"Of your ex?" Jacob asks hesitantly.

"Yes."

"Did it happen because I was here in your space?"

I look up at him now, wanting him to see that I'm speaking the truth.

"No. He has a habit of sneaking up on me when I least expect it." Jacob pulls me closer now. "Please stay."