Chapter Three

Declan

" T he sky is magenta."

"Uh-huh."

"Cows are from Pluto."

"I know," Pen says, pushing her potatoes around her plate with a little furrow between her brows.

"I know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried."

"Me too."

"All right," I growl, dropping my fork to my plate with a clatter. "That's it." I hook my foot around the bottom of her chair, hauling her across the floor toward mee.

That finally gets her attention.

She glances up at me, her green eyes wide and startled as the chair screeches across the porcelain tile. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to find out why the fuck you're in your own little world over there." She's been distant and distracted since we pulled into the driveway two hours ago. Pen is never distant. She usually talks a goddamn mile a minute about everything under the sun after practice. I fucking love her rambling.

"I'm not."

"Really?" I arch a brow. "Then where is Jimmy Hoffa buried?"

Her lips pull down into a frown, her brow furrowing. "How should I know, Declan?"

"You just told me that you knew. You also told me that the sky is magenta and that cows are from Pluto."

"Did not," she mumbles, looking away from me.

"Yeah, you did. What's going on with you, Rebel?" I tuck hair behind her ears, refusing to let her hide behind it. The back of my hand skims her cheek, and I swear she leans into me. Or maybe that's just my fucking imagination, wishing like hell she'd lean into me, that she'd crawl into my lap and cuddle up against me, let me hold her. My arms fucking ache for her. "You've been quiet since we got here."

"Nothing is going on," she lies.

"Bullshit."

She huffs, an annoyed little sound that lets me know I'm pissing her off. She makes the same sound anytime I call her on her bullshit. It's cute as hell. And I never let her off the hook when she makes it because I know damn well it means she's full of shit. She couldn't lie her way out of trouble if her life depended on it.

"Talk to me, Pen," I murmur gently, tangling our fingers together. I want to pull her into my lap and demand that she tell me what's eating at her. Fuck, do I ever. But I don't want her running from me, and I'm seriously fucking worried she heard me in the bathroom today, moaning her name when I came all over my hand, and is disgusted. If that's the case…I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I can tolerate a lot, but losing her will fucking kill me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm quitting," she whispers.

"Quitting what?"

Her wide, watery eyes meet mine. "The band, Declan. I'm quitting the band."

Pain, infinite and immediate, roars through me like an avalanche.

She's leaving me. She heard me today, and she's fucking done with me.

Of all the ways I thought she'd break my fucking heart, this wasn't one of them.

No. Hell no. I'm not letting this happen.

"The hell you are," I growl.

"I already told Saint and Jace."

What the fuck?

If she already told Saint and Jace, there's no way this is about what she heard today. It can't be, can it?

Fuck.

My stomach churns with anxiety.

I release her hand, pushing myself to my feet as pain and shock jumble together, making it hard to think. To breathe. My whole fucking world is crumbling at the seams here. If I lose her… No. It's a complete sentence. It's a complete thought. Just no. That can't happen. I won't allow it to happen.

"You told Saint and Jace," I finally manage to say.

"Yes," she whispers, guilt written all over her gorgeous face.

"When?"

"It doesn't matter."

"When, Penelope?"

"A few days ago."

I rock back on my heels, another wave of pain crashing through me. This definitely isn't about today, then. It's worse than that because they've known for days…and she's only just now telling me.

"Jesus Christ," I mutter, shoving a hand through my hair. "I guess I know where I rate in the band now, huh? It's Saint and Jace, and then Declan for you."

"What? No!" she cries, jumping up. Tears well in her eyes. And damn, if the sight of them doesn't break what's left of my fucking heart. "I didn't tell you because I knew telling you would break me. You matter more to me than anyone ever has!"

"And still, you're leaving me." I stare at her, my heart fucking bleeding. It hurts. Christ, it hurts like hell. All this time, I've tried so fucking hard to make sure I did everything to keep her by my side. I never crossed the line. I played by her rules. I did everything I could to keep her safe and happy without ever taking more than she was willing to give. And I'm losing her anyway. "Did you think about me at all in this decision, Pen? Because you're the only reason I stayed through all of the bullshit."

"You're the only thing I thought about!" She wrings her hands together. "You're…you're…"

"I'm what?"

"The reason I'm quitting," she whispers, her voice a tiny scrap of sound.

I never knew four little words could hurt so goddamn much. And yet, here we are.

"Explain," I rasp, my heart in pieces at my feet.

She licks her lips, staring at me uncertainly.

"It kills me to know that you'd rather quit than spend another day working with me," I say after a moment of her not speaking. "Because the best part of the band for me has always been you. I'd crawl through hell for you, baby."

"Sooner or later, you're going to fall in love with someone, Declan," she whispers. "You don't need me."

"Bullshit. I can't give away what doesn't belong to me, Pen."

"W-what…" She falls silent for a moment and then works up the nerve to whisper, "What are you saying?"

"You know exactly what I'm saying. It's been staring you in the face for five years, Pen. Everyone else sees it, but you're oblivious."

She blinks at me, her face scrunched up in confusion. "I don't understand."

I've kept my secret for five years, holding it close to my chest. In this moment, it seems so fucking pointless because I'm losing her anyway. I thought I'd rather have one piece of her than none of her…but I'm going to end up with none of her anyway. She's leaving, anyway. So why keep pretending that I'm not crazy about her? If she's going to go, at least she'll go knowing how I really feel. At least, for once, she'll be forced to see what's been right in front of her all along.

"I'm saying I can't give my heart to someone else when it's already yours, Rebel," I say, stepping up in front of her. "It's been yours for five fucking years."

"Declan," she gasps.

"I'm in love with you. Have been since the very beginning." I cup the back of her neck, pressing my forehead to hers. "Jesus, Pen. I've never been able to see past you. I never will. How do you not know that?"