7. Everly

Chapter 7

Everly

“ I need you to do speed dating with me,” Hayley announces as she plops down next to me. She hands me a brown-handled bag with pumpkins and leaves printed on it, and I smile because I know she’s brought me yummy bread. But then I side-eye her at her random dating statement as I hand her a pumpkin spice latte, which neither of us can seem to get enough of this time of year.

“I do not need to speed date or whatever you call it, but thanks for the bread.” I grin as I pull my cardigan tight around me in the brisk fall mountain air as I get comfy on our favorite bench outside of the library, crossing my legs. It is gorgeous outside today but a little chilly. “I so need this weather.” I look down the street at all the pumpkins on display, bright colored orange, purple, and yellow mums, and light posts decorated for fall with cornstalks and leaves sprinkling the sidewalks. It’s perfect here , I think as I take a sip of my coffee. Mmm.

“I’m talking about just casual, fun dating.” She holds up her hand. “And before you say anything, you know Mom or Anne Marie would watch Willow for you anytime. She’s always welcome at the ranch, and she loves it there. If we'd let her, she’d probably sleep in the barn with the horses. And we could even do a sleepover in case you want to have some sexy overnight time.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

I stare at her with a dry look. “Why the sudden interest in my dating life? I just got out of the worst marriage ever. I don’t need to date. In fact, I’m in my old-lady era now. I work at a library. I bake, read books, and drink tea. I’m in bed by nine o’clock reading. This is my life now. I won’t find an eligible man who would want that under eighty years old.”

“Hey now, you can always rock an older guy.” She shrugs, then grins after she pauses to take a sip of her coffee. “Mr. Fitzsimmons is a widower now. He might be interested.”

“Stop it.” I playfully laugh. “Anyway, what are you up to with all this dating nonsense?”

“I’m so glad you asked. I’m putting together a speed dating event at the pub, and I need you to help,” she says full of excitement.

“We can put up a sign at the library,” I offer, silently praying that is all the help she needs.

“No, I need your actual help with the event and to be my wing lady. We can do it together.”

“At the pub?” I stare at her like she’s crazy. She knows the pub is off-limits for a million Nash reasons, no matter how often she sneakily brings it up.

“Yes,” she says, sipping her coffee while trying to look serious.

“Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “Not setting foot in the pub.”

“Come on, I really need your help. It’ll be on a Saturday night, and Mom would have no problem keeping Willow.” She throws that in with the hope she’s covering every obstacle so I won’t say no. I know her MO.

Saturday night. When Nash works. Not that I know his schedule or anything.

“No.” I plead.

“Why?” She asks over her coffee cup before she takes a sip.

“I’m not coming to the pub when Nash works, and I’m not doing speed dating,” I say, looking at her like she’s nuts.

It was hard for me when I first came back to Cozy Creek. I’m the daughter of a single father who drank too much and had his own seat at the local pub. He preferred a different pub, not Bookers, but I still don’t need history repeating itself. I’ve always felt like I’m the girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and Richie did a great job of reminding me of this. Going to the pub feels like what my dad did to me. He was always at the pub. Now that I’m back as a single mom, I’ve worked hard for people to take me seriously. I’m not doing speed dating and looking like I’m desperate and on the hunt for a new man. I’m good. I don’t need to give the town any more fodder to judge me on. I was joking about the hot cowboy at the ranch who turned out to be Nash. I’m in the look-but-don’t-touch era. No shade on pubs, but I just can’t do that to Willow. I know it’s totally classy and modern and more like a restaurant now, but still. Bad memories of my dad taking up residence there instead of spending time with me have left me happy in my old-lady-bookish era.

“Anne Marie could watch her?” she suggests. “Willow’s always begging to stay at Anne Marie’s. Plus, if I promise her bread for life, she’d do anything, I know it.”

“She’d do it anyway. It’s not only Willow, but you also know why I can’t go. Nash.” I add the last part softly.

“It’s a big pub, and there’ll be a lot going on. You probably won’t even see him,” she says as she shakes her head. “I can probably convince him to just take the night off. He needs it,” she adds as she rolls her eyes.

I wonder what that means, but I don’t want to seem curious, so I don’t ask, and I continue to argue.

“Look, I know you’ve done a good job respecting that I don’t want to talk about him up until recently. But we have to keep doing that. It’s the only way.”

“The only way for what?” she asks.

“For me to get over him,” I finally whisper, looking down at my lap.

“Everly. You still love him?” she asks softly.

“I don’t know that I ever stopped.” I sigh and lean back against the bench. “Soulmates come in the form of friends, too. Sometimes it’s not about romance. It’s someone who makes you feel whole and who understands you the most when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand you at all. And for me, that’s what hurt the most. Losing Nash. I felt like he was my best friend soulmate. Other than you of course, but with Nash, it was just like there was something I can’t quite articulate.”

I don’t look at Hayley because I’m afraid of what my face will reveal. She’s quiet but reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Keep telling yourself that, friend. We all know that you’ve always had a deep connection with Nash. You two are like magnets. You always fought and made your way back to each other.”

Until now.

Almost a decade has gone by, and I feel like I’ve lived so much life without Nash. And it feels wrong. I’ve missed him. But I don’t know how we can go back to the way we were. I’ve messed it up.

Then I remember what she’d just said and turn to her. “Keep telling myself what?”

“He’s never been just your friend. Look, I saw firsthand the freaky bond you both have. It was unique. I mean, we’re best friends. But you know deep down Nash was always more than that to you. I saw it, and I know you felt it. Sometimes you can’t fight it. Fate will win.”

I nod and look down, kicking a pebble with my shoe. “I don’t know.”

My heart still feels bruised from losing him even though it’s been years.

We sit and drink our coffee in quiet for a moment, and I think about what she’s saying. It’s hard to mend a fence you thought could never be mended. I look over at our beautiful library standing so tall in the distance with the mountains in the background full of all the gorgeous fall foliage popping all around us. Sometimes I think fixing things with Nash feels about as daunting as climbing the towering mountains in the distance. It’s just too hard.

“Maybe you could start by coming by the pub. You could come and eat dinner and say hello to Nash. Start slow.”

I just look over at her when she says his name. Just hearing his name makes me have goose bumps on my forearms.

“You’ve avoided each other for long enough. Time to rip off the bandage and get on with life. Whether together or not, you can’t avoid each other forever.”

She’s right, and I know it. But I don’t want to admit it. I take another sip of my coffee. I won’t tell you how many I’ve drunk already today. Don’t judge me; I’m having a mini breakdown.

“Why are you so down?” she asks as if she can read my thoughts.

I guess I’d better just tell her and get it over with.

“Richie took my car,” I admit. “It was in his name, and he had let me use it through the dealership, but we had nothing in writing on it, so legally, he can do it. It was my fault for trusting him. But it was a shitty thing to do.”

“He what? When did he do that?” she asks with a disgusted look. “He has a whole dealership full of cars.”

“He just took it last night and texted me that I could move back home if I wanted it back.”

“And what did you say to that rat bastard?” she asks, looking heated.

“That we’ll be just fine walking.” I take a sip of my coffee and raise my chin defiantly. We don’t need him. Plus, I heard Jimmy Huber just set up a Huber ride-share business, so I can just take a Huber if I need to. I mentally remind myself to plug his number into my phone later.

“Little dick owns a freaking car dealership. He doesn’t need that car. He’s a manipulative bastard who would leave his child without transportation just to be a controlling psycho.”

“I know.” I shrug. “But there’s nothing I can do.”

“Unbelievable. You can drive Bobby. I’ll talk to Mom and Dad.”

“I don’t need Bobby, but thanks,” I say, thinking of the old ranch truck that we’ve all borrowed a time or two. It’s basically more rust than truck at this point, but it gets from point a to point b. We all learned to drive using Bobby and made more donuts in the fields than we’ll ever admit to our parents. “We can walk until it gets too cold, then I’ll figure something out.” I watch as the leaves trickle down from the trees in the distance.

“I hope the shrimp is smelling even worse now.” She twists up her lip as she shakes her head.

I bite back my laughter and nod. “Me, too. I wish I could tell him how stupid he is. I’m just so tired of fighting with him.”

“So what will you say to Richie next time he comes around? Because you know he’ll keep playing games.” She shakes her head, looking angry on my behalf .

I look over at Hayley, who is always so good at articulating things. “How do you tell someone that they’re stupid in a professional manner?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood and make her laugh.

She bites her lip for a moment, then smiles. “Knowledge has always been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster.”

I laugh. “Richie would probably take that as a compliment and not get the insult.”

“He definitely underestimated you. He never thought you’d leave him. Always needs his ego stroked. And when was the last time he even saw Willow?”

I think about when he saw her last. “It’s been a while. He says he can’t have her right now because he’s too busy. And honestly, I’m okay with that. I don’t like the idea of her being with him when she’s not comfortable with him. They never had much of a relationship when we lived together. It felt strained and forced. She would cry when he drove away with her for a visit, and he would get upset that it took her the entire drive back to his house to calm down and stop crying, yet she never stopped asking to call me. Sometimes he wouldn’t even make it to his house before he brought her back to me and said he couldn’t stand her acting like that.”

Hayley looks beside herself with anger as she listens to me. “Acting like what? Having actual human feelings?”

“Right. I would bring her home and tuck her in next to me, holding her while she slept from exhaustion from crying. And I hate it. She doesn’t feel comfortable with him. ”

“I don’t blame her. I’m not even comfortable with Richie. What was he like with her when you all lived together?” Her brows knit together as she shakes her head.

I bite my lip as I think and then admit, “He was gone most of the time. Went on a lot of business trips for work. Really, that was just a way for him not to deal with us. When he was around, he was manipulating and controlling, and we were miserable. We were happiest when he was gone. We were practically strangers living alongside each other for years, but I couldn’t leave because he threatened to take her. Now, I know that makes no sense because he doesn’t even want her. He played us for years and used her to keep me there.”

“You did the right thing by getting out. I know it hasn’t been easy.” She flips her phone over to check the time.

I couldn’t stay with Richie a minute longer. When I saw how Willow was when he was around, I knew it was time to go. He wouldn’t make it easy on me, but I knew I had to get out.

Going to college had been my only hobby and escape for the entire marriage. I took as many online classes as I could and stayed busy while Richie was gone. I quietly finished my online degrees without fanfare, and when I received my diplomas in the mail, I promptly tucked them away out of sight. Richie never cared about me taking classes, and he even joked that it was my “little hobby.” I don’t think he ever realized that I earned a master’s degree on the down low. That shows how uninvolved he was in our lives. It was Richie's world, and we were just living in it. It was time for me to start living too. And in order to do that, I had to leave.

“What does your lawyer say about the car?” she asks as she turns to face me.

“I haven’t contacted her about it yet. But there’s probably nothing we can do.” I shake my head in defeat.

“We’re going to figure this out, Ev.”

“I need another part-time job. The library isn’t enough.” I sigh.

“I could always use your help baking at the pub. My baking orders have taken off, and I sell out every week. It’s an easy part-time job, and you’re good at cooking and baking. You can even bring Willow with you.”

I think about her offer. I would like to bake. But not at the pub. Nash would practically be my boss since he co-owns it. This would mean I would interact with and see him regularly. And I will admit that part thrills me and makes my heart clench at the same time. I can’t handle him not wanting to see me. That hurts worse than avoiding him.

“What are you thinking?” she says as she watches me.

I stare at her but can’t help but smile. “You’re incorrigible.” I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to get me to come in when Nash works because she wants us to figure out our stuff.

I playfully roll my eyes. I know she’s trying to help, but this is against everything I’ve done to keep roadblocks up around Nash. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“I promise it would be okay. He won’t give you a hard time.”

“He looks at me like he hates me,” I say quietly.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Hayley promises. “We all want you at Sunday dinners.”

“Does he want me at Sunday dinners?” I ask dubiously.

She shrugs. “ Our family misses you and wants you there. Plus, you know Mom’s dinners are the best.”

I do know this. Anna pours her soul into these dinners, making delicious meals you’ll never forget. She does themes like Italian, Mexican, Midwest comfort, Asian, and more. She goes all out with her decorations, special dishes, and even makes mouthwatering desserts. Growing up, I’ve had the best food I’ll ever have at Anna’s table. Nobody turns down a dinner invitation from Anna.

“Family is important, Ev. And you’re our family. We need you, too.”

I close my eyes. She’s wearing me down, and she knows it. I know she’s right, and adding Willow into that reminds me that she does need this, probably as much as I do. I will make a point to ease back into things with Nash and stop being a baby.

One thing I’ve learned is that family isn’t always the one you come from. It’s the one that you make.