Chapter 30

Brandon

M aybe going to the bookstore was being a coward, but I knew my apartment was the first place that Andrew would look for me. Mom’s surprise was evident when I entered through the front door, and she immediately followed me as I darted to the back room. I didn’t want to worry her, but she didn’t miss the tears that streaked down my face.

How could he?

We’d agreed not to tell anyone and this dumb coworker of his knew. She knew and just sat there, gushing like it wasn’t that big of a deal that he’d broken a promise.

I ducked behind a stack of boxes, but my mother found me, anyway. She pulled me close as I wrapped my arms around my legs and cried. Was I being over dramatic about this? Probably. It was getting harder and harder not to tell anyone what was going on.

What the hell were we going to tell people when he moved in next week?

“Brandon, sweetheart, what happened?”

Mom’s voice was soothing as she rubbed at my back. She smelled of lemon and lavender and everything calming. I’d gotten my love of scents from her.

At first, I couldn’t speak; I just sobbed into my knees. My whole body rocked with the sobs that fought their way free from my chest.

The room filled with my cries and the soft sound of my mother soothing me. I hadn’t been this upset about anything in a while. None of my breakups had ever made me this sad. This wasn’t even a breakup, only the worst betrayal of my life.

“I can’t—I can’t talk about it,” I hiccupped, finally able to form some sort of sentence.

Mom took off my glasses, folded them neatly, and set them on a nearby box. She ran gentle fingers through my hair as she pulled me to lie in her lap.

“I don’t know why you say that. You’ve talked to me about everything.”

That was mostly true. If there was one thing, my parents were great communicators. I hadn’t even been afraid to tell them I was gay. They were the first to know the first time I had sex. They’d dealt with a lot for me and were beyond gracious about it.

“I just don’t know what to say. This is complicated.”

Mom’s fingers continued to sift through my hair, but she remained silent. Time ticked by and my eyes grew heavy as her digits kept up their ministrations .

“If you can’t talk to me about it, who would you feel comfortable with? Maybe Andrew?”

When I tensed up, my mother stopped petting my hair. “Unless Andrew is part of the problem. I thought he was moving in. Did something change?”

I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my face. My hands fumbled for my glasses off the box Mom had set them on and I placed them back on my face. When the room came back into focus, I gnawed at my bottom lip, debating how to explain things to her without giving everything away.

“He’s still moving in, that’s not the issue...”

“You’ve been in love with that boy for so long. I keep hoping that you’ll tell me you two are seeing each other, but it never happens.”

I laughed. My mother was always so observant, and she knew. She’d always known.

“I don’t think dating Andrew is the answer to my problems.” It was. I just needed to be honest about it. This hiding thing was becoming impossible, and I’d just been an idiot for getting upset that he’d told someone.

Mom straightened her skirt as she got more comfortable on the floor next to me. She crossed her arms over her chest as she studied me up and down.

“What seems to be the problem, then?”

She wouldn’t let me get away without telling her something. It had been a mistake coming here .

“Have you ever had someone break a promise? Even if it was a stupid small one?”

Mom sighed and wrapped an arm around me, relaxing her position. I settled into her side, seeking comfort in the woman who’d given me life.

“People break promises all the time. It’s why I try not to make ones I know I can’t keep. What type of promise did someone break?”

My face heated as I worked out how to tell her without giving it all away.

“I think I asked someone to do the impossible. To keep a secret.”

“And how dangerous was the secret?”

I rolled my eyes, sitting up to look at her. It was such a motherly thing to say.

“It wasn’t dangerous, just personal.”

Mom was quiet for a moment, her long fingers drawing patterns on my shoulder. I breathed her in while she formulated her response.

“My best advice? Don’t tell people secrets you wouldn’t eventually want to get out. People will always find out.”

Her words hung heavy in the air. Was it inevitable that Andrew and I could never keep our relationship a secret? I’d only wanted to treasure him, keep him to myself for as long as possible. Maybe I was doing more damage than good .

“You’re right.” I sighed, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I needed to hear that. Thank you.”

She smiled brightly before ruffling my hair like I was still a little kid. I made a disgruntled face at her as we both stood up. “I’m always right. When will you learn that your mother gives the best advice?”

A laugh bubbled from my chest as I leaned in to give her a hug. “I came here, didn’t I?”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Now, maybe go talk to Andrew. That boy needs to be forgiven. If I know him; he didn’t mean any harm.”

That heat was back in my face, spreading down my neck.

Mom grinned widely, tapping my cheek. “I know you, Brandon. No one else would make you that upset.”

A ndrew sat with his back against my front door as I climbed the last step of my apartment building. He was looking down, unaware of my presence. He was fidgeting with the cuff of his pant leg and the longer I stood there and watched him, the worse I felt for running off on him earlier without giving him the chance to explain. Maybe Rebecca had drawn her own conclusions, and he had said nothing.

When those deep, chocolate eyes finally looked up and met my gaze, the air fizzled around me. He was so sad and I’d made him that way. My heart ached as I took one and then two steps closer.

Andrew climbed to his feet, kicking at the floor as he looked anywhere but at me. Emotions overflowed as I got closer. All I wanted to do was reach out and wrap my arms around him, tell him everything was okay, that I wasn’t all that mad. But I had been mad at the time.

It didn’t change the fact that I’d felt betrayed.

“Brandon...” His voice cracked as he spoke, but he didn’t look up. Andrew’s fingers fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket.

Any fight I might have had in me left the second I heard him. My shoulders relaxed and my muscles loosened.

The second I stood in front of him, I grabbed his hands. His fingers wrapped around mine, but he still wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“Andrew. Did you tell her about us?”

He sighed, pinching his eyes closed. “I did. Only because I needed someone to talk to. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

My hands tightened around his, giving them a squeeze to encourage him to keep talking.

“We talked about not telling anyone, and it’s getting impossible to keep it in. You mean so much to me. You always have—”

I couldn’ t let him continue. This wasn’t the time or the place for some declaration of love. I knew he loved me, but this was different. This wasn’t the same as the friendship we’d faced since we were babies.

Instead, my mouth sealed over his as I pulled him close. He let out a choked sob as his arms looped around my neck. We stood there in the hall outside my—our—apartment and kissed. This was the time to make up for missed communication. We should have talked about this better. It was one thing to tell our friends, but his coworker was someone that wasn’t connected to us and I needed to be understanding of that. It wasn’t fair not to give him an outlet.

Especially after I’d gone about telling my mom... though not exactly.