Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Zane

I force myself to walk away from Autumn, stunned by the intensity of her lips against mine. She tasted like sugar, spice, and everything nice. While I kissed her to prove a point to her stupid-as-fuck ex, it made me realize the connection we have is much deeper than I originally suspected. There is no explanation for it.

But when she grabbed on to me, deepening the kiss, something that's stayed dormant for a lifetime ignited deep inside me. Overpowering emotions streamed between us, and I swear she cast a spell on me.

I replay all that she's shared with me, mentally cataloging facts about her, but I need to know more. I want to know everything about her: what makes her happy or excited, her favorite foods, and her favorite color. I want to know Autumn at her core.

When I'm finally home, I go upstairs to the office my father insisted be built in the house so he could work from this location when my mother wanted to escape. My eyes slide across the desk and the oversized windows that face the resort. The sunlight floods in, but I turn on the lights to better see the space. I move forward to sit in the high-backed executive chair and pick up the silver frame, noticing the picture of the four of us at the Winter Olympics. At that point in my life, I dreamed about joining the U.S. Team and was on my way to becoming one of the top snowboarders in the world.

I let out a deep breath and tuck the framed photo into the drawer. Then, I noticed a folded note with my name on it. When I open it, I see my mother's perfect handwriting.

My sweet boy,

I know you’ll discover this after I’m gone, but I’ve decided I’m leaving this house to you when that time comes because you love being here. I wonder when you’ll find it, though. How old will you be? What is your life like? Are you happy? I hope you’re visiting Cozy Creek because you are, not because you need healing. However, know the mountain air can cure anything. Well, almost anything, though it certainly cannot cure cancer. (It’s a joke. It’s okay to laugh.)

I love you so, so much. You are strong, and you have such a beautiful heart. Yes, I'm taking full credit for raising you to be kind, polite, and caring. Yes, you are every single one of those things. I hope by now you’re able to take a compliment.

Right now, you're only fifteen years old, and I know I won't live to see you turn sixteen. It hurts knowing I won't be here to watch you become a man or fall in love or have a family. I often smile when I imagine the future, knowing you’ll accomplish greatness. You work hard and put your full self into all that you do. I am proud of you.

Out of everything that has come with my prognosis, understanding that my time is running out is the most difficult one to comprehend. Time. It doesn’t matter how many numbers are in anyone's bank account, because it’s the only thing money can't buy us more of. I’ve tried to cherish the passing seconds with you and Harper this season, and I have.

I know you find all the pictures I took annoying; however, I think you’ll appreciate them now. But please, don’t be sad for me. Know that when I leave this earth, I’ll go with a happy and grateful heart, because the day you were born, every one of my dreams became a reality.

You made me a mom, something I didn’t know was possible. And I’ll live forever through you and Harper. Knowing that brings me joy.

Zane, I’ve had this conversation with you several times before, but I need you to promise that you’ll always be true to yourself and will follow your heart. It will never guide you wrong.

The weight of the world doesn’t matter, all that does is how you spend your life. I know the pressures of the business and who you are have already taken their toll. None of it matters. You are an Alexander, but most of all, you are my son.

You have the power to do whatever you want in life, so choose what makes you happy. Take more risks. Dance in the rain. Swim in the sea. Ski off-trail. Love with your full heart. Magic is in the moment. Magic is all around us. I hope you can still find it.

Never forget who you are, but don’t let it define your every move in your life, either. Or I swear I’ll come back and haunt you. (You are supposed to laugh here too.)

I will always be with you, my son. I’ll visit you in butterfly flutters. I promise.

Love you for eternity,

Mom

PS Since you've always loved a scavenger hunt know thirteen notes hide in different places in the house. You'll discover them when you need them the most. What number is this? If I had to guess, I'd say the first.

My jaw is tight as a few tears stream down my cheeks and splash onto the soft cream paper. Now, I'm able to smile recalling the memories we had, but it took years. Grief changes a person; no child should have to heal from that. Ever. I tuck the letter back into the top drawer, flick off the lights, and leave the house because the air inside feels too thick.

As I stand on the back porch, I close my eyes and breathe deep.

My phone vibrates, and I'm thankful. Right now, I need the distraction.

Autumn

Dress code tonight?

A smile touches my lips.

Zane

We’ll be outdoors. Meet you at 6:45.

Autumn

And I’ve figured out what we’re doing based on one text.

Zane

A pumpkin patch for my pumpkin.

She pulls me out of my spiral, and thoughts of her twirl and dance in my mind for the rest of the day. I count down the minutes to when I’ll see her again.

At six, I drive down the mountain. The Jeep is topless and I’m thankful I wore a light jacket. The pumpkin patch opens this evening at seven and the mayor is giving a speech with a champagne toast. My goal is to attend as many events as possible. I came to Cozy Creek to live a little and to relax.

By some miracle, I find a place to park. I hop out and walk the three blocks toward Autumn’s apartment. The sidewalks are busy with tourists, so I keep my eyes focused forward and my mind wanders to Autumn.

I’ve tried to forget her hot breath on my mouth or how her tongue twisted against mine as emotions poured through me. She grabbed on to me for dear life as we fell into the abyss together. Neither of us were in control and we couldn’t save ourselves.

I take the stairs leading up to her apartment and knock on her door.

“Who’s there?” she asks on the other side and I swear I hear her laugh.

I lean in. “Your boyfriend.”

A minute later, the door swings open and out walks Autumn wearing tight jeans and an orange sweater that shows a peek of her tummy. Her dark wavy hair is down and her brown eyes pull me in.

“Wow, you’re… gorgeous ,” I say, watching her tongue dart out and lick her red lips.

She leans against the door frame. “Thanks. Are you sure I’m dressed okay? You look like you’re going on a date.”

“Wait, this isn’t a date?” I’m wearing a dress shirt and suit pants, nothing out of the ordinary.

“Uh, I?—”

“I’m joking. ” I find it cute that I make her nervous. “Shall we go?”

I hold out my hand and she takes it without hesitation. Once we’re on the sidewalk, we fall in line with the crowd that is funneling in toward the middle of the town. If I close my eyes, it’s almost easy to pretend I’m in New York with the chatter drifting on the breeze.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, glancing over at me.

“My life,” I say.

Just as she’s about to say something, a man walks up. He mutters something to her and she stills beside me.

“Actually, no, I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that very much,” Autumn says, moving closer to me.

Leaning forward, I meet his gaze. It’s like he didn’t see me. “Yeah, and I don’t share.”

“Sorry, man. Didn’t mean any disrespect,” he says, sizing me up after his beady eyes slide over her. I move her to my opposite side, putting myself between them.

“None taken,” I tell him coldly and wrap my arm around Autumn, protecting her.

“Thank you,” she whispers as we walk away.

I lean in and speak loud enough for her to hear. “I don’t want anyone ever looking at you like that again.”

“I don’t either.” She holds my waist, hooking her finger in my belt loop. She’s warm against me and her hair smells like sweet red apples. Autumn might be the end of me.

A part of me wonders if I should stop this before we get in too deep but while we’re still strangers, I don’t know if I can walk away from her now. There are too many invisible links keeping me cuffed to her.

Autumn guides me over to a vacant bench as we wait for the commencement to begin. She sits first and I join her, resting my arm on the back of the seat. She scoots in close, and to anyone watching, they’d assume we were together.

I’m allowing her to call the shots, to make the moves. She’s in control.

“When you kissed me earlier, why did you say it wasn’t supposed to feel like that?”

Has she been thinking about it as much as I have?

The mayor walks onto the stage and grabs the microphone before clearing her throat. “Welcome, people and friends of Cozy Creek! Are you ready for one of the best pumpkin patches in the world?”

The crowd goes wild.

“At the stroke of midnight, it will officially be autumn!” The mayor continues.

“Tell me,” she whispers, returning her attention to me. “Please.”

I turn my focus on her and everything around us disappears. “Only if you tell me why you looked at me that way last night.”

She cocks her head. “Ah, it’s like that?”

“A secret for a secret.”

Autumn chuckles and we watch the group of kids marching up on the stage carrying pumpkin cutouts. They burst out into song and I chuckle.

Autumn bumps her body against mine as high-pitched voices scream the lyrics with all their hearts. “What, they didn’t teach you a pumpkin anthem to welcome in the season?”

“Not quite.” Boarding school wasn’t fun. It required pristine uniforms and the best behavior.

I don’t think I’ve ever been as carefree as I am right now.

Once they’re finished, the mayor returns and taps on the microphone. “Please enjoy yourself during this time, stay safe, and don’t forget to shop local.”

The crowd erupts into thunderous applause and themed music plays through the speakers strategically placed around the park. When I try to stand, Autumn takes my hand and pulls me back to her.

“This conversation isn’t over.” She closes her eyes and keeps them closed as she nervously smiles. “I just need to blurt it out.”

I chuckle, waiting for her answer.

“I’ve had dreams about you,” she rushes.

“What?” I stare at her until her long eyelashes flutter open. Her heart rate ticks in her neck and her breathing grows ragged.

A moment later, she meets my gaze, chewing on that plump bottom lip I tasted earlier.

“For thirteen years, I’ve dreamed about a man who looks and sounds like you.” She pauses. “Okay, this is where you’re supposed to find it adorable. You promised.”

“Sorry.” I shake my head, realizing my sister's prophecy has officially freaked me the fuck out. “I do. I swear. But I don't know what to say.”

“Imagine how I feel,” she says. “You're a figment of my imagination; every time I'm with you, it feels like I’m losing it.”

I laugh. “I’m literally the man of your dreams?”

She sucks in a deep breath and whispers. “He said he'd find me. So, seeing you...”

Autumn doesn't finish her sentence.

I can't take my eyes off her as her wavy hair blows in the cool breeze. The smells of cider and sweet bread float in the air. Not to mention the electricity that surrounds us.

“Tell me your secret,” she says.

I lick my lips and glance down at hers. Then I lean in and whisper in her ear, “Kissing you felt like magic.”