4. Cole

Chapter 4

Cole

Against my will, I woke up to my blaring phone alarm. I’d tossed and turned all night and woke in a cold sweat. Anxiety seemed to have taken over my dreams again, and I was getting sick of it.

With bleary eyes, I managed to shower and start a load of laundry before knocking on the kids’ doors to wake them for school.

I could already tell this would be a coffee-fueled day as I filled my mug from the pot, which, thankfully, I’d remembered to set the timer on before going to bed last night.

I bought this house from my parents after I got married. They retired and moved to their mountain cabin, and I needed a place to raise a family. I’d lived here my entire life and planned to stay forever. The sprawling ranch house was perfect for raising kids, with plenty of room and a huge backyard.

After helping Madi yesterday, I swung past my ex-wife’s place across town to pick up the kids. True to my word, we grabbed takeout pizza on the way home, and then I crashed early.

Though riddled with fits and bursts of wakefulness, sleep had brought a modicum of clarity and made me realize my interest in Madi was exactly as nuts as I had thought it to be. I didn’t have the capacity to add another complication to my life. I had two kids to care for, and according to Gigi, Madi was barely thirty. At thirty-eight, I was too old to entertain those ideas about her, no matter how captivating I found her to be.

I needed to focus on my family and repair the damage caused by the divorce. Lord knows my ex wasn’t interested in it. Sherry was too busy flaunting her new marriage all over town to care about how it affected the kids. One of us should make them a priority.

“Hey, Dad.” My oldest, Natalie, beamed at me as she entered the kitchen and slung her backpack over a chair at the table. She was cheerful, her long brown hair tied in a haphazard knot on top of her head, her big, blue eyes, just like mine, wide awake and raring to go. Who was this kid?

“Morning.” I attempted an adequate smile back as I wondered who she had gotten her love of mornings from since it certainly was not from me.

Maybe she got it from my dad. He had always been annoyingly cheery in the morning. He always said life was like a mirror. It will smile at you if you smile at it. I flipped the mirror off this morning and had no idea what that said about me.

“Can I drive to school today?” At six-months to sixteen, she was hell-bent on getting full use of her learner’s permit. Her hopeful grin made me smile despite my exhaustion as I sipped my first dose of coffee and began packing the kids’ lunches for school.

I shook out a plastic bag and stuffed it with the turkey sandwich I had just finished making and aimed a sidelong glance in her direction. “Sure, as long as you remember to slow down on the left turns, okay? Your mom mentioned something about Evan hitting his head on the window yesterday.”

She slid onto a barstool on the island, her face apologetic. “That corner snuck up on me. I swear I’ll be more careful and pay better attention. I already said sorry to Evan, and he forgave me. He actually said the worse I am at driving, the better he’ll look when he starts learning. Rude, right?”

With a chuckle, I took the keys from my pocket and tossed them to her. “You got this,” I encouraged. “Steady as she goes, okay?”

“Right. Steady as she goes. Thanks, Dad.”

“Evan, it’s time to go!” I shouted. “We’re running late. And Natalie, listen, even if you’re behind schedule, it’s no excuse to speed. It’s not worth the risk. I’ve seen the results firsthand, okay? It’s better to show up late than maimed or dead. It’s grim but advice you need to take to heart.”

“I know. I’ll be the most careful driver ever. I want you and Mom to trust me and possibly buy me a car for my birthday…”

I huffed a laugh. “You’re a good kid, even if you are a bit delusional.” A new car for myself wasn’t even in the budget, let alone one for Natalie.

“Worth a try.” She grabbed her backpack and headed to the door. “I’ll get it started and back out of the garage, okay?”

“I’ll round up your brother and meet you in the driveway.”

Except Natalie wasn’t in the driveway with the truck when I arrived outside. She was across the street chatting with Gigi and Madi. “Hey, Dad!” She waved me over and then gestured to Madi. “I never get to talk to this one.”

Seeing her again was like a shot of espresso to my senses—jarring, instantly warming my veins to send my heart into an erratic thumping beat in my chest. I watched her on Gigi’s front porch, her eyes a little sleepy, with a soft grin gracing her face. I was content to shake her from my mind earlier while I was busy getting our morning started. But being faced with her now, everything didn’t seem so cut and dry.

Madi laughed and wiggled her fingers at me. “‘This one’ says good morning and thanks you again for getting her here safely yesterday.”

“She has a name, Nat,” Evan teased. “I don’t remember what it is, but I know it isn’t ‘this one.’” He was almost fourteen, and he would go for it any time he had the opportunity to get the better of his big sister.

“I know that,” she ground out, embarrassed. “Riley and Abigail are here all the time. I hardly ever get to see Madison.” She glared at Evan before continuing. “See? I know her name, Ev.”

“No worries,” Madison confirmed with a laugh. “I knew exactly what you meant, Natalie.” Her eyes met mine. “I appreciate you, Cole. And since we’ll be neighbors of a sort, you can all call me Madi. Brownies are on the menu today. It’s my way to thank you and make you like me.”

I laughed inside because I already liked her. Way more than I liked any of my other neighbors.

“We already like you. If you’re related to Gigi, then you’re cool,” Evan assured her. “But we’ll still take the brownies.”

She burst out laughing, and I couldn’t look away. Her hair shone in the early morning light, but her smile was even brighter. She was stunning. “Thank you, Madi.” I grinned at her. “As you can see, we have some brownie fans in the family.”

Nat beamed at Madi. “I get to drive to school today. I’m going to go pull the truck out. See you guys later. Let’s go, Dad!”

She hugged Gigi before running across the street and into the now-open garage, with Evan following close behind her. They’d grown up being close to Gigi, just as my brothers and I had—we all loved her.

“So, I have the day off. Feel free to text me if you need help getting set up in the apartment.”

“We may take you up on that, sweetheart,” Gigi answered. “Can I give Madi your number?”

“Of course. What’s your number, Madi? I’ll add it right now.” She gave it to me, and I sent a quick text, grinning when her notification went off. “Gotcha. Don’t hesitate to use that number.” I flicked two fingers out in a wave and joined the kids across the street at the truck.

“I like her,” Natalie announced from the driver’s seat after I got inside. “She’s super nice and totally funny.”

“And she’s really pretty, too,” Evan added. He waited to see my reaction before hopping into the back seat, so I kept my face as blank as possible.

“So pretty,” Nat agreed, oblivious to everything since she was currently busy adjusting the mirrors and the driver’s seat. “Her clothes are amazing, and her makeup looks like a professional did it. Maybe I can get her to teach me to wing my eyeliner better. Mom sucks at it too. After we went back to school shopping, we were cracking up practicing. Remember when she bought me all that new makeup?”

“Yeah, I remember.” I did not want to talk about my ex or speak badly of her in front of the kids, so I quickly steered the subject away. “Madi is a beautiful woman,” I admitted as Natalie fired up the truck and slowly backed out of the garage.

“So you do like her,” Evan declared. “I knew it when you got her phone number. That was pretty smooth.”

“Wait. What? You got her number?” Nat threw the truck back into park and spun to face me. “Of course, you should like her. I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s gorgeous. Oooh, you could ask her on a date.”

“I got her number if she needed help moving into the apartment above Gigi’s. Nothing more. I’m being neighborly.”

“Take her to the movies or one of the fall things coming up in town. That’s a neighborly thing to do,” Natalie suggested.

“You should take her to the Fall Ball,” Evan added. “Or the fire department fundraiser. Or to the haunted pumpkin patch. Maybe she’ll get scared and hold your hand.”

Cozy Creek was not only a tourist destination; we were collectively obsessed with anything you could celebrate—holidays, changing seasons, high school sports. Any event that would warrant a parade, decorations, or a festival of some sort was wildly popular around these parts.

Fall was a favorite, probably because it was so naturally gorgeous here that even the most curmudgeonly of our residents couldn’t help but enjoy it.

Even the fire station got into the seasonal spirit: The Cozy Creek Fire Brigade Fall Fundraiser was one of our most popular events, and we raised a lot of money every year. I had a meeting scheduled with the event organizer next week to start the planning process for this year’s festivities.

I didn’t answer them. I was not in the mood to argue with them or discuss my love life. Plus, what was that saying about protesting too much? If I kept talking about her, my interest would become apparent, and I’d never hear the end of it.

“Earth to Dad,” Nat’s voice cut into my thoughts. “Ask her out. We don’t mind, we both agreed. We think it’s time. Move on,” she added derisively. “I mean, Mom sure as heck did.”

“What? Nah, I’m not quite ready to start dating yet. And I don’t think the two of you are really ready for that either. Am I right?”

Her eyes went soft. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

I didn’t know what was worse. Having her see me knock the crap out of her now stepfather or the pity I saw shining in her eyes as she looked at me from across the truck.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It is what it is, and I’m okay. I promise you.”

“He’s fine, Nat. He’s got us. We’re all going to be okay.”

“Damn straight, Ev.” I turned back to shoot him a grin. “You two are all I need, all right?”

He smirked. “Yup, and when you finally decide to ask Gigi’s hot granddaughter out, we’ll be there to make sure you don’t mess it up.”

Natalie burst out laughing and shoved my shoulder. “Heck yeah, we will.”

“Let’s nip this in the bud. My dating life, or lack thereof, is not up for discussion. I love you guys more than anything in the world, but we won’t be discussing this around the dinner table. Do you get me?”

“Sure, we get you, Dad,” Natalie mumbled as she turned onto the road that led into town. The high and middle schools were close to home—just right around the corner. Nat was a sophomore, and Evan was in eighth grade. After Natalie got out, I’d drive Evan to the middle school and head to the firehouse.

Was I subconsciously hoping to run into Madi today?

Unfortunately, yes, I was.

All night long, I had been thinking about her. Instead of getting her out of my head, my brain had latched on to her, dissecting, remembering, and appreciating the vivid colors of her hair in the sun, the heady scent of her perfume in the cab, the way her cheeks would blush pink with a shyness I found absolutely riveting. I didn’t know her well enough to like her this much—yet. Damn it, no yet. There could be no yet between Madi and me.

She was Gigi’s granddaughter.

She was too close to home.

Above all, I wasn’t ready, and neither were my kids, no matter what they said.

It was too bad she was unwittingly about to become part of my daily routine as I, along with most of the firefighters in Cozy Creek, spent a lot of time at the Confectionery. Her coffee was terrible, but her breakfast sandwiches and protein shakes were the best. Plus, it was only a quick walk around the corner from the firehouse.

I was off work today, but that didn’t mean I didn’t need to get a workout in. After dropping Evan off, I swung into the firehouse parking lot to meet up with my buddy Pace and youngest brother Tate for a run. Both were also firefighters.

“Hey,” Tate said, already warming up. “Pace isn’t going to make it today. It’s just you, me, and the fascinating text Gigi sent me last night. Madi, huh?”

“What?”

“You and Madi. You two are a thing now? I think it’s great.”

My eyebrows shot to my hairline. I was taken aback. Had someone been reading my mind? “There is no thing between Madi and me. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You sure about that? I didn’t believe it, but I do now. You’re being kind of defensive.” He paused to wait for my reaction, frowning when he didn’t get one. “Anyway, Gigi said to ask you about her and report back. I’m letting you know upfront. I’m no matchmaker. I’ll tell her whatever you want me to.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it. Thank you. I have no desire to be match-made.”

His lips quirked up at the corner. “No matter how gorgeous she is, right?”

“That has no bearing on anything. Can we run?”

He swept an arm out in invitation. “Be my guest.”

I took off down the street faster than my usual pace. The light breeze whipped across my skin as my feet flew across the paved sidewalk. I couldn’t get away fast enough.

“Wait up.” Tate huffed at my side when he caught up. “It’s almost like you’re running from something.”

“I’m running from you.” I shot him a sidelong glare. “I’m not interested in being match-made by you or anyone. And I’m not interested in being psychoanalyzed either, for that matter.”

“Touchy this morning, are you?”

“Nope.” I ran faster as he burst into laughter behind me. He knew me too well, the ass.

We took our usual path down the center of town and through the park, with him hot on my heels as I deliberately outpaced him. I was in no mood to talk. But ever since the divorce, I never was.

Since my marriage exploded, I have kept everything inside.

Who could possibly want to know how much I still wondered where I’d gone wrong?

Or how much I wish I had done things differently?

Or especially, how deep down, I was glad she was gone.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

She was the mother of my children, and when I realized her cheating upset me for all the wrong reasons, I was ashamed of myself. The hit to my pride felt worse than the hit to my heart. She didn’t break me, but having everyone know what she did to me almost did.

What kind of husband feels that way?A terrible one.

Had I ever truly loved her? What was love supposed to feel like anyway?

Our marriage had its fair share of trouble, but I had not realized until it was over how unhappy I had been.

The guilt ate at me constantly. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel.

“Wait up, man!” Tate shouted.

We’d made it to the park. I ran off the trail and slowed to a stop. My chest heaved as I panted, entirely out of breath. I leaned forward to put my hands on my knees.

“Damn, bro. You’re running like something is chasing you,” he accused when he finally caught up to me. “And we both know it’s not me.”

“Sorry,” I muttered without meeting his eyes. “I’m all keyed up this morning. Couldn’t sleep worth a shit.”

“It’s all good.” He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. “Don’t give yourself a heart attack, okay?”

“I won’t. I’m fine. Let’s cool down and walk to Gigi’s.”

“Yeah, you almost killed me. I should have just let you go.” He shoved my shoulder with a good-natured grin. “Listen, I’m here to talk about whatever had you hauling ass through town whenever you’re ready. We all are.”

“I’m fine. No need to talk.”

“Of course you’re fine. Denial is totally not your go-to method of coping with your problems.” Tate’s side eye had been perfected through the years. Even though he was the younger of my two brothers, he was the wisest in many ways.

“Whatever.”

I could admit—to myself—I could be a hothead. My temper sometimes got the best of me, no matter how hard I fought against it.

Our middle brother, Quinn, was similar to me in that regard. Poor Tate had years of practice playing peacemaker between us. Tate was a firefighter like me. Quinn was a mechanic and had taken over running our father’s auto shop in town—Sutter’s Cozy Creek Automotive. He’d been the one to pick up Madi’s VW.

“Will Madi be there? She’s going to work for Gigi, right?” I didn’t answer him as I stalked up the street, sick of this entire morning already. “Did I hit on a sore spot? I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine. And yeah, she’ll probably be there,” I bit out. “She’s moving into the empty apartment on the top floor.”

“Ahh, I see. So she’ll be around a lot then. Hmm.”

“Don’t get started. I had it bad enough from the kids already today. They seem to think I should ask her out.”

“Maybe you should. There’s nothing wrong with moving on. Sherry sure did.” He backed off with a shrug after catching the look on my face. “Or not. It’s all the same to me. But there’s no sense in waiting around⁠—”

“I’m not waiting around. Jesus, Tate. It’s over with her. After what she did to me, I’d never even consider taking her back⁠—”

“That’s not where I was going with this, but good to know.” His eyes softened in sympathy, which he knew I hated. “Nobody thinks you’re waiting around for her, Cole.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s get out of here.” I ran off, not wanting to hear anymore, passing a few other runners on the trail.

“Will you slow the fuck down?” A gasping Tate huffed at my side when he caught up again. “We don’t have to talk about the divorce. I’m sorry I brought it up in the first place.”

I stopped in my tracks; I owed him an apology. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I acted like a jerk, and I have no excuse other than I’ve been so fucking exhausted lately. I hate it when the kids are gone. The house somehow seems to get bigger when they’re at Sherry’s. And when they’re home, I run myself ragged to make them feel like nothing has changed. But it has. Everything is different, and I don’t know how to act around them anymore. I don’t want them worrying about me, and I don’t want them to feel weird in their own house.”

“I get it. No more running. Let’s walk, or I’m going to drop dead.”

“Yeah, sorry about—everything.” We walked the rest of the jogging trail leading to the park’s edge to the sidewalk.

“It’s okay. I get you.” He slapped me on the shoulder before we rounded the corner toward Gigi’s. “You know I do. Change is hard, and you’re in an impossible situation. I don’t know what to say other than take it one day at a time and be there when they need you. That’s really all you can do.”

“You’re right. Thanks.”

“Of course I’m right. It’s what all of us have been doing to handle your grumpy ass. One day at a time.”