27. Madi

Chapter 27

Madi

The elevator ride up to my apartment in Colorado Springs felt all wrong. It was like blasting off in a slow rocket ship to another planet. Or a time machine to the past. I didn’t belong here anymore, and I don’t think I ever did.

I didn’t want to leave Cozy Creek when I finally felt like I had a real home there. But how could I stay if I couldn’t have Cole?

I unlocked the door and stepped inside. After looking around, I was struck by the fact that my memory of being here with Ross had faded into insignificance. He meant nothing to me now that I tasted actual heartbreak. It would devastate me if I couldn’t work things out with Cole.

I set my purse on the console table by the door and dropped my hastily packed overnight bag on the floor. It felt weird not to be greeted by a chorus of “Where have you been?” meows, but thankfully, Kenzie would drive the cats to my place tomorrow after the fundraiser—which I still hadn’t decided if I would attend.

Luckily, Monica had always approved the décor and food and took care of the final run-through of the venue on the day of the fundraiser, so I had completed my part of the planning. I also had no excuse to show up other than my desire to be there.

With a groan, I found my way to my boring beige leather couch, which had no cute stripes or colorful toss pillows, and plopped down, kicking my feet up on my perfectly adequate coffee table.

This sucked. I felt wretched and couldn’t escape thinking I’d made a colossal mistake.

Had I pushed him too hard?

With everything that happened with Ross and how I’d never managed to stand up for myself where he was concerned, I was worried that I’d overcorrected when it came to Cole and jumped the gun by insisting we talk about our future.

Oh well. It was too late now.

My stomach growled, and I burst into tears because it reminded me of the night of our first kiss, his grumbly tummy, and our dinner together at the Skytop Diner.

He was my smushy Tater Tot. Damn it.

I got up to grab my purse to find my phone to order takeout, wiping away tears and frowning when it wasn’t there.

My mind raced to retrace my steps. I knew it wasn’t in my car…

Crap, I’d left it on the counter in the kitchen back in Cozy Creek. I’d set it down when I grabbed a can of Diet Coke from the refrigerator for the road trip. Whatever, I’d get it tomorrow or get ahold of my mom in the morning and have her call Kenzie to bring it with her when she picked up the cats.

But I wanted takeout, dang it. If there was anything left in my fridge here, I didn’t want to know about it—I mean, yuck. It had been months since I’d been here. But I always had emergency mac and cheese in my freezer and Cool Ranch Doritos in the pantry. It was time to stress eat and comfort rewatch Gilmore Girls for the millionth time. I needed to get my mind off of everything and get some perspective.

I headed into the kitchen.

No more thinking. Only relaxing.

Or maybe I should think.

Maybe I should do all the thinking tonight and finally make some damn decisions. Decisions for myself and what I want out of my life. Everyone else and their opinions could screw off. I was back in Colorado Springs. I was supposed to be Madison 2.0 right now, taking charge and being in control.

It’s funny how I’d gone to Cozy Creek to escape my life here, and now I was doing the same thing in reverse. It was time to handle my shit.

I nuked my macaroni while mindlessly munching on the Doritos. I decided to risk opening the fridge because I really needed a Diet Coke and was pretty sure I’d left a few in there. Yes! I had an entire twelve-pack.

Things were looking better; I would be okay. The little things in life always cheered me up, at least temporarily.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

My good thoughts flew away at the sound of my doorbell repeatedly ringing.

I wasn’t expecting anyone.

I grabbed my big marble rolling pin from my baking rack and crept to the door.

I looked through the peephole and saw my mother standing there, furiously texting on her cell phone and pacing back and forth. I stepped back—shit. I was not in the mood to talk to her, or anyone, right now.

I jumped a foot when she started pounding on the door.

“Holy crap, Mother!” I set the rolling pin on the table and threw the door open. “You scared the hell out of me!”

“Oh my god! You’re okay.” She yanked me into a hug. “I’ve been calling and calling and—” She pushed me back, hands on my shoulders. “Why haven’t you answered your phone, young lady? Always answer the phone when your mother calls. That’s the freakin’ rule!”

“I’m sorry.” I waved her inside and shut and locked the door. “I left it in Cozy Creek. And I’m thirty. Can we please drop the young lady thing?”

“You drove all the way up here with no phone? Madison Nicole Winslow! What were you thinking?”

“Well, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking since I forgot it.”

“Did you drive the bug? Please tell me you took Gigi’s car or even Kenzie’s.”

“I drove the bug. But Quinn fixed it. It probably runs better than when it was yours.”

“Oh. Well, good. Okay then.” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she looked me up and down, ensuring I was okay. “I totally freaked out.” Her eyes shifted to the side as she smiled sheepishly. “You’re fine.”

“You think?” I laughed. “And, yeah, I’m fine. Alive and in one piece, at least.”

“Oh, honey. I was worried about you. I knew from Gigi that you were upset, and then you didn’t answer your phone when I called you. And it’s dark outside. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it, promise. I’d be the same way if I had kids of my own. But really, it’s barely even dinner time. It’s hardly late.”

“Oh, honey.”

“Stop it. You’ve got to quit, ‘oh honey-ing’me; you’re going to make me cry. I’ve cried enough today.”

“Baby girl,” she whispered, holding her arms out. “Come here.”

I went. I burst into fresh tears and let her hug me. It felt good to get it all out.

“I’m such an idiot.” I sobbed into her shoulder. “I think I ruined everything.”

“You did not. That’s impossible. Tell me all about it, and we’ll make a plan to fix it.”

I pulled back to study her face. “Haven’t you heard most of the gory details from Riley and Abigail? Or Gigi?”

“No. They keep your secrets, honey. And before you ask, Gigi didn’t tell me anything other than you were upset and I should come over here to check on you.”

“Oh. That’s nice to know.” I followed her to the couch, and we sat down.

“However, I do know about your fondness for Cole. She didn’t tell me on purpose. It’s the way she talks about him, and I know you were planning the fundraiser together, and, well, I can put two and two together; let’s just put it that way, okay? Am I right?”

“Yeah, you’re right, and apparently, he wasn’t ready for all this.” I waved a hand up and down in front of myself. “And how do you know so much? You couldn’t have figured it all out on your own. Please.”

“I’m your mother. I know everything, don’t you know that by now?” she tsked. “And even if I didn’t, I have eyes and the power of observation. Ever since you were a little girl, you’ve always thought Cole was cute. Plus, the gossip from Cozy Creek has spread all the way to my office, thanks to my temporary event planner. Your itty-bitty crush is more now, yes?”

“Itty-bitty crush?” My voice rose in surprise. “I used to think he was cute? I don’t remember any of that.”

“Oh, yes.” She brushed my hair over my shoulder and smiled. “You used to cry when Riley and Abigail played tag with the Sutter boys in the street. But you were too little to join, so he’d always bring you a peony from his mother’s garden whenever they were done. Those lovely pink ones in the backyard, all fluffy and soft. I wonder if they’re still there.”

I sat there blinking and wracking my brain, trying to remember. “How could I have forgotten that? I mean, maybe I remembered bits and pieces. I’ve always loved peonies. Maybe that’s why?”

“I bet it is.” She eyed me knowingly. “You were a toddler, and he probably doesn’t even remember doing it. He was very young, too, and being kind was second nature to him; he was such a sweet little boy. But I thought it was the cutest thing. Gigi and I used to swear the two of you would grow up and get married someday—after you graduated from college, followed your dreams, and grew up to be a fully evolved woman, of course.”

I laughed. “Obviously.”

“But then, your dad and I divorced, and we moved to Colorado Springs. Then that little Sherry girl from next door caught his eye, and that was that.”

“Well. Holy shit.” I loved the idea of having a history with Cole, even a minor thing such as this.

“I know, right? It’s kind of like fate has stepped in, isn’t it?”

“Well, I’m afraid I blew it.”

“Well.” She stuck her tongue out at me teasingly. “According to Gigi, he hung the moon. So most likely, he’ll be removing his head from his ass at some point, and then he’ll come crawling back, begging to be with you.”

“Doubtful. And it’s too late for that.” I blew a disgruntled breath. “I’m hurt and also embarrassed. And a tiny bit mad at him, too. I don’t care if I have a right to feel this way. I just do. I put myself out there. I wish I could take it back.”

“Gotcha. I’d probably be feeling the same thing. Love is a bunch of bullshit, isn’t it?”

“It is. Total freaking bullshit.”

“He’s not that hot anyway. You could do better.”

“He’s totally hot, Mother. Are you blind? He’s a firefighter. He literally saves lives for a living. He’s a hero and a good dad too, by the way.”

“Meh, whatever. Dads are overrated. Moms are where it’s at. Take me, for example. I am here for you and ready to listen. I give the best hugs. Not to mention, I have the DoorDash app pulled up, and I’m ready to order all the takeout you want. I bet you’re hungry. Aren’t you?” She held up her phone.

“Oh, I’m starved. You’ll just have to trust me; he’s a good dad, and his kids are awesome. I want pizza. Get extra pepperoni and a huge Diet Coke.”

“On it. Pizza sounds perfect. And you got me there. I’ve heard nothing but good things about those kids from Gigi. They’re always polite every time I see them at her place.”

“Oh yeah? Well, that’s good to hear.”

“He needs to work on his yard, though,” she muttered as she tapped on her phone to order the food. “His front lawn has been looking a little lackluster. The last time I was at Gigi’s, I noticed it was a bit overgrown. Maybe he needs a new mower.”

“His yard is fine. He has gorgeous roses on the side of his house, and maybe you need glasses because he always does those straight mowing lines—it’s actually perfect. I haven’t been in the back, though. I have no idea if the peonies are still there.”

She burst out laughing.

“God, I can’t believe I fell for this. I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Whatever. You’re trying to remind me why I like him so much. You’re always so sneaky.”

“Sometimes, it’s the only way to get you girls to talk to me.”

“Ugh. I’ve said too much. Now you’re going to be on Gigi’s side.”

She looked me dead in the eyes. “I’m always on your side, Madison. Always. Even if you’re wrong, I will have your back.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too. In fact, I love you so much that I’m going to that fundraiser with you tomorrow night. Me, you, and your sisters. Picture it: the four of us, dressed to kill. We can take a family photo to put on my mantel. Me and my girls.”

“What? You? In Cozy Creek somewhere other than Gigi’s? In public? You’ll go with me?”

“Yeah. Me. In Cozy Creek. It’s time. If my baby is going to be living there, then I’ll have to get used to the place again, right? Plus, I’ve missed the Skytop and their epic tots.”

“Living there? I’m not at that point yet, if at all. But what if you run into Dad? Who knows when he’ll be back in town.”

“I know you haven’t seen him since you’ve been there, Gigi told me. Sometimes, I wish I had picked a better father for you, but I was stupid in love back then, and I made so many bad decisions where he was concerned. But I can’t regret any time I spent with him because now I have my girls. If I run into him, I’ll deal with it. I’ll do anything for you.”

“I—I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” She pulled me into her arms for a hug, and I snuggled close. “This means everything to me.”

“Of course. Now tell me what happened with Cole. Don’t spare a detail.”

“I was pushy. And I was demanding. I wouldn’t blame him for never speaking to me again. He said he wasn’t ready, and I didn’t accept it.”

She stroked my hair and pulled me tighter, reminding me of how I felt with her as a little kid. She worked a lot, but somehow, she was always there for me. I felt bad for losing sight of that.

“There is a line between standing up for yourself and being pushy. There is no way you crossed it. Okay? You’re a sensitive girl. You’ve always known how to read a room.”

I told her everything we had said to each other—all of it.

“So, he expressed the honest thought that he wasn’t ready. He admitted he has feelings for you. He explained himself thoroughly and didn’t want to end things with you. He just wanted to slow down? Is that it?”

I shifted out of her arms to sit cross-legged in the corner of the couch.

“When you put it that way, I sound like a freakin’ psycho, mother.”

“You’re not a psycho. Not at all. That’s not where I was going with this. You are lucky to have a sense of clarity that he doesn’t. You moved on from Ross. He can’t entirely move on from his ex. Gigi told me about her and what she did to him. She’s a piece of work, that one is. He probably doesn’t want to put you through all the drama she’ll inevitably cause. And he’s hurting. I know you are, too, and I don’t want to compare your pain to his. But his situation is a lot more complicated with the kids and all that goes along with that.”

“I totally get that. You’re right, and I hope she gets better. For their sake.”

“Think of it this way: he has to deal with her for the rest of his life. Ask me how I know what that feels like.”

“So, you’re an expert witness for the defense, is that it?”

“No, Madi. The two of you sound like you’re on the same side. Take a breath, think about it, and you’ll see it too.”

“Okay. You’re right. That’s probably why I’m not completely devastated right now.”

“Good. Now flip what I said. Did you tell him what you need?”

I nodded.

“Were you honest?”

“Yes…”

“Clear about what you want?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“Good. Always be forthright. If someone can’t handle it, they don’t belong in your life.”

“You’re right. I didn’t mess anything up. Not being honest with him would have led to resentment.”

“You are a fighter, Madi. I raised all of you girls to go after what you want. But you are also my sweetest girl. You are a people pleaser. You want everyone to be happy, and I love that about you. But you need to start pleasing yourself first. You matter.”

“Okay, I matter. And I’ll try to please myself first,” I repeated, not sure where she was going with this.

Deep in my heart, I had always been afraid to let anyone down. A crazy mix of hope and fear shot through my body, leaving me breathless as I contemplated the life changes I was about to make.

“Slight change of subject. I don’t want you to try to make me happy anymore. I don’t want you to return to Cozy Creek and chase after Cole, either. If he doesn’t come around, then fuck him.” I gasped. “I mean it. I want you to live your dreams. I want you to live your life on your terms, and if that means moving to Cozy Creek and taking over the Confectionery from Gigi someday, then that’s what you need to do.”

“Are you serious right now? What about the company?”

“If you don’t want your job back, Jenny wants it. And even if she didn’t, I can find someone else. You need to do what you want. This is your life, and I want you to live it.”

“I think I want to live in Cozy Creek.”

“I had a feeling about that, sweetheart, and you have my blessing. Not that you need it. But I want you to feel good. I don’t want any guilt or confusion between us. Be forthright, always. Got it?”

“Got it, okay. Wow! I’m moving to Cozy Creek.”

“I’m happy for⁠—”

A knock at the door cut her off.

“That must be the pizza. Hold that thought.”

I got up to answer it.

It was not the pizza.

It was a delivery person from the florist shop down the road carrying an armful of pink peonies wrapped in brown paper and tied with white lace and twine. The card attached said they were from Cole.

I shut the door and faced my mother, who was smiling ear to ear.

“Oh, honey. Maybe there is a little bit of fate happening right now. Or maybe it’s Gigi.”