9. June

9

JUNE

I've been embarrassed before. Plenty of times. But this was different.

Sutton was...

My brain refused to latch onto the word I was looking for because all I could focus on was the way my neck and cheeks and ears burned.

The kiss was a mistake. Maybe not the one at the party. That one at least sent a clear message to our friends. It also made my pulse race.

I'd wanted more, and when it came time to leave the party, I'd given in to the desire swirling inside me. A fact that only added to my chagrin.

With the older couple gone, I shrugged out from under Sutton's arm and turned to face him, but it took me a couple tries to look him in the eyes. When I finally opened my mouth to say something—anything—nothing came out.

"Hey," he soothed, reaching out for me. "We have nothing to be embarrassed about."

I backed away before his fingertips could so much as brush my arm. If I let him touch me again, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to stop myself. And the way I'd behaved... that wasn't me.

My life was organized and controlled. I had plans and systems that I stuck to. What I didn't do was give into the urge to kiss a man I'd known for all of a day. Though, calling what just happened on the elevator a "kiss" didn't even scratch the surface.

When I was in his orbit, there was no fighting his pull.

It was a frightening realization, but what really scared me was how much I didn't want to fight it. I wanted his kiss and his heat and—heaven save me—that delicious friction.

If we hadn't been interrupted by the couple with the knowing smiles, we might have groped and stumbled our way back to the suite Missy and I shared. Never mind that we'd made a deal not to bring guys back to our rooms. My brain was making decisions like I was tipsy, reckless and wanton, but I'd only had a few sips of alcohol all night. So, I couldn't even use that as an excuse.

No, the problem was definitely Sutton and my reaction to him. My attraction to him.

I smoothed my skirt and eased back another step.

"June?" Even his damned voice had a visceral effect on me, making me burn in ways I wasn't ready to explore.

What the hell was I thinking coaxing him onto the elevator with me?

I forced myself to look up at him again and shook my head. "I should go."

His brow pinched. Where some other guy might be irritated that I'd led him on, Sutton's expression was filled with worry. "Did I do something?"

"No. This is all me," I confessed. My mind told me to put more distance between us, but my feet wouldn't move. "Thanks for tonight. And sorry for..." My gaze cut to the elevator for just a second.

What exactly was I apologizing for? He thought I was embarrassed, which, yeah, maybe a little, but that was also the single hottest experience of my life. It felt real.

Too real.

"Have a good night, Sutton." I started to turn, but when he reached out and touched my arm, I stilled.

"June, wait. Please talk to me."

I closed my eyes against the hurt in his voice.

Maybe he was genuine. Maybe Sutton Rafferty was exactly who he seemed to be, a guy with the body and attitude of a bad boy wrapped around a heart of gold, but that didn't change anything. Real or no, I couldn't risk letting him in. Not when it was so painfully clear how quickly I could fall for him.

I shook my head.

His hand fell away. "Can we talk tomorrow?"

Another little shake of my head. "I don't think so." Even just seeing him again felt like a risky proposition.

I dared a glance over my shoulder and instantly regretted it. He looked gutted, making me feel like even more of a monster.

My chest tightened. I hated the idea of hurting him. He'd done nothing to deserve it. And maybe I was making a huge mistake, but when push came to shove, I had to protect myself.

"I really am sorry," I forced out. Then I turned and walked away.

Anytime I was torn about something, the second I made a decision, a weight would lift off my shoulders. Not this time. Instead of relief, I felt like a coward running away from my fears, and I hated every single step that took me away from him.

I didn't look back to see if he was following me. I'd drawn the line in the sand, and even though I was the tease who'd lured him onto the elevator when he intended to let me ride up alone, I was sure he wouldn't cross it.

When I made it to the suite, I was on the verge of tears. I threw myself onto the bed, letting the downy duvet and plush mattress cocoon me in a softness I didn't deserve. There were things I still needed to do, like get undressed and take a quick shower, but that was where I stayed, curled around my pillow with my contacts in and my shoes on, until Missy shook me awake the next morning for our bestie's spa day.

It was a sea day for the cruise, with the ship sailing from Nassau to Bimini. Luckily, with all the treatments Missy booked for the two of us, I was pretty sure I didn't have to worry about running into Sutton. All I had to do was enjoy a day of luxurious pampering, which turned out to be more nerve wracking than anything.

The seaweed mask massage just made me more tense because the muscled masseuse wasn't the guy I wanted putting his hands on me. The facial left me feeling weirdly exposed. And I had way too much time to think during our detoxifying mud bath and the body wrap that followed.

By the time we made it to the thermal suite where we reclined side-by-side in heated loungers, I was wound tighter than I'd been in years.

Missy's irritated huff had me twisting my head around to look at her. "Something wrong?"

She glared over at me. "Spill it, June Bug."

"Spill what?"

"Whatever it was that crawled up your butt and died there between the deck party last night and this morning."

I snorted a surprised laugh. "Nothing crawled up my butt."

She rolled back and closed her eyes. "I've been trying to be the good bestie and let you work through whatever the hell this is, but the tension is straight pouring out of you. Do you know how hard it is to relax when you're sitting next to someone who's coiled up like a snake about to strike?"

"I am not like a snake," I argued, as if that was the point.

She opened her eyes just so she could roll them at me. "Talk. Now."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "It's nothing."

"Strike one."

"I don't..." I let the rebuttal trail off because we both knew she would just call me out again.

"Is it Sutton? Did he do something? Because there's still plenty of time to find him and throw his ass overboard."

It was just like her to drill down right to the heart of the problem. Except he hadn't done anything wrong. Not really.

"Oh, shit," Missy whispered. "It was him, wasn't it?"

"Sutton is a good guy."

"Even good guys can make mistakes."

I huffed out a breath. "It was me, not him."

She eyed me skeptically. "I'm going to need you to show your work on that, because from where I'm sitting, you're the one who looks miserable."

I shifted uncomfortably in my heated lounger. Was there any point in keeping up the ruse? If fate was on my side, I would make it through what was left of this trip without running into Sutton again. And if it wasn't, well, it wouldn't be that hard to keep my distance. It was a big ship after all. Lots of dark corners to scurry off to.

"Would you be pissed if I told you that the thing between me and Sutton wasn't real?" I asked.

Missy arched one perfectly sculpted brow. "Pissed? No, but I wouldn't believe you either. I saw the two of you together. You can't fake that kind of chemistry."

Maybe not, but she was missing the point. "It was fake. We agreed to pretend to date so you and Brandon could enjoy the cruise without either of you worrying about us." Saying it out loud left an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

If the sour expression that pinched Missy's face was any indication, it sounded just as bad to her. "Seriously?" she asked, the hurt shining through on her gorgeous face. When I nodded, she closed her eyes. "You could have just told me you weren't interested in coming."

It wasn't that simple. She'd booked the cruise as a birthday present for me. Plus, I knew she needed to get away. "I did want to come, for you. Your first cruise as a newly single woman is a big deal."

She scoffed. "I've been on a dozen cruises, June Bug."

"I want to be here with you, but I was worried I would spoil your fun. You said you wanted lots of drinks, gorgeous men, and hot sex. You weren't going to get that if I was the fuddy duddy who batted away every guy you threw at me."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "I wasn't serious about the sex."

"You weren't?" Because she'd sounded awfully convincing on that first night.

"Look, I've been trying to put myself out there again..." Her words faded, and understanding hit me like a sharp slap to the face.

"But you're not ready," I finished for her.

Was I really so oblivious? I'd seen her reaction when her asshole ex messaged her that first night, but I'd still managed to miss the bigger picture.

A shudder ran through her. "Just the idea of letting another guy touch me still makes me all squirmy."

I replayed the last couple of days in my head. Every time I saw her with a man—or several men, as was usually the case—they hovered around her, and there were a few friendly touches but nothing more than that.

Nothing even close to the way Sutton's fingertips trailed up my arm that first night in the bar, or the way his hand curved around the back of my neck when he kissed me.

I shook off the memory and did my best to shove down the regret blossoming inside me. "Why didn't you say something?"

Missy shrugged. "Because this whole trip was my idea. I honestly thought I would be over him by now, and I haven't wanted to admit, even to myself, that I'm not."

So, in a way, she was faking it too. What a pair we made. "That settles it. The rest of this cruise is officially a girl's trip."

She studied me, but if she saw that at least a sliver of my desire to make this a testosterone-free adventure was so I could avoid Sutton, she didn't mention it. "Does that mean we're doing movies and ice cream in the suite tonight? They have this chocolate vodka-infused Rocky Road that I've been dying to try."

"Absolutely, but we should have a real meal first, as in dinner. Do you want to hit one of the restaurants or order in?" I asked.

"Room service, obviously."

I laughed, and for the first time in days, a little of the tightness in my chest eased. "Obviously. And what about tomorrow? I'm thinking we can wander Bimini and maybe do some shopping before we lounge on the beach."

"Ooo, yes please," she said, clapping giddily.

"Then that's what we're doing." The only question was, could I do it all without running into Sutton and getting swept up in his seductive energy again?