Chapter 43

FORTY-THREE

Nathan

Nick's missing. My girlfriend is a liar. My cousins won't talk to me. And everyone at work keeps staring and whispering when they think I'm not paying attention. Life took a hard right turn and I fucking hate it. I want to go back to a week ago when everything was beautiful, and I thought I was healing and falling in love with the woman of my dreams. Except maybe it never was fine, at least according to Dom, who's gloating like a motherfucker while pretending he's oh so sad to have been right about Mina's motivations. Even Rita had a hard time making eye contact this morning and I'd pegged her as unflappable.

Mina hasn't texted since Saturday, probably giving me the space I said I needed. The petulant child that lives in my head swears it's proof she was using me. That she'd fight harder if she genuinely cared. The adult knows she's being respectful of my wishes.

I'm the reason we haven't talked.

I just can't deal with it all right now.

I'm simmering in stress.

The Nick situation would be enough on its own. But to find out he's missing the same day my nemesis told the world my relationship was fake? Only to find her in Mina's bedroom the next day?

It's too much stacked on too much stacked on too much.

I've lost the respect of my family. My colleagues. I can't talk to Micah or Angela or my brothers or sister about it. I can't even think about Nick without a jolt of panic scattering common sense.

I've lost Mina.

Or maybe I haven't.

One conversation might solve everything, but therein lies the problem. I don't trust her anymore. What if Dom is right to gloat? What if Mina being friends with Fallon Mae was just the tip of the iceberg. What if she was pretending to love me because of her mom's medical bills? Being my girlfriend would be a hell of a solution, either because she applies for assistance through ROF and asks me to grease the wheels on the application, or I just pay the damn things off myself.

I should talk to her.

I miss her.

But worse than not trusting her, I don't trust myself. I'll hear what I want to hear, not what she's actually saying. Just like I did with Blossom.

I am too gullible for my own damn good.

But I should have called her days ago. Letting this drag on so long is an asshole move.

I'm better than this.

I groan, leaning my elbows on my desk and threading my fingers through my hair, begging to get off this damn merry-go-round. "Come on, West. You're here to work. Buck the fuck up and work already."

Lifting my head, I stare at the email I opened who knows how long ago. I've read it four times and still have no idea what it says. I scrub my face, realize I probably should have shaved before coming in this morning, then lean in for one last attempt at reading when my phone pings. An alert on my name…from Fallon's blog.

Damn it.

She had the balls to post another article?

Really?

Has she not done enough damage?

Seriously, what did I do to her?

I tap on the alert and the blog opens to the article, but you know what? I don't have the bandwidth to care. My thumb moves to close the browser, but I pause when I see Mina's name. With my heart in my throat, I read the first few lines, then the whole damn thing, then sit back, chewing my bottom lip. Before I've had time to figure out how I feel, my office door opens.

"Mr. West?" Rita crosses her arms like a palace guard. "Your interior designer is here." She places an unusual amount of emphasis on Mina's job description.

My jaw sets.

I'm not prepared for this. I still haven't processed her apology—assuming that's what that was. She never actually said the words, but they were strongly implied. But what was Mina's motivation for the article? Was she genuine? Does she want something? Fuck me. I should have stayed home.

I scrub my face again because damn it, I need to get a grip. All this whining and ‘what-ifing' is a waste of energy.

"Would you like me to tell her where exactly she can go?" Rita asks, lifting her chin and squaring her shoulders.

The ferocity in her eyes brings a ghost of a smile to my lips. It's quite possibly the first time I've not frowned in the last three days.

"There's no need for that." I wave off my self-appointed bodyguard. "I appreciate you for looking out for me, but go ahead and send her in."

Rita gives a bob of her head and gestures for Mina to enter, mean-mugging her as she steps into my office.

There's this moment. My gaze lands on hers and joy riots through me. A weekend apart is too much because all is right with the world when we're together. I want to rush to her, wrap her in my arms and apologize over and over for going so long without talking.

But I don't. I will myself still until I know why she's here. I watch as Mina closes the door and takes a seat.

Her hair is down. She looks paler than usual. Her eyes are sad and her smile is weak and my heart stutters at the sight of her.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this." Mina tucks her hair behind her ears, tightens her hands into fists, then places them in her lap. "I know I promised I'd give you space, but there are things I need to say and I can't wait any longer."

She meets my eyes with so much trepidation, I feel like even more of an asshole for the distance I've maintained. Unless, of course, Dom was right. In that case, I've done exactly what I should have.

I hate myself for being this suspicious.

Why is nothing in life cut and dry and easy?

"I should have told you I was friends with Fallon," Mina continues, her bottom lip trembling, her voice reedy and thin. "Any time in the last several weeks would have been better than letting you find out the way you did. I promise you; I wasn't keeping the secret intentionally nor did my involvement with you have anything to do with my friendship with her."

Her words are rehearsed. She's nearly in tears. I hate to see her like this.

"Mina, I—" I start the sentence with no idea how to finish it, but Mina holds up her hand.

"I understand it seems that way," she continues. "I really do. And I also understand why you think I was trying to take advantage of you. I wasn't. I'm not. But what I need you to hear most is that I'm deeply, incredibly sorry for not being honest, especially knowing how Blossom treated you."

I close my eyes at the parallel and Mina hurries on.

"I went to see Fallon the other day and…" She closes her eyes and huffs a laugh. "I think I met the real her for the first time. I guess I have blinders when it comes to people and their motivations. I assume the best in everyone, and I was wrong to put my trust in her. She's not a good person and I don't want her in my life anymore, but I made her post a clarification about you on her blog. It should go live sometime today, and I only tell you so you don't get upset when you get the alert on your name. I figured the least I could do was tell her readers who you really are, maybe undo some of the damage to your reputation. As soon as that article goes live though, I'm officially done with Fallon fucking Mae."

Mina holds my gaze, smiling weakly as she emulates my intonation every time I say my archenemy's name.

I muster a weak, "Thank you," and Mina swallows hard.

"There's a few more reasons I came to see you today." She ruffles in her purse and pulls out a check, places it on the table and slides it my way. "I'm returning the advance you gave me. And the extra twenty percent we agreed on for…" She drops her gaze with a sigh, then brings those soulful blues back to me. "For this whole thing?"

Her voice breaks and every instinct I have is to close the distance between us, to cup her cheeks, to hold her close…but I'm glued to my chair, still and waiting.

"I won't be accepting the extra money," Mina finishes. "I can't accept it."

I glower at the check and slide it back across the desk. "I don't want your money."

"It's not mine. I shouldn't have taken it in the first place. I like being with you, Nathan. It's weird to be paid for it."

A million thoughts fight for dominance, all of them conflicting. My jaw clenches while I decide which to listen to.

I swallow hard before, "I like being with you too."

A smile warms Mina's face. It's the first time she's looked like the woman I know since she walked in. "That's gonna make what I have to say even harder. Everything we're built on is flimsy and fake, Nathan. We flirted because we signed a contract. Because we negotiated a price on our affections."

I huff in disgust. "I flirted because I wanted to."

Mina lifts a brow. "At first, you flirted because you wanted to sell a story about a relationship that didn't exist. I have to wonder; did we get so caught up in faking it that we fell for our own lies?"

"No." The answer is simple. Powerful, and right there. I don't have to think to find it. "I fell for you because of who you are."

"Then why is finding out I was friends with Fallon enough to make you hide for a whole weekend? And why was knowing you'd be mad we were friends enough to keep me from telling you in the first place? Maybe we don't trust each other as much as we should."

I sit back with a growl.

Mina reaches across the desk to take my hand. "A man like you deserves something real and honest and true. You deserve to be with someone you trust. Someone who makes you happy. Whole."

A man like me. Blossom's favorite phrase. Only this time, it doesn't feel like manipulation. It feels like a compliment.

"You made me happy."

Mina's practiced demeanor cracks and a river of pain ripples across her face. "Then why didn't you call me back? Why did I have to come to you, here, at work, and force you to hear me?"

"Because I'm a petulant child." I scoff and look away. "Is that what you want me to say?"

"No, Nathan. I'm not here to toss around blame. I've recently come to respect a certain measure of blunt honesty and…well…I'm just trying to be real with you. Because that's what a good relationship needs. Real emotions. Real thoughts. Honesty in all things, even when it's scary. Even when it might break us. Otherwise, we're built on lies."

I stare so long, weighing everything she says against my bullshit meter, that Mina starts to fidget. It's endearing. And heartbreaking.

"So anyway, I guess I'll just get to the hard part. I don't think we should see each other until I'm financially stable. So you can trust I'm with you for you and not what I can get from you."

"You don't want to see me anymore?"

Mina sags, eyes sliding closed, brows drawing tight. When she meets my gaze again, it looks like her heart is breaking. "I think we need to take a break so we can unravel what was real and what was fake."

"I don't want to take a break."

"I don't either, but I think you and me, us together, I think it could be special. There's a chance for it to be as real and true and as beautiful as it felt, but if you can't trust me, we'll never get there. The only way I can think to do this is to show you I can stand on my own two feet. To be strong separately so we can be even stronger together."

"I don't want to take a break." I cross my arms and shake my head, frustrated enough to repeat myself.

"Then tell me how to fix this!" Mina cries. "Because going a whole weekend without talking is a lot. Yes, I messed up, but if I can't even have a conversation with you to apologize, what does that mean? I've been going crazy, beating myself up, wondering what you're thinking, missing you like…like I don't know how to breathe when you're not around, but it's just been silence on your end. How long am I supposed to be okay with that before you're just as much the asshole as I am? What do you need, Nathan? Just tell me what you need!"

"If I knew what I needed I would have done it!" I bark, then consciously lower my voice. "I'm juggling a lot. Nick. You. Fallon fucking Mae in your bedroom." I close my eyes against that particular image. "My family is furious with me. Angela won't talk to me. Micah basically told me to fuck off. My parents are more disappointed than ever. The whole crew loves you as much as I do and then some stranger on the internet says it's fake…" I close my eyes and grit my teeth and clench my fists because everything I feel for Mina is real. How dare Fallon Mae say otherwise? "Or it started out fake and then it wasn't," I say, opening my eyes with a sigh. "I don't know, Mina. I just don't know."

Mina's shoulders slump and she releases a long, slow breath. "Which is why I think it's best if I remove myself from the equation for a bit. Just until we do know."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. I'm sorry I'm human and imperfect and I don't always know what to do or say." I throw up my hands then let them drop to my lap. "A week ago, I was so happy…"

Mina stands, fighting tears. "I was too. And this isn't goodbye forever. Just…for now. Until we know."

Until we know.

Whatever the fuck that means.

Part of me dies at the thought of goodbye, but if this is what she thinks is best…

"A little distance might be a good thing."

Mina nods. Frowns. Blows a short puff of breath past her lips. "Okay, then. I guess that's it, then. Goodbye, Sweet Prince," she whispers, one hand on the doorframe.

The nickname is a blast of regret, nostalgia, fondness, all tangled in an impenetrable knot in my stomach.

I sit back in my chair and scrub my hand over my mouth as she turns and walks away. "Goodbye, Mina," I mumble, then slam my laptop shut with a growl.