Chapter 19

NINETEEN

Nathan

What the hell was that kiss? Mina's fingers threading into my hair, her breasts pressing against my chest. Her lips were supple and soft but stoked the fire we lit at the pool table.

I ruminate over it the entire drive home, then some more as the garage door closes behind me and I let myself into the house. My cock throbs and shudders. I pause, leaning against the kitchen counter to give it a moment to remember who we're talking about here.

This is Mina Blake. My interior designer. Hot Mess Extraordinaire. We have a business relationship. Nothing more.

Except it sure feels like more. Like I can talk to her about anything and she'll listen. Like she sees through the stupid barbed wire I've wrapped around my heart to the man I used to be. Like she wants to help me be that man again. And when I'm with her, I want to be that man again.

Except I'm paying her to date me for shit's sake.

And I promised I'd cut a check for it tomorrow.

Sure, most of the money is for her design services, but there's a financial aspect to our relationship that I can't ignore. It's a devil on my shoulder, whispering, ridiculing…

I'm struck by the memory of Mina's shocked face at Red Stiletto the day I proposed this crazy idea.

No, she said, that's prostitution and trust me. We're fine. You don't have to worry about us having sex. Ever.

But, when my hands met Mina's waist tonight, she pulled me closer and held me tight. Nothing about her said no and everything about her said yes…

Said every rapist ever.

My eyes blink open and I push off the counter.

What the fuck, man?

What's going on with me?

And for that matter, if a little contractual flirting turns me on this much, how in the hell will I handle Mina in a bathing suit tomorrow—with even more contractual flirting on tap? If our next kiss includes skin on skin contact…

Maybe she isn't a bikini kind of woman.

Maybe she's into the sleek black one-pieces favored by athletes.

Or better yet, considering her vintage vibe, maybe she'll show up in one of those turn of the century deals that covers every inch of her body…

Right. And maybe Dom will text tomorrow to inform me he's entering a monastery and completely approves of my choices of late.

I am so fucking screwed.

I pour myself a drink, assistance to get Mina off my mind.

The whiskey goes down smooth. Too smooth to drown the thoughts of her, so I pour myself another. No help there, either. I place the empty glass in the sink and head upstairs for a shower, but she's waiting for me there, too. On her knees. Lips pink and parted as she beckons me forward. I blink away the image as I crank on the water and strip, but my dick has a different idea. As water sluices down my face, my chest, my abs, I imagine her lips wandering the same path, kissing and licking and staring up at me with those fucking baby blues. I take myself in my hand, rolling my palm over my crown, tilting my head back in ecstasy.

In my mind, Mina smiles and takes me to the back of her throat and then I'm pumping and shuddering and fuck, my fist in her hair, those perfect tits bouncing as she sucks me, moaning and groaning and oh damn she's glorious. Pull her to her feet and bend her over. Slap that ass and spread her thighs, then bury myself balls deep as water pelts her back, my chest. Her hand pressed against the cool tile, steam gathering around us, her pussy clenching and quivering and fuck fuck fuck! She's screaming my name, her voice breaking as it echoes off the bathroom walls.

My fist pumps and my breath speeds and then I'm coming harder than I remember and all I see are blue eyes, soft skin, and hair so black it's like midnight over the water…

The light blazing through my window is unforgiving. One eye cracks open, then the other, then the icepick inserted at my temple does a viciously twisting dance. After my self-love extravaganza last night, I had another drink. To wash away the shame, I said. Drunk and disorderly me continued to wander back to thoughts of Mina. Some about sex, others about what life would be like if our relationship was real. So I had another.

I cover my face with my hands and groan.

The shame is still there and has joined forces with a righteous hangover that pounds against my skull. I know better than to listen to drunk Nathan. He does stupid shit.

Dragging my palms down my face, I press up on my elbows and take stock.

Headache? Check.

Nausea? Not as bad as it could be.

Grumpy as fuck? That's an affirmative.

I check my phone and find a text from Dom.

Dom

Thought I warned you about dating down

wtf you talking about

That blogger told the world about your interior designer/girlfriend. When are you gonna learn it's better if you just take my advice?

Don't worry, though

Dr. Dom to the rescue

Come out with me tonight

Can't.

Why?

Her?

Yep

I'm telling you brother, you're making a mistake on this one.

She ask you for money yet?

Fuck this shit. I don't have it in me for this conversation.

I chug coffee then shave and get dressed before stopping in the office to cut Mina a check. My teeth grind as I sign the damn thing.

No. That's prostitution…

She ask you for money yet?

Is this who I am now? A man who pays for a relationship? A man who ignores his friend's advice while the warning signs he's pointing out flash in my face?

I'm aware of the check's presence in my pocket as I make the drive to Mina's apartment. I pull into the parking lot, grimacing as I bump over one of many potholes dotting the crumbling concrete, then park beside her ancient Honda. Considering I know exactly how much her design services are worth, her living arrangements confound me. She should have a nice home, a new car, designer clothes. Instead, she lives in the cheapest apartment in a fifty-mile radius and asked me for an advance just last night. It doesn't add up. Is Dom right? Is she using me for my money? Is everything I'm starting to feel for her predicated on a lie?

Her shitty living situation makes me even grumpier.

"Pull yourself together," I growl, then kill the engine and sigh, closing my eyes tightly. Unfortunately, shower Mina is waiting, smiling that sultry smile and reminding me how willing I am to cross the boundaries I put up for my own protection. Maybe I'm more of a villain than I want to admit. Lifting my sunglasses, I give my face a quick scrub, then head for her porch and ring the bell.

"Good morning!" Mina exclaims as she throws open the door, her face falling when she sees me. "Oh no. What's wrong?"

"Long night," I mutter, trying to conjure a dismissive smile and failing. Her neighbor's door creaks open as Mina steps outside to lock up.

"Good morning, Ms. Markowitz!" Mina calls brightly to a woman who could be anywhere between fifty and a hundred and twenty, clutching a cat in one hand and a coffee mug in the other.

"You're awfully chipper for someone who had to listen to the Dietzes fight all night." The woman's eyes light on me and a knowing smile twists her lips. "Though I'd be chipper too, if I had someone like that knocking on my door."

Mina blushes. "If it's not the Dietzes, it's Marius revving his engine or the frat boys coming home drunk and trying to break down my door because they forgot which apartment is theirs. I just tune out the noise."

Ms. Markowitz sits on her top step and arranges the cat in her lap. The feline closes his eyes and lifts his face to the sun like the light isn't an icepick twisting son of a bitch. "I wish I could be as chill about it as you,"

"She shouldn't be that chill about it," I retort, teeth grinding. "She shouldn't have to deal with it at all. Neither should you. I don't know what you did to end up in a place like this…"

But you deserve so much more, I finish in my head while Mina's eyebrows raise and her jaw sets.

"Maybe you should worry more about your life choices and less about mine." Her tone is a warning shot. She's not a fan of my mood or what I have to say.

Yeah, well, neither am I. And it's her fault I feel this way.

"Maybe if you weren't surrounded by assholes, I could do that." I lift a hand at Ms. Markowitz. "No offense."

"None taken. I have to like someone to care about their opinion," she replies with a sweet smile before giving her attention back to her cat.

"What's gotten into you?" Mina hisses.

You. You got into me, and you weren't supposed to.

Outrage dances in those baby blues and that feels so much safer than what I saw in them after the kiss.

It's better if she doesn't like me.

For both of us.

"Like I said, long night." I turn my back, stomp down the steps, yank open the car door, then plop into the driver's seat and wait. Mina pops her fists on her hips and shakes her head before following suit. Slowly, with her chin held high.

"Are you hungover?" she asks once the passenger door closes behind her.

"I was a perfect gentleman while we were together."

"And after?"

"After is not in our contract."

She frowns, then disappointment softens her outrage. "I guess that's true. I just thought…" She's quiet now. I've hurt her feelings.

Damn it. I don't want to play the villain with her anymore.

"You know what?" she says. "It doesn't matter."

Her focus is out the window, her lip caught between her teeth and in that moment, I realize that somewhere along the way, she stopped hating me and I stopped hating her. Inexplicably, our fake relationship has blurred into something real, and I've been an absolute dick this morning…because I'm angry at myself for liking her.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "You just thought what?" I ask, trying to erase the bite in my voice.

"It doesn't matter," Mina replies, amping up the bite in hers.

"It does matter. Look, I'm being an asshole and I'm sorry. I'm grumpy and I don't like knowing you live in this cheap apartment, and I like it even less knowing you're surrounded by dick weasels who keep you up all night and that makes me uncomfortable because we aren't, you and I, we're not supposed…"

I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.

I'm not supposed to want you, but I do.

I shake my head and almost growl but refuse to give her the pleasure. "Can we start over?"

Mina stares like I've lost my mind.

I get out of the car, cross in front, open her door to take her elbow and pull her out with me.

"What are you doing?" she squawks as I drag her up the steps and stop in front of her door while a stunned Ms. Markowitz and her cat watch with enough interest to be Fallon fucking Mae drafting her next headline.

Wouldn't that be a kick to the gut?

If Fallon Mae turned out to be Mina's neighbor and she didn't think that was something I should know?

"Unlock it." I rattle the doorknob to make my point.

"What?" Mina steps back, eyeing me like I might be dangerous. "Why?"

"Please," I add, as gently as possible. "Just unlock it."

Frowning, Mina does as I ask. I open the door, tenderly shove her inside, then close it between us while she squeaks in dismay. With a deep sigh, I remove my sunglasses, scrub my face, and conjure a smile before smoothing my shirt, squaring my shoulders, and ringing the bell.

The door flies open to reveal a distraught Mina. "What the hell, Nathan?"

"Good morning, HM," I say. "You look absolutely gorgeous as usual."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Arms crossed. Chin jutted. Brows furrowed. Eyes glittering.

I have a way to go to earn her forgiveness.

"Treating you the way you deserve to be treated."

"Does that mean I get to treat you the way you deserve? Because I don't know how much you'll like that." That ball-busting glee is back in her eyes, right where it belongs.

"You be you and all will be good."

There's a pause followed by a strange smile, Mina steps back outside and locks the door again. With my hand firmly on her lower back, I guide her to the passenger side, open the door, then close it gently once she's safely inside.

"It was nice to meet you," I say to Ms. Markowitz as I cross in front of the car for the fourteenth time. She nods, petting her cat and watching with curiosity.

After the last twenty-four hours I know one thing for sure:

I want to be a better man for Mina Blake.