26. Marissa

Sitting on my couch, I scroll through the list of movies on the screen, staring at the pictures but not reading the titles.

It doesn’t matter what they are, anyway. I already know I won’t be watching a movie. Just like I won’t be doing anything else anytime soon.

I’ve been sitting here all day long, feeling like there’s a weight tied around my heart. Over and over, I replay the conversation Charlie and I had in the doorway last night.

I know I might have been too hard on him, but it’s impossible to separate him from the wreckage of my career. My whole life feels like it’s spiraling downwards, and if he hadn’t pushed for us to go out the other night, this wouldn’t have happened.

Yes, he apologized — and I know that he didn’t mean any harm by it. And it’s not like I couldn’t have said no.

It’s the fact that this seems like a harbinger of what was to come. From the beginning, I knew not to get involved with him. He was Charlie Elwood, for God’s sake. The football star with a new girl on his arm every week and a new headline every month that would make most people ashamed.

I knew he was trouble, and yet I fell for him. I let him in. Worst of all, I trusted him.

Which I really shouldn’t have done because he has trouble even making good decisions for himself.

So it doesn’t matter how much I want to pick up my keys and drive over to his house right now. It doesn’t matter how much I want to throw my arms around him and tell him I’m sorry and I’ll never leave his side again.

I can’t forget that, with Charlie, there’s always trouble on the horizon.

It might hurt now, but I know that in the end, we’ll be better off without each other.

Lost in my thoughts, I barely register the sound of a key turning in the lock. The front door creaks open, and Ria steps into the apartment carrying a bag of takeout.

“Hey, Marissa,” she calls softly, her voice full of concern.

“Hey,” I reply, forcing a weak smile as I put the remote down.

She studies me. “You’re still in your pajamas.”

I look down at my clothes. “Yeah, it’s only…”

Shoot. What time is it, anyway?

I glance at the window, where the sky is gray.

“It’s six,” Ria says gently. “Six p.m.”

“I know,” I grumble. “I was just…”

I collapse back into the couch cushions. Oh, forget about it. There’s no sense in trying to defend myself or make up a cover story. She’s already seen me for the mess I am.

“How are you holding up?” she asks.

My chuckle is dry. “How does it look like I’m holding up?”

“Honestly? It doesn’t look good.”

“Yeah.” I bury my face in my hands.

Ria sets the food on the kitchen counter and joins me on the couch. “I brought you some dinner. Figured you probably hadn’t eaten all day.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, realizing that she’s right. My stomach clenches at the thought of food, but I know I have to eat something.

“Have you heard from Charlie?” she asks.

“No.” I sigh. “I told him I don’t want to see him again, so it’s not like I’m expecting to hear from him.”

She hesitates. “Is that what you really want? To not see him again?”

“I…” How do I even go about answering that?

Part of me wishes he would reach out, but another part of me is relieved by his silence. It’s bittersweet, knowing that he’s giving me space, even if it’s because we’re no longer together.

“Let’s eat,” she suggests, going into the kitchen and pulling out plates and utensils. “We’ll just take it one day at a time, okay?”

“Okay,” I agree, grateful for her presence.

“So what happened?” Ria asks gently, her eyes filled with concern. “You mentioned Charlie broke your trust, but I don’t understand what he did.”

I take a deep breath, trying to find the words. “He was involved in my firing. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but he still played a part. And with his reputation… I should’ve known better than to trust him.”

“His reputation doesn’t define him, Marissa. People can change, especially when they’re in love.”

“Can they really, though?” I ask, my voice wavering as I try to hold back tears. “Charlie’s always been reckless and irresponsible. I wanted to believe that he’d be different with me, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.”

She comes to the coffee table with two plates laden with pad thai — one of my favorites. “Things will get better, you know. This isn’t the end of the world.”

“I know,” I mumble, wiping away a stray tear. “It’s hard, though. In one day, I lost my boyfriend and my job — my entire career. Isaac is going to trash talk me all over town, and no other agency will want to hire me.”

“Isaac’s a jerk, and people know that. Not everyone will listen to him. And even if they do, there are so many other paths for you to take.”

“Like what? My life revolved around my career and Charlie. Now I have nothing.”

I’m trying not to feel sorry for myself, but it’s getting harder by the minute.

“First of all, you have me,” Ria points out, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “Second, remember that you’re strong and capable. You’ll figure out a new path, and I’ll be right here to support you every step of the way.”

Her words provide a sliver of hope, but I’m still overwhelmed by the uncertainty of my future. Regardless, I know I have to keep moving forward, no matter how impossible it seems right now.

“Also…” She picks up her plastic fork and swirls some rice noodles around it.

“Also what?” I cock my head. There’s something different about her tone. It’s almost like she’s trying to keep back a smile.

“If you really think this is it for you and sports repping, there’s something for you at my work. I already talked to my boss about your experience, and he would love to have you on.”

“Your real estate office?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly. We’re looking for someone to man the phones and help out at the front desk. I know it’s not what you had in mind, but it could be a fresh start. Plus, you’d get to learn about the real estate business. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even decide to get your license and become an agent.”

“Real estate…” I trail off. It’s never something I’ve even considered.

“I know it’s not a passion of yours or anything, but we have so many connections at the office. If you got into it, you’d make your first sale in no time. I’m sure of it. And the luxury housing market around here is hopping.”

I bite my lip, considering her offer. Realty is the last thing I want to do, but I’ve got bills to pay, and my options are limited right now. It wouldn’t hurt to try something new, would it?

“Okay.” I sigh, trying to sound more optimistic than I feel. “I’ll take the job. At least it’s a start. And thank you. I really appreciate this.”

Ria beams, clearly relieved to see me making a decision. “That’s the spirit! Trust me, you’re going to bounce back from this in no time.”

I take a bite of food, waiting for my excitement to set in. But it doesn’t.

I still feel lost. Confused.

I still wonder if I made a mistake breaking up with Charlie.

I can’t help but appreciate Ria’s unwavering support. But deep down, I know that starting over won’t erase the memory of Charlie. The connection we had was one in a million, and moving on feels like an insurmountable task.

“Thanks, Ria,” I murmur, even though gratitude doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re a great friend.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for,” she replies, giving me a quick hug before heading to the kitchen to get us some drinks.

Left alone with my thoughts, I stare out the window at the fading sunlight and wonder if I’ll ever be able to really and truly forget about Charlie Elwood, about the life we could have had.

Or about the empty void his absence has left behind.