2. Drakar

I’m happily practicing my golf swing in my office when I hear the commotion coming from the floor outside. I peer out the window of my office door to be greeted by the sight of people rushing back and forth in what I can only describe as panic.

Oh, no, this doesn’t look good.

My intercom starts to buzz, and I rush over and answer.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“I think you better turn on the news, Mr. Tvojan. The board members are gathering,” my secretary, Janice, tells me.

My stomach drops as I reach for the remote and switch on the TV to see flashing ambulances and police. I look at the headline running across the bottom of the screen.

Breaking News: Chaotic Scenes at Tasting Event as Potato Chip Turns Tasters Green.

I watch in horror as they escort very shocked-looking green people into ambulances.

I turn up the volume as the news anchor begins to speak.

“Okay, let’s go live to the GMAX center and our reporter, Ben. Hi, Ben. Nice shirt, by the way,” the news anchor says.

“Thanks, Jeff, my wife hates it.” As he speaks, Ben glances down at his shirt.

“Well, you tell her from me, that’s a damn fine shirt,” Jeff says.

“Oh, I will, Jeff. You can bet your bottom dollar about that.”

“That’s the spirit. Stick it to her,” the anchor adds enthusiastically.

“Yes, sir.” Ben gives a smile and an enthusiastic salute.

“So Ben, what’s going on down there? It”s looking pretty whacky as far as we can see. What can you tell us?” the news anchor asks.

“Well, Jeff, as you can see, a lot is going on down here, but I managed to get some inside info,” Ben says proudly.

“What a guy!” Jeff tells him.

“Thanks, Jeff,” Ben replies. “So it appears that one of the snack-based products being tested has turned people green.”

“Yes, we know that, Ben,” Jeff says. “Can you tell us anything else?”

“Well, that’s pretty much it, Jeff,” Ben says.

“Anyone dead?” Jeff pushes him.

“Not yet, but if they do keel over, our viewers will be the first to know,” Ben says with a big smile.

“Thanks, Ben. What a guy, what a shirt,” Jeff says with a roll of his eyes.

I turn off the TV and put my head in my hands. This is a nightmare. Green? How the hell is it turning people green? I need answers. I grab my jacket, fix myself, and with calm authority, I march through the office floor to the boardroom.

I can feel the eyes on me. My staff knows that handling a crisis like this, if not done correctly, will result in my head being on the chopping board.

I enter the boardroom to complete pandemonium. The board members are at each other”s throats as they shout and scream at each other.

“This is your problem, Kevin. It has to be the packaging,” Will Johnson shouts at Kevin Major.

“Bullshit, Will, it’s those cheap avocados from your buddy”s company you made us agree to,” Kevin shouts back.

“You take that back!”

As the anger rises in me, I know I have to keep my orc self in check. So I ignore them as I take my position at the head of the table, sit, and turn my attention to the file that Janice has left for me.

I look at the title, ‘Mextastic Guacamole Potato Chips,’ and open the file. I carefully peruse each stage from conception to creation, noting the various companies involved, the origins of the ingredients, the storage recommendations, and the plans for the first public feedback testing, which, of course, was today at the GMAX Center.

“Well, Drakar, aren’t you going to say anything?” Pete Farquar says with a snarl.

“Give the damn orc a minute, will you, Pete?” Seth Blackwater shouts.

“Fuck you, Blackwater,” Pete screams at him.

“Oh, really, that’s what your wife wants to do!” Seth replies.

“Why I oughta–!” Pete raises from his seat.

I can’t take it any longer, so I raise my hand and crash it loudly on the table. They all jump and gaze at me with panic. I watch their eyes dart at each other and know what they are thinking and expecting. They believe the big, bad orc is going to lose it and rip them apart.

Well, I’ve got news for them. I am not that sort of orc.

“Easy there, big fella,” Pete says.

“Yeah, that type of behavior is unprofessional,” Seth adds.

There are nods of agreement from the others.

“Gentlemen, we have a problem,” I tell them calmly.

“Yeah, an anger management problem,” Will says under his breath. The others chuckle.

“I intend to get to the bottom of this and will guide this company through these troubled times,” I add.

“You bet your ass, or we’ll be guiding yours out the door,” Pete smugly says.

“Look, Draker, I’m going to put my balls out on the table here,” Will says. “You’re a great guy, hardworking, smart, and reasonably clean for an orc, but do you think you’re really up for this?”

“Will’s right, Draker. We take the risk at a time like this of you going full orc on us,” Pete adds to more nods.

“Yeah, I mean, look at that incident over at Tool and Son when that orc went batshit at a meeting and threw the big Tool at the window. The little Tool is still trying to get the company back to where it was,” Seth says.

And there it is. I knew it would come down to this at some stage, but I’ll not go down without a fight. Metaphorically, of course.

“I miss the big Tool, he was a great guy. The little Tool’s an asshole,” Pete adds. The others nod in agreement.

“I’m not that kind of orc,” I tell them.

“No one is saying you are. We”re just being cautious. We have a wholesome image to uphold, and orcs, well, just ain’t wholesome,” Seth says.

It’s then Janice bursts through the door, her face white as a ghost.

“Ever heard of knocking, dollface?” Seth tells her.

Janice ignores him. “Mr. Tvojan, sir, the media are outside. The front of the building is crawling with them.”

They all rush toward the window.

“Jesus H, it’s a circus,” Pete shouts. The others gasp as they peer downward through the window to the street below.

“Someone get Bob Adams on the phone!” Pete says.

“What the hell is Adams going to do?” Seth replies.

“He has contacts!” Pete screams at Seth.

“Contacts, my ass,” Seth replies.

“You’ve gone too far, Blackwater, once again!” Pete says, his face turning red.

“What you going do, Poindexter?” Seth says, squaring up to him.

I look at Janice and shake my head. She smiles and leaves the room. I gather the file from the desk, place it under my arm, and leave the board members to it. If someone goes out that window, it won’t be me who throws them.

I have press waiting and intend to face this storm head-on. I walk over to my office.

“Janice, can I see you for a second?” I ask as I pass her very tidy desk.

You see, there’s something not right about all this. When I first became CEO, the line was a mess. Different departments were all running in different directions. I changed all that and turned it into a well-oiled machine with checks and balances along the line. For something like this to have happened, it would have needed to be done intentionally.

I walk into my office, and Janice quickly follows.

“Close the door,” I tell her, and she does.

I trust Janice. She’s loyal and hardworking. She”s not the prettiest of pictures, but she has a kind heart and a good soul.

“Awful business, Mr. Tvojan,” she says.

“Things like this can pull a company under and every one of us with it,” I say.

It’s then that Janice bursts into tears. “It’s awful. We’re all going to lose our jobs, aren’t we?”

Oops, maybe I should have played that one a bit lighter.

“No, no, I won’t let that happen,” I reassure her.

“I’ve got a sick mother to look after and seven cats,” Janice says with a few uncontrollable snorts.

“Trust me, that’s not going to happen. In fact, you’re going to help me make sure that doesn’t happen,” I tell her.

Janice looks up at me and wipes the tears from her eyes and the snot from her nose.

“Me? What can I do?”

“I need you to take this file and go through it with a fine-tooth comb. List every person who was involved in the process, as well as their role and responsibilities. Then I want you to find out all the things that could possibly turn a person green,” I explain.

“It’s like I’m a detective?” Janice says with a big smile.

“That’s exactly what I need you to be,” I reply.

“How exciting! I can’t wait to tell Mother. She loves nothing better than one of those whodunit movies. She always figures it out. I prefer action movies myself. Oh, but maybe I have that skill as well, and I just don’t know it,” Janice says.

“Great, let’s see if you”re the new Sherlock Holmes!” I tell her.

“Who?” Janice asks.

“Never mind. Now, I have to face the press. How do I look?” I ask, fixing my tie and tucking in my shirt.

“Like a CEO who has everything under control,” she replies.

“That, Janice, is just what I need to hear right now,” I tell her as I stride out my office door with a confidence I know will get me through this.