8. Rowen

8

ROWEN

My hands slid up toward the button on Shane’s jeans, my heart pounding like a drum in my chest.

Two thoughts swirled through my mind:

Am I actually doing this?

…And why the fuck is it so damn exciting?

I knew the answer to the first one, though. I looked up into Shane’s eyes and was met with a lustful desire stronger than anything I’d seen in my life. He wanted this. Wanted me . And was it really so bad that I wanted to be able to make him feel amazing, too?

“You good if I undo this button, Shane?” I asked him, moving between his legs on the couch.

I watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, then nodded down at me. “Yeah. That’s—I’m very okay with it—”

“Good,” I said, loving the shy tremble in Shane’s voice.

Undoing the button and zipper on his jeans was like unwrapping a gift. It was wild to see the outline of a clearly hard cock just beneath the denim. It was certainly uncharted territory for me, but in a way I was starting to think I really enjoyed.

I tugged down his jeans and as he kicked them aside, I was met with an eyeful of Christmas.

Lots and lots of Christmas, all over Shane’s red boxer briefs.

“Oh my God,” I said, a smile spreading over my face. “You really do take the holidays seriously, don’t you?”

The pattern all over his underwear was candy canes, stars, and tiny holly branches. He looked down at me with a sheepish grin, the faintest pink blush landing on his cheeks.

“I didn’t exactly expect anyone to see these today,” he said, “but yes. The holiday boxer briefs come out in full force at the end of each year.”

I laughed as I gently trailed my fingertips over the patterns. The fabric hugged his upper thigh, and I was hyper aware of the soft, downy hair that stopped just above the elastic waistband at the top.

“Didn’t think it was possible for me to like you even more than I already did,” I said. “You are one-of-a-kind.”

I leaned lower, kissing gently along the tops of his thighs. He moaned softly, and I watched the outline of his cock twitch beneath the thin fabric. I looked up to meet his gaze again.

“Can’t help it,” he said. “Your mouth is so close to me, and all.”

And thank God he was enjoying it too, because my own cock was throbbing as I saw the reaction I was getting from him. I really was into this, and it was starting to drive me a little crazy. Maybe the real reason I’d never done anything with another guy before was because I was secretly afraid that he wouldn’t want it as much as I did.

With Shane, I had none of that worry.

There was no doubt that he wanted this. And I wanted more.

I bit my lower lip and then leaned in, pressing a kiss along his shaft. He groaned, his hips slightly bucking underneath me.

“Tell me what to do,” I said softly. “Teacher.”

I hooked my fingertips onto the top of his waistband and slowly began to pull down.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Yes. That. Keep doing that.”

I teased out the moment, both because I wanted to torture him just a little and because I was trying to calm myself down. I moved his waistband lower until his cock bobbed free.

And if there was ever any doubt that I could be into cock, it all disappeared right then and there.

“You are fucking hot,” I murmured, marveling at him. His cock was thick and hard, pointing upward and lying flat against his lower stomach. “Even your goddamn dick veins look good. What the hell?”

“Well, thank you,” he said.

So modest.

Like he didn’t know how great his cock looked.

I leaned in and wrapped my fist around the base of his cock, and I took his tip right into my mouth. Again I was surprised by how not weird it felt. It was nice, actually, and I let my tongue slide out against the underside of his tip, in an area I knew would probably be a little more sensitive.

I am sucking dick.

Sucking. Dick.

And it’s… really fucking fun?

“Holy fuck,” he whispered.

“I was too curious,” I said as I pulled away. “How you taste.”

He nodded, his eyes dancing all across my face.

“You can do it again. If you wanted to.”

If I wanted to? If I freaking wanted to? Shane really had no idea how much this was doing for me, and even if it was just for fun, I wanted him to know.

I was going to do whatever I could to make this just as good for him as it was for me—because I already knew I was going to be getting off to the memory of tonight for months to come.

Operation Show Shane How Much I Want This was going to start right fucking now.

“Okay. Take your shirt off,” I told him. “I want to see more of you.”

I stood up, tugging off my own shirt and undoing my zipper. I pushed off my pants, standing in front of him in my own boxer briefs.

“Wait a minute,” he said, his eyes glued to my underwear. “You made fun of me for Christmas boxers and you’re wearing those?”

“What?” I said, looking down at the pattern. It was simple, a dark blue base with a bunch of snowflakes falling down toward the bottom edge of the briefs.

Shane gave me a pointed look. “Those are holiday boxers.”

I furrowed my brow. “They are not.”

“They totally are,” he said, a grin coming up on one corner of his mouth. “It’s a pretty little snow-covered pattern.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re holiday-themed,” I protested. “Snow is just snow.”

Shane bit his lower lip, looking up at me with that fucking adorable doubtful gaze. “I think we both are guilty of wearing cute holiday boxers, and you know it. Would you wear those in July?”

“Of course not,” I said. “These are for winter.”

Shane laughed, leaning his head back on the couch.

Fuck me, he looked good like that. Naked, arching backward, with his neck leaning back like that. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

He really was like a hot Abercrombie model.

And by the way my cock twinged just from watching him laugh, I was no longer able to deny it. I was attracted to him. I was into him.

“Okay. Fine. They’re holiday underwear,” I said. “I don’t care if you think they’re a picture of Santa’s fucking backyard, as long as you keep looking at me like that.”

Shane seemed happy with that. I pushed my boxer briefs off, standing in front of him, both of us fully naked.

“Wow,” he said, staring at my erection.

“Yeah,” I said, gripping myself around the base of my cock. “Can’t fake this.”

Finally, Shane seemed to realize that I wasn’t doing this as some sort of charity case. I wanted him, and when I got back onto the couch, I positioned my face above his, hovering just above his lips.

I leaned in and crushed my lips to his, holding nothing back. I let my body come down on top of his, straddling him and rutting my cock up against his thigh. His fingertips dug into the sides of my ass and it only made me grind on him harder.

“Doing pretty good,” he said breathlessly as I broke away from our kiss, “for a first-time student.”

“I’m a teacher’s pet when the teacher is you, apparently,” I said.

“Then suck my cock again,” he told me, his voice a low, commanding growl.

God damn .

Heat bloomed through my chest. “I like it when you talk to me like that.”

He bucked his hips upward onto me. “You really do like trying new things, don’t you?”

“If they’re this fun, yes.”

I sucked a slow kiss against his collarbone before moving lower, dropping to my place between his thighs. It felt good being here. I felt in control, getting to give him exactly what he wanted, but I also felt like I was serving him, too.

All kinds of way-too-hot things that were going to break my brain if I thought too long about them.

“I want your mouth,” he said in a low voice. There was precome leaking from his tip now, and I went forward to drag my tongue through it, enjoying the mild taste.

“I like that.”

“You’ve never done this before?” Shane asked, and I could tell he liked thinking about it, even though he already knew the answer.

“Never,” I said. “Never even really thought much about doing it. But there was something about you that was just…”

I let my words trail off as I dipped again, taking the length of his shaft into my mouth. He let out a slow moan, his cock throbbing gently in my mouth. It was certainly different to feel an entire fat cock right in my mouth—it was a tight fit, and I had to work to get him toward my throat.

But it felt good, just like everything else with Shane felt good.

I could do this for hours. I could do it every day, really.

“Pretty fucking good,” he uttered, and when I glanced up at him, his eyes were dazed. “First lesson: keep doing what you’re doing.”

I hummed around him, pulling off for a moment before taking him deep again. I let my hand roam to the base of his dick and down lower, cupping his balls, which he also seemed to enjoy.

My own cock was aching between my legs, and I let my free hand roam lower, gripping myself and starting to tug as I sucked Shane off.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake—” he said.

“Sorry,” I said, popping my mouth off his cock. “I can stop. I just want to touch myself a little.”

“Don’t stop,” he said, his eyes full of fire. “I absolutely love it. It’s just going to…”

“To what?” I said, stroking myself, knowing that he could feel the gentle movement of my hand along his thigh, too.

“It’s going to make me come,” he said, arching his back just a little. “Seeing you do that. Knowing you’re doing that, while your mouth is around me.”

“Oh,” I said, realization dawning on me. “Sorry, teach. I just can’t help it.”

“ Fuck ,” he hissed as I went back down on his cock, sucking him deep as I jerked myself off at the same time.

Shane had been good at holding back until now, keeping an even, calm tone. But now he was coming apart at the seams, and I was loving every goddamn moment of it. His hips bucked underneath my mouth involuntarily, and when I laid a long stroke with my tongue along the underside of his shaft, he groaned deeply.

“A-plus,” he said. “Star fucking student.”

I hummed. “You can use me anytime.”

His hands came down on my hips and he gripped me hard. Every inch of my skin was hot now, even though I’d been a little cold when I’d first stripped down.

I looked up at Shane, his face flushed even in the glow of the multicolored Christmas lights. As I got myself off with one hand, I let the other trail backward, gently stroking along his hole. As I sucked him a little harder, I felt him throb, knowing he really, really liked that.

“Going to make me come,” he uttered, already losing control. “Jesus, Rowen—”

I gently let my fingers roam over his hole one more time, and I knew he was about to come.

And I wasn’t going to miss even one drop of my first time with Shane. I stayed on his cock, not relenting, until he arched backward, filling my mouth and cursing under his breath.

It was going to take me to the edge. I swallowed without skipping a beat, moaning around him as he shuddered under me.

“Fuck, that is so hot—” I uttered as I popped off of his dick, gripping my cock harder. “I’m going to come. Can I come? Because I’m definitely going to.”

“Please,” he said.

His face. His fucking face . Flushed and spent and who the hell had given him a jawline like that?

I held my gaze with his, locking eyes like I still had something to prove to him. There was no doubt that this was one of the hottest things I’d ever done. Shane leaned forward, coming close to my face.

“You are amazing,” he said, leaning in to kiss me. The moment his lips landed on mine and I felt the warmth of his tongue, I knew I was done for.

“ Fuck , Shane,” I whispered, my voice barely audible against his mouth as I started to come. I let go, coming in long trails of white all over his upper thighs.

And I was gone . I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so spent after getting off. For a moment I felt like I was floating, my mind elsewhere entirely. All I wanted to do was look at his eyes.

“Wow,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah.”

“Happy Holidays,” he murmured.

I puffed out a laugh that took me by surprise, finally letting go of the grip I had on my dick. “Happy Holidays and a very Merry Christmas to you, too. Hang on.”

I got up, making my way to the kitchen in a daze. I got us some damp paper towels and came back to clean up the mess I’d made all over Shane’s legs.

“Full service,” he said.

“Damn right,” I told him, running a hand along his clean skin. “I want to treat you like you’re Louis the Fourteenth.”

Shane cocked his head to one side. “Can’t say I know much about him.”

I glanced up at him. “Really? Louis the Great? The Sun King?”

He narrowed his eyes. “This is someone from real life, not a show like Game of Thrones, right?”

I grinned. “Very real. He was the King of France from the 1600s into the 1700s. Was a very, very pampered king, to say the least, and that’s how pampered you should feel tonight.”

Shane hummed. “You think Louis the Fourteenth had hot straight guys sucking him off?”

I snorted. “You never know. Nothing from history surprises me anymore.” I sat back down on the couch next to Shane, enjoying the fact that we were both still naked.

“Not going to lie, I don’t know much about history,” Shane said. “Or… math. Or science. Or literature. Really anything from school other than soccer.”

“So the truth comes out,” I said. “I was a total nerd and theater kid in school, and you were a jock.”

He screwed up his face. “I wasn’t a jock.”

I lifted an eyebrow as fast as lightning. “You don’t think so?”

“I just played sports,” he said, pondering. “I guess I played a lot of different ones. It’s not like I was the best at any of them, though. I’m telling you, I didn’t even feel athletic until way later in life.”

“Fine. Maybe not always a jock, but the jocky type .”

Finally Shane smiled, and a bit of tension was relieved. “Sure. Whatever that means.”

I made a point to hold his gaze. “I promise that whatever I say to you, it’s a compliment. Also, you look so fucking good naked it should be a crime.”

He groaned, reaching for a throw blanket and pulling it over his face. “Too many compliments. I’m going to self-destruct.”

I had butterflies in my chest as I watched him pull the blanket down and slowly reveal his eyes again. He was so masculine and yet so tender and vulnerable at the same time, and that combination was apparently like catnip to me. And to my dick.

“Better get used to it, if you’re going to hang out with me this season.”

He pulled in a slow breath, leaning back on the couch. It was nice that I felt like I was allowed to let my eyes roam, to linger on the parts of him that normally I wouldn’t let myself look at on another man.

The muscles along his chest. The slight V-shape that led downward on his lower stomach. And the way his cock looked good even now that it wasn’t hard anymore, laying against the inside of his thigh, still thick and impressive.

Shane already trusted me enough to share this moment with me.

I couldn’t believe how much that meant, after the year from hell that I’d been having.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked him softly. He was looking over at my Christmas tree, watching the ornaments slowly twirl back and forth.

“Not too much.”

“Is that the truth?”

He bit his lower lip, turning toward me. “Maybe. Not really, I guess.”

I reached out and smoothed his hair with my hand. “You can tell me the truth, Shane.”

He swallowed, looking at me slightly like he was a deer in headlights. He looked like he was trying to decide how much to tell me.

“I guess there’s something I want to ask you.”

Anything.

Everything.

I want to know you .

“Please,” I told him, letting my hand rest on his thigh.

“Why are you so nice to me?” he asked.

My heart nearly broke as I watched his eyes, so earnest and so vulnerable. My sternum ached.

Was he really not aware of how charming he was? How good it felt to be around him? How he was the perfect boy-next-door in Tennessee who had finally made my time here feel like it was worth something?

“Because I really like you,” I said simply. I wanted to pull him into the tightest hug. “It would be impossible not to like you, Shane.”

He looked down, putting his hand on top of mine and giving it a warm squeeze. “I think about sending off that video to the Fixer Brothers, and how I must seem like every other generic guy sending in a tape. Pick me, pick me , meanwhile, I’m nothing all that special.”

“Oh, fuck off ,” I said automatically before I could put my filter on.

His eyes snapped up to meet mine again, slightly shocked.

“I’m just saying,” I continued, “you are absolutely insane if you don’t realize how special you really are.”

Finally the hesitation on his face disappeared. “No one has been this nice to me in so long. Years, maybe? Other than my sister and my late grandma, at least, and that’s a very different feeling.”

I puffed out a laugh. “Well, you deserve it.”

He stretched his arms high above his head, showcasing his perfect muscled arms. “I don’t know you all that well, Rowen, and I know you’ll be back in New York soon enough. You won’t tell me about your life all that much. But… I trust you.”

Guilt pooled in my chest, heavy as a rock.

You trust me even though you have no idea what happened back in the city.

Even though I come from two awful people, and have no name for myself, anymore.

I wanted to tell him everything. It was at the tip of my tongue, and part of me was waiting for the whole story to fall out of my mouth.

But it didn’t happen. Instead, I watched his face in the low light, wishing like hell my life could be more like his.

Simple. Pure. Real. Nobody hating him just because of who his parents were.

“Being with you is the first time in a while that my life has felt… genuine,” I said.

That was the truth, even if I couldn’t make myself tell him more.

“Well you’re genuinely the best blow job I’ve ever had, so, thanks for that,” he said.

I dropped my jaw. “No way.”

He puffed out a laugh. “Oh yes.”

“But I’m so new to it. I’m such an amateur.”

“And that only made it ten times hotter,” Shane said. “Your technique was actually great, by the way. You’re the whole package. If you wanted to date men, you could have anyone you want.”

Don’t think I really care about dating men, but I sure as fuck enjoy being with you , I thought, chewing on the inside of my cheek.

So maybe I’d been a bit… overzealous with my crushes in life. I’d always been quick to get a crush on women, and even with some of my friends who weren’t women, I’d had times where I felt admiration or excitement every time I saw them.

In fact, some of the only times I felt nervous in life were when I had a crush on someone that was way too distracting.

As I looked at Shane now, standing up and tugging on his fucking adorable Christmas boxer briefs beside my tree, I realized what I was in for like it was a big wallop to my chest.

I had a crush on him .

“I need to head home,” he said to me, and suddenly I felt very naked and exposed sitting like this on my couch. “Early day at the inn tomorrow.”

I swallowed and cleared my throat, sitting up straighter. “Right. Uh, of course. That’s no problem.”

No problem other than the fact that I want you naked on this couch with me all night, and holy fucking fuck do I seriously actually have a crush on you?

He nodded, pulling on the rest of his clothes. I felt like a drooling animal seeing how good he looked shirtless in just jeans, that same V-shape poking out of the top of the waistband.

“I’ll keep you updated on the holiday party details,” he said. “I owe you big time for that still. I’ll find a way to repay it.”

I coughed. “You can repay it with that cock of yours.”

He glanced over at me, a slight surprised smile on his face. “You’re funny.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “And you have a great cock.” And face, and heart, and mind, and tongue….

As he was heading out the door a couple of minutes later, I felt like I was being pulled away from a magnet. I didn’t want him to leave. But I’d also completely forgotten how to be real with someone at all.

Really real. Like, tell-him-everything levels of real.

All the ugly details of my life.

“Thanks, Rowen,” he said in the front doorway of my guest house. “Have a good night.”

Kiss me.

Please kiss me?

“Good night, Shane,” I said.

He waved and headed on down the lit-up path toward the front driveway.

Because fake boyfriends didn’t kiss each other good night. Even if we’d both gotten off together and he’d made me come like I hadn’t in way too long. And even if I was starting to have a very dangerous crush, we weren’t boyfriends. Now he was gone.

I went to lie down on the couch. It still smelled like him, and I grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to my arms, staring off at the Christmas tree.

What in the hell was I even supposed to do with him? He made me feel… good. And it had been too long since I felt like I even deserved that feeling.

This freaking sweeter-than-hell, near-perfect Tennessee boy. A man with a heart of gold, who had somehow crashed into my screwed-up life.