5. Shane

5

SHANE

I took a long sip of coffee, the big blue diner mug feeling like a beacon of warmth in my cold hands. Steam rose from the cup, and already I felt my brain firing up and coming alive, like a dog shaking off sleep.

“And Miss Barb has buckets of the winter squash now,” Mom was saying from across the diner table. “You’ll see.”

Mariel and I were sitting across from our mom and dad in a booth, meeting up before our monthly trip to the Bestens Farmer’s Market together. They’d already been wide awake and ready to go since about 5:30 in the morning, most likely, but Mariel and I were still blinking awake.

The diner was in full swing already, too, here at 7:30 a.m. Hosts and servers bustled around as slanted morning light started to come in through the big rounded corner windows, tables and silverware clanked, and diner regulars filled up the breakfast bar.

The diner had already strung up some multicolored Christmas lights along their windows, which I strongly approved of, too.

“I’m thinking it’s about time for sweet potato pie,” Dad said.

“ Yes ,” Mariel and I both said at the same time, perking up.

Dad didn’t cook much, but his sweet potato pie was legendary.

“Oh, and I don’t think I told you two,” Mom said, holding out a hand. “The Johnstons and the Browns are both coming out for the Christmas party this year.”

“Wow,” I said. “You’re going to have a full house.”

“A very full house,” Mom said, her eyes widening. “Like, sleeping bags on the living room floor levels of full. Did you know Liz and Darius had a third kid earlier this year?”

“Wait a minute,” Mariel said. “So all of the Johnstons are coming?”

Mom nodded. “Oh yes.”

“Meaning your seven brothers and sisters and all of their kids? ”

“And now some of their kids’ kids,” Dad added with a chuckle. “Driving in from all over. Guess people are really craving some Christmas cheer this year.”

“And that doesn’t even include your father’s side of the family,” Mom added.

“So for two weeks, from the Christmas party until Christmas day, we’re going to have a rotating carousel of family in the house,” Dad said.

“I think now is when we have to ask,” Mom said, “if some of the circus can stay at your houses?”

“Of course,” I said automatically.

In reality, I couldn’t even picture it—I didn’t have a guest bedroom, and my house wasn’t exactly in the best hosting condition. But I had a couch, and sleeping bags could go anywhere.

Mariel’s house was similarly small, but a lot newer, and she said she could help accommodate family as needed, too.

“The population of Bestens is going to be composed of about 25% of our family for those two weeks,” Dad said.

“Bestens isn’t that small,” I said, waving him off.

“Honey, you’ll never guess what news Frankie has,” Mom said to me, her eyes suddenly lighting up again.

I braced myself.

Frankie was one of my many cousins, and Mom loved to update me about him because he was gay, just like me.

“What’s up with Frankie?”

“ Engaged ,” Mom mouthed, smiling wide and pointing to her ring finger.

Actually, that was a little surprising.

“Frankie got engaged?”

She nodded, pride written all over her face. “Can you believe it? His boyfriend—fiance—said yes, and they’re already planning a wedding.”

The smallest flare of jealousy appeared inside me.

Frankie had always seemed like a wild-and-single-forever kind of guy. He was well into his thirties, and never had showed any signs of slowing down.

I was so happy for him, but… I knew that look on my mom’s face.

That look of pride, because she got to be happy for one of her siblings’ kids.

It was rare that I ever got any sort of look like that from her anymore.

“Abby is a lawyer now, and Frankie is engaged… I have so many wonderful nieces and nephews. You two are in good company, with your cousins.”

I cleared my throat, sitting up taller on the diner booth seat.

“I’m seeing someone, too,” I declared, the words coming out of me before I could push them back in.

I was met with three pairs of eyes in an instant.

Mariel, especially, was looking at me like I’d been keeping her out of the loop.

Oh, God.

“Seeing someone?” Mom said, unable to hide her excitement.

“Shane, you didn’t tell me?” Mariel added.

“Well, who’s the lucky guy?” Mom asked.

I would have been lying if I’d said I didn’t enjoy the sudden attention. I’d been hearing about my cousins’ accomplishments for my whole life, and I’d always felt just a bit lacking in comparison. Lawyers, doctors, engagements, kids—my mom was always so proud of them, when all I had to show for myself was more of the same old uneventful life.

But I also hated that it wasn’t the truth.

Rowen certainly wasn’t my boyfriend.

“He’ll be coming to the Christmas party,” I said.

“Well I hope I can meet him even sooner than that! ” Mom said, the big smile returning to her face.

I almost hated this feeling. I knew I wasn’t telling her the truth, but for one year—one of our annual Christmas parties—I wanted to have someone by my side.

“You’ll meet him, you’ll meet him,” I said, cutting Mariel a specific glance after I said it.

I had a lot of explaining to do.

And a lot of begging to do, when I saw Rowen.

It was only a couple of hours later that I locked eyes with Rowen at the Farmer’s Market. My heart skipped a beat.

“Shit,” I said under my breath, ducking behind a rack full of tie-dyed skirts.

“What’s up?” Mariel asked me.

Nothing. I just saw my not-boyfriend and if he comes over here, Mom is definitely going to interrogate him.

What the hell is Rowen doing at a farmer’s market, anyway?

“I just—um—saw some things I really want to show you,” I told my sister, gently grabbing her arm and leading her through the crowd, a few stalls down.

We stopped in front of a homemade ceramics stand, and I hoped I was far enough away that Rowen wouldn’t come try to find me.

I browsed the goods in front of me.

“Wait. This can’t be what I think it is,” I said under my breath, holding a certain ceramic object up for Mariel.

“That… looks like a bumblebee butt plug,” she said.

I snorted, glancing up to see if any of the other farmer’s market customers at the stall had noticed.

“It looks exactly like a bumblebee butt plug,” I said.

“Good morning!” the lady behind the stall said to us as she walked up, wearing a wide-brimmed sun hat. “Are you interested in some of our wine cork stoppers?”

“I am definitely in need of a wine cork stopper,” I said, holding up the bumblebee object with the long, cylindrical prong sticking out of it. “I keep having nothing to, ah, shove in there.”

I heard Mariel hiding a snort of laughter, but it didn’t seem like the ceramics lady behind the stall had picked up on anything we were joking about.

“The bumblebee design is one of my favorites,” the lady said, “but you have to see this one, too. It’s our latest holiday design.”

She brought out a wine cork stopper in the shape of a Christmas tree, and now Mariel and I were both trying not to laugh. Another prospective customer came up to the booth, and when the sun hat lady walked off, I held up the Christmas tree one.

“All I can picture is someone shoving this nice, pretty ceramic Christmas tree straight up their—”

“ Shh ,” Mariel said, giving me a little shove. “You’re awful.”

“We’re both awful. Come on. Let’s go look at the hot sauce booth. I ran out of chipotle sauce last week.”

I was pretty sure I’d successfully avoided Rowen. I kept looking for a glimpse of his tufts of dark hair, but I didn’t see him as Mariel and I ambled down the long rows of stands at the farmer’s market, making our way through shoppers and families in their coats and scarves. It was almost time for the Besten’s Farmers Market to close up shop for winter, and there were only a few more weeks left of farmer’s market weekends.

That meant it was already high time for all of the shops to be selling their holiday goods. The whole market grounds were decked out in Christmas garlands, and people were scooping up all the gifts they wanted to have ready ahead of time.

“There you are,” I heard my mom’s voice from behind me. “Shane, I wanted to ask which of these hot sauces were your favorite. I’m going to get a few for Martha and Jim this year.”

Our family converged in front of the hot sauce booth. After browsing the different bottles for a couple of minutes, I looked up and made eye contact with a pair of warm brown eyes all over again.

Fuck me, he was hot.

He was right across the way, standing at a booth selling hot cocoa mix, and when he saw me again, he waved and immediately started walking over.

My heart pounded. For some reason, all I could think about was when we’d kissed just a few days ago, and good God , the last thing I needed was to feel turned on right now—

“Just a sec,” I told my family, putting down the hot sauce bottles I was holding.

I walked toward Rowen and instantly he did what I’d been afraid of: he wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

The hug wasn’t the problem. I loved the feeling of his arms around me.

The issue was that I knew my family.

And I knew every single one of them was standing behind me now, wondering who the hell this new guy was. And after what I’d told them this morning, I knew what they’d be thinking.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Rowen said.

“I come here with my family most weeks,” I said. “What are you, uh, up to?”

I scratched the back of my neck, practically feeling my family’s inquisitive eyes burning into the back of my head.

“Grabbing some gifts for my grandparents,” Rowen said, showing me a necklace and some small artwork pieces he had in a bag. “It’s good to see you.”

It felt damn good being near him, no matter how awkward I currently felt. He was wearing a black long-sleeve that hugged the curves of his body, and my eyes were drawn to how his dark denim showed off his ass.

It had been about a week since I’d last seen him, and all week I’d been replaying how we’d kissed like it was a dream.

I thought I would have calmed down by now, but it seemed like the opposite was true.

“Yeah. My sister and I were looking at some… wine cork stoppers.”

“Ah, the butt plugs of fine dining,” Rowen said, and I couldn’t help but relax a little.

“Exactly,” I said.

“Here, I want to show you something that made me think of you,” Rowen said. He grabbed my hand and led me a couple of stalls down, to a guy selling fancy glass-blown objects. “Look.”

“Cups,” I said. “I get it. I know I need new cups.”

“These are beautiful, and not too pricey. Let me get you a few,” he said.

I made the mistake of turning to venture a glance back at my family, and instantly I regretted it.

Again, I was met by three wide pairs of eyes. My mom even freaking waggled her eyebrows at me.

“You don’t have to get me any cups, Rowen,” I said. “You’re too generous—”

“Already doing it,” he said, waving a hand. “Do you like the blue or the clear ones better?”

“Blue’s nice, I suppose, but you really don’t have to.”

He got the cups even though I felt like I didn’t quite deserve the generosity, and he handed me the little bag afterward.

“My gift to you,” he said. “We still have to edit our video and send it off, too.”

And I still have to ask you if you’ll be my fake boyfriend again for a whole different reason.

I bit the inside of my cheek. “We should do that soon.”

“You could come over tonight,” he said. “I’ll text you my address.”

I cleared my throat, shifting on my feet. “Sounds good,” I told Rowen.

“What’s up, Shane?” he asked me, narrowing his eyes. “You’re acting a little on edge.”

I’d never been much good at hiding anything.

“I’m fine.”

“Can’t bullshit me, unfortunately,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Okay, don’t hate me when I say this,” I told him, and I saw a spark of intrigue in his eyes.

“Oh, this is going to be good ,” he said. “Lay it on me.”

I pulled in a breath. “I may or may not have told my family this morning that… that I was seeing someone.”

His expression softened for a moment, and he looked surprised. “You’re seeing someone?”

My heart squeezed. Rowen seemed so genuinely shocked, and maybe even a little bit jealous, at the idea of me seeing someone.

That was something I hadn’t expected.

“No, no,” I corrected him. “I’m not actually seeing anyone. That’s kind of the point.”

Realization dawned on him. “I see. You made up an oh-shit boyfriend.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ve done it before,” he told me. “You have an oh-shit panic moment and tell people you’re in a relationship, hoping they won’t ask you more about it.”

I let out a slow breath. “Yes. Exactly.”

Rowen glanced behind me at my family. “I’m starting to get it. Do they think I’m this mystery boyfriend?”

Heat bloomed in my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Rowen.”

He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Shane, Shane, Shane,” he said. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Fuck. I’m really sorry.”

“You know they’re all looking over at us, right?”

I bit my lip. “Figured they were probably still staring. It’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone seriously, and my family are definitely curious people.”

“I get it. I am, too,” Rowen said. “Don’t sweat it, by the way. I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Here,” he said, glancing one last time at them before moving in and closing the gap between us.

His lips were on mine a moment later.

It felt like a movie moment—him landing a sweet, slow kiss on me at the farmer’s market, while the holiday hustle and bustle swirled all around us. Rowen’s lips were soft on mine. It felt almost more intimate than our last kiss, even though it was gentle and sweet.

“Think this is helping?” he said as he broke off, giving me a little squeeze on my hip.

“It’s either helping or it’s making things a lot more complicated,” I said. “Thank you, Rowen.”

“My pleasure,” he said.

I still had no idea what I was going to do about the Christmas party, but that was for future me to figure out.