7. Charm Interlude

SEVEN

> Ohhhh my gosh,my poor Charis-oppa. Baby! Poor baby, mama loves you.

> Company P is really overworking the boys. I mean, another comeback? They just had one back in May. And with Charis' health, they're really going to hurt someone.

> Seriously, though. Has anyone else noticed that our Ice Prince seems tired lately? He hasn't seemed the same since their second comeback. Even last time, he looked like he was in so much pain.

> Can the little sisters above please stop talking trash about our boys? Our Ice Prince is fine. The company themselves said so. He's prioritizing his health, so can you all stop talking like a bunch of antis. You keep complaining like this, and they're going to sideline Fairytale. Do you actually want less comebacks?

> It's not anti to say that we wish Charis-oppa to be safe and healthy. Did you see the video from the other day? Our fearless leader had to help Charis-oppa out of the car. Let's not even talk about that criminal with the hot coffee assault!!

> Agree, agree, agree! Agree with the big sister above me. There's something not right with Company P when it comes to our boys. Charis has never been treated fairly since their debut. Do you know he trained for 4 years? So long for a trainee, and he's so talented, too.

> Every Charm knows about Charis' backstory, come on. Please be for real.

> Um, baby Charm here. Can someone tell me about Charis' backstory? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [hiding kaomoji]

> Omg, a baby Charm! No, don't be sorry, don't be sorry. Ignore those mean sisters over there, come to mama. Welcome to the Charm Bracelet! So when Charis-oppa was 15 years old, he was street-scouted by Company A. He trained for a year before his contract was sold to Company P, where he trained for another 3 years before getting to debut with Fairytale. Our Ice Prince worked so hard!! [kaomoji, kaomoji] (?·??·?)? ?? (?·??·?)? ??

> At least some members of Fairytale know what hard work is. He could have debuted sooner, but he didn't take dirty, underhanded shortcuts like some people.

> What is with you Ice Charms? It's possible for you to stan your Prince without dragging others down, you know. Kiki-oppa didn't do anything wrong, I wish you people would stop with the rumors already. You're only making it harder for our boys.

> Kiki bias has entered the chat [eyeroll kaomoji]

> No, the little sister above is right. You know Charis-oppa would be disappointed to see you talking that way. Supporting Fairytale means supporting all our Princes. That's what being a Charm means. Only love, no hate!

> Love and not hate!!

> Seconded!

> Thirded!!

> This x 100.

> I heard that Charis doesn't even like Kiki, though

> Oh brother, here we go again.

Once, there was a little boy named Lee Kyong who wanted to be a star.

He, like so many others, gave everything for his dream. Today, Charis is lying facedown on his bed, toying with the edge of his phone while he talks with his sister.

They're speaking on video call. His room is comfortingly cool, dark, and quiet, with only the gentle illumination from his fairy lights to see by. It's good to see Amelia's face. It's early in the US, where she is. The picture only lags a little, leaving frozen artifacts from time to time.

Charis' big sister takes the time out of her studies to really seriously speak to him. He'd called her because he was having problems, and she'd known right away that something was the matter. She'd excused herself from her study group and found a quiet place in the library to talk to him. She looks wintery and cool in her white turtleneck. Their frosty good looks run in the family.

Meanwhile, Charis is glad for the AC in the dorms after the heat today.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, noona."

"You're not. You're never bothering me."

Melly goes silent for a little while as she ruminates on what Charis had told her. She thinks of her little brother, so serious but singing and dancing his tiny heart out every chance he got when he was still small enough to have gaps in his baby teeth.

The night air is cold and crisp around her. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I think you just need to remind yourself that you want this."

It isn't exactly what he was hoping to hear, but Charis knows he can always count on his sister for tough love.

In Seoul, he rolls onto his back on his bed. "You don't think I should give up?" he asks lightly. "Pack in the whole idol thing and come home?"

"Come home to what, to mom and dad? Besides, don't you have a contract, Kyongie?"

It's true. Even if he were to come home to Jinhae, there's not a lot waiting for him these days. All his friends have moved out, gone on to college, some to faraway countries to further their studies. It's been so long he barely even remembers them. Even Amelia has gone to America.

"Yes."

"Well then. Seriously, I know it's so easy for you to pretend you don't want this, but deep down inside, I know you do. You're only going to hurt yourself by pretending you don't."

"It just feels so conceited to admit to it—to wanting fame. Like I should know better than to want to be beautiful, to want to be adored."

Amelia looks at her little brother while he wrinkles his nose, his brow curled together in concentration. He looks tired. And he looks different than she remembers—she remembers him still chubby-cheeked, with short, dark brown hair that fluffed and curled around his head. He looks sleeker now. His hair gets lighter every time she sees him, and his eyelashes are generous and long. He really has become so beautiful, sometimes it stuns even her.

And then in some ways, he doesn't look any different at all. He still looks so young. He's still the person who cried after he pushed her out of a plum tree when they were both little. She's the one who'd broken her wrist, but he'd cried and cried. He'd been inconsolable—he'd been so sorry—and it hadn't been the pain that had made her cry; it was how hard Kyongie was crying.

That's how their parents had found them, panicked, in the backyard, clinging to each other and weeping with Amelia's wrist hanging at a stomach-lurching angle. It had taken them so long to figure out which of the two of them had been injured, and Kyongie wouldn't let go of her all the way to the hospital.

She never had told their parents what had happened. Her little brother had felt so sick with guilt, and she'd known deep in her heart that he'd never do something like that again. Amelia had wanted to protect him, even then. She'd told him not to tell mom and dad, that she would take care of it. And then she'd let him climb into her bed that night, where he'd laid so still and silent, holding himself like a ghost like he was afraid he was going to disturb her.

"I love you," she says suddenly.

Beautiful, serious Amelia. She has a quiet intensity about her—it must run in the family.

And it doesn't feel fake. It doesn't feel like a brush off. It is exactly what it's meant to be—something she can give him to replace all the things she can't. She doesn't know how to reassure him that it's okay—that he's okay. They've never wanted the same things. This part of Kyongie remains as uncertain to her as it ever was. She doesn't know what it's like to want people to look at you all the time. It's like whatever trait is buried in their DNA skipped her like it skipped their parents.

But she knows that she loves him, whatever kind of strange bird he is. However bright his feathers. Will always love him. Loves him now, loves him still, loves him from a campus library tucked away all the way on the other side of the ocean.

Charis blows out a breath and gives her a shy smile. It's one that even his members don't know. "Love you too, Melly."

She lets out a small breath, satisfied.

"Now, are you feeling alright? If you need me, I can stay on the phone for a while longer."

Off-frame, her study partners are in the doorway of the library, waving at her. She nods her chin in their direction. Just a minute, go on without me.

Charis always finds it a little awe-inspiring and very humbling how much focused attention Amelia devotes to everything she does. Even when it's comforting him, she makes sure to give him her full attention. It's like nothing else in the world even exists. Such a thing is really special, Charis thinks. It makes people feel really safe with Melly, himself included. Just talking to her for a while feels like enough to regulate his body and lower his blood pressure. He takes quiet stock of his body and finds that he really does feel calmer and more stable after a little chat.

Charis shakes his head and clutches his soft pillow to his stomach. "No, I'm alright now. You can go if you need to."

"You're sure?"

"Mm."

Melly says, "Alright then. Take care of yourself. Eat well and don't work too hard."

"I will. You, too. Don't work so hard."

Amelia smirks a little then. "In your dreams. Bye, Kyong-ah."

He says goodbye, and then the video call cuts off. He lets out a big, heavy sigh. It's not a sigh of exasperation. As he does, he can feel more of his dissatisfaction and tension evaporating. He rolls the wrist that was holding the phone and then rolls his neck for good measure. It's still too early to sleep. He'd left the company alone today, and they're going to be in the studio all day tomorrow recording their separate parts.

He rolls up his shirt and gently touches the fading burn on his side. It wasn't a bad burn, only bad enough to leave a red mark, and it already looks less angry, although it still stings, especially when he touches it, so he pulls his hand away quickly.

Mouse knocks on his door and then swings it open just as Charis finishes rolling down his shirt. Mouse is nonplussed, hanging his head in the doorway, saying, "Hey, we're playing Smash Brothers in the living room. You want in?"

"Oh? Xiao Yu is letting you play his Switch again after last time?"

"Kiki is with us. Xiao Yu is a soft touch." Mouse leans his head against the doorframe. "So what, in or out?"

"Is Soohyun-hyung there?"

"Yeah, sucking ass with Donkey Kong."

"I don't… want to see Soohyun right now."

"Oh?" Mouse's delicately arched eyebrows go up, but besides that, he keeps an excellent poker face. "What'd Soohyun do to you? Did anything happen? Something I don't know about?"

"No, just. You know how he is."

"You mean his decidedly massive crush on you."

Charis looks up, eyes widened slightly with a look that passes for ‘mildly panicked' on him. "Don't say that."

Mouse shrugs. "I only speak the truth. You know he's not gonna do anything about it, though, right? He cares about Fairytale too much for that. We all do." Mouse folds his arms. "You know that. I know you know that, so what's really the problem?"

"Is it weird? That I don't care about it like the other members do?"

"Sex? Love?"

"Both," Charis mumbles, leaning his head against the wall and regarding Mouse from beneath his lashes. "You're good-looking. I can see that. So is Soohyun-hyung, and he's nice to me."

"Miyongie doesn't give a shit either," Mouse points out.

"Miyongie is young."

"Point. Well," Mouse says, settling into the bed next to Charis. "You have me. If you're weird, then I'm weird, too. I don't care about love, either."

Despite everything he just said, Charis leans his head against Mouse as soon as he's within touching distance. The shelf of Mouse's collarbone and shoulder makes the perfect cradle for his head, and Charis sighs deeply, deeply content.

"I get plenty of love from our members," Charis says. He presses a kiss to the warm, creamy skin of Mouse's neck. "Cuddle with me."

"You're like a barnacle," Mouse says as he wraps his arms around Charis and pulls him down to the bed. "Or like a pet dog. Do you miss sharing a room with me?"

"Sometimes," Charis says.

Maybe he just needs so much of this kind of love because he doesn't need or get the other kind. He's happy to do this with Mouse. Mouse is beautiful, and smells good, and he has the right kind of personality. He's kind to Charis, and he's not needy, and he's not the same as Charis, but he's similar. Mouse isn't going to go getting the wrong ideas, so it feels safe to snuggle up and nestle in close together with him, breathing sticky and humid against Mouse's neck, a little bit open-mouthed against his skin.

Mouse grumbles contentedly and gropes around until he can pull Charis' puffy comforter haphazardly over the both of them. It feels like falling asleep wrapped in a cloud, and the fairy lights on Charis' wall twinkle softly.