Chapter 20

20

Isat glued to the chair for the longest time, waiting for the king to say something else. Anything else. He finally released me without another word and sent me on my way back to school like a good little girl. The guards paid me no mind as I bolted out of the room and down the hall.

I had enough to worry about already, such as not dying during the Trials, to concern myself with the king’s crazy, unfounded suspicions. I had to trust that since I didn’t murder Madam Muerte, there was no way the investigation would find me guilty. They couldn’t find evidence of a crime I didn’t commit. Right? The spell that had taken her out was so beyond anything I was able to do. Surely the king must realize that.

So why couldn’t they finish with all of this and let me go? What was taking them so long if the king had the investigation reopened?

What a time to be alive.

Tears burned at my eyes. The king wanted a scapegoat. He wanted someone to blame for problems he couldn’t seem to control. And there I was, a bright beacon for trouble, perfect for him to focus his ire on.

There was no escape. There was no getting away from the man who ruled these lands. If he knew what Mike and I had done the other day…what would he say then? There would be no investigation there. He’d kill me himself, no matter what I said or what I had going on.

And trust me, I had a lot going on. Too much. Too many things stacked against me. I needed to keep my head down and stay out of trouble or else the king would squash me like a bug.

The next morning felt brutal and cold despite the sun shining. I dressed early, downed a giant cup of coffee, and walked to the royal library. Mike was already there, sitting at a table near the window. I joined him, keeping my head down.

He wanted to know where I’d gone the day before, and why I’d ditched him. I made up whatever excuse I thought he would believe with a promise not to disappear on him again. At least not until we did our fair share of research today.

“I’m here now,” I insisted. Determined to focus. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Well, time for you to wake up. We have a big day ahead of us.” Mike pulled a stack of books out of his backpack. “I spoke to Lane last night. He and Arlyss are working together to find their own spell. He didn’t want to tell me much and risk giving away what they found, but from what I understand, they feel like they have the first Trial in the bag.”

“They’re working together?”

My brain was too fuzzy to hold onto a single thought. I needed a little boost if I had any hope of making it through those books. I needed my brain boost powder.

Mike was talking and although I saw his mouth moving, I couldn’t follow the words he said. I held up a finger to interrupt him with another excuse about forgetting something in my room. He didn’t seem offended. And I didn’t want him to see me taking the powder like some kind of addict.

I wasn’t addicted, I said to myself, racing back down the hall the way I’d come. The door to my room closed behind me. Moving to the desk, I reached into the top drawer to grab the bag and portion some of the powder into my water. If I had any chance of getting through this—both the Trials and the whole deal with the dead gypsy and the shifter attacks—then I needed to keep a clear head.

Except the bag was empty.

“What…?” I turned the bag upside down but nothing came out, not even a pinch of brain boost. I checked the drawer but didn’t see any loose powder at the bottom. I whirled around in a panic, wondering if someone had come into my room and stolen it. But no, nothing else was out of place.

And I realized this was the second time this had happened, the second time my supply was less than expected. My hands curled into fists.

What was going on?

Thinking back to when I last took a dose, yesterday morning…I couldn’t recall mixing it. The space was a big blank, just as it was the day before, and the day before that. The memories around the brain boost became fuzzy inside my head. How…how did I not realize my days were filled with holes? There were blanks spots where there should be memories. Together they added up to trouble.

I leaned against the desktop, taking a deep breath. I’d gone too far. Raelynn had been right when she warned me to be careful. If I’d actually already used up the whole bag—and I had a bad feeling that was exactly what happened—then it was the first step down a very dark path, one I didn’t want to be on. My heart flipped.

Shoving the empty bag back into the drawer, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, focusing on my breathing. I pushed aside my nerves and the tingle of anxiety. There had to be some kind of reasonable explanation why I didn’t remember anything about taking the brain boost in the last couple of weeks. There was something tickling at the edge of my mind just out of reach.

I shook my head. Why couldn’t I remember anything?

“It’s fine,” I told myself. Voice barely above a whisper. “It’s absolutely fine. If I stop taking the powder, then things will go back to normal. I just need to find alternate ways to hone my focus.”

Yet another problem heaped on the mountain of problems plaguing me.

Mike glanced up at me when I returned to the library, his smile like a ray of sunshine. “Took you long enough. I thought you said you forgot something.”

He has no idea. “I was only gone for a little bit,” I hedged.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“Um, no. I mean yeah. I’m sorry. You know how I am. When I get stressed, I forget everything.” Sure, maybe that excuse would work. He’d known me long enough, after all.

He clucked his tongue in admonishment. “I’ll forgive you this time, Tavi. But you are going to have to make it up to me if you pull another disappearing act.”

I liked the way his eyes warmed when he said it. “I will gladly make it up to you.” I set my backpack on the empty seat between us. “As long as we make some headway on a detachment spell today.”

“I’m already ten steps ahead of you. Talking to Lane gave me an idea, an avenue to pursue, if you will.” Mike held up a finger to get my attention then pointed down at the open book in front of him. “Listen up and let me school you.”

* * *

I spent too much energy that afternoon cataloguing my missing time and found it added up to much more than I was comfortable with. I had to know the side effects of the potion, considering I’d taken too much. That night in the kitchen, with Raelynn working steadily beside me and singing a song I didn’t know, I asked her.

“So, uh, about the brain boost powder… You mentioned side effects. Can you elaborate?” I said with as much casual ease as I could manage.

Which wasn’t much, considering the way she turned to me with an eagle-sharp gaze. “Why do you ask?” Seeing right through whatever charade I’d tried to put in place. She reminded me of my old friend Nurse Julie in that respect.

I shrugged with forced nonchalance. Kneading the bread dough with practiced movements, I said, “Just curious. I’ve been using it to help me get through the Trials, and with the first one coming up this Friday, I realized I might need to know more about those side effects you mentioned. I don’t want the Abrichxao powder to, you know, interact negatively with any spell work I do. I’m trying to give myself the best chance possible at passing.”

It sounded reasonable enough.

Raelynn studied me for a moment and then went back to dressing the tender cut of beef in front of her. Another one of the king’s big dinner parties with the courtiers, she’d told me the moment I walked through the door and grabbed an apron. Everything had to be spot on tonight. Lots of prep, lots of courses. No time to dally.

“Well, the big one is losing time,” she said with a sigh. Glaring at the beef as though it were somehow responsible for the side effect. “That’s the one they warn you about first. It can get severe, large chunks of time just gone. Like poof!”

Raelynn chuckled at her own joke and the rest of the girls in the kitchen laughed along with her.

She gave me a warning look. “Too much of the powder will literally shut down your brain, Tavi girl, and you’ll lose memories from that time. Let me think what else… Oh, there’s the dry mouth, but it isn’t so terrible. Stomach ache, sore throat—”

I stopped listening after her first sentence. Memory loss. Literally shut down your brain. Was that what happened to me?

“Are you listening?”

Snapping to attention, flour flying everywhere, I glanced over at her and nodded. “Of course I’m listening.”

“Have you been taking more than two teaspoons a week?” Raelynn was stern. Her eyebrows drew together and somehow I knew she could see down to my soul.

“No way,” I told her, lying easily. And feeling terrible about it.

“Good,” Raelyn said emphatically. “I’d hate to think you’ve been overindulging. I refuse to be responsible for any more holes in your sieve-like memory.” She rapped me on the side of the head with her knuckles before taking the bread loaf to the oven. “Bad enough you can’t remember simple recipes. Have to remind you every bloody week how to make an asparagus casserole.”

The girls laughed at her humor a second time. They all understood the pain of having to repeat information to me again and again.

With Raelynn distracted at the oven, I thought back over the past few weeks. There were definitely a few things I couldn’t seem to remember. Even a few bits and pieces of my tutoring with Juno—and the whole purpose of taking the powder in the first place was so I could do better with my studies.

I excused myself as early as possible and raced back to my room, grabbing a notebook and a pen, charting out my tutoring sessions over the last week since the attack. Detailing what I’d learned those days and what Juno had me work on. And found I could only remember about half of the days.

My pen dropped with a clatter.

I’d been using the brain boost to help. But what if I’d lost tons of time and memories of tutoring? What if I’d actually gone the opposite way and did more harm than good? Some of the things I’d learned but now forgotten might have been imperative to getting me through the Trials.

What if I’d screwed it all up?