Chapter 32

32

I ’m drowning .

The water was over my head and I sank fast, my arms and legs flailing and kicking but unable to propel me in the right direction. Or maybe I was swimming down instead of up. The pressure came from every side, and without any light, confusion took over.

Disoriented, I kicked harder.

Everything around me was chaos. I’d lost hold of Noren. Was he out there in the gloom with me, underwater, struggling?

My lungs burned and the muscles in my legs screamed for relief and found none. If I didn’t get to the surface soon?—

Was Livvy safe?

Had Onyx stayed with the boat?

The pressure increased and my heart thundered in my ears. Everything inside of me pulsed, my lungs constricted, going smaller and tighter. Gods, the pain.

I’m dying .

How could I have made it this far only to have it end here?

I kicked again, desperate to find an indication that I went in the right direction. No matter how far I swam, no matter how hard I pushed, it was impossible to tell the surface from the bottom.

I switched direction but the water was everywhere. I was out of air.

I opened my eyes wider and the water stung, cold seeping into my pores and my blood. This really was the end of the line. Lights sparked in my eyes but they weren’t from reaching the surface. My body cried out for air and I couldn’t fight the urge to breathe anymore.

I opened my mouth and water jettisoned into the empty cavity, fast, greedy.

Sinking lower and lower.

It’s not so bad, actually…

As long as the others were fine, then I’d be fine. No matter what happened.

The lights sparked a final time before everything went black.

The pain lancing through me was a huge surprise. But I guessed it shouldn’t be. Why was there pain after death?

Could I not escape it even now?

My body seized, my lungs expelling the water out through my ravaged throat. I curled on my side with my eyes squeezed shut and coughed, a puddle forming beneath me.

Sick and still coughing, I huddled into a ball, clenching my stomach through wave after wave of agony.

But I wasn’t underwater anymore.

The tips of my fingers scanned over smooth stones.

Once the last coughing fit passed, I forced my eyes open, squinting against the light. Well, if I had to die, at least I’d gone someplace beautiful. Somewhere not underwater.

I took my time pushing up into a sitting position, drawing my knees to my chest until I got the bottom back underneath me. I gasped at what I saw.

The palatial ballroom extended in every direction, with me dead center. A marble mosaic underneath formed a massive star-shaped design. Overhead, the huge domed ceiling was covered in sparkling stars, like the kind I’d seen right before I died.

Those same bright spots of light I’d thought were the last firings of my brain. Had I somehow seen this place before I came here?

I must be dead. I wanted to be shocked but there was nothing left. No feelings, no thoughts clinging any longer than a few seconds before disappearing. Even the scorching, red-hot sensation in my throat and lungs passed into memory.

Where was I?

Standing, I walked toward a wall, each of which was lined by tapestries painted in the most vivid colors. At a distance the individual threads were not visible but up close they were rainbow hues and all of them expertly woven together to form a seamless picture.

With every step that brought me closer, the jagged thrum of my heartbeat grew louder until my head roared and my pulse matched the horrible echoing emptiness. Until it blotted out any ambient sound and the sensation of the rest of the world.

“It’s Faerie,” I blurted out loud.

The tapestries were all different. The ones on this wall were scenes from history. The Great Pixie War, I realized with a start, that Elfwaite fought in fifty years ago. The one on the opposite wall was the castle, Mike’s home. The same castle I’d lived in once I came to Faerie. The turrets of the castle spires were the same, only here the stones gleamed and there were more flowers than I’d ever seen before.

A small grin crept over my features.

Whoever made these tapestries boasted no small amount of talent. A master of their trade. The pictures were detailed, carefully woven, and produced with such distinction I might have been looking at a picture. The closer I got, the more the details stood out.

Not to mention they were huge, covering the entire expanse of wall from floor to ceiling.

The third wall boasted a tapestry of the Fae Academy for Halflings, in the mortal realm.

I ground my teeth against a pang of homesickness.

I’d started my journey within those four walls. The ivy-covered walls were the same and rocked me with such surprise it transported me back to the night I’d arrived.

Everything had been blurry and the world around me shifting under the effects of the potion I’d had to take. But the swirling design on the gates stood out in my mind. The great wide tree trunks lining the drive and my excitement for the fifty acres around the place to roam.

How did it all go to hell from there?

Too much had changed for me to start cataloging in my mind. My life took a completely different path from where I first began and these tapestries felt like snapshots of the pieces along the way.

Except for the Pixie Wars.

I’d only heard about those second-hand through Elfwaite’s stories.

Suddenly, a woman’s voice sounded from behind me. “You are just as much a part of our history as these images. I’m not sure you’ve fully grasped it yet. You will. I have absolute faith in you.”

Someone was watching me. I felt eyes on my spine and my hands started to sweat. Only there was no fear as I took my time turning to face her.

“You are a part of the land, the air, the breath of the world.”

A woman stood there, willowy and graceful, with her shoulders thrown back and long silver hair trailing past her hips. Her gown, a purple hue in shifting colors of violet and eggplant, flowed down to bare feet. She made no noise as she crossed the massive ballroom toward me. We met in the middle of that star-shaped design.

Still no fear came and I knew exactly who spoke to me.

This was Faerie.

The goddess my mother had spoken to, the one I’d secretly laughed at her for naming and considered her crazy.

Faerie was so bright, beautiful, both young and old in the same instant. I almost couldn’t look at her without wanting to avert my gaze. Her features shifted without giving me a full moment to pinpoint her exact age.

It was like looking at the sun. Warm and searing and bright and dangerous.

“Well, I’m dead now,” I told her flippantly. “So I don’t know how I’m going to be a part of history. Unless someone wants to write a memoir.”

The goddess stared at me askance. “You aren’t dead, Octavia.”

This time I jolted. I’d never heard anyone use my real name. Not even in a serious situation. I’ve always been Tavi . From birth it felt like I’d been Tavi, and never Octavia.

“You are not dead,” she repeated kindly. “There are three prices to pay for the Abyss. Innocence. Self. And Life.”

If I were dead, then wouldn’t it take care of one of those things?

We stood facing each other and life-giving heat rolled off of the goddess in waves. “I’m listening,” I whispered.

I swore she smiled. The expression flashed across her face and disappeared in her luminescence before I had a chance to really capture it in my mind. I blinked and black spots danced across my closed lids.

“This is simply the cost of Innocence. Your ordeal taught you the fragility of life. Bad things will always happen to good people. It is outside of your control. And thus, through your experiences, the veil has lifted.”

“Why?” It was probably stupid to ask. “Why does it have to happen?”

“There is a balance in the world. It’s life. It is the way of existence.” The goddess stepped closer and her hair lifted in a halo around her, adding to her glow.

I forced myself to look at her until I couldn't take it anymore and had to close my eyes.

I stood in front of an actual goddess. The force behind Faerie. Did she know how the land erupted when I first stepped foot through the portal? How the thunderstorms and other unnatural weather phenomena had wracked the land?

She had to, right?

Would she tell me why it happened, if I was supposedly a part of Faerie?

“There will be two more prices to pay this night, sweet girl,” she continued, “before you reach the Abyss. You will need to make the choice in order to reach the place you seek.”

“What the hell do you mean by life, then? Am I going to die anyway?” I thought I had.

Did it make a difference if I died now, or later? No.

“This is not what I wanted for you, Octavia.” The goddess ignored my question and considered me sadly. “I am so sorry.”

How did I know she was sad without seeing her full expression?

I just felt it. Deep inside of me.

“This wasn’t part of the plan. But even the gods are thwarted by the deeds of men. Free will enables them to make decisions outside of the best interests of the few and the many.”

I shook my head. “I don’t get it. Gods are supposed to be all-powerful and all-knowing. How in the world can mankind—any kind—thwart you?”

“Free will. It is the way of existence as well, as you have found. Directions are not always followed and the future is never set in stone.”

At once, the words to the Faerie Prophecy filled my head.

At croaching light of black moon morn

A shifter child shall be born.

An innocent and pure of heart

Born to rip the Fae apart.

Born to rip the Fae apart.

A wicked end, downfall's start.

And falling into endless night

Shall bathe the blood with sweet delight.

And as the light of day is done

The fearsome battle shall be won

For those who claim the heart of Fae

To mend and shape, no more to slay.

The shadows done, the feud descend.

No more to sunder. Done and end.

The shifter child, half and whole,

Tis she unites the factions old.

Tis she unites the factions old,

Tis she who rules.

All hail.

Her soul.

It said nothing of witches or powers or goddesses.

I wasn’t going to waste her time or mine asking stupid questions like why me ? Because sometimes it just was. Like what Faerie said about free will and the deeds of men. Sometimes things just sucked. You adjusted. You rolled with the punches. You did your best with the cards dealt and when things changed, you dealt with those as well.

The goddess took a step forward. The blinding heat of her scalded my skin but I wasn't burning. I was alive.

“You are strong enough to get through this. Trust me, lovely girl. Keep going. Keep being strong and when you get to the end, know it is only the beginning.”

Then she touched my forehead and the world spun into darkness again.