Chapter 21

21

" S o you mean to tell me, anyone staying in the cabins can order food from the cantina and have it delivered?" I said, as I set his small dining table with silverware.

"Just one of the perks." He carried over a platter with plastic wrap. He'd ordered a giant steak for himself, and eggplant parmigiana for me, and he'd also opened two beers and set them out.

"Huh. Jabril said I get a cabin now, too. Rory's going to love room service."

Kade set down the platter and pulled my chair out for me.

"My, aren't you the gentleman?" I said it with a note of sarcasm, but secretly my inner romantic swooned from the courtly gesture.

"More like a wolf in civilized clothing, but I try." He placed my plate in front of me and took a seat across the table.

We ate and made small talk, though that would only last so long. Maybe he'd seduce me, and we wouldn't have to address the panic that raced through my veins every time I thought about what I'd signed on to do.

Once we'd finished, he rose and offered me his hand.

"You don't have to romance me," I said, trying my best to be flirty and light. "Tonight, I'm a sure thing."

His eyes narrowed. "I hate your ex more and more. You don't owe me anything for being nice to you. And you aren't some sex toy. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Besides, I have a feeling tonight you need a friend, not a hookup."

Dammit. That prickling sensation behind the eyes again. I opened my mouth to make a quip, but he said, "Don't. Please. Just believe me when I say that you deserve more."

I nodded and took his hand. He led me to the sofa and grabbed the flannel throw blanket and tucked it around me before snuggling up against my side.

"Do you mind if I put my arm around you?" he asked.

"No, I don't mind." I couldn't think of anything better. The moment his muscled arm wrapped around my shoulder, I gave up the fight and melted into him, my head resting against his collarbone. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes from the pleasure of it. Nothing—and no one—had ever felt this good.

As I lay there listening to his heartbeat, my underlying panic ebbed away. I must have dozed for a bit because he gently shook me awake.

"Your phone keeps lighting up. You might want to check your messages."

My phone? I struggled to focus for a moment, blinking the sleep from my eyes. I'd set it on the coffee table when I'd first arrived, along with my jerkin. Wardrobe wouldn't be happy with the state of my costume, but I hadn't had time to change out of it. I'd removed the elf ears and scrubbed the makeup off my face practically the moment we'd walked into Kade's place, though.

"You want me to grab it for you?" he asked.

I nodded blearily.

He moved his arm from around me and snagged the phone. I instantly missed his warmth.

"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes.

"Near midnight."

Oh, shit. I'd never told Rory I was with Kade. He didn't even know I'd signed the contract. Or that I'd been there when Hyde fell.

Kade handed me my phone, but I didn't open it. I had a slew of text message alerts, but without using my app, I couldn't tell if they were all from Rory. I stared at it, trying to decide how to handle the situation. I didn't want him to worry about me . . .

"Problem?"

"I should probably head back to the yurt. Rory must wonder where I'm at."

"Or you could text and tell him you're staying here for the night."

"I am?"

"If you want. I'd like you to stay. We don't have to do anything. I was just enjoying holding you while you slept."

"I liked it, too." I glanced at my phone again.

"Is that a yes?"

I wanted it to be. "Do you have a spare toothbrush?"

"In the cup in the bathroom."

"Great. I'll go use it." I hopped up and headed to the bathroom, taking my cell with me.

Once inside, I called up Rory's number and used my speech-to-text to say I was okay, that I was spending the night at Kade's, and that I couldn't read his texts right now, but would be home first thing in the morning. I also apologized for not letting him know earlier. Then I found a toothbrush still in the package, opened it, and took care of business.

When I returned to the sofa, Kade had that wolf-like head tilt going on. This time I didn't hold back. I ran my fingers through his hair and scratched behind his ear. He rumbled happily, his eyes closing.

"Mmm. Before we settle in for the night, you want to tell me what had you so worked up about taking the role of Eimeret?" he asked.

Okay, that was a sneak attack. I tensed. Just saying the elf's name was enough to cause my blood pressure to spike.

"It's late . . ."

"You know, you can talk to me. Friendship goes both ways."

"Is that what we are? Friends?" I continued to play with his hair.

"Stop trying to distract me. Yes, we're friends. And . . . more. I just can't put an exact label on it at the moment. I really like you, if that helps."

"I like you, too." More than I should, especially knowing wolves didn't have a future with humans. I was asking to get hurt.

"Then talk to me. I've never seen you so close to panicking before, and that includes when you almost toppled off the cliff after Hyde, and being attacked by those birds."

Damn, was I that obvious?

I suddenly felt so tired. Tired of carrying this secret. Tired of feeling ashamed. Hiding from painful truths was exhausting. I bit my lip. Could I really trust him, though? Not only was my inability to read not something I wanted out there for the public to poke at, but would it change the way he felt about me? I knew Matt had screwed up my compass when it came to what to expect from a partner. He'd used my insecurities against me, made me feel I was lucky to be with someone who'd put up with "my deficiencies" as he called them. But that didn't mean Kade wouldn't think less of me if I told him.

Kade stilled my hand in his hair and turned until he kissed the pulse point in my wrist. Something in that simple gesture broke me.

"I can't read." There. I'd said it.

He paused before kissing my wrist again, then placed my hand against his cheek and rubbed himself against my palm. His stubble tickled.

"Did you hear what I said?" my voice came out just above a whisper.

"I did. Are you dyslexic?"

"No. And before you ask, yes, I've tried to learn. I had many special ed teachers convinced they could help me. No one's ever figured out why I can't read. I just can't. And, yes, I graduated from high school. Barely. With lots of accommodations, and Rory spending hours each week tutoring me. The only thing I can do is sign my name, and that's because Rory spent ages teaching me. I can't even read what it says when I do it." When I didn't say anything more, he met my gaze.

Instead of pity or disdain, I saw understanding.

"You can't read the script."

"I can't. Rory's been helping me, and Ali volunteered to assist me, too."

"You told Alistair?"

Did his voice have a tinge of hurt?

"He figured it out."

Kade chuffed. "Figures. That vampire is too clever for his own good."

"Amen to that."

Kade tugged me onto his lap, and I went willingly. "I can help, too, if you let me know what you need."

"It's . . . embarrassing. And a bother for others to deal with. I don't want everyone on set to have to compensate for my inadequacies—"

"Whoa, hold up. Not being able to read doesn't make you any less. Brains are funny. What's easy for one person is impossible for another. We all have our talents. I can barely sit a saddle while you ride like you were born to it. Hyde can read, but we all know he couldn't act worth shit. Ali has enhanced senses and speed, but he said he's never seen anyone so gifted with a bow and arrow as you. You're funny and kind, and you haven't complained once on set, even when I know you had to be miserably cold in that tissue paper they call a costume. You've done an amazing job where a lot of seasoned actors would have faltered, and you don't give yourself enough credit for your accomplishments. Now, you're stepping in to save the production, even though you're terrified we'll judge you poorly for it. And I told you before, you're a natural in front of the camera. Enough so that you're going to be a leading man in a blockbuster."

His words were like a soothing balm to my fears. He believed in me. Didn't judge me. I blinked and swiped at my eyes. Damn dust, making my eyes water. I cleared my throat. "Blockbuster, huh? You sound pretty certain."

"With you as Eimeret? I am." He kissed my temple.

"Can I tell you something really fucked up?" In for a penny, in for a pound, as my mom used to say.

He tightened his arms around me. "I grew up in L.A. I've got a pretty high threshold for fucked up."

I leaned into him before holding up my phone. "You know why Matt hasn't told the world I can't read. The only reason?"

"No. From what you've told me about him and what I've seen, he's a big enough asshole to do it. Especially if it meant boosting his ratings." His voice turned all growly, like he was picturing it and didn't like the idea of it.

Made my insides go all wobbly again. I pressed closer, wishing we were skin-to-skin. And not because I was looking for sex. I craved the intimacy and the comfort of his touch.

"He can't," I admitted. "Because if he does, it will prove I'm not a cheater."

"I don't understand."

I sighed. "It's not in the original video, but he posted several follow-ups after that one, showing supposed screenshots from my phone. He had access to all my devices, and without me knowing, he made an account with FAPP. Have you heard of it?"

"Fapp?" Kade did the universal sign for jacking off. "Are you joking?"

I snickered. "It's funny, right? Anyway, it stands for Fae App. It's essentially a specialty hook up site for those interested in all things fae. You know, like elves, mermen, or fairies. Since I've always roleplayed an elf for our channel, I think he thought that was an extra clever touch. But if he'd have stuck with Grindr, I'd have no proof, so I guess I should be grateful."

"How so?"

"Bear with me." I took a steadying breath. This was the part that hurt the worst, left the deepest wounds. "Matt opened the account in my name and proceeded to start lots of damning conversations with all sorts of men. Even used a private pic I'd taken just for him as more proof of my infidelity. He shared it with all these strangers. Worse, he'd obviously planned it all out long in advance, and for weeks before the ‘big reveal' he hinted he had a surprise for me. Since he knew I wanted to get married, he purposely let me believe it would be a proposal, knowing the whole time, he was setting me up for a hard fall."

"That goes beyond cruel. That's evil."

"It was. He broke me. If I hadn't had Rory . . ." I shook myself, dug my fingers into his shirt. Those first weeks had been some of the darkest of my life. Only losing my mom had been worse. At least that grief had been private. I'd had so much hate thrown my way. And he'd cut me out of his life like I was some sort of cancerous growth, leaving me to deal with the aftermath with only Rory in my corner. Rory who was worth a hundred of any of my fake friends.

Kade gave me space to collect myself, just keeping me wrapped in his arms. I wiped my eyes again, willing myself not to lose my composure. I'd shed the last tears Matt would ever get from me.

"Sorry." I sniffled.

"Don't be. What he did was unconscionable. You're an incredibly strong person for not letting him destroy you."

"He did destroy me. I'll never be the same person again. But I'm learning that maybe I'm better than I was before. They say scar tissue can be stronger than unblemished skin. So, I have a lot more scars, but I'm also stronger than I was before."

"You're giving him too much credit. That fucker deserves all the hurt in the world."

"He does. But I'm not going to wait around for it to happen. I've got my own life to live." I wrapped my arms around his chest and squeezed. "I want to focus on my future, not my past."

He squeezed back. He held me for a while with neither of us saying anything. The silence was the comfortable sort, just letting me know he was there.

"Oh, I never explained the rest." I let go and pulled back a little. "Matt signed me up for FAPP not considering that FAPP is a relatively small boutique site, and it's not compliant with the American Disabilities Act. Which means my voice-to-text doesn't work on that site. I'd have to have typed the messages, which I can't do. And I'd have to have someone read me the responses, because text-to-voice is disabled on the site as well. Rory and I tried several apps to test it out, and none of them will interface."

"And you didn't call him out as a liar because . . . oh, damn." He sounded so sad when he said that last part.

"Yeah. I'd rather be labeled a cheater than admit I can't read. As much as I hate being accused of something I didn't do, it would be even worse to admit to something I can't do. I know I didn't cheat, even if no one else believes it. But I've always been sensitive about being unable to read. After seeing what happened with the supposed cheating, I can't bear to have the public weigh in on that, too—even if it exposed him for the lying piece of shit he is."

Kade ran a soothing hand up and down my back. "It sucks that your ex gets away with this, though I understand why you're not willing to enlighten the public. I know what it's like to have the media comb through your private life in the hopes it will sell. The dehumanization. Reducing you down to a byline and a joke. I respect your decision to protect yourself from more intrusion, and promise I'll keep private whatever bits you share."

I exhaled, and it was like a thousand pound weight dropped from my shoulders. "Thank you. That means a lot."

"It's the bare minimum you're due. And it's okay to say you're not fine when you're not. You don't have to pretend. Not with me, Ali, or Poppy. We've got your back."

"For what it's worth, I've got yours as well."

"In my life, T, that means everything."

I snuggled in. "Yeah, to me, too."