2. Amber

The garden tuckedin the corner of Little Island is eerily quiet, the wind barely stirring the leaves.

I clutch the token in my pocket, its cold metal a comforting weight against my palm. The token given to me by the Shadow Lord—Astrophel—after he promised me a place by his side in the darkness and kissed me.

I should have recoiled. Pushed him away.

Yet, I didn't.

Because some dark, twisted part of me liked it. The kiss was intoxicating, and as much as I hate it, it left me wanting more.

Maybe Astrophel isn't as bad as we thought. After all, he's technically a vampire. He was sired in the Underworld—by the original vampire, Ambrogio—which resulted in him and the other shadow souls being different from the vampires on Earth.

It's a lot to wrap my head around.

Cassandra calls my name again, her voice echoing through the darkness.

"I'm here!" I call out after a few more seconds. I don't specify where, since Cassandra's supernatural hearing is strong enough that she can figure it out herself.

In a flash, she's here. Her sharp eyes scan the scene, settling on the pile of ash where Lucas once stood on the platform in the center of the garden, then turn protectively to me.

"Amber." She approaches me slowly, her footsteps cautious as she moves over the cobblestones. "Are you all right?"

I search for words, but they don't come.

There's too much to process. Too many secrets.

Secrets I'm keeping with every second I hide Astrophel's token in my pocket. The strange stone pulls on me, a subtle tug at my heart, as if it's trying to comfort me and let me know it's here for me.

I should show it to Cassandra.

But I don't remove it. It's mine, and I'm not going to let anyone take it from me. At least, not until I learn exactly what I can do with it.

Instead, I focus on Lucas's ashes.

"The shadow souls were here," I tell Cassandra. "I was fighting them with Lucas. We were holding our own, but they ambushed us. They did that to him. It happened so fast…"

I motion at the place where Lucas met his demise, still shocked at the memory of his screams as the shadow souls fed from him at once.

Cassandra looks over me in confusion. "Are you… sad about it?" she asks.

I laugh at the thought, remembering the times Lucas drank from me, threatened to bond me to him, tried to convince me to turn on Damien, and eventually tried to kill me.

"The only thing I'm sad about is that I didn't get to do it myself," I tell her.

"You and me both." Her hand goes to the hilt of her sword, as if she wants to take one final swing at Lucas. "What happened to the rest of them?"

Her question hangs in the air, the weight of it heavy and unavoidable.

I need to think of a good lie. Anything other than admitting that Astrophel kissed me—and that I kissed him back.

But my brain feels like it's stuck in slow motion, unable to come up with anything convincing.

So, I go with the truth. At least, a version of it.

"The Shadow Lord was here," I say, not wanting to tell her his true name. It would feel dirty, somehow. Like revealing a secret only I'm meant to know. "He wants me on his side."

Cassandra's eyes narrow, and she doesn't drop her hand that was inching toward her sword.

"I said no," I continue. "Obviously. And then he just… left."

The token hums contently in my pocket, as if it's agreeing with my decision to keep its existence secret from Cassandra.

"Just like that?" She raises a brow, and unease crawls up my throat.

Why is she doubting me? Sure, she didn't like me when I first came to the Fairmont. But as far as I know, she's never suspected me of betraying the clan.

"I stabbed him," I tell her. "In the heart."

"You killed him?"

She checks the area for the telltale sign of dead shadow souls—sludgy goo on the ground—but finds none.

"I tried," I tell her. "It didn't work. He said it'll take a far stronger weapon to kill him."

"And then he left," she says slowly, as if she doesn't totally believe me.

I nod, not having to fake the shock shining in my eyes. So much happened in such a short period of time that it's hard to process.

"How's Abigail?" I ask, changing the subject.

"She's in a cab on her way back to the Fairmont," Cassandra says. "I had to hold off a few shadow souls as they entered the island, but they didn't seem interested in me. They just wanted to get through. Like they had somewhere else to be. Someone more important to find."

She glances at Lucas's ashes again.

"Like Lucas?" I ask, since I'm pretty sure Lucas was just a barrier between me and Astrophel that needed to be torn down.

"If the Shadow Lord wants you to join him, it makes sense," she says, apparently having the same thought process. "Take out your enemy, gain your trust, and form a new alliance."

"Never," I say, although the token hums in my pocket.

Its presence is a reminder of Astrophel's kiss, his touch, and his words.

On this planet, there's only one star that matters. Only one star that keeps us alive. Only one star whose light I can't get out of my head, no matter how hard I try. That star is the sun. It's you.

The memory of what Astrophel said to me sends a shiver down my spine, affecting me far more than they should.

Everything he told me about Ambrogio spins in my mind, too. But here—on this small island where we could possibly still be in danger—isn't the time to share everything I've learned.

I can do that later, at the Fairmont, after things calm down.

And now, as I look at Cassandra, I realize that what I'm seeing in her eyes probably isn't suspicion.

It's pain.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Yannick," I tell her, and guilt coils around my heart for not mentioning it until now. "If I'd just let Lucas drink from me when he first asked, then he wouldn't have…"

My voice catches in my throat, unable to continue.

He wouldn't have killed Yannick.

Cassandra's eyes harden, her jaw clenching. "No," she says firmly. "Lucas was a monster. You didn't know what he was about to do."

I appreciate her words, even though they're not true. Because Lucas was holding Yannick and Abigail hostage. He was dangling their lives in front of our eyes. It was clear what he intended to do if I refused to do what he asked.

I just didn't think he would act so swiftly.

"I wish I could go back and do things differently," I finally say.

I wish I could go back and do a lot of things differently. Not drink the potion, not trust Viktor, not eat the duskberry…

The list goes on and on.

Cassandra shakes her head, her eyes distant, although she quickly whips herself back into focus. "Yannick's gone, and nothing's going to bring him back." Her voice is laced with unmistakable pain, and she continues, "I just wish I could have killed Lucas myself. Made him suffer for what he did."

"Trust me—he suffered." I glance back at where the shadow souls descended on him and sucked out his soul. "It was quick, but from the way he screamed… if definitely wasn't painless."

"Good. I'm glad." Her eyes harden, and she jumps back into business. "And now that he's gone, our focus needs to be on killing the Shadow Lord. You said you're going to need a stronger weapon to kill him. Did he give any hint about what that weapon might be?"

"The Shadow Lord is a lot of things, but he's not stupid," I say, surprising myself by how quickly I jumped to his defense. "He's not going to hand me a map that shows me where to find the weapon capable of killing him."

He might not think I want to kill him anymore at all, I think, hating that I'm not sure how I feel about it, either.

After that kiss, I'm not sure what I feel.

"You're right," Cassandra says. "He wouldn't have said anything if he thought you—or any of us—could track it down."

At the reminder of tracking things down, I reach into my pocket for my phone. Morgan's been trying to track down an answer for how to get the potion out of my body, and my phone's been on do not disturb mode from the moment Cassandra and I entered the taxi to come to this island.

When I check my messages, there's nothing from Morgan.

Instead, my screen is flooded with missed calls from Damien. His name appears again and again, like a frantic SOS signal, and his panic hits me like a punch to the gut.

He's been out there tonight trying to find—and likely kill—Viktor. He said he had it handled, but what if something happened to him? What if he needed me, and I wasn't there for him?

What if he's already back at the Fairmont, and he knows I'm not there? That I left, even though he asked me to stay put for the night?

"What's wrong?" Cassandra asks.

"It's Damien," I tell her. "He's been calling. A lot."

I call him back, my heart pounding as I wait for him to pick up.

He answers before the end of the first ring.

"Where the hell are you?" His voice comes through the phone like a shockwave, his anger barely contained.

It's different from his usual intensity. There's a sharp edge to it, a tremor that makes my chest tighten.

"Little Island," I say, since there's no point in lying about it. He clearly already knows I left. "I'm sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to leave. It's just?—"

"Stay where you are," he cuts me off. "I'll be there in five minutes."