13. ELEVEN

eleven

Kira didn’t know what impulse compelled her to rise from her chair, but before she knew it, she’d already crossed the room to push open the doorway to the hallway. She leaned against the door’s frame to stare at her parents’ bedroom.

The thought of going inside was tempting. All that separated her was a few inches of wood and several hidden Tuann defenses.

The idea of a mother or father had always been a foreign one.

Himoto was the closest thing to a parent she had.

It was kind of sad when she thought about it. As a mentor, there was none better. Himoto was a soldier others looked up to. A born leader.

As a parent, he was less than ideal—even to his own biological daughter.

He had always preferred a hands-off approach, saying people learned best from their own mistakes. While true, it was difficult to accept that kind of mindset when you were a child who only wished for the attention of the person you respected the most.

Things like love and affection weren’t high on Himoto’s list of necessities.

Kira had grown up strong and independent—if a tad lonely.

She’d tried to tell herself she didn’t care. Not about the way she’d grown up or the parents who would have loved her.

“The past should stay in the past,” Kira whispered, trying to make herself believe it.

Pain was the only thing that would come of opening that door.

Harding and Liliana weren’t waiting for her in that room. All that was left was their memory and the remnants of the life that should have been theirs. The dreams they’d had for their future daughter.

Kira leaned her head against the doorway.

Judging by Harlow’s actions, her father would have been a good man. Her mother beloved. Not just by him but by many in Roake.

People like that deserved a good ending. Not the one they’d got.

There was an ache in Kira at the knowledge she’d never truly know the people they were. Never experience the love they would have heaped on her.

Once she opened that door, she’d know all that she’d been missing. Grief would come and along with it, fury.

Did she want to put herself through that?

She was already angry enough. Rage woven into the tapestry of her soul. It was what made her such an effective soldier.

Despite knowing all that, she couldn’t help but waver in her resolve to leave that door locked.

Just a glimpse. That was all she needed to assuage her curiosity. To say she did it and move on. Then she’d go back to burying her head in the sand.

Kira took a tiny step forward.

A sound intruded.

Kira froze.

Harlow stood in the middle of the hallway, seeming almost as surprised as Kira at their unexpected meeting.

His gaze went from Kira to the door she had been about to approach. “Going in?”

Kira hesitated, casting a final glance at the intricate carvings before taking a step back. “No. Just curious.”

Harlow murmured something to the two oshota standing beside him. They nodded before taking their leave.

Kira watched them go, her attention moving to Harlow as he approached her. He looked tired. The skin around his eyes and mouth carved with grooves.

“How much trouble are you in because of me?” Kira asked with a sense of guilt.

A quick smile came and went on Harlow’s face. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’ll tell me if there’s something I can do,” Kira said.

Harlow inclined his head. “Of course.”

He was lying.

Harlow patted her shoulder, his hand coming up to touch her hair gently. “Don’t push yourself. Things will fall into place on their own.”

Kira wished she could believe that. She truly did. However, in her experience nothing ever came without a struggle.

“Your parents would want you to be happy—even if that means leaving their memory behind.”

Kira wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

Harlow shouldn’t know her that well. For him to guess the path her thoughts had taken meant he’d put a lot of effort in studying her personality. What’s more, she didn’t expect someone who’d loved his twin and his twin’s wife as much as he obviously did to advocate delaying her knowing their memory.

It was surprisingly considerate of him.

Then again, Harlow had been consistent from the beginning in the care with which he’d treated her.

Even when he opposed her decision to undertake the uhva na and step onto the path of the adva ka, he’d supported her. He’d made sure she had the training she needed for success.

She suspected he was a big part of the reason Wren had taken her as his yer’se, despite rumors saying he’d never done so with someone who wasn’t at least past their rite of passage.

“When you’re ready, I’ll be here,” he said, unable to hide the hope she would someday get there.

Kira tried to imagine how she’d feel if Elena had rejected everything to do with her mother.

“I hope you’re right. That things will fall into place on their own,” Kira added, seeing the question on his face.

She hoped there would come a day when she embraced that part of herself. When she could listen to Harlow tell stories of the people her parents had been.

It was sad but that day wouldn’t be today.

Harlow’s expression softened. “Me too.”

Kira didn’t say anything as he continued down the hall, heading for the door on the other end that she hadn’t paid attention to until now.

“Harlow,” Kira said, stopping him. “I know I’m difficult, but I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Much of which went above and beyond the care of an uncle for a niece.

Harlow inclined his head, leaving Kira to her solitude as he disappeared into his.

Kira didn’t return to her quarters immediately, instead leaning her side against her door’s frame.

“Where’s Graydon when you need him?” she asked softly.

It wasn’t lost on her that Harlow had managed to avoid any further questions about what price he’d paid for beating Jarek.

She supposed if she wanted to know she could simply track down Graydon.

Of course, knowing him, she wouldn’t have to. Graydon would come looking for her soon enough.

The next morning Kira stared at the table laden with food in appreciation. She inhaled the delicious scents rising from the table, her mouth watering in anticipation.

Maybe being referred to as the heir wasn’t such a bad thing if it came with perks like this. Her previous stay in Roake hadn’t come with meals delivered direct to her room. She’d needed to venture to one of the dining rooms if she wanted sustenance.

More often than not, Finn had had to procure dishes that could be eaten on the go since Kira didn’t often make time for a sit-down meal.

She had to say she was quite enjoying the special attention.

A knock sounded at the door to the room, interrupting Kira’s perusal.

Finn and Kira looked at each other.

He set a napkin on the table, rising from his chair. “I’ll get it.”

The tantalizing scents of the food washed away any objection Kira might have had as Finn disappeared through the balcony doors, crossing the floor of her room to the door leading to the hallway.

It appeared a week spent healing while in a coma had left her ravenous.

Nothing would keep her from her meal. Even unexpected visitors.

Kira paid no attention as Finn opened the door, a woman brushing past him.

“I see you haven’t managed to lose your ball and chain,” the woman called as she crossed Kira’s room to the balcony.

Kira paused in the act of spooning pieces of a blue fruit with flecks of green scattered through its flesh onto her plate to look up at the person standing over her. Short by human standards, the woman had delicate features that pointed to an Asian ancestry.

“Blue,” Kira said with a measure of surprise as she looked past her to Finn’s irritated face.

The woman’s real name was Yuki, but they’d always called her Blue on account of the way she dyed the tips of her hair blue.

Not terribly original but the name had stuck.

Once an orphan Kira rescued, she was now a part of the new Curs.

“I’m a little surprised you remember my name.” Blue propped one hand on her hip as she attempted to look down at Kira from her less than impressive height. “What with you disappearing without a word—again. Did you forget I existed?”

Kira put the spoon she still held in her mouth, wondering how she should answer that question.

The truth was she had kind of forgotten Blue had remained behind in Roake while she and Raider were at the quorum.

Blue’s eyes widened in disbelief as she read the answer on Kira’s face.

“I expected something like this out of you. You have a history. Raider, however, is an entirely different story.”

Underneath Blue’s annoyance, Kira thought she caught a glimpse of hurt.

Blue wasn’t some random person who’d joined the Curs because they were considered an elite unit. She’d done so as an homage to those who’d died. They’d been her family too, once. The only one she’d had after her planet was invaded and her family killed by the Tsavitee.

Blue flopped into the chair across from Kira. “I can’t believe you left me behind—again.”

The put-out expression on her face faded to one of bewilderment as Finn loomed over her.

“That’s my seat,” he informed her.

Blue looked around in confusion, taking in the two empty chairs to either side of her.

“Move,” he said again more slowly this time.

Blue sent him a grimace as she leveraged herself out of his seat before sprawling in the one right next to it. “Fine. Happy now?”

Finn lowered himself into the chair she’d vacated. “Ecstatic.”

Blue eyed the oshota. “I didn’t think you lot were capable of having a personality—or sarcasm.”

Finn preoccupied himself with filling his plate with food from several of the dishes in front of him.

“Then you haven’t been paying attention while you were here,” he told Blue, placing the plate before him.

“Is that right?” Blue asked with a challenge in her voice.

Finn’s gaze shifted slowly to her, the condescension in it making Blue straighten. “That is right.”

Blue faced Kira. “Is he allowed to talk to me like that?”

Kira considered her with some amusement. “I think he just did.”

A pout formed on Blue’s face as she folded her arms across her chest and propped a knee against the edge of the table.

“Tell me what’s going on. What made you leave? And why did Raider act like someone had murdered his best friend for a week afterward before up and leaving without a goodbye?” Blue complained.

Kira reached toward one of the platters in the center of the table, scooping a piece of the white, flaky fish that had been calling her name for the last few minutes onto her plate.

“Did you already talk to Raider?”

Blue used her knee to tilt her chair back until it balanced on two legs.

“I tried. He was babysitting some kid.” Bafflement showed on Blue’s face. “He hates kids.”

Kira paused in the process of forking up a piece of fish.

From the sound of it, Raider hadn’t told Blue about his relationship with Elena. A fact Kira couldn’t help but be relieved about.

It meant he was taking Elena’s safety seriously. Even going so far as hiding her existence from those he trusted the most.

The thing with secrets was that they had a way of getting out.

A fact Kira could attest to.

While hiding Elena forever wasn’t an option, she wanted to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

The more people who knew, the greater the chances of other’s finding out.

As one of the few born of both human and Tuann parents, Elena was a unique existence that some would fear, and others abhor.

Kira wanted to protect her from that for as long as possible.

“What’s going on?” Blue demanded.

Kira raised an eyebrow at her. “What makes you think anything is going on?”

Blue’s eyes narrowed. “You and Raider are up to something. Don’t think I don’t recognize the signs.”

Kira slipped the fork laden with fish into her mouth, fighting the urge to close her eyes at the scrumptious flavor.

“I brunt no wha cha takhing about,” Kira said, too busy chewing to talk properly.

Blue sent Kira with a dour look that showed she didn’t believe that for a second.

The door to Kira’s room burst open as Raider strode inside.

Finn’s fork dropped with a clatter to his plate as he fixed Kira with a look that said his patience was reaching an end.

“How is he able to get in here without one of us letting him in?” Kira asked as Raider reached the balcony.

“I added his biometrics to the system last night as a precaution.”

Kira’s eyebrows climbed. The fact Finn had done such a thing showed how much he trusted the human. Something that would have been unfathomable not too long ago.

The two had grown close after they’d fought side by side against House Dethos on Almaluc.

Finn’s jaw flexed as he flicked a look Raider’s way. “I did not think he would be so presumptuous as to enter without an invitation.”

Raider didn’t look at him as he crossed to Blue’s side.

“What are you doing?” Blue asked as he lifted her out of her chair and ushered her to the door.

“Sorry, kid. I have a few things to discuss with Kira.”

“Wait. No. I’m a Cur too!” Blue shouted as Raider shepherded her away from the table.

“It’s classified.”

“I have one of the highest security clearances,” Blue protested as Raider pushed her out of the room.

“Not this time. Not for this.”

Raider slammed the door closed in Blue’s face.

“I don’t think she’s going to forgive you for that,” Kira observed as Raider returned to the table.

“I’ll worry about that later.”

Brave man.

Blue might seem like a pocket-sized, harmless person, but she had earned her place at the Curs’ side. What she lacked in stature, she made up in brains—and vindictiveness.

There would be a painful reckoning in Raider’s future.

Kira just hoped Blue’s retribution didn’t spill over onto her.

Setting her fork down on the plate in front of her, Kira gave up on the possibility of a peaceful breakfast as Raider flopped on the chair Blue had vacated.

“Want to tell me why you interrupted my breakfast in such a dramatic fashion?”

He propped his chin on his hand as he blinked his eyes at her in a way that she was sure he meant for her to understand but didn’t.

“Anything you want to tell me?” Raider asked.

Kira frowned. “Okay, I’ll bite. About what?”

Raider dropped his hand and reached for a basket of fluffy violet offerings Kira assumed were similar to biscuits.

Finn slapped his hand away. “No.”

Raider cradled the offend appendage as he stared at the oshota. “I was just going to take one.”

“I don’t think so,” Finn told him.

Kira stared at the basket, suddenly way more interested in the biscuit things than she’d been previously.

“We have to talk,” Raider said, choosing to ignore Finn’s rudeness.

A weighty silence built before Finn sighed, pushing back his chair. “I’ll be in the other room.”

Kira made a disappointed sound as the oshota gathered his plate and the basket of Tuann biscuits.

Finn gave no signs he’d heard as he stepped through the balcony doors.

“You’re ruining my breakfast,” Kira informed Raider, unhappy to have lost the chance to taste the new dish.

Raider didn’t seem concerned as he tilted his head at Finn. “Do you think he really can’t hear us or is he just pretending?”

The oshota had taken a seat on Kira’s settee and was now staring at them from the other side of the window as he slowly ate his food.

“It’s hard keeping secrets from an oshota,” Kira said.

One side of Raider’s mouth lifted. “Are you telling me there are still things Finn doesn’t know about you?”

Kira gave him a thin smile. “I said hard; not impossible.”

Raider smirked as a husky chuckle rumbled from his chest. “Something tells me you always have a few tricks up your sleeve. Secrets you’re not willing to part with.”

Kira didn’t laugh with him, regarding Raider with a steady gaze.

Somehow, she didn’t think he’d come all this way to ask her what secrets she’d shared with Finn.

Raider turned serious, the look in his eyes deepening as he pinned Kira with an intense gaze. “I’m giving you one last chance, Phoenix.”

Kira reached for the tea next to her and lifted the cup to her lips. She took her time taking a sip as she waited.

“I didn’t say anything earlier because we were on a Tuann ship, and I know how paranoid you are. Since I share in your paranoia, I decided to be patient.” Raider leaned forward, a slight threat in his expression. “But now we’re no longer on that ship. It’s time to come clean and tell me what you know about Elise.”

“I’m surprised you waited this long.”

Raider arched an eyebrow. “You’re not going to deny it?”

“There’s no point, is there?”

Kira could see from his expression that she was right. Raider wasn’t going to let this drop.

In all truthfulness, he, more than anyone, had the right to know everything Kira did.

“Just answer me one thing—is Elise on this planet?”

Kira’s gaze shifted as Jin joined them, his engines almost silent as he lifted over the balcony.

“If I say yes, what will you do?”

Some of the fight went out of Raider, a mask dropping down as his gaze turned distant. “You encountered Elise on Alamluc.”

Raider’s certainty left Kira with no room for denial. Not that she’d planned to anyway.

“That’s how you knew the other one was a fake,” he said to himself as if Kira had only confirmed something he’d long suspected. His gaze locked on hers. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“She’s working with the generals.”

Kira caught the faint tightening around his eyes that whispered of his instinctive denial. The same one she’d felt when she saw Elise at a general’s side.

“Could she have been brainwashed?” he asked after a long moment spent conquering his emotions.

Kira shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

Elise had seemed too like herself with no signs she was acting under duress. Many of the things she’d said were the types of things the Elise Kira knew would have said.

Raider stood in an explosive movement, crossing to the balcony to stare at the ocean beyond.

“I’m trying to decide if I’m angrier about the thought that she might be a traitor or the fact that this is the second time we’ve been on the same planet, and she has made no attempt to contact me.” Raider’s fists clenched on the balcony, giving away the amount of anger he was pretending didn’t exist.

Kira rose to join him at the balcony. “We don’t know that she’s actually here.”

Raider’s gaze swung to her, the magnitude of his pain making her want to flinch.

There was an anguish in his face that made her heart clench. A misery that she was helpless to alleviate.

“We don’t know everything,” she told him, wanting to grasp onto hope no matter how faint it was. “For all we know, everything she’s done has been to protect us and Elena.”

Elise wasn’t here to speak for herself.

Until they had all the facts, Kira wouldn’t judge one way or the other.

“But you think she’s here,” Raider said in a flat voice.

Kira hesitated, her gaze moving to Jin.

He floated forward. “Our source seems to think so.”

“Why?”

“We’re still piecing that together,” Jin said. “But we suspect it has something to do with the adva ka.”

“Of course, it does.” Raider stared at the sky for several minutes before focusing on Kira. “What’s your plan? I’m assuming you have one.”

“Of course, we do,” Jin said.

Kira inhaled a deep breath. “It’s simple. I participate in the adva ka and wait for Elise to make her move. Once she does, I capture her and force an explanation out of her.”

And pray like mad that Elise wasn’t the one responsible for the death of the Curs.

There were many things Kira could forgive, Bates, Bayside, and Walker’s deaths weren’t among them.

Raider’s nod was slow. “Agreed with one correction.”

Kira sent him a questioning look as Raider straightened.

“You aren’t the only one who will be participating in the adva ka.”

Kira blinked at him. “Who else?”

Raider bared his teeth. “Me.”

“You?” she pointed at him in surprise.

“That’s right.”

“You’re going to participate in a Tuann rite of passage?”

“I knew you were smart,” he told her, leaning against the balcony and folding his arms over his chest.

Obviously not smart enough since she still was struggling to understand.

“How?”

“Apparently any yer’se can enter with the approval of their seon’yer,“ he informed her.

“And Wren gave his permission?”

“He did.”

“And you agreed?” Kira asked, a little baffled.

Raider gave her a crooked smile, some of his old self peeking out. “I did.”

“Why?”

A chuckle left Raider. “If you think about it, I’m sure you’ll arrive at the correct answer.”

“Elena.”

Raider inclined his head. “Ding. Ding. Ding.”

It made sense. As much as they tried to protect her, there would come a time when her origins got out.

As a half human, Elena would face discrimination—on both sides.

The best way to combat that was for Raider to prove himself in the most explosive manner possible.

“Himoto always said if you couldn’t be respected—be feared,” Kira said on a sigh.

There was a vicious look in Raider’s eyes that Kira hadn’t seen since the war. Not when he was angry at her for her perceived abandonment. Not even when he found out about Elena.

There was a void in his gaze that said he’d shut away the softer emotions, leaving nothing but the killer behind.

It was a look Kira had hoped to never see again.

“I don’t mind being a monster if that’s what’s needed to protect her,” Raider informed Kira.

“There are other ways that don’t include making yourself a target for all the Houses.” Kira tossed her napkin onto her plate.

The conversation had officially ruined what was left of her appetite.

“Name them,” Raider challenged.

Kira lifted her chin, knowing he wasn’t going to like this next part. “You could keep your distance from Elena.”

“No.” Raider didn’t even hesitate to reject Kira’s suggestion.

From a certain standpoint, his objection was reasonable.

Raider had already lost twelve years with his daughter. That was twelve years of experiences he’d never get back.

All the firsts he’d never see.

Like the first time Elena smiled. The lisp she’d had when she lost her front teeth. The excitement she’d had the first time Kira put her on a wave board.

Raider would be loath to miss any more of his daughter’s life.

What’s more, their relationship was still in the nascent stage. Any perceived rejection from Raider would crush Elena.

“If you fail in the adva ka—“ Kira trailed off.

Right now, the relationship between the Tuann and the Consortium hung by the thinnest of tendrils.

Since most Tuann had likely never interacted with a human, only hearing about them through unflattering rumors, they would use Raider as an example by which to measure the rest of humanity.

If he showed the slightest weakness, they’d use that as further confirmation that humanity wasn’t worth the effort.

“I won’t fail.” Raider’s gaze was steady, conviction burning in his eyes.

One side of Kira’s lips tilted up. No, he wouldn’t.

People often underestimated the power of their own will. They let the weakness of their mind dictate how high they could rise.

True strength came by finding your wall and overcoming it.

It was something the Curs had excelled at.

“I miss the days when I could order you not to be a dumbass,” Kira said, pretending more irritation than she felt.

Raider’s smile held a touch of the rogue. “Let’s be honest—those days never existed.”

Kira snorted into the cup she’d just lifted to her lips. “Since you’re going to anyway, do what you want. I’ll be here to catch you if you fall.”

As she always did when one of her Curs got themselves in over their heads. Just like they would her if the situation was reversed.

Jin bobbed up and down, calling Kira and Raider’s attention. “I’m so glad everyone is on the same page. I have a way to ensure Raider’s and your success.”

Kira froze with the cup half lifted to her lips as a creature slithered between the rails of the balcony.

As if sensing her gaze, the creature paused, lifting its small head to fix eyes the color of rubies on Kira. Its tongue flicked out before it lowered to the ground and continued slithering in their direction.

“Jin, what is that?” Kira asked in as calm a voice as she could muster.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Finn rise from the settee and move slowly to the balcony doors.

“Do you like it?” Jin asked, sounding excited as the snake reached the leg of a table, winding up it until it reached the top.

The serpent-like creature slithered across the surface, stopping in front of Kira to coil its body in a tight circle.

Finished, it lifted its upper half to peer curiously at Kira.

Unable to help herself, Kira reached for the tiny snake. “You’ve outdone yourself this time.”

“I know.” Jin sounded proud.

Kira lifted the snake to examine it closer. It was about half the length of Kira’s forearm and as wide as her pointer finger.

There was a faint transparency to the blush color of its body, reminding Kira of a gem humans called morganite.

“Did you base this off a lu-ong?“ Kira asked with a frown, noting the whiskers that extended from either side of the snake’s nose and the crest that ran along the back of its head like a mane.

The lu-ong were sacred to the Tuann. Kira wasn’t sure how they’d feel if a piece of jewelry was made in the creature’s likeness.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a snake.”

It was certainly not like any snake Kira had seen in the history books or on the holovids.

Finn moved closer, peering at the snake. His eyes widened before his gaze shot to Jin in accusation. “What did you do?”

Kira paused, looking over at the two in curiosity.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jin blustered.

Kira didn’t need their bond to sense the guilt in Jin’s tone.

Finn stabbed a finger at the snake. “That thing is made out of tolial. There are only two places on this planet where you can find that material. One of them is the Shining Palace’s treasury. The other is in Roake’s.”

Raider’s shoulders shook with repressed amusement as Kira let out a moan. “Jin, tell me you didn’t.”

“They weren’t using it,” Jin protested. “It was just sitting there.”

Kira’s head thunked onto the table. “Which did you get the tolial from?”

Jin’s answer was filled with sulkiness. “Roake.”

Kira breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn’t the worst-case scenario.

She looked up at Finn. “How much is it if I were to buy it from Roake?”

Finn’s expression was heavy. “Two hundred veryls.”

“What does that amount to in the Consortium’s currency?”

“Two million credits.”

Kira’s breath stuttered in her chest as Raider choked.

“How much did you say?”

“Two million.”

Kira blinked rapidly at him. Even if she were to work a thousand lifetimes, she didn’t think she’d be able to come up with that much money.

It was an impossible amount.

Jin backed away as Kira pinned him with a look.

Was there a stronger word for death? Because that was what she planned to do with him.

“Now, Nixxy,” Jin started.

“You’re going to put this back where you found it,” she said through clenched teeth.

“I can’t,” Jin confessed. “Once the process has been started, I can’t return the material to its original state.”

Ah.

Kira figured out the word she wanted.

Extermination.

That’s what she was about to do to him. Exterminate him so thoroughly that even his ancestors felt it.