Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

I Think We Should Talk

Finn

“We weren’t expecting you guys back so soon,” Willow says with a conspiratorial smile.

“Honey, stop meddling,” Brett scolds, wrapping a hand around her shoulder and kissing the top of her head.

I look over at Jacob, who is standing with his hands tucked into the pockets of his khakis, rocking back on his heels.

“I gave my word that Charlie and I would keep things platonic. I don’t plan on going back on my word,” I reply to Willow but I side-eye Jacob, who looks relieved.

“Glad you two worked everything out,” Jacob says since I have my arm around Charlie’s shoulders.

“Thanks, Bro, I don’t know what our mother is thinking half the time,” I wonder.

“I don’t know what she is thinking ever,” Willow says. “Do you all remember when Brett came out here to see Maylee when he first found about her?”

We all nod. Even Jack nods, and he’s sitting off to the side on the couch with Lev watching reruns of a football game.

“Well, Mom tried to convince me that Brett was a bad guy. I almost believed her, but I am thankful every day I took a chance on him,” she declares, hugging Brett. Brett looks down at her lovingly. Those two are serious relationship goals.

“Charlie knows how I feel. I won’t accept any more meddling,” I tell my family.

Willow giggles. “I knew from the start you were special. I’d always nudge him to speak to me about girls on campus and he always said there was nothing to say. When he mentioned you, I just knew,” Willow shares to Charlie. “I left the dessert out on the kitchen island if you guys want to help yourself.”

“Thanks,” Charlie says. “But I’ll pass on dessert.”

“I’ll go for seconds,” Lev says.

“Charlie is trying out for the US Olympic team in the spring for track and field,” I say proudly.

“Oh, wow, that’s amazing,” Willow says.

“Impressive,” Jacob mutters. “I hope there are no hard feelings, Charlie. I didn’t want you quitting, but I’m expected to do my job.”

“I understand,” she replies. “There are no hard feelings and I plan to do my job to the fullest until the end of the semester.”

“I know Alice has been very impressed with your work. I’m expecting nothing less,” Jacob encourages.

After hanging out with my family a little longer, I walk Charlie back to the guesthouse. The place is dark so her father is clearly not back.

“I’d really like to come in,” I groan.

“Come in. I think we should talk,” she says.

“Uh oh, am I in trouble?” I ask as I walk into the guesthouse. We hang our jackets at the front door and we walk into the main room, which has a kitchen that is open to the family room.

Charlie laughs. It’s a great sound that I could hear for the rest of my life.

“Should I make us some tea?” she asks.

“I’m okay,” I reply.

“Okay, I’ll make myself a cup. I’m still feeling worked up from before,” she admits as she hits the kettle.

“Baby, when you say you’re worked up, it makes me want to do things to calm you down,” I confess to her.

She presses her thighs together. “We’re adults not wild sexual beasts, we can have self-control for the next few weeks.”

“You mean I’ll continue to use my right hand the next few weeks,” I clarify.

“Damn, that visual is hot,” she says, staring into space.

I laugh. “We’re screwed.”

“No, we’re both athletes who have self-control in mounds, or we wouldn’t be where we are today,” she asserts.

“You’re right,” I concede.

She makes herself a tea and sits beside me on the couch.

“So what is the story with your mother?” she asks.

“You want to talk about my mother?” I groan.

“Yes, and not just because she is clearly spending the night with my dad, which is gross. I can’t think of our parents doing it.” She cringes.

I wince. “Now I’m feeling nauseous.”

“Tell me about her.” She nudges my shoulder.

“Her and dad had a very rocky relationship,” I begin. “Dad would piss her off and she’d go out. Let’s just say she wasn’t very maternal. My siblings and I didn’t see a healthy relationship growing up. My brothers and sister were so scarred from my parents that they vowed to stay single forever.”

“Except Willow,” Charlie clarifies.

“Not at first. Willow was anti-relationship too but Brett got through to her. It’s a long story. Then there was me. I liked hanging with Chelsea’s family.” I pause. “Is it okay for me to talk about this?”

Charlie nods with warmth in her eyes.

“Okay.” I pull her into the crook of my arm, and she draws lazy circles on my abdomen. “Chelsea has these loving, caring parents and I liked to be with them. Chelsea and I were friends and then we dated. After her brother died, Chelsea changed and she began acting out. I thought I could save her, but I couldn’t. I realized over the years that our relationship was very childish. It never felt like this. We never had these deep talks or shared parts of ourselves.” I take her hands and we entwine our fingers. I’ve never felt so close to someone before and even though I tried to give Charlie attitude at the beginning and keep her at a distance, a part of me always knew it was a lost cause.

“I’m glad you shared that with me,” she says.

“And you and Raphael? You were with him for what seven months?”

She nods. “There isn’t so much to tell. It wasn’t a huge love story. I was intrigued by his French accent. He was artistic and funny. I felt like I should have a boyfriend because I didn’t do any dating my first two years at Riverside. I was too worried about my father, and between school, work, and the track team I didn’t have much of a life. I wasn’t lying when I said the chemistry between Raph and me was off. You’re the only one who has ever made me come.”

I growl. “You’re killing me.” I shift and pin her on her back with her hands above her head.

“This is dangerous,” she warns.

“Gah.” I pull back and release her.

“Tell me more about your family,” she says as a distraction.

“Dad died my senior year of high school. We weren’t very close. He liked to keep to himself. Probably what made Mom so miserable. She took out her misery on us kids like she just didn’t want to be our mother.”

“Damn,” Charlie hisses.

“That’s just my perspective. I’ve never straight-out asked Mom what makes her so shitty.”

“Ouch.” Charlie winces.

“When I was younger, my dad’s parents lived with us. I don’t remember much, but from what Willow says Grams was amazing and took care of all of us. When she passed, Willow and Jacob were old enough to keep the rest of us alive.”

“That must have been so hard.”

“It was the only life I knew until I hung out with Chelsea’s family and saw what a loving home they had.” I share.

“I’m happy you got to experience that.”

I watch her in awe. “You’re truly amazing.”

She gives me a small smile.

“So what happened after your dad died?” Charlie asks.

“Mom was happy to be free of him. She started to go out even more. Hook up with men in town.” I wince. “I feel really bad about your dad, Charlie.”

“Don’t, he’s a big boy. I just hope he’s okay. His mental state has always been so fragile. I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”

“I could tell,” I admit. “That’s why I wanted to help. You looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“I still do. I don’t know how to tell Daddy I’m trying out for the Olympic team in the spring.”

“I don’t know what he was like in the past so I can’t speak to that, but he seems to be doing well now.”

“Thanks to you.” She smiles. “I felt so guilty leaving him to come to Riverside U. I’ve been living with all the guilt for years and when he has his bad bouts of depression, I go running home. I constantly felt like the shoe could drop at any moment.”

“Like it did when we were in Ohio,” I mention.

“Yeah, I hated leaving you that night. I still can’t believe you came home with me,” she says, brushing my cheeks with her hand. Even these small touches feel so good.

“I saw how stressed you were. I wasn’t going to send you on your own when you were so worked up, and I kind of wanted our time together to last longer,” I confess, looking at our entwined hands.

“It was a great night,” she agrees.

I sigh.

“The end of the semester will happen in the blink of an eye,” she says.

“Do you always see the positive in everything?” I ask.

“Hardly.” She snickers. “Just in you, Finn.”

“I love you,” I tell her as we sit on the couch, the room bathed in darkness, the only light coming from the back wall of windows, which showcases a night sky filled with so many stars shining bright.

“I love you too, Finn.”

Charlotte

The front door opening wakes us both up.

“I can’t believe we fell asleep on the couch,” I say, lifting my head off Finn’s shoulder.

“It is a super comfy couch and emotions were running high last night,” Finn explains.

The couch is insanely comfortable. It has a very wide seating base and the pillows are so soft like a bed.

When Daddy walks through the door wearing yesterday’s clothes, Finn jumps to a standing position and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Oh, good morning,” Daddy says wearing a sheepish grin. “I didn’t think you’d be up yet.” He laughs nervously.

“Good morning, sir, I better go,” Finn says awkwardly. He gives me a look. “You okay?”

“I’m not sure,” I mumble.

He knows I am talking about what happened between his mom and my dad last night.

Finn raises his brows. “Come over to the main house when you’re ready for breakfast.” He leans over and pecks my cheek. He then nods awkwardly to Daddy, before grabbing his jacket at the front door, and putting on his shoes without lacing them up. He’s out the door before I can blink.

“You had me worried,” are the first words I say to Daddy, knowing full well I sound like a parent, but for most of my life that’s how I’ve felt.

Daddy frowns. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” He removes his shoes and jacket and walks over to the kitchen, where there is a Keurig. He pops a coffee capsule inside.

I watch him curiously for any signs he isn’t okay.

He looks up at me, noticing my intense scrutiny and he sighs.

“I think we need to talk about this, Daddy,” I start, feeling like I am treading on uncharted waters.

Daddy leaves the kitchen area and walks over to me. “Let’s have a seat, pumpkin,” he says, motioning for the couch.

I take the seat beside him.

“Charlie, I know I’ve been a mess and you spend too much time worrying about me. I hate the situation I put you in,” he says, looking solemn.

“It wasn’t your fault. You have an illness,” I say, not wanting him to feel bad over something he can’t control.

“That’s true and sometimes my life just seems so hard. I wish I could’ve done better by you, but I’m so grateful that you’re so resilient. The way you got that scholarship to Riverside U. You’re so smart and you’re going places. I’m so proud of you. I know I didn’t do much to deserve a kid like you, but I hope all that’s going to change now. The doctor’s got me on a cocktail of meds that are working. I’m holding a job at Supermart and within the next couple months I’ll be eligible for full-time work, which will mean I will have benefits.”

“I’m so proud of you, Daddy. You’re doing so well.”

“I appreciate that, sweetie. I also feel terrible about Finn paying my therapy bills. That is going to stop. I promise. Once my benefits kick in, I’ll keep up with therapy,” he states and I have never seen Daddy like this before. There is clarity in the way he is thinking. He seems happy and he has purpose and goals. It makes my heart happy.

“What about Abi?” I ask the question awkwardly.

A flush of red moves up his cheeks. “I’m not fooling myself in any way, Charlie. I had a one-night stand with Abi and that is fine with me. It’s not something I wish to speak with my daughter about, but you don’t need to worry. I’m okay. I went in with my eyes wide open.”

Although I hate speaking to my father about his sex life and it feels totally cringy, I am happy he is seeing the situation for what it is.

“I’m glad,” I say awkwardly. I lick my lips and contemplate if now is a good time to tell him about trying out for Team USA.

“Is something on your mind? I know I haven’t always been there for you, but I want to be now. If something is bothering you, I can handle it, Charlie. It looks like you worked out the situation with Finn.”

“Things are good with Finn. That isn’t the issue,” I reply, feeling so hesitant.

“I hate I’m making you second-guess what you can share with me,” Daddy says.

“I’m sorry,” I sigh and then I take a deep breath. I shouldn’t be this nervous. “You know how the plan was for me to graduate in the spring and hopefully find a full-time job with a team?” I ask because I am a bloody mess and I don’t know how to break the news to him lightly.

Daddy nods.

“Well, the plan has kind of changed. My track coach feels like I am good enough to try out for Team USA, so I’ve been practicing with a couple other girls from my team. I really want to do it but if I make it, then I’ll be spending most of my time training and the job we were waiting for will have to come later.”

I pause and wait for a response, holding my breath as if it will make some drastic difference.

“Charlie, I’m so proud of you.” Daddy reaches out and places his palm over mine. “I always want you to follow your dreams. I know we spoke about you working. And I feel terrible you’ve had to send me money. It makes me feel awful that I couldn’t care for myself, but I am on a better track now. If Team USA is what you want, I’ll be there cheering you on. I plan on working hard from here on out, Charlie. I want to get into management at Supermart.”

“I’m proud of you too, Daddy.” I hug him.

“I’m sorry it was so hard for you to share this with me,” he says and tears spring from my eyes. I don’t know if it’s the release of tension over breaking the news to him or the fact he’s doing so much better, but I feel lighter. “I’m really so proud of you, kiddo.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“In the future, I don’t want you to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. I know that’s what you’ve been doing since you were little, but I want that to change.”

“Okay.” I nod. “I want that too. It’s good to see you feeling better. Should we head to the main house for breakfast?”

He looks down at his clothes. “Let me change and grab a quick shower. I’ll meet you there.”

My first instinct is to sit around and wait for him to be ready and make sure he’s okay. I need to change and wash up too, but I also need to take a step back. He’s right, I have to stop coddling him and a part of me knows I need to live my own life.

“Okay. See you there.”