Chapter Nine

"Jonah, stop!"

His mate froze, his eyes wide with fear. Kijani leaned in close, sniffing at Jonah's neck, searching for any trace of his true identity, but all he detected was human. That made no sense.

"Show me."

Jonah shook his head.

Kijani gently pulled at his mate's wrist. After a moment of resistance, Jonah relented and let his hand drop, revealing tightly pressed lips and a noticeable bulge beneath the top one.

He cocked his head and studied him. "What are you?"

But Jonah remained silent, refusing to give an answer. Kijani knew there was more to this human than met the eye, and he was determined to find out the truth.

Slowly easing out of his mate's body, Kijani settled down next to him. "Are you ashamed of what you are, or is there another reason you're hiding this?"

Jonah glanced at the floor, avoiding Kijani's searching eyes. It was clear that shame weighed heavily on him, but he couldn't help him unless Jonah was willing to open up. "We're mates, honey bee. There's nothing you can tell me that will make me see you differently." He cupped Jonah's chin, lifting it so their gazes met. "F is for fearless," he added with a small smile.

Jonah narrowed his eyes.

"I'll keep this up until you talk to me." Kijani leaned back onto his elbows. "F is for—"

"Okay!" Jonah drew his hand close to his mouth before dropping it back down. His gaze once again lowered.

"May I?" Kijani reached toward Jonah's mouth, but his mate flinched and pulled back. "Sooner or later I'm going to see them."

With a deep sigh, Jonah moved closer and allowed Kijani to lift his top lip, revealing a set of canines that were short but just as sharp as his. "They're beautiful, sweetheart. What species of shifter are you?"

Jonah shrugged, a small flicker of shame flashing in his eyes.

"Baby, help me understand," Kijani said. "Please explain to me how you don't know what you are and why you're so ashamed of it."

His mate scooted off the bed, his arms folded in front of him as he walked to the window and looked out. "My mom was assaulted, and nine months later, I was born."

Kijani's heart ached for Jonah. It wasn't his mate's fault, but he carried the shame as if it were. A shifter had forced himself on Jonah's mother, and she could have ended the pregnancy, but she'd chosen not to.

Kijani was grateful for her decision because, without it, his mate wouldn't be standing in front of him. He couldn't imagine his life without Jonah now.

But as grateful as he was, Kijani also felt a burning desire to find the son of a bitch responsible and rip out his spine. The thought of someone taking advantage of the vulnerable made him sick to his stomach.

He walked over to Jonah and enveloped him in a tight embrace. "You are not defined by that horrible act."

"My entire existence is the product of that horrible act," Jonah said.

Kijani held him tighter. "You're much more than that. You possess compassion, caring, and strength. Don't let the actions of one monster define who you are."

"Your heartfelt words are kind, but they aren't going to change how I feel." He pulled from Kijani's embrace. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

As much as he wanted to convince Jonah there was no reason to feel ashamed, pushing him would only make things worse. "Consider the subject dropped."

It was dropped all right. Jonah avoided him for the rest of the night.

* * * *

Jonah wasn't even going to deal with what happened after they'd had sex. He was already cursing himself for shutting down on his mate and practically ignoring him after... Well, after that . It ruined an otherwise amazing night.

After walking off the porch, his steps slowed, realizing he'd just referred to Kijani as his mate. Nope. Not right now. Jonah shook his head and continued toward his driveaway.

The police cruiser was still parked next to Jonah's car, as if it belonged there. It gave him a warm feeling, the idea of living with Kijani.

Jonah had never had a desire to live with anyone before. He cherished his own space, somewhere he could relax without being bothered.

The thought of living with Arlo and Flint had never crossed his mind, and his canines certainly never appeared when they were around because sex with either of them had been like a breezy day compared to the hurricane that was Kijani.

Why on earth was Mr. Pritchard outside at six in the morning? He waved, and Jonah waved back, wondering if the guy was just being nosy or if he really was getting something out of his car.

Admittedly, Kijani's frequent visits were becoming more and more conspicuous to his nosy neighbors, hinting at a deeper relationship beyond just official business.

While Jonah cared what they thought of him, given they lived on the same street, their constant prying and judgmental glances annoyed him.

"Jonah."

He turned at the sound of Kijani's voice. His mate glanced at Mr. Pritchard then crooked his finger before disappearing inside the house.

Once again Jonah had thought of the wolf shifter as his mate. It was no use trying to put that out of his mind.

They were mates.

End of story.

Kijani was being discreet due to Jonah's neighbor. He wasn't behaving dismissively or overly loud. He was being considerate, something Jonah greatly appreciated.

So much for sneaking out an hour early. He walked back inside while hoping Kijani didn't turn this into a lengthy conversation or want to discuss last night.

His mate standing there with his arms crossed didn't bode well. "Yes?"

"You didn't even say goodbye." Kijani gave him a long, searching look. "I told you last night the subject was dropped, yet you've been avoiding me since then."

Jonah twisted his lips, unsure how to respond. The guy wasn't lying. It wasn't so much about Jonah's conception as it was about his mate knowing his deepest shame.

Kijani had said he wouldn't see him differently, but he felt as though he'd lost some respect in his mate's eyes.

His opinion meant a lot to Jonah.

More than anyone else's ever had.

"Look." Kijani dragged a hand over his head. "I just want to know what's going through your mind, honey bee. Just talk to me."

"That's just it," he replied. "I don't want to talk about it. You saw my canines, and now you know the truth. What else is there to discuss?"

He remained at the door because if he were to sit on the couch, Kijani may perceive it as an invitation to keep this conversation going.

His mate threw his hands up, a reaction Jonah hadn't seen from him before. "There's obviously more to talk about if you're avoiding me and sneaking out of the house."

"I'm not sneaking," Jonah argued. "I was just quietly leaving for work."

"Don't try to argue semantics with me, Jonah."

"And don't try to boss me around just because we're mates!" he shot back.

Kijani's nostrils flared. "You don't need to shout. I can hear you perfectly fine."

A pang of guilt twisted in Jonah's stomach. What was he doing? He was so used to arguing with Flint about every little thing that it had become a habit during a disagreement.

Begrudgingly, he admitted Arlo was right. Jonah had been a nicer person before dating Flint.

"I apologize for raising my voice." He cleared his throat. "I have to get to work now. Please remember to lock the door when you leave."

"I can't believe you're freezing me out." Kijani shook his head. "I thought we were better than this."

"Better than what? We've only known each other for a few days." Jonah instantly regretted his words when he saw the hurt flash through those russet eyes. They had shared so much in those few days, and he'd never been happier than when he was with his mate.

The sadness in Kijani's eyes made him only feel worse as he turned and walked away, leaving behind an uncomfortable tension between them.

While driving to work, Jonah had wanted to turn around a million times and run into his mate's arms. He hated how he'd lashed out at someone who didn't deserve his anger.

Since Flint's arrest, Kijani had been there for Jonah. He'd been nothing but supportive, and Jonah had repaid his kindness with avoidance and hurtful words.

His breath hitched as he pulled to the curb in front of the diner. He'd chosen to run away instead of talking to his mate, but it was so hard for Jonah to open up about something he'd kept hidden most of his life.

It was one thing for Kijani to know about his relationship with Flint. As embarrassing as the situation had been, his mate had been one of the responding officers.

But Jonah wished he had never learned about the horrifying circumstances of his conception, that his mate had never learned of it either.

Ever since Jonah's mother told him when he was twelve, he hadn't been the same.

He wiped away his tears and cleared his throat before reaching for his phone. He dialed his boss's number, explaining that he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to come to work today. The guilt was too much, and Jonah needed to talk to Kijani. Besides, he wouldn't be able to work today with the way he felt.

Or deal with Arlo.

When Jonah arrived back home, he was both relieved and anxious to see the cruiser still in his driveway.

Until Kijani walked out and jogged down the porch steps.

His mate was leaving.

Kijani stopped at the driver's door of his car and eyed Jonah, his expression unreadable. It was the same kind of expression he'd worn the day they'd met.

As nervous as Jonah was, he couldn't allow himself to back down. No matter how painful it would be to tell his mate about his mother and her confession, Jonah had to explain why he was filled with so much shame.

He also needed to explain that he'd dated toxic men because he felt that was all he deserved and that belonging to a good, decent one scared the hell out of him.

Jonah had never wanted to be with someone who put their hands on him though.

Goddamn Flint.

"I have to head to the station to return the cruiser," Kijani said rigidly when Jonah got out.

"I called off work," Jonah blurted out. "I didn't want to leave things the way they were between us. You were right. There's more to talk about."

"Park your car and come with me." Kijani unlocked his door.

"To the police station?" He glanced at the cruiser. "You want me to ride in the back so my neighbors think I'm under arrest?"

"You're riding in the front."

"Uh." Jonah blinked. "Okay."

His mate got in and closed the door. Jonah wasn't looking forward to the awkward ride with a pissed-off wolf shifter. He knew Kijani wouldn't hurt him but damn if he didn't seem deadly when he was angry.

Not even Flint had been able to pull off that look when he was in one of his moods.

Which had been daily.

They drove in silence, and Jonah had no intention of changing that. They would talk but not in the front seat of a police car. Any conversation between them would feel like an interrogation rather than a conversation. At least, that's how Jonah felt after enduring countless interrogations while dating Flint.

He didn't want to go through another one.

"You shouldn't have walked out alone this morning."

It seemed Kijani wanted to change the atmosphere.

"I don't follow."

His mate gave him a sideways glance. "Flint."

Flint. Right. Jesus, where was his mind? How had he forgotten that his shithead ex-boyfriend had escaped and might come after him? He'd just thought about the guy yet failed to remember he could possibly be in danger.

"I shouldn't have let you walk out the second time." Kijani pulled into a designated spot reserved for law enforcement vehicles. A sign warned that non-police cars would be towed at the owner's expense.

After they returned the keys, they slid into his red Toyota Tundra, which was parked under a canopy of trees that protected the vehicles from the glare of the rising sun.

Kijani sat there with a tight expression as he stared at the building in front of them. "It's true we've only known each other for a few days, but we are better than this, Jonah."

He not only regretted saying that, but those words had come full circle to bite him on the ass. "I was scared."

"I know."

"Being with shitty guys is a colossal headache but what I deserve. Plus, I don't have to impress them or worry about their opinion of me. But you…" Jonah glanced out the passenger window. "I was scared because you're the first decent guy I've ever been with, and I'm constantly twisted up inside when I'm around you. Your opinion of me means everything."

Now Jonah worried he looked as bad as the words he'd just spit out. He couldn't take them back because they were already hanging in the air between them.

He didn't want to take them back because they were the truth and Kijani needed to hear them.

"Shame is only carried by two types of people." Kijani ran his tongue across the inside of his lower lip. "Those who deserve it and those who don't." He glanced at Jonah. "You've convinced yourself you're the type who deserves it."

"What type should I be when my mother told me that raising me, being around me, was the reason she could never move on and heal from her trauma?" Jonah's throat burned, wondering what kind of mother would say such a thing to her own child.

"The undeserving type. She was dead wrong to place the blame on you for something you had no control over." Kijani's strong, warm hand enveloped his. "You don't deserve toxic men any more than you deserve her misplaced blame."

"Kijani…"

"Don't." His jaw flexed as he stared at Jonah. "Don't you dare sit there and tell me you deserve any of that. The guy I met, the one I've gotten to know, hits me right in my heart and knocks me out cold. It doesn't matter how you were conceived. It only matters how you live."

Tears burned Jonah's eyes at his mate's unwavering conviction. He also had no idea he affected Kijani that way.

But that was exactly how Jonah felt about him.

* * * *

They both had the day off, so Kijani drove them to his house after a pitstop at Deep Dish for breakfast. He wasn't sure if he'd fully convinced Jonah none of that was his fault, but his mate appeared to be in a better mood after their heart-to-heart in the truck.

Although Kijani had already made it clear that Jonah's happiness was his top concern, only time would prove it. Luckily, they had plenty of time. Centuries of it.

Kijani wasn't giving up. He didn't have it in him to allow Jonah to wallow in shame about something that wasn't his damn fault. And his mom? When his mate revealed what she'd said, how she'd blamed him for her inability to get on with her life, Kijani was beyond livid.

What happened hadn't been her fault, no matter the circumstances. No one should have to suffer at the hands of another.

However, what she did not have the right to do was put the blame on an innocent child. That was seven levels of wrong. Sadly, Kijani had seen this twisted logic play out too many times before.

It was a pattern he'd seen far too often in his line of work. People often shifted blame to cope with their own trauma, but painting an innocent as a villain instead of holding the actual culprit accountable was plain wrong.

Now, he had to work to untangle the headfuck this woman had caused when she'd made her own son an accomplice to her traumatic experience.

He also hadn't forgotten how his mate seemed uneasy around his coworker when Kijani had shown up to talk to him about Flint's escape.

"Are you going to give me another gun lesson?" Jonah asked when they entered the house. "I remember the basics you taught me, so we don't have to go over them again."

Kijani chuckled. "Only if you promise not to hold the gun sideways again, honey gangster."

A burst of red ignited over Jonah's face, causing his teal-green eyes to sparkle. Kijani's chest had its own detonation of heat at just how beautiful the flush and sparkle were.

"Unless you want your brownie points to drop a few levels, stop teasing me about my first time holding a gun."

Kijani resisted the urge to close the gap between them, reminding himself he needed a shower. "Would I get another do-over to win back my epic status?"

Jonah narrowed his eyes. "That cocky grin of yours isn't swaying me to give you one."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Try not to bust my level down to zero while I'm in the shower."

"I'll consider your request."

"Your kindness is appreciated, honey gangster." He yelped with laughter and sprinted to his bedroom when Jonah took a few steps toward him with a mock scowl. He was still smiling when he hopped into the shower, glad to get out of the uniform he'd had on since yesterday.

If he was going to spend some nights at Jonah's, he had to either leave some clothes there or remember to put a go-bag in whatever cruiser he had while on duty.

There was one in his truck and in one of the panniers on his motorcycle, but since he always seemed to show up at Jonah's in his patrol car, it hadn't done him any good.

Steam billowed from the bathroom when Kijani opened the door and walked into the hallway, stopping short when he saw Jonah standing there.

"I came to see if you needed your back washed, but I guess I'm too late." Jonah bit his bottom lip as his gaze swept downward.

The hungry glance caused Kijani's towel to rise like a tent being lifted by steel poles. "If I'd known you wanted to join me, I'd have taken a longer shower."

Heat having nothing to do with the steam filled the air between them, charged electricity building along his skin.

Kijani was primed and ready but waited for Jonah to make the first move, allowing him to set the pace.

H is lungs stalled when Jonah reached for the towel, easing the clasped corners out of Kijani's grip. The towel glided to the floor, where it lay forgotten.

Sweet, beautiful torture pervaded Kijani when Jonah's lips parted and his tongue slid along them, his gaze transfixed on the swollen cock staring right back at him.

Kijani watched as Jonah lowered to his knees, that perfect mouth so close that his cock twitched with excitement. When Jonah looked up at him… Goddamn, the desire in those green orbs doused Kijani in a bone-deep need to bury his cock between those soft lips.

Jonah took the head into his mouth, and somehow, Kijani held back from driving his cock inside with a wild thrust.

Instead, he braced one hand against the wall, the other gripping and sliding through his mate's silky hair as Jonah took a few more inches, his lips gliding along sensitive flesh.

It was pure nirvana watching his mate savor his cock, his greedy mouth sucking and licking, a look of pure ecstasy dominating his face.

A slice of paradise, a gift for Kijani to cherish and protect. A gift he couldn't seem to get enough of as his hips started rocking back and forth and he slowly delved into wet heat.

Jonah pulled back, releasing Kijani's cock. "I need to get off my knees."

Kijani swept an arm around his mate, yanking him from the floor before moving swiftly to his bedroom. As soon as Jonah left his arms, his mate almost faceplanted trying to get his shoes off.

"You're going to give yourself a concussion." Kijani grinned.

Jonah yanked his shirt off. "You'll catch me if I fall."

Without a doubt.

Yanking the rest of his clothes off, Jonah crawled onto the bed, his ass on display as his hips swayed. Damn if that wasn't the sweetest sight.

A sight Kijani couldn't resist.

Kijani grabbed the lube from his dresser and joined his mate, so damn glad all the tension, anguish, and flared tempers from earlier was no longer hanging like a dark cloud between them.

His honey bee had cared enough to return and talk things out, healing the wound he'd left inside Kijani.

With a whimsical attempt at a growl, Jonah shoved at Kijani's chest. He allowed his mate to take him down, loving the playfulness.

Jonah was gorgeous, his naked body moving over Kijani's, skin gliding over skin, to straddle his hips. That sweet tush was pressed against his groin, so close to Kijani's cock, making him dizzy with the need to bury himself inside his mate's luscious ass.

The anticipation was an itch Kijani wanted to desperately scratch.

Jonah took the lube, wet Kijani's fingers, and guided them to his depths.

A treasure chest Kijani was eager to plunder.

His fingers sank inside Jonah's ass, his mate softly moaning and gasping. His hips rolled and twisted, ensnaring Kijani.

Then Jonah was sinking down onto Kijani cock, taking him fully to the hilt, his ass cupped in Kijani's hands as they stilled. Neither moved as Jonah's body adjusted to the stretch of Kijani's cock buried inside of him, and Kijani was trying to remember how to breathe.

Jonah began to move, and then a rhythm began building between them. Kijani thrust deeply, pulling his mate down so their bodies crashed together. Chasing the natural high of Jonah, of their release, pushing each other closer to the edge of abyss, was what Kijani was after.

A snarl ripped from his throat when Jonah arched his back, the air filling with the intoxicating scent of his release. The tightness of his hole strangled Kijani's cock, pulsing around him as Jonah cried out.

Kijani rolled them, placing Jonah on his back, then sank his canines in as he buried his cock, the blazing pleasure rocketing through him.

J onah was his.

If he fell, Kijani would catch him.

If anyone else tried to make him fall, they had better be prepared to face the wrath of one pissed-off wolf.