Chapter Twelve: Laina

I couldn’t hide my good mood the next few days. I worked out with Mike and Kieran, working on getting my stamina up. That night I’d received all those messages, I’d decided to keep them to myself. They were still on my phone, but I told not a single soul, knowing everyone would only freak out if I did, and what would be the use of that?

A knock on the exercise room door alerted us to someone else’s presence: Tessa. She stood wearing a light-colored blouse and a matching knee-length skirt near the door, a string of pearls around her neck. She wore simple, short heels with her brown hair pulled back and curled loosely. She smiled at Kieran, pretending as if Mike wasn’t there. “Can you give us a moment?”

Kieran glanced at me. He’d just traded spots with me on the treadmill—though he’d been running, while I had to turn the speed down quite a bit. I wasn’t at the running stage yet. I could tell just by that quick look he didn’t want to go, but Tessa was his sister, the wife of his boss, so he had to.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, terse for perhaps the first time in his entire life. He wiped the sweat off his brow as he headed for the door.

Mike said nothing. The big guy was lifting some weights, but he’d set them down when Tessa had walked in. His hazel eyes flicked toward me, wordlessly asking if he should go, too. I gave him a short nod as I stopped the treadmill, and he left the room shortly after Kieran.

I was hopping off the treadmill when Tessa approached me. Her brown eyes were a lighter color than Kieran’s, more amber than pitch-black, and yet they felt so much colder. She studied me, my workout clothes, and my hair, which was currently tied up in a pony. Her mouth thinned into a line, and her gaze narrowed.

She wasn’t impressed by me, but that went both ways. I sure as hell would never start calling her mommy.

“How are you doing, Laina?” she asked, sounding like she didn’t give a shit. This was only her way of starting the conversation; we’d get to the true purpose of her visit soon enough.

“I’m fine,” I told her, and when I said that, her eyes fell to my left hand, but just for a fleeting moment. My jaw ground, but I gave her a smile all the same, not wanting her to see just how annoyed she made me.

“I’ve been meaning to have a little chat with you,” she went on, moving to stand beside the treadmill, whose belt had finally stopped moving. “I wanted to give you some time to get readjusted to the world after what you went through. Let me just say that I cannot imagine the horrors you lived through these last two years. For you to be standing here at all is something you should be proud of.”

I said not a word, wishing she’d get to the damned point already.

“Your father hasn’t wanted to say anything, but I think it needs to be said all the same. You are a Hawkins, and right now, you might be thinking you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, that we’ll let you because you’re nineteen.”

“What’s this about?” She needed to get to the point, and she needed to do it soon, otherwise I’d start to ignore her.

“Your father is running again for a second term as mayor. He’s going to announce it very soon. He’s done wonders for this city the last two years. He needs to win again. Now, he’s got friends in high places, it’s true, so they can help grease the wheels, so to speak—but that doesn’t mean you can go running off and make a fool of your father in the process. He will be a shoe-in with you at his side. The sympathy vote can go a long way.”

I didn’t know what came over me, what forced me to ask this next question, but it came out of me before I could think better of it. “Is that how he won last time? The sympathy vote?” All this time, I’d had a nagging suspicion that my dad or someone my dad worked with orchestrated my kidnapping to get him to win in a landslide. I’d had a lot of time to think about it while locked up in that room.

Tessa gave me a smile that told me all I needed to know. “If you help your father, if you help me, this family can go so much further than the mayor’s office.” She took a step closer to the treadmill, setting a perfectly-manicured hand on the arm grip nearest her. “With your father’s connections, the possibilities are endless.”

My brow furrowed. What was she saying? Did my dad’s political dreams go further than mayor? Since when?

“You need to shape up,” Tessa told me in no uncertain terms. “You need to be the traumatized, beautiful girl everyone thinks you should be. You need to stand by your father’s side in the coming days, show this city and the entire state, for that matter, exactly what it wants to see.”

Tessa turned her nose up at me. “Even if that’s not what you are, it’s how you need to act. You need to wash out that color and talk to the press. I’ve scheduled a press conference tomorrow. It’ll be your first official public appearance since your escape.”

A press conference? That was the last thing I wanted to do, and I told her that, “I don’t want to do any press conferences.” The only thing I wanted to do was live my life and figure out the truth of my kidnapping.

Talking to Tessa now, all of my suspicions had returned in full-force. I couldn’t trust anybody. Not my dad, and certainly not Tessa, who seemed to be more power-hungry than my dad.

“It doesn’t matter what you want,” she snapped. “Sometimes you’re forced to do things in life you don’t want to do. That’s just a part of life. We will spend the rest of the day together, going over what you’re going to say, how you’ll answer any questions, and what you will wear. I will help you wash out that hair tonight, bleach it myself if I have to. This is what’s going to happen from now on, Laina. Everything you do matters now.”

I opened my mouth to argue with her, but she continued, “I will not change my mind. I’ve spoken with your father, and he thinks it’s a wonderful idea. If you don’t believe me, call him and ask him yourself.”

The last thing I wanted to do right now was call my dad. As I stared at Tessa, I couldn’t help but feel the anger in me threatening to come out. Lashing out at her wasn’t a good idea, but it was difficult to swallow those feelings down and act like everything was okay.

She and my dad thought they could control me forever because he wanted more than the mayor’s seat? What was next? State senator, congress, the freaking white house? Please. As if my kidnapping and escape would garner him enough sympathy votes across the damned country to win any of that. Even if he had friends in high places, there was no way he could ever win any of those races.

Then again, I used to think the same thing about the mayor’s race back before I’d been kidnapped.

“I’ll be in my office when you’re ready to begin,” Tessa rattled off, turning on her heels and starting to saunter away. I stared daggers at her from behind, wanting to tell her off, wishing that one of her heels would snap off and she’d fall and hit her head.

Mayor’s wife falls into coma after terrible home accident would garner sympathy votes, too.

I didn’t go to get off the treadmill right away. It was only after Mike and Kieran returned that I let my shoulders slump and I stepped off the belt of the treadmill with a sigh. Kieran’s brown eyebrows had creased in concern, and the second he was by my side, he asked, “What did she want?”

A bitter chuckle left me as I turned to look into his black eyes. “You mean you don’t know what your sister wants from me? I find that hard to believe.” Kieran acted like he’d do anything for his sister; I doubted he was in the dark here.

“I don’t,” he spoke, his voice low. He glanced toward the hall, as if making sure Tessa was nowhere nearby before he went on, “Believe it or not, Laina, Tessa and I aren’t on great terms anymore. A lot changed when you were gone.”

I shook my head. No way in hell would I believe that. “Then why are you still here? Why not quit and get a different job working for someone else?”

The way Kieran looked at me made me think the answer should be obvious, but it wasn’t to me. It took him a while to whisper, “You. I’m still here for you.” The words were spoken so quietly, so intently, that I almost forgot we weren’t alone.

The look in his eyes was so intense that I had to look away. I ended up staring at Mike, who stood a few feet behind Kieran, his arms folded over his chest, a serious expression on his face. “She said my dad’s got big plans, beyond being mayor, that I need to act like a scared, traumatized girl to get him the sympathy vote. She scheduled a press conference tomorrow, and she’s waiting for me so we can go over what she wants me to say during it. Oh, and she wants me to get rid of the color in my hair.”

“Don’t.” The word wasn’t spoken by Kieran; it was Mike who’d said it, and it was so out of the blue for him that both Kieran and I had to stare at him after that, speechless. He added in a hushed tone, “If you want your hair like that, don’t let her force you out of it.”

“Well, aren’t you full of words today?” Kieran huffed. “No one likes hearing your voice, so why don’t you just do us all a favor and keep it zipped?”

“Actually,” I spoke, earning Kieran’s wrathful stare, “I like his voice. I wouldn’t mind hearing it more.” Lifting my right hand, I brought it to my hair. “I don’t want to change my hair, anyway. I’ve always done what my dad wanted. Always. I played the good girl for too long. I don’t want to be that girl anymore.” It was why I’d gotten my hair done to begin with; a fresh start, a new me.

And this new me wasn’t going to bow down to Tessa and do whatever she wanted just because she’d married my dad.

Kieran asked, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to do what I have to do to get to that press conference, and then I’m going to say what I want to say.” Not what Tessa will tell me to say, not what my dad would want me to say. I couldn’t give a shit whether I lost him any future races. Politics in general could kiss my ass. “And, Kieran, I want you to stop being so rude to Mike.”

That got Kieran to blink and say, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re rude to him, and it’s getting old. If he’s going to be here for the foreseeable future, I want you on your best behavior.” I sounded a bit bossy, which was unlike me in every way.

Then again, I wanted to be different, and the best way to be different was to do and say things your old self would never. Telling Kieran how to act was definitely something the old me never would’ve dreamed of, let alone ordering him around so confidently.

Kieran gave me a smile. “Are you trying to tell me what to do?”

I took a step closer to him, lowering my voice, “I’m not trying, Kieran. I’m telling you to be nicer to him. If you’re not, well… I guess I’ll have to think up a story to tell my dad that’ll get you fired.” I let a pause in for dramatic effect. “And I’m pretty sure I remember an exchange you and I had a while ba ck… with a few embellishments, well.” I didn’t need to elaborate further; Kieran knew what I was hinting at.

Kieran had teased me that day, when he’d taken off his clothes in front of me. He’d mentioned how bad it would be for someone to catch us in that position, that he’d no longer be able to be my guard.

Really, he’d given me the idea, so he couldn’t be too upset I was using it against him.

Mike’s expression had changed. He was glaring at the back of Kieran’s head now, his stubble-ridden jaw tense. He looked like he wanted to attack him, even though he had no idea what I was talking about.

After a while, Kieran let out a smirk. “Look at you, putting on the bossy pants. Making threats. Never thought I’d see the day.” His voice softened, “Fine, fine. I’ll be nicer to the lumberjack. For you, Laina.” Correction: he’d be nicer to Mike because he didn’t want to be somewhere else.

Kieran wanted to be with me. He was protective to the point of obsession. Really, I should’ve seen it before. That day when he’d stripped, he’d been testing the waters, testing me, wanting to see my reaction, hoping that my captivity hadn’t broken me completely… because he wanted me. He wanted me in a way a step-uncle shouldn’t.

Or maybe that was all in my head. Maybe I didn’t have Kieran pegged like I thought.

“Thank you,” I told him, and then I walked around him and Mike to leave the room.

I went to my bedroom, got changed, and met with Tessa. She coached me for hours. She had a speech written out for me already on notecards, and I practiced with them, though I didn’t plan on using them at all. She pretended like she was a reporter with a news station, asking me questions and coaching me on what my answers should be.

I smiled shyly, I faked it, I acted exactly how Tessa wanted me to act. Like a traumatized, broken girl who was struggling to find her footing after being lost to captivity for so long. In her words, what the city wanted to see.

Because, no, a girl couldn’t emerge from trauma stronger than she’d been before. No fucking way could a girl go through a kidnapping and come out saner than when she’d been taken. It just wasn’t possible for me to be fine.

I wasn’t fine… but not in the way Tessa and my dad apparently wanted. I wasn’t fine not because I was traumatized, but because being in that room had been so simple and easy. Boring as hell, yes, but so goddamned easy. I wasn’t fine because I missed my Devil, because I now knew he was out there, watching me instead of coming to me.

Oh, I wanted him to come to me. I wanted him to come to me so badly it was unreal.

By the end of the long coaching session, Tessa was beaming. She was proud of me. I could see it on her face. She looked at me with approval, told me I was ready. Then, of course, she mentioned my hair.

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” I spoke, leaning forward in the leather chair I sat in, the movement causing the leather to creak a bit. We sat in her office, a large room with a lot of bookcases full of, you guessed it, books, though whether they were fiction or nonfiction, I had no clue. Knowing Tessa, probably the latter. Boring.

“I’m sorry, Laina, but the hair’s got to go.” Tessa shook her head. “I know dyed hair is becoming more mainstream, but— ”

“I was thinking, instead of getting rid of it, I could just get a wig and wear it anytime I’m out in public.” I could tell Tessa wasn’t too impressed by the idea, so I added, “I really like my hair. What does it matter if I have it like this at home? When I got out, it was the one thing I wanted to do.” I fluffed up my pink and blue pastel hair, giving Tessa a begging stare. “It makes me feel like a different person. I need it.”

My plea with her was a farce; no way in hell was I going to change it for her, just to get more support for my dad. But I tried to word it in a way that would make Tessa feel something, make her feel bad for trying to get me to change it. God only knew whether I’d successfully persuade her or not.

“Hmm. I suppose having a wig would do just as well, provided it’s of a good quality and looks real. I’ll see about hiring a makeup artist for tomorrow. At such short notice, I don’t know who I’ll find, but whoever it is, I’ll make them sign an NDA or something.” Tessa rubbed a finger along her chin, mulling it over. “But you have to promise me, Laina, that you will never go out in public with that hair. You’ll need to learn how to handle a wig yourself.”

“Of course,” I said, folding my hands on my lap while working to hide the smile that threatened to take over my face.

“Now, we’re finished. I need to see if there are any good wig shops in the city. If there’s not, and I can’t locate one in time, I’m sorry, but you’ll need to wash the color out.” She had a desktop computer, a thin all-in-one sitting on the side of her desk, and she turned toward it, clicking the mouse to make the black screen come to life.

Even though she wasn’t looking at me, I gave her a smile all the same as I got up. That smile remained on my face until I got out of that room, and I hurried down the hall and to the stairs, heading up to mine.

If I said I had faith that Tessa would find a wig shop, I’d be lying. I’d be the world’s worst liar. Personally, I didn’t know of any wig shops either, but I knew of someone who might be able to help me.

As I turned into my room, pulling out my phone, I skidded to a halt when I spotted Kieran standing near one of the windows, his hands in his pockets. Though he didn’t look at me, I could feel the tension in the air.

“Where’s Mike?” I asked. Not that I was afraid to be alone with Kieran, but it was the first time I was alone with him after ordering him about—which wasn’t to say I was nervous of any backlash from him. He would never hurt me.

“He’s cooking dinner,” Kieran said, slow to turn away from the window and walk over to me. “How was the coaching session with my sister?” He walked past me, pulling a hand out of his pocket and going to shut the door, which I found a little odd.

“Fine.” If Mike was downstairs cooking and Tessa was in her office, that left me and Kieran since my dad was still at work. We were as alone as we could be, which had to be the only reason he felt comfortable enough to close the door.

And lock it—because right after closing it, his fingers hit the button in the handle. It wasn’t a good lock; you could get a butter knife from the kitchen and jam it in to open it up, but it would give us more time before anyone else came in.

As Kieran turned around, leaning his back on the closed door, I said, “If this is about what I said earlier—” I stopped when he smiled at me. It wasn’t a normal smile, not a happy-go-lucky, effortless one. No. It was almost calculating.

I’d never seen that expression on his face before. It was… not unattractive, if you know what I mean.

“Laina, you didn’t upset me.” Kieran still wore that smile as he pushed off the door, coming toward me. “I just think, if you’re going to threaten me like that, there might as well be something real you could tattle about.”

My heart skipped a beat at that. Watching him approach me, seeing that look on his face and that smile… it made me warm in places I didn’t want to admit. “I don’t know what you mean.” I wanted to smack myself when I heard my voice; I didn’t sound believable at all.

“Come on.” Kieran now stood directly before me, his body looming over mine. He wasn’t quite as tall as, say, Mike or even Fang, but he still managed to dwarf me. His stare caught me, and I was unable to look away, even when I felt him grab my phone from my hand and toss it aside. It landed with a single thump on my bed, which sat ten feet away.

“Kieran.” His name came out sounding breathless, maybe because the hand that had taken my phone out of my grip had returned, curling around that wrist and immediately warming me up.

His eyes were half-lidded, and he stood so close to me I could feel his breath on my face with every word he spoke, “You have no idea how crazy you make me. For years I’ve tried to ignore you, do my job, be who my sister and your father wanted me to be. But now—” His other hand lifted to my face, sweeping back into my hair and getting all tangled up in it. “—now I find myself wanting to be who you want me to be.” The hand on my wrist moved to rest on my hip, his fingers curling around my side tightly.

For years…

Did that mean, even before I’d been kidnapped, Kieran had to struggle to hold himself back?

“So threaten me all you want,” Kieran whispered, his nose leaning against mine. “Say whatever you want. Do whatever you want. I don’t care. If you think you can get rid of me that easily, you’re wrong. If you get me fired, I won’t go anywhere. No one will make me go anywhere. I’ll still be here, watching you, making sure you’re safe.”

He was so close to me I couldn’t look at him anymore; his face was a little fuzzy in my vision. So, I had to close my eyes, but in doing so, it only made his voice sound that much more enticing, that much more ragged and urgent.

“The world would do such terrible things to you, if it could,” Kieran murmured, the hand in my hair tugging my head to the side and exposing my neck to him. His lips trailed across my cheek, finding their way to my neck. “But I won’t let it. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.” This time, his lips brushed against tender skin when he spoke, and I couldn’t fight the shiver that crept up my spine as a result.

I found myself leaning into him, and his body reciprocated in kind. The hand on my side swept around to my lower back, hugging me against him with an iron grip I couldn’t escape—though I didn’t try to.

“Kieran.” His name was all I could say, and even then, it hardly came out. Everything in me was so confused, so… needy, like I wanted to forget about the world outside of this room and do things with this man I shouldn’t.

I’d thought about using him to get back at my dad and Tessa, but… how could I consider this using him when I wanted it, wanted him, so badly I couldn’t think straight?

“So threaten me,” he whispered, gently kissing the crook of my neck. “Say whatever you want. Do whatever you want. But first, let me give you some ammunition against me.” The hand in my hair moved to the side of my face as he lifted his lips off my neck, turning my head toward his.

I couldn’t say anything to that, because in the next moment, his mouth found mine, swallowing up any reply I might’ve had.

It wasn’t my first kiss, but at the same time, it was. My first real kiss. The first kiss in my life that made every single part of me come to life, sing with need, and want so much more. His lips commanded mine, forcing me to submit as he ravaged my mouth however he wanted, and all the while, he kept his other arm locked around my lower back.

My body was on fire, my heart racing so fast in my chest I thought it might burst. I held onto Kieran, kissing him back, needing, wanting so much more than I could get from him right now. It didn’t even matter that he was technically my step-uncle, nor did it matter he was years older than me.

All that mattered was the desire and how very mutual it was.

I moaned into the kiss, and Kieran swallowed up the sound. He held me against his body so tightly I could feel the beginning stirrings of something growing harder by the second. His mouth never broke contact with mine, not even when he spun us around and backed me up to the door he’d just closed and locked, pinning me against it.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, or in this case, a door and Kieran… it wasn’t a bad place to be. In fact, I think I was enjoying this kiss more than I’d enjoyed anything in my life la tely, so much so that I desperately yearned for more. So much more.

But I’d only started to take my birth control. There was no way it was fully effective yet, so I had to regain some control.

Now that I was pinned against the door, the arm that had previously been wrapped around me could be used in other ways. That hand dropped to my side, and before I knew what he was doing, it slipped between us, arching down along the most private part of my body.

He pulled his mouth off mine so I could suck in a breath, those black eyes of his watching as I struggled to be quiet. Even though he was just touching me over my leggings, it was like it was skin-on-skin contact. My clit ached for him, for his attention, and I wanted nothing more than to lose myself on that hand.

Kieran must’ve sensed my intense desire, because it wasn’t long before his hand crept upward and slipped beneath my leggings, finding my clit and rubbing along its side. I let out a breathless moan, and all the while he stared down at me, never breaking eye contact, like he wanted to watch me unravel.

“Does that feel good?” he murmured out the question, his voice achingly low. His fingers surrounded my clit, rubbing along both sides of it now, multiplying the desperate feeling inside me.

All I could do was nod. Nod and bite my lower lip to try to stifle any stray moans. Couldn’t forget we were against my door; I didn’t think anyone would be walking by right now, but you never knew.

His forehead leaned down against mine. “Good. I want you to feel good, baby girl.” The whole baby girl thing was new to me, but in the heat of the moment, I found I didn’t hate it. “I want you to come for me. Think you can do that?” His lips brushed against mine as the rubbing of my clit intensified. “Can you come for me?”

I think it was safe to say I wanted to come for the both of us. I nodded again, my hips starting to move along with his hand. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt more desperate, more wanting of something I needed like the air I breathed. This interaction had gone from zero to one hundred pretty damn fast, but there was no way I could complain.

Kieran continued to touch me, rubbing my clit like he was an expert on the subject of my body. If how my body was reacting to him and his touch, then I’d say he was definitely an expert. He watched me all the while, unable to take his gaze off me, the heat and desire plain in that dark stare.

I had to close my eyes when the pressure inside me started to build, to focus on that heated passion about to explode inside me. My breathing hitched, the knots in my lower stomach twisting as my clit swelled with the attention it was getting. Every moment that passed made me feel like I was about to lose it, like I stood on the precipice, waiting to be pushed.

And, boy, did Kieran push me.

The orgasm ripped through me, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying out. My head banged back against the door, the pleasure surging inside of me, practically blinding me. If Kieran wasn’t so close, if his hand wasn’t still between my legs, I might’ve fallen to the floor.

Even after the orgasm faded, I still rode cloud nine. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t see straight. The world spun, and my only constant was Kieran.

“Good girl,” he praised me, his voice so low and seductive I thought I might combust again. The fingers on my clit dipped lower, and I moaned again when I felt them circle my entrance. “You’re so wet for me right now. So fucking wet. I’d give anything to be inside you right now, to make you moan like that while you come on my cock.”

I’d never heard him talk like that before. I also never imagined I’d like being spoken to like that, but certain parts of me clenched with need when he said it, as if my body was trying to tell me, Hey, you’d like that, too.

The last thing I wanted was for this moment between us to be over, but alas, you didn’t always get what you wanted. I definitely didn’t, since Kieran pulled his hand up and out of my leggings, leaving me with an aching core and a still-pulsating clit as he said, “Maybe it’s best we don’t go that far.” His voice carried an edge, as if he wanted to finish, Not yet.

Not today.

My breathing struggled to calm, and I managed to step away from the door. Kieran flashed me his typical, easygoing smile, as if we hadn’t just crossed a line there’d be no coming back from, like we’d just had a serious conversation and not a quick make-out session and an orgasm.

He reached for the handle, but then he happened to glance down, spotting the bulge from his dick. His erection tented his slacks as much as it could, given how tight they were on his legs, and he laughed quietly. “I better run to the bathroom and take care of this.” He said nothing else, tossing me a wink before leaving me alone, still quite worked up.

Even after he was gone, I stood there for a while, trying to calm my body down. It was like inhibitions weren’t a thing, like all of the possible consequences had ceased to matter the moment he’d touched me.

God, I’d wanted him so badly I couldn’t think straight. Kieran . Kieran, the guy who annoyed me to no end. Kieran, the guy who’d literally tossed me over his shoulder and dragged me home the one time I’d snuck out with Kelly prior to my kidnapping. Kieran, the guy who always had a smart comment for even the most inappropriate of circumstances.

Well, at least he didn’t have any witty comments for what just happened between us. If he would’ve opened his mouth and said something smart, I think I would’ve smacked him on the side of the head.

Or I would’ve been too delirious with pleasure to care. Who could say for sure?

Once I could walk without fear of my knees giving out, I headed over to my bed and grabbed my phone. I texted Lola, asking if she knew anywhere in the city that had nice wigs… and then I had to explain to her why I needed a wig.

All Lola messaged back was, I’ll handle it .