13. Angie

Chapter 13

Angie

T wo more shifts and I had a few days off. I could do this.

The satisfaction of beating Remi in Frenzy wore off in the first fifteen minutes of my drive. The other thirty I spent fighting off images of Papa in his casket.

Pale and white.

Lifeless.

With my tires still rolling, I shoved my truck into park. It jolted to a stop. It was like I was trapped at the bottom of a cliff, watching a boulder crash toward me, powerless to prevent my impending doom. I smacked my steering wheel and leaned back into my seat. Yes, I couldn’t stop cancer from killing Papa, but I could at least introduce him to the man who’d care for me the rest of my life, the way he cared for Mama if I redoubled my efforts with Dan.

Wiping at the track of a single tear on my cheek, I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. Light from the parking streetlamp illuminated my truck’s interior. Taking a few breaths, I spoke to my reflection, “Good to go, right?” I nodded and snapped a quick selfie before opening my truck door.

I sent it to Dan with the caption, Headed into work. See you on the flip side.

My phone buzzed almost immediately.

You look goood in scrubs.

Emotionally spent, I couldn’t think of a response, so I sent him a smiley emoji with blushing cheeks and shoved my phone into my purse.

Slamming my door shut, I marched through the evening light, past the hospital doors to the NICU on the second floor.

Papa was my example of how to work hard. Jared hadn’t followed in our parents’ footsteps, which was probably why he often referred to me as the chosen one. He’d hoofed it off the farm as soon as he’d graduated and bounced from job to job, avoiding the ones requiring regular drug screening.

Most recently, he landed a gig as a bass guitarist in a band called Taking Back Tuesdays. He fit better on the concert circuit than he did on the farm. I got postcards from all his destinations.

Gabby waited for me at the nurse’s station. Her long, black hair was tied in its typical bun, and her flawless, perpetually tanned skin gleamed in the fluorescent light. I loved working shifts with Gabby. From day one on this unit, we’d been instant friends.

“Are you still talking to that Smoot guy on ExtremeSingles?” she asked before I had time to set down my purse.

I welcomed the change of subject in my life. No more cancer and funeral talk for the whole night. Letting my concerns for Papa fade, I focused on the few babies we had in our unit, hoping they would live with little to no complications—that it would be an easy night.

“Yeah,” I answered Gabby. “I think he’s still buying the whole extreme sports thing I’m—”

Ryan, another nurse, opened the door to the NICU in mid-conversation on his phone.

“Shh-shh.” Gabby lowered her palms toward the floor, indicating I remain quiet. “I posted a free hens add on Craigslist and put Ryan’s phone number as the contact,” she whispered.

I laughed, and she shushed me again.

With his tatted arms bare, the one holding the phone flexed against his scrubs. As a Navy veteran, he was built like The Rock but handled these preemie babies with more expertise than the new moms. With his blond hair fading into a thicker, lighter-yellow beard, he was a strikingly handsome man. Initially, we’d tried our hand at a relationship, but it didn’t work out. We belonged solidly in the friend zone. I couldn’t count the times single mothers had left their numbers on their discharge paperwork and asked him to call them.

“How do I know you’re going to care for my chicken like one of your own children?” Ryan’s voice echoed to us.

We ducked behind the desk. I covered my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

“Have you ever considered getting chicken health insurance? I have the number if you would like to—Hello? Hello?”

Both Gabby and I let our laughter loose. Gabby unabashedly pointed at Ryan.

He shoved his phone into his pocket. “You’re in so much trouble. I am going to get you back for this, Gabby. You know how many calls I’ve gotten today? I had no idea chickens were such a hot item.”

“Admit it. I’m frickin’ hilarious,” Gabby said.

“I think so,” I added.

“I stopped telling them I don’t have a chicken, and now I take them on grand chicken stories until they hang up.” Ryan leaned over the desk and looked at Gabby. “Take the ad down.”

“Only if you cover my shift next week.” Gabby leaned against the nursing circulation desk.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll take your shift.” Ryan moved to start monitoring his babies’ vitals. “You two better send me photos from the concert. I love Imagine Dragons .” He slipped on a mask and walked to the babies in oxygen tents.

Oh, right. I’d forgotten about the concert that was in a few weeks.

I reached for the gloves. “I can’t go to the concert with you, Gabs.”

She shook her head. “Oh, no you don’t. You can’t bail on me now. We’re being spontaneous.”

“That was before Papa got worse and the planting season started. I thought I’d have more help.”

“What about that hot guy your mom hired? What was his name again?” she asked.

“Remi.” The man who was never far from my thoughts.

“Why don’t you have him cover for you?”

“He can’t even drive a tractor. How is he supposed to run a whole farm even for a few days?” I thought back on all his mishaps. How much damage could he do behind the wheel of a tractor? “Trust me. He’s not ready.”

“Why not? I don’t want to go alone with Lili. She can’t even drink right now. Teach him how.” Gabby held her hands together in front of her. “Please. For me.”

“I’ll try.” I gave in. “But I’m not making any promises. I mean the guy lives in the city. He’s clueless.” I thought about him very proficiently chopping wood. “The only reason Mama hired him was because she wants me to have his babies someday.”

Gabby grabbed a mask. “I thought we were into Smoot.”

“Yeah. Well. I am.” I sat at my laptop and scrolled through everything that had been done to my little twins on the day shift.

“I don’t care how popular dating apps are, meeting up with someone you don’t know is a big risk. And he could be a serial killer.” Gabby slipped the mask’s elastic bands over her ears.

She acted like I was a novice at online dating. “I’ve done this plenty of times—”

“Every time I get nervous,” Gabby interjected.

“He’s not a murderer. I FaceTimed with him Friday.”

“OMG. Shut up.” Gabby shoved at my shoulder. “That’s a huge step.” She sat next to me and started typing on her computer.

“Our big date is tomorrow.” I couldn’t help being a bundle of nerves about it. What if he didn’t like me in person. “What do you think?” I asked.

“What do we think about what?” Ryan walked back to the nurse’s station and removed his gloves.

“She’s meeting up with Smoot,” Gabby said.

“The guy who could be a serial killer?” Ryan rubbed his thick beard.

Gabby lifted her hands toward Ryan, enunciating her words. “That’s what I said.”

“I don’t know, Ang. My vote is to let the sexy farmhand have a go. He’s real. You know him. That’s a step up from any online dating app.” Ryan’s mask dangled from one ear as he planted his hands on the shared desk.

What did they know? Gabby hardly dated because she was focused on her career, and Ryan could have any girl of his choosing. They didn’t understand what it was like to be overlooked and overshadowed by practically every other woman in town. They didn’t have to cope with the memories of the popular guys in high school calling them “porpoise.” Yep. An aquatic animal similar to a dolphin but more closely related to belugas. They’d follow me around, barking at me like a seal. I bet Remi had been the same as my tormentors.

I kept that memory close to remind me never to try to be like those popular kids or to date anyone like them.

Ryan let his breath hiss through his teeth. “It’s a big moment. The meeting.”

“Bring pepper spray in case he wants to make a coat out of your skin,” Gabby said.

Ryan looked down at Gabby with his eyebrows creased together, nodding in agreement.

“Gross. You need to stop watching horror movies.” I finished reading the note on my twins from the day shift.

Gabby looked at the monitors. “Oh, shit.” She pointed to the screen. “I better go check on Baby Reynolds. Her oxygen sensor probably slipped off.”

The busy nature of our job took over, and the three of us had little time to sit. I loved how fast nights like these flew by. But the pressure of farming season hung over me, waiting for me at the end of my shift, with Remi-related disasters hiding around every corner.