Nineteen

I didn"t usually like talking about my past. Tarika and Nala knew some things, but I"d only told them those after knowing them for a while.

Hobie wasn"t just a friend though. Hobie was my mate, and for the first time ever, I wanted to share. That didn"t mean it"d be easy—even though it"d been way too long for me to still be holding on to this hurt—but it did make things easier.

"My mother was fae, an elf. From the Seelie court, which is basically full of bigoted, pompous asses who pride themselves on being the "good ones,"" I started, and Hobie blinked. I imagined he was surprised by the bitterness in my voice, but I never could control myself when I talked about the faerie realm. I hated everything connected to it and what it stood for, and I couldn"t hide that no matter how much I tried.

"My father was from the Unseelie court, and a kraken. While krakens have intelligence similar to elves and other higher fae, they don"t have a humanoid form, which means they can"t venture out of the faerie realm. That, coupled with the fact that they"re from the Unseelie court, makes them "lesser beings" in the eyes of the Seelie court."

"Ugh, so discrimination and bigotry is not just a human thing, huh?" Hobie sounded as disgusted as I"d felt when I"d finally realized why I was so hated by the fae.

"Not at all. As you can guess, my parents fell in love. Neither side was accepting of it, though. My mom had two close friends who were on her side, but even her family was determined to rip them apart. Then, my father was killed."

Hobie gasped, his fingers digging into my chest where they"d been caressing me while I spoke. I pulled the blanket higher above us with a tentacle, then wrapped it around his torso. "They killed him?"

"No one said it outright, but everyone knew it was my mom"s family who did it," I said with a shake of my head. "Then my mom found out she was pregnant, and she, along with her two friends, Tharion and Celeste, escaped the faerie realm."

Hobie snuggled closer to me, sliding his arm around my waist in a silent offer of comfort. I sighed, taking a moment to bury my nose in his hair and take a deep breath of his scent, reminding myself that the past was the past, and I was here now, in bed with my mate. Safe. Happy.

"I was born in hiding, and we lived like that for a few years. I grew up with my mom, Tharion, and Celeste as my whole world. By the time I was in my late teens, no one had come looking for us, and they figured we were safe. We weren"t." I couldn"t bring myself to say the next part.

"You don"t have to tell me." Hobie pressed his lips to the underside of my jaw. "I can understand."

I let out a shaky breath as I wrapped myself tighter around Hobie, for once not to give comfort but to take. Hobie held me to him just as tightly, his fingers rubbing against the spot on my back where my tentacles protruded from. The skin around my tentacles was a touch more sensitive, and I shivered slightly as the sensation washed over me, giving me a brief respite from the memories of the past.

"I wish we could"ve met earlier. I hate that you were alone for so long," Hobie murmured, and I was amazed by him. He"d never once expressed similar sentiment about me finding him sooner, that if I"d just found him a few months earlier, he"d have been spared so much hurt. I knew that, and a day didn"t go by where I didn"t think of the what-ifs. I"d never thought of it this way though.

What if I had found Hobie earlier? Would my life had been better? Happier?

"We"re together now." I couldn"t keep daydreaming about a past that wasn"t true. No matter how many scenarios I dreamed up, this was our reality, and right now, I was pretty damned content with it.

"Yeah, we are," Hobie whispered, a quietly joyful note to his voice.

We were silent for a while, and I realized I wanted to tell Hobie the last bit, since that was the part that answered his question. I skipped the part he"d already figured out, and went right to the day I found out about Otherworld and the other realms.

"It was Tharion," I said, and Hobie stirred, then glanced up at me.

"Your mom"s friend?"

Nodding, I trailed a tentacle down his cheek, smiling at the way pink colored his cheeks instantly.

"He came to see me after, well, after. He wasn"t supposed to, but he wanted to make sure I was okay. When he saw how lost I was, he decided to show himself and tell me about Otherworld. He said he and his twin, Celeste, had both decided to become soul collectors so they could visit the human realm and keep tabs on me. He also said that my mother had decided not to stay because she believed my dad was waiting for her in Afterworld. I never found out if they were reunited, but I like to believe they were."

"I"m sure they were. Did Tharion get in trouble for telling you all that?" Hobie asked, real worry in his eyes. Could he be any sweeter?

"He didn"t, but only because he had his own memories erased so he wouldn"t slip up and clue anyone in to what he"d done. He didn"t even tell Celeste about it." I"d sensed their presence around me for quite a few centuries after that, but then they"d slowly visited less and less before stopping altogether. I knew now that was because Tharion had become the King of Afterworld while Celeste took on Fate"s mantle. They"d been too busy after that, and they"d lost track of me. I"d also started using my magic to shield myself, which would"ve made it impossible for them to find me.

"Wow. He sounds like a great person," Hobie murmured, and I smiled, memories of riding on Tharion"s shoulders, of learning to hunt, and a hundred different moments filling my head.

"Yeah, he is."

After Eben told me his story, I could tell he was exhausted. Not physically—I hadn"t ever seen Eben physically tired—but mentally, and I wanted to help him wind down. I debated a makeout session—or more—before discarding the idea. With how volatile my triggers were, fun times like that could quickly devolve into panic attacks, and that wasn"t something Eben needed to deal with right now.

"Oh!" I sat up, and Eben shot me a mix of a confused and worried look. "Give me five minutes. I"ll be right back."

The look on his face turned curious, and he nodded hesitantly. Smiling, I gave him a peck on the lips before racing out of the bedroom.

I"d realized that while Eben didn"t eat human food, it wasn"t because he couldn"t or because he didn"t like it. It was just because he was used to hunting, and human food provided very little nutrition to him.

What he didn"t know—and what I was going to show him—was that human food, or at least some human food, could provide comfort too.

It was only when I was staring at the closed cabinets that I realized I had no idea if we had the supplies. Nala and Tarika had done the shopping again—though I thought I might ask Eben if we could go next time—and I wasn"t sure what they"d bought.

Searching through the cabinets, I cheered when I found what I was looking for.

Within minutes, I had two mugs of steaming hot chocolate ready, and I carried them back to the bedroom.

Eben was sitting up with his back to the headrest, and his brows rose as I placed the tray on the mattress before climbing on.

"My turn to make you a hot chocolate." I grinned, remembering my birthday when he"d done that for me. I still couldn"t believe how utterly perfect that day had been. That was probably the first time I"d truly realized just how much my life had changed because of Eben. "I know you don"t usually eat human food, but hot chocolate is the best comfort drink in the world. Will you try it?"

Eben gave me that soft, indulgent smile that sometimes made me feel like a kid—but in the best ways—and I grinned at him as I picked up a mug and held it out to him.

Taking it from me, he wrapped a tentacle around my wrist and pulled my hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against my knuckles like I was some Victorian maiden.

"Thank you." I got the feeling he was thanking me for more than just the hot chocolate.

"My pleasure," I answered honestly before settling beside him and pressing into his side. He slid a few tentacles behind me—giving me a cushion to lean against—and wrapped them around my torso, cocooning me into his hold.

I blew into my mug to cool down the drink, and Eben copied me, making me smile. While he was familiar with all kinds of human habits, sometimes the littlest things eluded him, and it was so damned cute. It made all the warm, fuzzy feelings in my chest multiply.

"If you could do anything, what would you want to do?"

I blinked at the sudden question, then glanced at Eben. "Anything?"

"Yes."

I chewed on my lower lip as I thought, then smiled. "I want to see the world. With you."

"That sounds wonderful," he said, gold eyes bright and warm and so full of emotion, emotion I was pretty sure I returned.

I wanted to tell Eben how I felt. I"d been hesitating to say the words, and I wasn"t even sure why. By now, I knew that he and I belonged together. I knew that Eben wanted all of me, even the broken, messed-up parts. I couldn"t imagine a better life than the one I had right now, and I wanted to cherish it to the fullest; I wanted to cherish Eben to the fullest.

"What is it?" Eben asked, and I realized I"d been sneaking glances at him between sips. Clearly, he"d realized it too.

I gazed up at him, this beautiful, wonderful being so full of strength and care, who sometimes needed someone to take care of him, even if he didn"t realize it.

From the day we"d met, Eben had continued to show me how much he cared about me, how much he treasured me. It was high time I did the same.

Placing my empty mug on the tray, I went on my knees beside Eben on the bed, his tentacles shifting around to accommodate the movement.

Placing my right palm over his chest, I straddled his thighs before settling on his lap while he watched me with a fond look on his face.

His tentacles steadied me, then wrapped around my waist. I loved that he couldn"t keep them away from me, that once I"d told him they didn"t scare me, he"d stopped hiding them away. His tentacles were as much a part of him as his arms—maybe even more so—and I loved having them wrapped around me.

Placing my palms on Eben"s cheeks, I smiled at the scratch of stubble on my skin.

"Eben," I murmured, leaning forward until there was barely any space between our lips. "I love you."

Eben jerked under me so hard it was like I"d electrocuted him, but before he could say anything, I closed the minute distance between us and kissed him.

His lips were unmoving against mine for a second before he reacted, his arms and tentacles tightening around me as he kissed me back with a fervor I rarely saw in him.

Eben was always so gentle with me, as if he was afraid he"d break me. While he was much, much stronger than me, I trusted him enough to know he"d never hurt me, intentionally or accidentally. He had centuries of experience and self-restraint, and I knew that no matter how much he needed something from me, he"d always put my needs first, just like I"d make sure he never ignored his needs for my sake.

Which was why, when Eben softened the kiss and murmured a sweet "I love you too" in the space between us, I promised myself that tomorrow, I"d ask Eben if we could try. Try taking another step toward intimacy, try being skin-to-skin again. We might have a good time, or it might end with another panic attack, but either way, we"d be together.