Chapter 49

Diesel

Ihated admitting I was wrong almost as much as admitting he was right, but in this case, Shay-Lee was. My stubborn kitten was often one hell of a vengeful nuisance, but from time to time, his cute side showed. Telling me to go and see Andrei was one of those times. Truthfully, I found his raging tantrums to be cute, too, but I was fucked in the head.

Parking Shay-Lee's car by the house, I looked straight ahead. The last time I'd been here didn't end well, and I wasn't keen on coming back. I got out of the car, knowing this would be my last time here.

It was still early, around noon, so when I heard the familiar sound of running water coming from the backyard, I rounded the house to find Andrei washing his surfboard with the garden hose, his wet suit rolled down to his waist.

I coughed to get his attention, and he turned around. The second our eyes met, Andrei frowned and clenched the hose tighter, but then he turned off the water and bent down to wax his board.

I was never a fan of small talk, so I wasn't sure what to say and instead rubbed the back of my head. Over the course of a few months, we'd gone from being inseparable to being nearly strangers. While Andrei had been an ass many times, I hadn't been any better. But now, I understood what it was like to want someone twenty-four seven, and I felt a bit guilty for the way I'd treated him. I also felt bad for beating him up, but I'd do it again if he ever raised his hand to Shay-Lee.

"Going surfing?"

Andrei hummed a low yes, then returned to wax his board in complete silence.

"Any chance I could join you?" I asked after several long, awkward minutes of silence.

Andrei looked up from his board, and his green eyes scrutinized me. When he glanced back down, I assumed the answer was no, and I was ready to go when he tossed a board my way, which I barely caught in time.

"Do you even remember how?"

"Of course I do."

Clenching his jaw, he nodded. "Okay, then."

Ten minutes later, we were in the ocean, paddling through the water until we were deep enough to position ourselves. After not surfing for a few months, I was a bit rusty, but it took me no more than three failures before I got the hang of it again.

The waves, the weather, and the ocean made everything seem perfect today, filling my chest with the unfamiliar feeling of hope. Well, it wasn't unfamiliar, now that Shay-Lee was an integral part of my life. I realized that being excited about my future made me less hostile toward Andrei and his approach to life. A big part of my anger through the years was due to my belief that I never stood a chance. I now accepted that Andrei was right while I was wrong, and perhaps I could start my apology with that.

It was mid-noon when we got out of the water, sunk our boards in the sand, and slumped down on our asses. In the past, we used to spend our days like this, just the two of us, surfing and enjoying the ocean, but everything had changed. Thanks to the last few months, I'd finally learned that change could be a good thing.

"Sorry for being an ass," I said, and he snorted.

"An ass? You gave me two black eyes, D. I looked like a fucking raccoon for weeks."

"Yeah, sorry about that, too." I scratched my neck. "Kind of lost my temper."

We sank back into silence until Andrei broke it.

"Was it his dad?"

"Yeah."

"Is it that bad?"

"Worse."

Swallowing and looking down at the sand, Andrei nodded, as if accepting my answer.

"Miles never knew?" I asked.

"No." He drew circles in the sand. "I think he still finds it hard to believe."

I took a deep breath. "Well, he's a bit dense. Isn't he?"

Andrei snorted. "He can be, sometimes. But he's a good guy, D."

"I know," I said for the first time since knowing Miles. "I'm glad you found him."

Andrei smiled to himself, then leaned back on his arms. "He hid it well. Shay-Lee, I mean. Made it impossible to feel sorry for him."

"He doesn't want anyone to know, let alone pity him."

"I see." Andrei moved his gaze to meet mine. "How did you two happen? I mean… Not only were you straight, but you hated his guts. We all did."

"It's a long story." That involved things I wasn't willing to share, such as me working as a hooker for the past five months. "I have no explanation other than saying we're more alike than you'd think."

His sudden laugh caught me off guard.

"What's funny?" I smacked his arm, and he pushed me away, smiling.

"Nothing. I just remembered once telling you pretty much the same thing, and in response, you nearly ripped off my head."

I knew what he was talking about. At the beginning of the year, after Shay-Lee and I kicked each other's asses at the back-to-school party, Andrei confronted me. In fact, he told me the exact same words, but back then, I'd been too angry to see the truth.

"You were always the smart one."

"That's true." He grinned, but then his expression hardened. "D, I don't want to fight with you. I really don't, but I'm still worried. I believe that you care for him, but that guy… I mean, Shay-Lee isn't sane." He paused and took a deep breath. "That night at our old school, when we confronted him and his guys, who I'm aware are no longer his guys, the look in his eyes… It was pure insanity. And while I do understand he goes through hell in his life, it doesn't take away from it."

Shay-Lee was most definitely the furthest thing from mentally stable. With his outbursts, ongoing trauma, anxiety, and drug abuse, he had a long way to go till recovery, but so did I. And that was what Andrei didn't understand.

"I'm insane, too."

"Diesel—"

"No, let me finish." Despite the worry in his eyes, he allowed me to continue. "He and I are not okay in the head. Far from it, but somehow, we manage to balance one another. I know it's not a solution in the long run, but that's okay. Once we're out of here and get enough distance, I plan on getting him the therapy he needs and probably get some for myself. Got some shit to work on." Shay-Lee would probably fight me on it, but I wouldn't take no for an answer. I would not repeat what I went through with my mom. And while understanding Shay-Lee needed professional help, I came to terms with the fact that I needed it, too. What separated me from my father was that he never did anything with his rage. He allowed it to control his life, and I refused to do the same. If I'd realized it sooner, Iván might still be alive.

"What do you mean once you're out of here?" Andrei asked, bringing my attention back.

"We're leaving California."

His brows pulled down in a frown. "Leaving? To where?"

"We're thinking about going abroad for a while to get as much distance as we can."

"Hold on." His frown deepened. "When?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight?" He scowled, and I snorted at his shock.

"Yeah. I mean, we're going to make a quick stop in Vegas, but then we're off to who knows where."

Looking away from me, Andrei huffed. "Next thing you're telling me that you're going to get married in Vegas." My silence was my answer, and his eyes snapped to mine. He slumped his back into the sand and covered his face with his hands. "You're joking, right? Tell me you're fucking joking?" He jumped back up, grabbing my shoulders. His panic grew as I kept quiet with a smirk glued to my lips.

He let go of me. "Holy shit. You're dead serious."

"I am."

Rubbing his forehead, he blew out some air. "I mean, I'm happy for you, but why marriage? You guys have been dating for what… three, four months, maybe?"

"It has nothing to do with time," I grunted, thinking back on our first kiss. "I've never been connected with someone as much as I am with him."

"We connected."

I snorted, then gave him a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, but never once did I want to fuck you. While Shay-Lee, on the other hand—"

"Okay, okay, I don't want to hear the rest." Waving his hand in the air, Andrei cut in. "Date one another, travel the fucking world, but why get married? What's the rush?"

It wasn't that he didn't make sense. Andrei often did, but looking for sense in a place it never existed in the first place was pointless. On paper, Shay-Lee and I should have never kissed, fucked, fallen in love, but we did it anyway.

"There's no rush, just me wanting to make him my family." Pain stung my heart, and I took a deep breath. "Iván's dead. He was stabbed in prison a few weeks before he was supposed to get out."

"What?" Andrei paused, his eyes wide and his brows pinched close.

"It happened two weeks ago."

"Shit, man, I'm so sorry," he said hoarsely and then gasped. "Fuck. I wasn't there for you." He looked at me, pain in his eyes.

Andrei knew about Iván. Not as much as Shay-Lee did, but he always knew I had a brother in prison with whom I kept in touch.

"It was and still is hard, but I'm not alone, so don't feel bad. Shay-Lee was there for me, and he's been the one keeping me sane since." And alive. If it weren't for him, I'd probably be dead after trying to kill Dion myself.

"I'm glad he's there for you."

"Thanks."

Moving his hand through his hair, Andrei looked around. "We better start getting ready," he said while getting up and brushing his ass of the sand.

I also stood. "Yeah, we should. I better get back to my apartment and take a shower."

"Or you can come inside," Andrei suggested. "It's still your home."

I stretched my neck. "Is Chief home?"

Andrei lingered for a moment before nodding. "Yeah."

"Fuck no, then." I was dead serious about never speaking with Chief again. He could drop dead for all I cared.

"Diesel," Andrei sighed.

"Nah, ain't gonna do it. But I'll meet you guys at school, yeah?"

Andrei didn't seem at ease, but he knew better than to argue with me.

"Sure." He stepped closer, then wrapped one arm around me and patted my back.

"I missed you, man."

"Yeah, same."

Shay-Lee was right about me meeting Andrei. I fucking missed the bastard.

Pulling back, Andrei then patted my cheek. "Are you two happy?" he asked, his sharp eyes piercing into me.

"Almost." I winked and then grinned like the asshole I was while he shoved me aside and started walking back to the house.

I didn't go right after him and, instead, turned to look at the ocean one last time.

We were almost happy, but it was only a matter of hours before we'd drop the almost.