Chapter 39

Diesel

Despite how bad Shay-Lee's injuries looked, none were life-threatening, and after spending the whole night in the ER getting patched up, we were free to leave. He'd injured his right wrist and had it bandaged, and while the cuts on his back were bad, they weren't deep enough to need stitches, so the doctor said they most likely wouldn't scar.

The staff questioned us, and I swear to God, it felt like I was a suspect. The fact I had bruised knuckles didn't help. Once Shay-Lee was more lucid, he told a story about us getting into a bar fight with some drunks.

Despite leaving the hospital, Shay-Lee was still in rough shape and needed to rest, shower, eat, and change clothes. While the doctor treated him, I bought him some clothes at a shop outside the hospital. It wasn't the best, but he needed something proper to wear to keep him warm and covered.

I parked the car in front of Chief's house, where I lived with Andrei, Jessie, and Levi.

"You sure about this? I don't think it's a good idea," Shay-Lee said, his tone tired and wary.

"Don't worry, okay?" I gave his neck a soft squeeze. The last thing Shay-Lee needed was to worry about my family's reaction. He'd been through enough. If anything, Chief had always said to come to him if I needed help, and now, I needed it. There was no way I'd let Shay-Lee go back home to his bastard father, and staying at Kai's forever wasn't an option. I had to keep Shay-Lee safe at all costs, even if my family would struggle with it.

Shay-Lee still seemed hesitant, so I got out of the car first, rounded it, and opened the door for him, waiting until he took my offered hand. "Come. You're safe here."

"Camilo." Him saying my name with such softness only made my heart ache stronger.

Cupping his face, I was careful not to hurt him while leaning closer and pressing my lips to his. He was warm and sweet, so eager for more. And despite wanting to give him the world, first, I had to make sure he was safe.

"Let's go."

Being Saturday morning, everyone was home, judging by all the cars parked out front. I tensed at seeing Miles's car parked next to Andrei's truck. I mumbled a curse as we walked to the front door.

As always, the first to greet us was our dogs. They also noticed Shay-Lee, who hid behind me. "Don't be scared," I said while getting on my knees to pet Puma. "They won't hurt you."

"I-I'm not good with animals," he muttered while Pacha rubbed against his legs, asking for attention.

"That's okay. You'll learn with time."

Voices were coming from upstairs before Levi and Jessie appeared, stopping in the middle of the steps once they saw us, with wide eyes and jaws dropped.

"What's up, guys?" I asked, trying to break the ice unsuccessfully.

The two said nothing until Jessie cleared his throat with an awkward cough. "Eh… Good morning?" His eyes jumped from me to Shay-Lee, the same as Levi's. "Is he… Are you… I mean…" He paused and scratched his hair. "Am I still high or something?"

"No," Levi said, his voice low.

"Ah… that's good to know."

I could feel Shay-Lee shrinking further into himself, and it pissed me off. "Where's Chief?" I asked, running out of patience.

"He's surfing with Andrei and Kai. They should be back soon," Levi offered before going down the rest of the stairs. "You know he's going to be angry."

He was talking about Andrei.

"I don't care."

Levi shrugged. "Of course you don't." He turned to look at Jessie. "Let's go eat breakfast, Kotik."

Jessie nodded and jumped right after him, but before going to the kitchen, he stopped, looking at us, his lips curved into an awkward smile. "You're welcome to join, you know?"

From the look of it, Shay-Lee was too fucking nervous to eat, but maybe I'd get him to drink a cup of coffee. That would be a start.

The next ten minutes were the definition of awkward silence. Other than asking me for the sugar once, neither of them had said a word and instead stole glances at us. They weren't even trying to be subtle, but I couldn't blame them. I'd just shown up with Shay-Lee by my side, keeping him close like I was guarding him. In their world, until fifteen minutes ago, I hated Shay-Lee's guts, and he was our enemy, so it was reasonable to assume they were confused.

I was about to explain when someone walked in.

"Any chance Andrei's back from surfing?" Miles yawned, eyes half closed as he entered the kitchen. It wasn't until Shay-Lee said Miles's name that his eyes shot open, looking at him in shock.

"What are you doing here?" he barked, brows pinched close and nose crinkled.

"He's here with me," I said before Shay-Lee could and moved to block him away from Miles, who, to his credit, was all but ready for a fight.

Miles crossed his arms over his chest. "Why am I not surprised?" he hissed. "Andrei knew you two had something going on. Fuck, he was right, wasn't he?"

I had a feeling Andrei suspected something.

"After everything you and Andrei went through together, how could you stab him in the back like this?"

Taken aback by Miles's words, I nearly gasped at him. "Stab him in the back? The fuck are you on about, you little shit. Are you two that self-centered that you think the world revolves around you?" I kept my tone low, but the venom oozing from my words was clear.

"Fuck you," he hissed back.

I would have slapped his ugly face if it weren't for Shay-Lee stepping in.

"Miles, it's not like that," Shay-Lee started saying when Miles cut him off.

"Don't talk to me, you freak."

"Watch your mouth," I warned, pointing my finger at Miles.

"Or what? You'll choke me again?"

Shay-Lee's eyes snapped to mine, and I had to look away. I'd never mentioned to him, or anyone else, about the one time I'd lost my composure with Miles and nearly choked him to death. It wasn't one of my proudest moments, but he kept running his mouth, and I'd simply lost it. The same way I was about to lose it now.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, Andrei entered the charged space. All it took was five seconds for rage to take over his features. "What the fuck?" he shouted, tossing the towel he was holding on the floor and moving toward us.

"Andrei." It was Jessie who spoke, trying to stand in his way, but Andrei moved past him until he was in my face. "You're fucking kidding me?"

"You don't understand."

"Damn right I don't understand. Why the fuck is he here?" he hissed in Shay-Lee's direction.

"I brought him here 'cause he needs help."

"Fuck that," Andrei snapped, hate boiling in his eyes. "I don't give a shit that this creature needs help." He then glanced at Shay-Lee over my shoulder, taking in his injuries. "Whoever hurt him deserves a fucking medal."

"Watch it," I warned with a low and steady growl, feeling my muscles tense and my blood rush with the need to break something.

Andrei shook his head, his face red. "He's a bad guy, Diesel. I have no fucking idea how he managed to convince you otherwise, but he's nothing but scum."

"I'm a bad guy, too," I said and took a step closer.

"It's not the same."

"How so?"

Andrei's jaw clenched. "He deserved whatever he got. He broke my arm, remember that?"

I tilted my head. "Maybe you deserved it, too."

He gawked at me, eyes wide. "I didn't."

"So, how can you assume he did?"

Andrei didn't deserve to be beaten up by Shay-Lee, the same way Shay-Lee didn't deserve to be tied to a shower and get his back whipped by his father. But that was life. A big pile of unfair shit.

Shaking his head, Andrei took a step back. "You're unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable."

"Why? Because I did something you don't approve of?"

"Fuck you, Diesel," he yelled, spit flying from his mouth. I'd never seen him this angry before. "Fuck you for doing this to me. For bringing that home."

And even though I understood his anger, the hate he reflected on me was stronger than my empathy, and when he spoke to Shay-Lee in that way, it only heated my already boiling blood more.

"You watch your fucking mouth," I warned and got closer when Shay-Lee put his hand on me.

"Camilo, it's okay. I can leave. I don't want to cause any problems." While Shay-Lee spoke, Andrei clenched his fists.

"You don't want to cause any more problems? You son of a bitch, all you do is cause problems!" Andrei shouted right before he charged at Shay-Lee.

Pure instinct took over me as I pushed Shay-Lee aside and took the punch. The rest happened in the blink of an eye as I lost all reason. I grabbed Andrei and tossed him over the wooden cabinet in the kitchen. The furniture crushed under his weight, and I was on him in seconds.

"Don't touch him," I growled as I began punching him. "Don't you lay a fucking finger on him!" My throat burned and felt like it was being ripped apart from my screaming, feeling like the beast within me was fighting to get free. And on who? My best friend? The guy who I used to consider a brother? And yet, I couldn't stop. I was so angry that nothing reached me, nothing but the sounds of smacking flesh and the unsettling urge to break. To ruin. To fucking kill.

Miles screamed, then hit my back, fighting hard to get me off Andrei, but it was no more than a mosquito bite. Grabbing Miles by the collar of his shirt, I tossed him on the floor before returning my attention to Andrei. Only then others tried to break us apart. But I couldn't hear or see any of them, and instead, images of Shay-Lee being beaten and torn apart flashed before me, mixing with images of my mom's brain spattered on the walls, the blood between Carmen's thighs, and the sounds of my dad hitting me again, and again, and again, breaking me more with each hit until there was nothing left.

"Camilo, stop, please, stop."

Shay-Lee's voice breached past my darkness and was followed by the touch of his skin and the warmth of his hug. As if time had stopped, I looked down and saw his arms wrapped around my chest as he hugged me from behind. I inhaled deeply, and once I exhaled, time started moving again. Only then I realized what I'd just done.

"How's Andrei?" I asked as Chief gave me a pack of frozen peas to ice my knuckles. I'd punched so many people in the last twenty-four hours that my hands hurt like a motherfucker.

"Icing his face," he answered and sat on the table in front of me. We were currently sitting in his bedroom, where he'd taken me after they managed to tear me away from Andrei. I didn't mean to unleash all of my anger on him, but it just… happened.

"Shit," I swore, remembering his bloodied face once I was done with him. Sure, I was angry at the world and Andrei in particular, but to think I could do that? To hit him until I was forced off him? It scared me, terrified me even.

The violence I held within scared me to death. Each time I lost control this way made me think of my father and how much I was turning to be just like him.

"He'll have two black eyes, but you didn't break anything." Chief tried to cheer me up for some reason while rubbing my shoulder.

"I didn't mean to do it." I focused on the bloodied bandage around my knuckles.

"I understand that, but it doesn't make it okay."

I nodded because I understood it, too. Nothing ever justified violence, but it was stronger than me. When I snapped and saw red, nothing else mattered.

"We've talked about it before. About you going to meetings or counseling about this rage you hold."

We'd been talking about it since I moved in, yet I never agreed. After all, what was the point?

But what if you'd hurt Shay-Lee?

That was impossible.

So was the thought of hurting Andrei.

Maybe one day, I'd lose my shit with Shay-Lee, and I'd beat him the way his father did. I already had many times before we got together. For God's sake, I loved choking him while we fucked because it felt good. Not just good. It felt un-fucking-real. I was sick in the head, but that was a given, looking back at my violent and messed-up past.

"I really think counseling would do you good. There's a group meeting at the community center every Wednesday afternoon. We can go there together. But if you'd prefer something more private, we can search for a good therapist."

Pressing my lips together, I nodded. "I'll think about it." I looked up at him. "Where's Shay-Lee?"

"He's in the kitchen with Kai."

At least he wasn't alone.

Putting the pack of frozen peas aside, I stood. "I'm going to see him. I'll take him to my room. He needs to rest. We can talk more after."

Frowning, Chief stood and grabbed my shoulder. "Diesel, this is your home. I said it before, and I'll repeat it: you're always welcome to stay here."

"Okay… and?" I asked after he paused for too long.

"But he can't be here."

Pushing his hand away, I took a step back.

"Why?"

"It's not fair to Andrei."

"Andrei can get over it," I snapped. "Unlike Shay-Lee, who can't. He needs help, Chief. He has no one but me." Just saying it out loud ripped my heart to shreds. Not only did he have no one, but he was haunted by monsters.

"I'm not trying to minimize his problems, and I have no doubt he's struggling, but I can't help him. I'm sorry."

"He's not struggling." I spat out my words like poison. "He's being tortured."

Chief looked aside. "I understand that you're angry, Diesel, but—"

"You clearly don't understand shit," I shouted.

For years, he'd told me to come to him if I ever needed help, and when I finally did, he disappointed me just like every other adult. Not wanting to waste another second in the same room as him, I walked out.

I found Shay-Lee sitting at the dining table with Kai.

"We're going," I said, putting my jacket over his shoulders and then helping him to stand.

"Diesel, wait," Chief called after us as he walked into the kitchen.

Ignoring him, we made our way to the front door before I stopped and spotted the guys in the living room. Icing his face, Andrei gave me one angry look before he tore his eyes away while the others observed me with… fear.

I didn't blame them.

I'd be scared, too, if I were them.

"What's going on?" Kai asked as he followed us.

"Ask him," I hissed while looking at Chief with pure disgust.

I opened the front door, waiting for Shay-Lee to step out first. Instead, he stopped and met my stare, hurt shining in his eyes.

"Camilo," he whispered, ever so softly.

I gave him a slight smile because how could I not? He was so damn beautiful and kind. "Don't worry, Llorón," I said low enough so only he could hear before turning to face Chief. "This is the last time you'll ever hear from me."

I gave Shay-Lee a small nudge so he'd get out, with me right behind him, before I shut the door to what used to be my home.

Only that it never was. Not really.

Over the past few years, there were times I thought I had found myself a family. One that worked. One that cared. I was wrong. Eventually, they were no different from my real family in which everyone only cared about themselves.