Chapter 36

Diesel

One of Shay-Lee's favorite hobbies was to push me until I snapped. Despite the shift in our relationship, which now meant neither of us could get through a day without seeing the other, Shay-Lee didn't seem to drop that one annoying trait of his. And while in the past, his primary goal was to be an annoying fuck, now he had different things in mind.

Take now, for example. Shay-Lee sat across the cafeteria, working his lips around a fucking lollipop while locking eyes with me. He did it subtly enough, glancing at me periodically so the guys around him wouldn't notice. He just loved edging me until I snapped and punished him for being such a brat. He loved it so much that he did it all week.

Yesterday, in gym class, he made sure to flirt with some girl right in front of me, allowing her to toss herself all over him. He got what he asked for later on when I fucked him in the locker room while making him wear the cheerleading outfit he once said he'd never wear. God be my witness, did he look hot in a tight-ass miniskirt. Or the other day, when he gave me a hard-on in the middle of Spanish class with the dick pic he'd sent me. Who would have believed that the day would come when I'd be turned on by a dick pic, of all things? But what could I say, his dick was one hell of a masterpiece. Taking responsibility for that picture, Shay-Lee got on all fours and sucked me off in the library. I would have fucked him, too, if it weren't for us nearly getting caught.

Before Shay-Lee, sex felt like a chore and a way to pass the time. Now, I lived for those moments where we explored each other's bodies and pushed each other's boundaries. We were finding out things we enjoyed, such as public sex, and things we didn't, such as bondage. The club was helpful, but it wasn't only about sex. With each passing day, I felt Shay-Lee trusting me more and more, slowly shedding away the guilt he used to feel the first time we'd slept together. I hoped it would only continue, and eventually, he'd be able to share more than just his sexual desires with me.

Currently, I tried to focus on my lunch but found it impossible since every time I glanced up, Shay-Lee looked at me with that damn lollipop in his mouth. Wrapping his lips around the red candy and sucking it in and out of his mouth made my dick take notice, and when he winked my way, showing me a glimpse of his tongue, which was painted red from the sugar, I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you smiling at?" Andrei asked, glancing over his shoulder before looking back at me.

"Nothing." I shrugged to hide how obvious I was being. Thankfully, when Andrei turned around, Shay-Lee pretended to be busy with the guys from his team, so I doubted Andrei made the connection. Although, Andrei wasn't dumb, and I knew it would only be a matter of time until he realized we were screwing.

"So now you're laughing and smiling for no reason?" he asked, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

"Maybe he thought of something funny. It happens to me all the time. Like today, I remembered a funny joke in the middle of class," Jessie chimed in.

"He was being sarcastic, Kotik," Levi said quietly.

"Oh, shit." Jessie smiled and opened his mouth to say something else when Andrei spoke first.

"You know what I thought about?"

Reaching for my water bottle, I opened the cap and took a long gulp. "Absolutely not, but I bet you're going to tell me." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Since quitting your job at the beach club, you haven't told us about your new job," Andrei said, narrowing his eyes.

"Aww, I'm so touched that you care so much. You know, with how you no longer give a shit about anyone other than yourself and Miles."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Andrei tensed his jaw. "Why are you avoiding the question?"

I stood and pulled the pack of smokes from my pocket. "Maybe because it's none of your business?" I tucked one in my mouth while giving Andrei a fake smile that said "fuck you." "And although it warms my heart, I much prefer it when you don't pretend to care," I said before walking away without waiting for a reply.

It was remarkable how Andrei and I hardly talked to each other now without getting into a fight. We barely met at home, and when we did, we avoided one another. School was the only place we were forced to hang out, and maybe I should stop doing that, too. It wasn't that I enjoyed this situation. I hated it, but neither of us was about to step back and try to resolve it.

I checked my phone again, reading the text Shay-Lee had sent me while I made my way to the parking lot. Since I'd taken Kai's bike to the shop for some annual checkups and had no intention of catching a ride back home with Andrei, Shay-Lee said he'd give me a lift.

Thanks to me still being stuck doing shitty work for another week, the school was empty, and I doubted there would be students around to notice me getting into his car. So, I was more than surprised and disturbed when I spotted Shay-Lee from afar, leaning his back against his car, talking to Jessie.

What the hell?

I couldn't hear their conversation from where I was, but from Shay-Lee's body language, I could tell he wasn't happy. If anything, he looked pissed.

"The fuck is going on here?" I said once I reached them, putting my hand on top of Jessie's head. Usually, I'd be ruffling his hair, but he hadn't grown it back since buzzing it around Christmas.

"Oh, Diesel." Jessie looked surprised as he turned to face me. "What are you doing here?" His voice sounded a bit off, and it was enough to turn on the alarm in my head.

"Got detention for one more week, remember?" He nodded. "Why are you talking to him?" I cocked my head at Shay-Lee, who hissed while tearing his eyes away from me. I couldn't blame him. I didn't enjoy this act any more than he did, if not more.

"Ah, nothing important. Are you going back home? If not, Levi and I are going to eat pizza if you wanna join us. Levi's already there, so I can give you a ride on the Vespa."

I smiled at him. "Nah, I'm all good. You go ahead."

Jessie's eyes jumped between Shay-Lee and me. A moment later, he nodded, and it looked like he was ready to leave when he stopped. "You'll give it some thought, okay?" he asked Shay-Lee, who didn't reply, then shrugged and left us alone.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"Nothing. Are we going or what?" Shay-Lee pretended to check the time on his phone, peeled his back from the car, and got into the driver's seat.

Not going to let Shay-Lee get away with it, I rubbed my jaw and leaned my back against the car with my arms crossed over my chest. I also knew how to be stubborn when I wanted to be.

Shay-Lee responded by honking three times before peeking his head out of the car's window. "Fine, I'll tell you, just get your ass in," he shouted at me.

I climbed into the car and shut the passenger door behind me, waiting for him to start talking. After a few moments of annoying silence, he did.

"We talked about Jordan," he said, looking straight ahead while avoiding my stare.

"And why would you do that?"

"Because Jessie and Jordan are friends. At least, I think they are."

"Still, what does it have to do with you?"

His expression hardened, and he shrugged. "He calls me. He calls me all the time, and I don't pick up. I… I just can't." He swallowed hard. "I guess Jordan had had enough of it, so he asked Jessie to approach me."

I hated where this conversation was going, yet it was necessary. If Shay-Lee held any feelings for that so-called Jordan, I'd rather know about it now.

"And why's that? Why don't you answer him?"

He laughed. "Because of guilt. I ruined him, Camilo. I'm the reason he's in New York, learning how to walk again."

Leaning back in my seat, I played with the silver ring I had on my thumb, slipping it off and on. "Is guilt the only reason?"

Shay-Lee's eyes shot to mine, his brows knitted close, and his lips set in a hard line. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You obviously cared for the guy if you risked yourself for his sake. I bet my money you two fucked, too, and now he won't stop calling you. So maybe, just maybe, you actually miss him."

"Fuck you," he snarled, pure rage in his eyes. "He's on the other side of the country, injured and heartbroken, and you're actually jealous?"

"Fuck yeah, I'm jealous." I pushed from the seat until we were face-to-face. "I don't give a shit about Jordan and his broken heart. But you? I fucking care for you, Shay-Lee. Knowing that this asshole keeps on calling you, making you feel guilty, and sending Jessie on top of that boils my fucking blood."

His eyes widened as his lips parted, obviously too stunned to speak. Well, I hadn't meant to snap, but it was beyond me. The mere idea of that idiotic Jordan filling Shay-Lee's voicemail with who knew what drove me insane to the point I wanted to break his legs myself.

"He's not an asshole."

"You fucking with me?" I hissed.

"You don't understand. You just don't."

Grabbing his jaw, I brought him closer. "So make me."

"He's not like us," he shouted, pushing my hand away.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that he isn't a fucked-up maniac like the two of us. He's a good guy, Camilo. A good fucking guy that I used because I'm a piece of shit, and now he's hurt." He took a deep breath, his voice shaking. "I broke him."

Seeing him so upset hurt, and I felt like a fucking loser.

"It's not your fault he got injured."

He kept quiet.

"Shay-Lee." I tried touching his shoulder, but he pushed me away. Grunting, I leaned my head against the seat and rubbed my eyes. I wanted to shout, to scream and break the fucking window, but I did none of those things.

"Do you love him?" I asked, my voice low.

From the way he looked at me, I realized it was a stupid question, and yet, sometimes I, too, was a little boy who needed to hear what he wanted to hear.

Reaching for the hem of my shirt, Shay-Lee pulled me close and crashed our mouths together in a hungry kiss. I grabbed his jaw and held him close while kissing him back, not letting him move away from me until we were both out of breath.

"That's a stupid fucking question, and you know it, you asshole," he murmured over my lips. "Real. Fucking. Stupid."

"So say it." I moved my lips to his neck and sucked on his skin, giving him small, hungry bites before taking his lips again. "Say that you don't love him." I couldn't stop my desperation from slipping through my voice.

"I don't love him." He ran his fingers through my short hair, then pressed his forehead to mine. Shaking his head, he repeated himself. "I don't."

"Good." My thumb caressed his jawline.

It was as close to a confession two fuckups like us could ever have. And although we hadn't said it out loud, we fooled no one. I knew what I felt for him was becoming abnormal, and I knew he felt the same. I saw it in his eyes.

"Don't talk to him," I said. "And not because of guilt, but because I don't want you to."

Nodding, he straightened up. "Okay."

He still looked off, even sad, and I hated it. I hated seeing him in pain, so I reached to touch his cheek.

"What do you say about going on a date?"

"A date?" His brows shot to his hairline as he buckled himself up.

At least he learned to do that.

"Yeah, some clown got me tickets to the ballet, and the show happens to be tomorrow."

His lips quirked into a big smile as his face lightened up. "You kept the tickets?"

Back when he gave me gifts to earn my attention, he'd bought me tickets for my favorite ballet company. It shocked me that he remembered me mentioning I liked them, considering how I said it as a side comment on one of those times we met at the club.

"Of course I did."

"But you didn't keep the motorcycle?" He pouted, then pulled the car into gear and reversed out of the parking spot.

"There's a vast difference between keeping tickets for the ballet and a freaking bike, Shay-Lee," I said while placing my hand behind his headrest.

"I beg to differ," he began saying and then continued talking nonsense the whole fucking ride… and I enjoyed every second of it.