Chapter 27

Shay-Lee

Soft sun rays tickled my skin, and I scratched my nose before slowly opening my eyes. Now awake, I blinked several times to make sure I wasn't dreaming because right next to me was Diesel, sleeping on his side with his arms crossed over his chest and his head half sunk into the pillow. I took a moment to appreciate how peaceful he looked. How peaceful I slept next to him.

He had rather long eyelashes, resting against his naturally tanned cheeks. His bow-shaped lips were slightly parted, making me want to kiss them. I loved his nose, which was honestly perfect and probably too cute compared to his rough features, like his structured jawline and thick brows. Examining his tan skin, I counted as many scars as I could. Some were deeper than the others, but his whole body was covered with them, and they were all stunningly beautiful. I wasn't surprised, considering how easily he got into fights.

A part of me wanted to stay right where I was to continue watching him sleep for hours, but I was too impatient for this shit, so instead—

"What the fuck?" Diesel's eyes shot open as I flicked his forehead with two fingers, hard enough to leave a red mark.

I flipped onto my stomach and gave him a lopsided grin. "Good morning, Sunshine."

"Good morning, my ass," he grunted, rubbing his forehead. "What the fuck was that for?" He rose and rested on his elbows, annoyance masking his features.

I pouted as he reached for his phone and checked the time. "You were sleeping for too long."

"It's 7:00 a.m., you fucker." He tossed the phone on the bed beside him before slumping back on the pillow and turning his back to me. "Don't wake me up before noon."

So he liked to sleep in? Good to know.

I nudged his shoulder. "Hell no. I'm bored and hungry. I demand breakfas—whoa!" An unmanly yelp broke past my lips as he grabbed my sweatshirt and yanked me closer, wrapping an arm around me and burying me in his chest.

"Sleep," he murmured, as if being this close to one another was trivial.

My skin heated up as my heart hammered so fast in my chest I worried he'd hear it. Just a few hours ago, he'd said nothing would happen between us, and now, all of a sudden, we were hugging on his bed.

"I can hear your brain working," he grunted, snapping my attention.

"Bullshit." Resting my hand on his chest and closing my eyes, I huffed. "It's just that you're sweaty, and it's hot."

"Deal with it."

The next time I opened my eyes, I was suffocated by the heat radiating from Diesel's sleeping body. Our limbs were tangled together while our bodies pressed close. My skin was covered with sweat, and so was his. That was when I noticed we'd got rid of our sweatshirts at some point in our sleep. The sounds coming from the street were enough to tell me it was around noon.

Looking between us, I noticed another thing. Make it two more things, considering the tents in our sweats. As I tried to recall the last time I got morning wood, Diesel shifted in his sleep, pressing his thigh hard against my stiff dick. Shit. Now, I had a desperate need to rut against his thick thigh until I came and made a mess. I wanted him to get angry with me for coming over his leg while he was asleep and ruining his sweats in the process. I wanted him to punish me for it. And I wanted him to use my cum to wet my hole while spreading me open to take his huge dick.

Stifling a moan, I tried hard not to give in to my urges because it wasn't right. Diesel had made it clear he wanted nothing sexual with me, so I should respect him. Good. At last, I'm developing a moral compass. Yet, pushing away from him turned out to be extremely difficult. Instead of getting out of bed, I leaned closer to his warm body, rested my head in the crook of his neck, and breathed him in. I then parted my lips and pressed them softly to his neck, closing my eyes and imagining how good it would feel to be with him, like actually be in a relationship with him.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Who was I kidding? Being with Diesel wasn't an option. Even if, by some miracle, Diesel accepted me, my father would never allow it. He'd force me to get rid of Diesel the same way he did with Jordan, or worse, he'd do it himself. The thought was enough to send shivers down my spine and form a knot in my stomach. Yet, instead of pulling away from him as I should have, I only clung to him harder, nearly wrapping myself around his body.

"You are impossible to sleep with," Diesel grunted in a sleep-drunk voice that went straight to my already hard cock, which I'd nearly forgotten about. Looking up, I was met with half-closed dark eyes that, surprisingly, didn't seem shocked at all to find me so close.

"No wonder I dreamed about koala bears when you cling to me like one." He sighed, moving his hand over his face.

Did he just compare me to a koala bear?

Before I responded, his eyes moved from me to look between us. A sleepy smile drew on his lips as he studied the situation. "Would you look at that," he drawled, his pitch hoarse, nearly causing me to bust in my sweats.

"It's a natural reaction," I stammered the most used excuse in the book. "It has nothing to do with you."

Trying to push away from him was a complete fail since Diesel had me underneath his sexy body in a heartbeat.

"It has everything to do with me," he whispered, ghosting his lips over the shell of my ear.

As my arousal kicked in at full force, so did my need to fight. I tried to push him off me, but he was stronger. With little to no effort, he captured my arms above my head and kept them there by holding my wrists in one hand. "What's the matter, Princesa?" He lowered himself down, his hips pressed against mine as our cocks rubbed against each other through the fabric of our sweats.

The pressure felt so good that I had to bite back a moan, but there was no way in hell I was about to give in to him.

"Your breath stinks," I hissed, and he smirked before blowing air in my face. It wasn't like I actually cared about his morning breath. Truth was, I'd have wanted to devour him no matter what.

"You don't smell like a heap of roses yourself, chulo."

"Yes, I do."

Leaning a bit closer until our noses nearly touched, he shook his head. "Nah… you don't."

"Yes, I do."

Shaking his head again, he got even closer. Captive underneath his weight, with my arms held above my head and my cock shoved against his, my body was on fire. But so was his. I could feel the heat of his skin, see the lust in his eyes, and nearly taste the hunger on his lips. Like a pair of predators, we were both staring into each other's souls, waiting to see who'd be the first to make a move. Filled with pride, neither of us was about to back out soon.

Without any warning, Diesel pushed down and thrust his hips, rutting our dicks together. Swearing, I looked aside as heat crept to my cheeks.

"You blushing?" The self-satisfaction in his drawl was undeniable, and I wanted to punch him for it.

"You—"

"Diesel?" Andrei's voice echoed through the house, making us both freeze.

"Shit," Diesel swore, looking over his shoulder at the bedroom's door.

Thank God it's closed.

"When did he get here?" I asked at the same time Diesel shouted to Andrei he'd be out in a second.

"I don't fucking know." He lowered his voice while getting up from the bed. "Just stay here, okay? I'll get rid of him."

"But what about—"

"Shay-Lee," he said, his voice quiet yet firm enough to focus me. "Stay here, and keep quiet."

Nodding, because suddenly I was too stunned to speak, I watched Diesel as he grabbed his shirt from the floor and slipped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Diesel

Making sure to close the door behind me, I put on my shirt. Still hard because my dick didn't just miraculously go down, I tucked my boner in the waistband of my sweats and covered it with my shirt before walking out to the living room, where Andrei was waiting for me with his hands shoved in his jeans pockets.

Kai's condo wasn't particularly big and had shitty acoustics, meaning Shay-Lee better keep quiet, or Andrei would find out he was hiding half naked in the other room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, scratching my jaw while walking into the kitchen to make myself a shot of espresso.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Looking over my shoulder, I narrowed my eyes at him. "About what? And how did you know where to find me?"

"Kai told me you were here."

"He did?"

"Yeah," Andrei said, shifting his weight on his heels.

"Did he say anything else?"

"What do you mean?" He looked confused.

Assuming Kai didn't sell me out by telling Andrei I was with Shay-Lee, I stretched my neck. "Nothing. Anyway, what's so important it was worth coming all the way here?"

"It's about Miles."

"No shit," I snorted. When wasn't it?

"I don't like the way you treat him."

Taking my espresso, I turned around and leaned against the counter. "And I don't like his face. You don't see me complaining." I sipped my coffee.

He pressed his lips together, and his stare hardened. "This is what I'm talking about." He pointed at me. "When you disrespect him, you disrespect me. You realize that, right?"

God, he was so dramatic lately. What was his point, anyway? Of course, I knew that, but since he stopped giving a fuck about me the moment he shoved his dick into that bitch's ass, why should I give a crap about him?

"That's fancy, coming from you." Putting my cup aside, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I mean, talking about respect. What the fuck do you know about it?" Now I was starting to get pissed, and from the way he ground his jaw, so was he. "Don't know what to say? I'm not surprised." I snorted. "You're so used to people kissing your ass that you keep forgetting where it came from." I spoke to him in Russian, reminding him of the time he taught it to me in prison. "So I'll remind you. Respect is earned, not given, and until Miles earns it, he'll get none from me."

Clenching his jaw, he stepped closer. "You keep crossing the line."

"Am I? From where I stand, it looks like it's the other way around, chica." I almost never called him that anymore, and the sudden use of it made him flinch. "You were so quick to toss me aside the moment he stepped into your life. And now look at you, standing here, blaming me for shit." I could have gone deeper into the subject, telling him off for being a complete asshole for the past few months, but remembering Shay-Lee was in the next room, I didn't. "Anyway, it's pointless to talk about it, and I'd rather just end this annoying conversation and go back to sleep." Moving my ass from the kitchen counter, I started to walk back toward the bedroom, hoping it would end with that. Sadly, it didn't, and what Andrei had just said pissed me off beyond words.

"What was that?" I asked, turning to face him.

"I said that the way you protected Shay-Lee last night in front of Miles was insensitive. And you should apologize to him."

Apologize to… Miles? For fuck's sake. Andrei seriously needed to pull his head out of his damn ass.

"Insensitive?" I hissed, the muscle in my jaw twitched. "You shitting me?"

"He's the reason Miles almost died, Diesel. And there you were, defending that despicable creature in front of Miles. That's fucked-up."

Too stunned to speak, I gaped at him. "What's fucked-up is how deluded you are."

Anger rose in the pit of my stomach, making my knees weak with how much I wanted to punch him. Yet, I held myself back from doing so because I needed Andrei's full attention to what I was about to say. "How arrogant can you be to shake yourself off from all responsibility and so bluntly put it on someone else? The only one responsible for what Miles did is Miles."

"That's bullshit."

"The only bullshit is you thinking Miles's suicide attempt had anything to do with someone else," I snapped, finally raising my voice at him. "And if you knew anything about suicide, you'd know it's the act of cowards. Blaming someone else is just so fucking twisted and repulsive that looking at you makes me sick."

Swallowing hard, Andrei still had the nerve to answer me. "What are you saying?"

Gritting my teeth together, I stared at him. "I'm saying that if you don't get the hell out of my face in the next five seconds, I'll pound your head into the fucking wall."

Knowing very well that I never gave empty threats, Andrei did the smart thing and left. I knew this wasn't over, but right now, I couldn't bear another moment of seeing his face and listening to his voice.

Furious, I turned to face the wall. With my head and hands pressed against it, I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut so I'd stop seeing red. Blood pounded in my ears until it was hard to think of anything but the need to break something.

"Camilo."

Snapping my eyes open, I looked to the side and found Shay-Lee standing in the hall. His lips were set in a hard line, and his brows knitted close while his eyes watched me with what I could only explain as concern.

"I didn't want you to hear all of that," I said, feeling like a complete piece of shit simply because I couldn't stomach seeing the worry on his face. Not knowing what else to say, I rubbed the back of my head. "I'm gonna smoke."

As I walked away, Shay-Lee grabbed my arm, pulling me close. Coughing, he cleared his throat. "It's okay for them to blame me, you know? I am at fault. You don't need to fight Andrei because of me. It isn't right." He rubbed his cheek while looking anywhere but at me.

This guy… he really knew how to be cute.

"What you did to them was terrible. Criminal even, but it doesn't matter, at least not to me." I massaged the bridge of my nose. "What happened to Miles wasn't your fault. He was the one who chose to take those pills. He's the one who chose the easy way out by being selfish." I held no sympathy for Miles, not in the slightest. Did he stop, even for a second, to consider anyone else but himself before trying to kill himself? I knew it wasn't Miles I was thinking about but my mamá. It was just easier to take the anger out on him because he was here. Someone got to him on time. But what if they hadn't? Andrei would have been eaten away by guilt for the rest of his life and been the one to carry the pain Miles left in his wake.

"I still contributed to it," he whispered hoarsely. "If it weren't for me, they would have never fought."

"And if it weren't for us going to BH, Andrei and Miles would have never met, and none of this would've happened, right?"

His eyes shot to mine, and he looked confused before nodding. "Right."

"What I'm saying is that ‘what if' is an idiotic excuse. It's complete bullshit. We can't control life; assuming our actions won't affect others is blunt stupidity. So yeah, even though you played a dangerous game, it wasn't your fault Miles was suicidal. Instead of being fucking responsible, taking his meds and letting Andrei know he's bipolar, Miles lied and eventually did something extremely cowardly."

Shay-Lee shook his head. "How can you say that?"

"Because suicide is fucking selfish," I hissed, throwing my hand in the air. "All you think about is how to end your own suffering, not giving a shit about the pain you'll leave behind." Biting the inside of my cheek, I continued. "That's what I was trying to tell you last night. Killing yourself doesn't do any justice. It only causes more pain in an already bleeding world."

Every word I said came from the bottom of my heart, flooding me with more anger until it was so thick and vivid I could feel it weighing on my shoulders, spreading in my blood and pulsing in my veins. And with the anger also came the memories. Memories that forced me to feel the scars underneath my skin of the wounds that never quite healed.

I could never forgive Mamá for leaving Iván and me alone with that monster we called a father. I could never forgive her for forgetting she had two sons. Mostly, I could never forgive her because if she were still here, I wouldn't have turned out the way I did. Angry. Damaged. Broken. But like I said, "what if" was an irrelevant state of mind. A pointless gimmick invented by morons.

Suddenly, some of my anger began to float away, and it took me a second to realize why. Looking down, I found Shay-Lee's hand holding mine. Our fingers tangled together in such an intimate gesture that kept spreading warmth through my body, chasing all the angst and fury away.

When I looked up at him, his eyes still held concern but also empathy. Understanding.

"Who was it?" he asked, his calm voice breaking the silence.

"Mi madre."

I never told anyone in my life about her. Absolutely no one. Chief knew, but only from what he read about me in my file. I never told a soul because, for me, her suicide was a dark stain—the darkest piece of my soul. You could say I was ashamed of it, of her, of how broken she left me and how she managed to ruin me in one single moment.

Just now, Shay-Lee had become the first person in my life whom I shared this part of myself with—the only one who had ever made me want to share it.

Clenching my hand tighter, he hardened his gaze.

"I'm so sorry it happened to you," he said, his thumb caressing my skin. "Do you want to tell me more?"

Breaking our stare, I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a long breath.

"First, I need a cigarette."