Chapter 25

Diesel

"Excuse me, may I please have a caviar croquette?"

Rolling my eyes and grinding my jaw, I gave Andrei a pissed look.

"I'm not sure what's more disturbing. You knowing what the fuck a caviar croquette is, or you being an actual guest here."

"It's not like I want to be here," Andrei scoffed while moving to stand beside me, so now we both faced the crowded space.

A few weeks ago, Jessie asked me to come and work with him and Levi in this waiting job his friend of a friend hooked him up with. Blinded by my good mood at the time, I didn't ask any more questions before agreeing to the job. It turned out I should have asked a lot more questions because this wasn't just some random A-list party but a benefit held by Christian W. Rogers, who just so happened to be the father of the guy I desperately didn't want to see. So far, I hadn't seen Shay-Lee, and hopefully, some miracle would occur and save me from the pleasure.

"Well, I get why I'm stuck here, but why are you? I mean, why the fuck would Miles come here?"

Andrei rolled his shoulders, taking one appetizer from the tray I was holding and popping it in his mouth. "He came with his parents. And from what I know, despite everything, Daniel still works with Christian, so he can't not show up to this party, or it would cause a scene."

I scowled. "A scene?"

Licking his fingers clean, he nodded. "Yeah, man, a scene. You can't just ditch events like this," he explained as if it was a fact known to all, even though it made zero sense.

"You sound just like them," I snorted while Andrei's frown deepened.

"Again with the them thing? I already told you to stop with that bullshit."

He did say that. He also spat other crap about how everything in life was a matter of choice—such childish thinking. Tonight was a perfect metaphor for how oblivious Andrei had become. While Jessie, Levi, and I were here for work, he was here as a guest. The fact he wore a tux that probably cost more than he made in a year working at the beach club while I was serving him food wasn't because of some great choice he made but because he was fucking Miles.

Andrei always believed that we were who we said we were, meaning that our starting point had nothing to do with where we'd end up. He was so sure that he could accomplish more in his life than those around him and often tried to make me believe it, too. But it was all bullshit. We would have been back in juvie after a month out if it hadn't been for Chief and his money. Knowing that the only reason I got a chance was because some dude with a trust fund decided on it bothered me to the core. I wasn't a charity case, and I refused to be one. I was also not delusional like Andrei, who actually thought our life situation had anything to do with us and not with the mere luck of being noticed. And if we were being honest, Andrei loved it. Tonight was just further proof of that. Andrei always wanted to be the one wearing the tux instead of the one serving the food. Until Miles came along, his hypocrisy was hardly noticeable. Now, it came in all the shades of his navy tux.

I was aware of the inferiority complex that life forced on me, but I was also aware of reality. People like me had no chance. If you tried to blend in where you didn't belong, as my sister did, you ended up dead in a ditch. If you didn't try, you either found yourself in prison like my brother did or with a bullet in your head like my mother did.

"Holy shit, guys, this place is packed with celebrities. Do you know who just spoke to me?" Jessie came to stand between Andrei and me, probably saving us from another argument. "Alo?s Dufort!" His smile grew as he said the famous actor's name. "Well, technically, he didn't actually speak to me, more like grunted because I stood in his way, but isn't it freaking awesome?"

Just as Jessie finished talking, Levi joined us, looking like he was ready to die.

"I was not meant to interact with people." Levi bit on the tip of his nail while shaking his head. "Why did I ever agree to this labored job?"

Jessie kissed Levi on the cheek. "'Cause you're fucking awesome. Ha, now that I think about it, what a shame I didn't have my phone with me. I would have asked Alo?s for a picture."

All employees' and guests' phones were confiscated before entering the party. We even signed confidentiality agreements before getting the job. It was odd, so much so that even Jessie's friend who got us this gig said it was the first time it had ever happened to him.

"Oh, there you are." Miles's annoying voice made me aware of him just in time to see him wrapping an arm around Andrei's waist.

Mierda. Somehow, this felt less like a job and more like a forced hangout.

"Yo, Miles. I just spoke with your uncle. He's so cute."

Miles looked skeptical at Jessie's announcement. "My uncle? Cute?" He snorted while exchanging odd looks with Andrei.

"Didn't you say he grunted and then shoved you on his way to the open bar?" Levi narrowed his eyes at Jessie while Miles mumbled, "Sounds more like him," under his breath.

Andrei had something to add when a gathering of people caught our attention and forced us to quiet down and check what was happening.

On the middle of the balcony, with the ocean spread behind him, stood the host of the event. With a black suit tailored to his imposing figure, blond hair slicked back, a deviant smile, and a pair of vicious cold eyes, Christian W. Rogers looked like scum.

Not just scum but the worst kind. The type of filth that pretended to be good for the sake of covering up the sewage and shit flowing through his veins. Despite wanting to look away and save me the anger of seeing his smug face, I couldn't move my eyes from the stage, since he wasn't the only one standing there. Beside him, nearly immersed in the background in a way that didn't suit him, was Shay-Lee. Only that he didn't look like himself. And by that, I meant that he didn't look like Shay-Lee Rogers but like my Llorón. The broken expression he hid so well underneath his mask was on full display for me to see, and I realized that the reason I wanted to avoid him tonight wasn't rage or hate but guilt—pure guilt for what I did to him the last time we met.

The smile on his face, which I knew was there to cover up wounds, didn't reach his desperate eyes, yet no one but me seemed to notice or care. And when his father placed his hand on Shay-Lee's shoulder and his body nearly broke down, nobody gave a shit, and instead, they all just continued to cheer them both for their warm hospitality.

Seeing Shay-Lee, a guy I'd practically hated from the second I met because of his entitlement and smugness, looking like a swan in a hunter's crosshairs, stirred my insides with wrath. But it wasn't just anger twisting my gut into a knot, but also the strong urge to protect him. To go over there and yank him as far away as possible from the monster. Why? I couldn't answer that. Maybe it was because he reminded me of my sister, who I couldn't save, or my mother, who didn't want to be saved. But mostly, it was because he reminded me of myself.

"Please, enjoy your evening, and don't forget the cause for which we have all gathered here tonight," Christian said before placing his hand behind Shay-Lee's back and leading him into the excited crowd, parading him like some object—a pretty little thing to present the world with.

Miles grunted and rolled his eyes, moving closer to Andrei. "I can't believe we used to be friends."

Andrei kissed the back of Miles's hand. "Don't think about it, Zaychik. He's not worth it."

"I mean it." Miles's lips twisted with annoyance. "He's so repulsive. Just looking at him makes me recoil."

Miles often made me want to punch him in the face, but right now, I wanted to rip his head off. "Why would you say that?" The anger in my voice caught both of their attention.

"Excuse me?" Miles asked with his nose stuck up in the air.

This guy just pisses me the fuck off.

"You were friends for years, weren't you? And now you're acting like an asshole, as if you were forced into it. Fucking hypocrisy."

Miles's eyes widened, and he looked like a stupid rodent before Andrei stepped in. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I smiled. "Nothing, really. It's funny how Miles here keeps forgetting that he was Shay-Lee's bestie for years. It's easy putting the blame on someone else, isn't it?"

"Guys, we're working. Maybe we shouldn't discuss this here?" Levi suggested, but none of us seemed to care because Andrei just stepped closer, pointing his finger at my chest.

"You're out of line."

He's so fucking delusional.

"I don't give a shit." Right now, I was fucking pissed. More at myself than with Miles because I'd told Shay-Lee the same thing. At his most vulnerable point, after using him like a hole and with my cum dripping down his face, I told him he repulsed me. Not only was it cruel, but also a lie. He didn't repulse me. In reality, he turned me on from the inside out, so much so that I kept losing my control.

"Andrei," Miles whined, placing his hand on Andrei's shoulder and pulling him back. "Levi's right. We shouldn't get into it here."

Locking eyes with me, the muscle in Andrei's jaw twitched. "Fine." He broke our stare and stepped back, turning to look at Miles. "Let's find Elliot and Daniel and see if we can get the hell out of here."

Nodding, Miles glared at me over his shoulder one last time before the two walked away, blending into the crowd that suited them so fucking well.

"You know, I sort of agree with you," Jessie said while giving me a soft smile that reached his big, green eyes. "I'm not saying Shay-Lee is the nicest guy around. Far from it. But if Jordan loved him, I bet there's more to him than we realize."

Jordan?Who the fuck is Jordan?

"Anyway, I'm going to see if Alo?s wants a refill. Babydoll, wanna come with me?"

Frowning, Levi shrugged and tucked his empty tray underneath his armpit. "As long as I don't need to speak with anyone."

Wait, isn't Jordan the guy Shay-Lee spoke about on that recording? The one who nearly got murdered?Rubbing my jaw while trying to remember more, which wasn't much considering the zero fucks I gave about other people, I sighed. Maybe I should have paid more attention because then I'd know what the fuck Jordan had to do with Shay-Lee. During our meetings, Llorón had never mentioned a Jordan, but if Shay-Lee went as far as to fabricate evidence for the sake of that guy, it must have meant he cared for him. What's their relationship? Were they a couple—

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh shit, you're here," I said, like a complete idiot, to Shay-Lee, who stood right before me with a pissed look on his face. Fuck, he was sexy in a suit.

"Of course I'm here. It's my fucking house. The fuck are you doing here?" he snarled, his jaw tensed.

Looking down at my outfit, a black shirt tucked in trousers of the same color and an apron around my waist, I smirked. "Working, it seems." I then pushed the tray I was holding in his face, offering him… what was that again? Oh, right. "Caviar croquette?"

Not finding me amusing, Shay-Lee pushed the tray aside. "Did you plan this?" His eyebrows frowned. "Are you trying to get back at me or something?" He kept his voice low while constantly looking around. This odd behavior made me even more wary of him.

"That's not it," I tried to say, but he snapped.

"I got your message loud and clear." He looked down at the floor. "I'll stop bothering you. Just go. Okay? Get out of here." He was ready to walk away when I reached forward and grabbed his wrist. He winced in pain, so I dropped my hand immediately. What the fuck? I didn't apply any force.

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to step closer. Was he in pain from when I held his wrists behind his back?

"I told you to go—"

"What's going on in here?" a tall, suited man who looked like some bodyguard asked as he stopped beside us, his dead green eyes checking me out slowly before moving to Shay-Lee. The man seemed to be in his mid-thirties, with a sharp jaw and tousled dark hair slicked back. The mere panic shining behind Shay-Lee's eyes told me this guy wasn't just a nobody.

"Nothing," Shay-Lee shot back quickly, all but ready to leave, when the man put his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"It didn't look like nothing."

Turning to face him, Shay-Lee gritted his teeth. "Don't touch me," he hissed, quickly adjusting his jacket once the man removed his hand from him. "I stumbled on my feet, and this waiter saved me from falling." He lied so smoothly, not bothering to glance at me while doing so. And even though I disliked being dismissed by him, I understood enough to shut up.

"Is that so?" The man's eyes were back on me.

"Yes, Orson," Shay-Lee snapped. "It is. Now, move on, or I'll tell my father you're ruining my evening."

So, the son of a bitch's name was Orson. I'll remember that.

The prick didn't say a word but instead tsked. The annoying sound danced on my nerves and pissed me off as I watched Shay-Lee walk away with Orson behind him.

For the next hour, I did my job without much interruption, while also trying to track Shay-Lee with my eyes. I managed to spot him for the first half hour until he disappeared. While being unable to find him bothered me, I was more annoyed with Orson and how he watched me like a hawk. His cruel stare was nothing but irritating, and after having enough of it, I managed to sneak out of the main room and into the backyard, where he could no longer find me.

Taking a deep breath, I left my tray on a stone table and pulled a pack of smokes out of my pocket, tucking one between my lips. I'd been dying for a cigarette for hours and hadn't felt at ease until I took the first hit.

I shoved my hand into my pocket and looked around as I took a drag. "What the fuck is this place?" I grunted while scanning the area. We were still in LA, yet the place looked like a forest with tall trees, thick fog floating right above the ground, a flowing stream, and a path cut in stone leading into the mist. There was also a swimming pool and lighting that made it look more like an exhibition of a forest than a real one, but it was still giving me the creeps. While I could still hear the party, I could also hear the sound of the ocean. I walked to the edge of the cliff the house was built on and looked down at the spreading shore. Between the dark stone, the exposed concrete of the house, the forest, and now the threatening ocean, the whole place was a demonstration of power. One that sat well with its owners but not at all with Shay-Lee.

I was at the end of my cigarette when I noticed someone walking on the shore, a halo of gold around his head. I recognized those blond waves dancing in the wind from miles away.

Shay-Lee.

My heart stopped, the same as it did back at the hotel, and my body moved on its own, the same way it did back then, as I ran down to the beach. The water was rough, with crashing waves and wind that hit my face as soon as I was down at the shore. If my stress wasn't high enough, watching how Shay-Lee wobbled on his feet and could hardly keep straight didn't help. Him being drunk and alone next to a raging ocean was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Hey," I shouted over the wind.

"Shay-Lee," I called again since he didn't seem to hear me or simply didn't care.

Slumping his shoulders, he shook his head. "I told you to go away."

The wind carried his cry just before I reached him and placed my hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face me. "Hey—fuck!" I cussed when his fist hit my face, sending me three steps back. The fucker just punched me. Spitting some blood and rubbing my jaw, I looked up at him. "You little fuck, what was that for?" I hissed but quickly let go of my anger when I saw the tears in his eyes.

"I told you to go." He charged at me again, only this time, I dodged it. "Leave!" He hit my chest until he stumbled forward, and I seized the moment to grab him.

"Just calm down, will ya?" I panted since taming him was like taming a raging beast. "And for fuck's sake, stop hitting me."

"Why are you here?" He fisted my shirt and pulled me closer.

"Because I don't want you to fucking drown!" I shouted back, watching shock take over his features.

"Like you give a fuck. I disgust you, right? Making you sick to your stomach… So why the fuck would you care?" He suddenly paused and dropped his hands from around me. "It's true," he sniffed between words, still not looking me in the eyes. "I am repulsive."

"No, you're not."

"But I am," he shouted, then pushed me again, sending the two of us to the sand while pinning me to the ground. Finally, I could see his face up close. "I am repulsive." He pressed his hand to his chest while fisting his shirt and pulling it as if trying to break free from himself. "I'm dirty from the inside. Rotten to my core." His fat tears landed on my face, each drop heavier than the one before, burning his pain to my bones. "I don't want it, but I can't control it."

Swallowing hard, I moved my free hand and brought it to his face. "You're not repulsive. I'm an asshole for saying that shit." His eyes found mine, and he looked at me with pinched brows and disbelief as I stroked his hair away from his sweaty face. "The dirty ones are the people who used you."

Shay-Lee was being abused. That much, I could tell. I may not know the specifics or the extent of it, but I did know his suffering was enough for him to believe death was a solution.

"Just go back to the party. Pretend that you never saw me," he said, pleading in his eyes.

"But I did, and still am. I'm seeing you right now."

His brows pulled together as his baby blues shone under the moonlight. "Weren't you the one who said death is written in my eyes?" His voice was almost a whisper carried with the darkness of the night. "If you leave now, no one would know. No one will care, anyway."

His words broke my heart.

I moved my hand at his nape, keeping him close. "I would. I don't want you to die."

Anger took over his face before he pushed me harder into the sand and got up. "Stop pitying me," he snapped, turning his back to me.

"I don't pity you at all." I got up and brushed the sand from my pants. "Not at all, Princesa." Turning to look at me, I finally saw some of the familiar fire back in his eyes. "You're probably the most annoying brat I've ever met, and there are times I truly loathe you, but for fuck's sake, Shay-Lee, I don't want you dead." I took a deep breath, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Suicide is not a solution. All it does is leave more devastation behind."

The vivid image of my mom's brain splattered all over our shower wall hit me. The red, the smell of the gunpowder mixed with the stench of blood, the rifle next to her lifeless body, and the realization she'd left us alone. She fucked me up for life, but this wasn't the time to think of her because she was long gone, while Shay-Lee wasn't. He was right here, begging to be seen. To be heard. So, instead of allowing the darkness of those memories to pull me in, I took a step toward him.

"Let's go back," I said, waiting for Shay-Lee to make a move. When he didn't, I offered him a hand. "Vamos, chico. Stop being a brat."

He looked at my hand, then looked up at me, hesitation in his eyes.

"You can trust me," I added, as if trying to convince him I wouldn't harm him, too. Shay-Lee waited in silence for another moment, reminding me of a wounded animal tortured by humans all its life. A sliver of relief pierced my heart when I saw him moving toward me, and when he took my hand, a small smile appeared on his lips. One of gratitude. One of hope. Only his smile was soon replaced with a paling face as he bent down and threw up in the sand. Rolling my eyes because this was starting to become a habit, I grabbed his hair and held it away from his face.

"That's right, get it all out," I said, half laughing while patting his back as he continued to hurl and pour his guts out. At least this would sober him up a bit.

"Feeling better?" I was unable to hide a smile as Shay-Lee finally straightened up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Aren't you enjoying this?" he grunted.

I patted his shoulder. "Nah. Just glad it wasn't on me this time."

He coughed. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. Besides, I already punched you for it."

He gave me an odd look, almost amused, before the sound coming from the party snapped our attention back. Shay-Lee's expression hardened as if remembering where he was, and he swallowed hard.

"I guess I should go back." He shoved one hand into his trousers pocket while rubbing his face with the other. "Don't worry about leaving me alone. I'm fine." He forced a smile. "Thank you, I guess."

Turning around, he was ready to go when I grabbed his shoulder. "Nah, you're not staying here tonight."

"What?"

"You heard me," I said and started moving. "C'mon, I need to grab my phone, and then we're out of here."